A drunk man was sitting at a bar drinking when he accidentally threw up on himself. "Oh, man," he slurred. "Um in trubble now. Mah wife ish gonna kill me."
"Don't worry" replied his drunk buddy, "jish tell her shum other drunk did that. Stick thish twenny dollar bill in your top pocket and shay the other drunk did it and gave ya twenny dollars to get your shirt cleaned"
"Shanks, ole pal," said the soiled drunk. "Thish jish might work."
Latter the drunk goes home and there's his angry wife waiting for him. "Where the hell have you been? Just look at you, you're drunk, you stink and you even threw up all over yourself!"
"Oh no, honey," he stammered, "I dint trow up on mahself. Shum other drunk did it and he put a twenny dollar bill in mah pocket to get mah shirt cleaned."
The wife reaches in his top pocket and pulls out two twenty-dollar bills. "There's two twenty-dollar bills in your pocket," she says. "What's the other twenty-dollar bill for?"
"Well," he says smiling, "he shit in my pants too."