Begin Again
When Percy opened up the paper that morning, he felt the world crash down around him. All that he had prayed and hoped wasn�t true was: You Know Who had returned, exactly as Dumbledore and Percy�s family had said, exactly as Mr. Fudge had denied. Thousands of horrors only half understood from his childhood flew before his eyes. In the part of his brain that wasn�t still frozen, standing at the window the delivery owl had entered from, clutching the paper in icy hands, the announcement made perfect sense just as it had almost a year earlier. In that part of his brain that still could, and did, think and scrutinize everything, all the strange things made sense.
That part of his mind wandered into the huge row Percy had with his father. By this point, Percy had somehow made it to the kitchen chair. Dad was right, he thought, something akin to awestruck, I was only promoted to spy. Angry tears welled in his eyes then�it wasn�t his merits or his potentials he�d been promoted on, it had all been lies.
Percy didn�t really know that when he reached for the wand he�d left on the table he was going to Apparate to the Burrow, but it make a bit of sense when he arrived. Except that no one was there. The clock wasn�t exactly helpful in locating anyone either except�
�Dad,� Percy whispered, trepidation seeping into his bones, and Apparated to the Ministry.
He strode the path to the elevators and pressed the button for Arthur�s floor without really thinking about it, as he hadn�t the whole morning. But he was thinking. Percy was thinking about when he was a boy, sad about his brothers going off to school and his mother being so busy with the babies, just feeling so left out. Arthur brought him to the Ministry one day, to spend time with him, gave him little tasks to do around the cubicle he occupied then. It made Percy feel so important. There was a faint smile on his lips that died when his father�s floor was called off. That day had been so long ago, remembering it, and then the day Percy had left home hurt, the two events were so far apart.
Percy walked the rows of desks to his father�s closed office door and knocked.
�Come in,� a muffled voice said. Percy opened the door and looked sadly at his stoic father; Arthur�s officemate looked between the men and made an excuse to leave.
�I assume you�ve read the news?� Arthur asked in a voice that could have been politely conversational, as if he was commenting on the weather rather than a rising war that could end civilization.
Percy stepped all the way into the office and closed the door behind him. �I, ah�I came to ask what a resignation letter looks like. I�m not entirely sure. Actually, I�m not entirely sure about anything anymore. Seems the world�s falling down around me.�
Arthur was silent, though Percy looked at him like he was about to beg for a single word, would give anything for a single word.
�I didn�t want it to be true,� he tried to explain then, pleading, voice strained with the effort to resist the urge he had to sob on his father�s shoulder like he used to, once upon a time.
But he couldn�t hold it back. When he spoke again a sob he cursed himself for wracked his breath. �I�m sorry, Dad. I�m so sorry, you were right about everything.�
There were another few seconds of Percy sobbing into his hands before Arthur stood and took him in a tight hug.
�It�s all right,� Arthur assured as he felt a pair of wiry arms wrap around him.
�No,� Percy said into his shoulder. �No, Dad, it�s not all right. Y-you were in the hospital�you could have died�and I couldn�t go into the room�.I�m such a coward�I just watched Bill sit with you.� He tightened his hold on his father, as if afraid Arthur might change his mind about his forgiveness.
Percy pulled himself away from Arthur�s arms after a minute, though. �I didn�t come here to cry on your shoulder like a little girl,� Percy assured him, angrily dashing the tear tracks from his flushed cheeks. �I want to resign. Before he fires me.�
�Don�t be rash��
�No, Dad. It�s not being rash, you were right. I don�t deserve the job; I deserved to be fired for what happened with Mr. Crouch. I just want to quit with some dignity before he has the chance to fire me.�
�You�ll be coming home for lunch, then? Your mother would be pleased.�
Percy smiled weakly. �Yeah?�
Running his fingers through his son�s hair to rest on his neck, Arthur replied, �yeah.�
�Molly!� Arthur called when they Apparated outside the back of the Burrow.
�Yes, dear, how was work?� Molly asked happily as she walked to the kitchen door, and stopped when she saw who was with him. �Percy?�
He nodded, looking sheepish and not meeting her gaze. �I�m so sorry, Mum.� She was opening the door and rushing forward to wrap him in a hug while he was speaking. She cried when she had him in her arms. �I�m sorry, I�m so sorry,� he said over and over, hugging her for those few minutes.
Molly stepped back to blot the tears from her eyes and look at Percy appraisingly with a small smile. �You�re home now. That�s all that matters. Look at you. You�ve lost weight. Haven�t you been eating?�
Percy let some of the guilt lift from his shoulders as she led him into the kitchen and Arthur followed. Walking to the table were Fred and George, who stopped dead at the sight of him, suddenly, with the glares they fixed onto him, that guilt came crashing back tenfold.
