APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME______________ DATE OF BIRTH________ HEIGHT____ WEIGHT____ IQ___ GPA___ SOCIAL SECURITY #_______ DRIVERS LICENSE #______ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________. HOME ADDRESS______________________________. CITY/STATE___________ ZIP________ Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? ________. If NO, please explain ______________________________ ___________________________________________________. Number of years they have been married _____________. If less than your age, explain _____________________ ___________________________________________________.
| YES | NO |
Do you own a van? _____ ____ A truck with oversized tires? _____ ____ A waterbed? _____ ____ A pickup with a mattress in the back? _____ ____ A condom? _____ ____ Pornography? _____ ____ Do you have earring, nose ring, a belly button ring or genital piercing? _____ ____ Any tattoos? _____ ____(IF ANSWERED YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES QUICKLY) In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?_____ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you? _____________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? _______________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Which Church do you attend _________________________ How often you attend _______________________________ When would be the best time to interview your: Father? _____________ Mother? _____________ Priest? _____________ Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ________________________________________ _________________________________________________. B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: ____________________________________ _________________________________________________. C: A woman's place is in the: ____________________ _________________________________________________. D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: _____________________________________ _________________________________________________. E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is: ____________________________________ _________________________________________________. NOTE: if answer E begins with P, T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised. What do you want to do IF you grow up? _____________ ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____ Condoms come in packages of (circle one) A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OF THE ABOVE
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, COLOMBIAN NECK-TIE AND THE HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE. _________________________________ Signature (that means sign your name moron) Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).