�What�s he doing here?� George demanded.
�What, now that your precious Fudge admitted You Know Who�s back it�s suddenly okay to believe your family?� Fred sneered.
�You two leave Percy alone,� Molly scolded like she had so many times, years ago. She busied herself with lunch, setting out an extra plate, as if nothing was different. Behind her, though, the tension was so thick. Fred and George didn�t stop glaring at Percy and seemed content to continue doing so, while Percy resisted the urge to shift nervously. Percy�d never thought the twins were particularly fond of him, but they�d never glared at him like they were now, like they honestly hated him. And they have every right, Percy reminded himself. You were an awful prat; you deserve every look they give you. On some levels he wished they�d just corral him out back and beat the shit out of him, if that would change the looks from hatred to self satisfied smirks.
�Let�s sit down, shall we?� Arthur asked his sons, trying to break the tension.
�We�re not sitting down with a traitorous cunt like him,� Fred sneered.
The dishes Molly was picking up clattered back to the counter and she turned around looking livid. �You,� she enunciated carefully, �Fred Weasley, will not speak like that about your brother in this house, is that understood?�
�No, it�s not actually. After everything he�s said, you take him back in with open arms like nothing happened?�
�That�s fucked up,� George agreed.
�I will not have that kind of language in my house.� Molly�s voice was quietly furious; it was completely unsettling for everyone, who were used to her yelling. �Percy is my son and regardless of any mistake he may make, there is always a place for him and any of my children in this house when they need or want it. I will not take any grief from the two of you�especially after the stunts you�ve pulled this year alone�for doing what a good mother should do. Is that understood?�
�Yes, Mum,� the twins muttered as one, subdued by that and the memory of their mother when they came home from Hogwarts.
�Good,� Molly smiled brightly and retrieved lunch from the countertop. �Let�s eat.�
�Percy, how�ve you been?� she asked as they all sat down, oblivious to the twins, still glaring at Percy across the table.
�Okay. I quit today.�
�Really?� Molly was a little shocked.
�Yes.�
�Have you given any thought to your next job?�
�Ah, not really.�
�Molly,� Arthur changed the direction of the conversation, �wasn�t Bill coming home?�
�No, he sent word that he�d be late with a meeting.�
The meal was finished in relative silence, Fred and George still glaring at Percy, Percy trying not to react, and Molly and Arthur oblivious to it.
Bill came home after lunch as Arthur, Fred, and George were getting back to work.
Fred shrugged to his oldest brother. �No one�s probably going to be around.�
�But just in case,� George finished before they popped out.
Bill was only a little surprised to walk into the kitchen and see Percy helping their mother clean up. He just smiled and clapped Percy on the arm after a moment. �Welcome back, little brother.� As Bill ate his lunch and talked to Molly, Percy sat quietly thinking. By the time he was gone again, and Molly had his place cleared, a decision had been made.
�I think I should leave,� Percy announced.
Molly stopped dead and turned to him. �What? Leave London? You�re always welcome to come back here.� She sounded a little wistful.
�No.� Her face fell and suddenly Percy lost his nerve to tell her. �I mean, yeah. Maybe I can get a job at a Muggle place, something close by. It�d be different.�
�It certainly would.�
Days Later
�Percy!� Molly called through his door, �We�re going to the station to pick up your brother and sister, would you like to come?�
Was it that time already? He didn�t answer, thinking she would decide he was asleep and wouldn�t want to wake him. Everything was just easier like that, if he was asleep for most meals or when his mother called him for something; it was even easier to not be around when the twins were because he could always say he was walking to town looking for a job. Maybe today, after his mum and dad and brothers left, Percy would go for a job. Normally he just meandered around aimlessly.
It was so strange to be home again. Molly had left his room just like he had: spotless. There hadn�t been a speck of dust around. The strangest part was when he tried to sleep; lying on his soft, worn bed with comfortable cotton sheets was so different from sleeping on the hard floor of his flat in London with some clothes balled up beneath his head. Percy hadn�t had the time to get much for his place, and, certainly, had not had not the money to get a mattress. With such sound reasoning as this, he could suppress the feeling that he was, for some inexplicable reason, scared to go off and buy those things which might make "his flat" a home. When he came back to the Burrow, he was thankful his father hadn�t mentioned the meager state of his apartment to his mother.
Loud voices floated up the stairs: Fred and George were going also, then. Percy dreaded what it would be like when Ron and Ginny were home�Fred and George and Bill weren�t around very often, with work and all, but the younger two probably would be home most of the time. And when everyone else disappeared for whatever reason�he suspected it had to do with the hushed conversations that stopped on the occasion he walked into the room�they might be left alone with him. That would be a nightmare.
No, he told himself, I�m going to get a job today and find another flat. Fuck Mum. Everyone else would be happier without me around, and she would be too.
Percy walked down the stairs and was surprised when he ran into Bill in the hallway.
�Hey, Perce, how�re you doing?�
�I�m fine. How�re you?�
�I�m good.� Percy tried to walk past Bill, but his older brother put a hand on his arm to stop him. �Listen, Charlie�s coming home tomorrow.�
�It�ll be good to see him again.�
Bill looked like he was going to say something, then thought about it for a moment before continuing. �What�s been with you, little brother? The last few days when you�ve made an appearance, you�ve been�you haven�t been yourself.�
Percy waited for a moment, in a silence Bill apparently thought he would use to answer, before speaking. �Is that all you wanted to say? That I�m not such a prat as usual?�
�No��
�Do you know, this war�s the best thing that ever happened to me, I have this forced introspection going on.� You wouldn�t have thought it would take all this for me to realize no one likes me, he thought bitterly. Wait, I�ve always known nobody likes me. Hogwarts proved that. He contemplated saying that, curious as to the reaction it would get. But, instead, he said, �I have to, do you mind? I have to look for another job.�
�Are you okay?�
�Of course I�m okay.� Bill gave Percy a look. �I�m fine, Bill.�
Bill scrutinized him for a second. �Yeah, okay.� He clapped Percy on the back. �Good luck.� He walked past, up the stairs, and Percy went for the door. It was warm outside; the sun was shining like it hadn�t for awhile, getting ready for summer and children to be set loose.
Percy walked the considerable distance to town, careful to avoid the drying puddles and muddy spots along the road.
He walked into several stores and asked if they were hiring but none were: every place was hired out with school kids home for the summer. It was getting dark, his family would have gotten home from the station by now and probably have finished dinner. Percy wondered what Ron and Ginny would say when they were told they�d be sharing the summer with him; he couldn�t imagine they�d be thrilled. Ginny might be the slightest bit pleased, since he was the one to dote on her when her other brothers refused to play with her; since he was the one who let her sleep in his bed in her first year when she was scared for reasons that made sense in the end (being possessed by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and everything had left her feeling a bit out-of-sorts some nights, reasonably so); since he was the one who never told her secrets to their brothers. Oliver never told anyone either, Percy thought distractedly. He thought it was sweet of me to take care of my little sister like that. Their other roommates didn�t matter: they went along with whatever Oliver said since he was the closest thing to God in their eyes.
Percy had to laugh a little at that memory, of Oliver Wood saying, "That's sweet of you." It seemed wrong on so many levels for the Captain of the Quidditch team to say to Percy�while in the showers of all places�in that voice Percy had always associated with toughness, "That's sweet of you. To take care of her like that." But it had felt nice, having someone like Oliver give him a complement like that. Late at night, when Percy replayed the event in his mind, he wondered if it had been a complement or some backhanded insult he had not understood. It wouldn�t have been the first time Percy had misunderstood someone's meaning like that.
Percy had to laugh a little at that memory, of Oliver saying it was sweet of him. It seemed wrong on so many levels for the captain of the Quidditch team to say to Percy, in that voice Percy had always associated with toughness, while in the showers, that he thought it was sweet of Percy to take care of his little sister. But it felt nice, that someone like Oliver gave him a complement like that. Late at night, when Percy replayed the event in his mind, he wondered if it was a complement or some backhanded insult he didn�t understand. It wouldn�t have been the first time.
He walked into one of the last buildings on the row, not thinking it would bear fruit. It was a restaurant. His family came here once to celebrate whatever at the time denoted a celebration over dinner, but he couldn�t remember what that event had been. People were shuffling out; only a handful of the tables still had people eating supper, some others were still dirty or in the process of being cleaned.
A balding, pudgy man stood behind the counter with the cash register counting money.
�Excuse me, sir,� Percy said as he walked up, �you wouldn�t happen to be hiring, would you?�
The man looked up and fixed his muddy brown eyes to Percy. �How old are you?�
�Twenty, sir.�
�Do you drink or use drugs?�
�No, sir!�
The man�Edward, his nametag said�narrowed his eyes slightly, appraisingly. �Why not?�
�My mother would kill me,� Percy answered honestly.
�What was your last job? Or were you in prison?�
�No, sir. I�filled out paperwork and filed it, at my last job.�
�Do you go to Uni?�
�No, sir.�
�So you�re looking for full time work?�
�Yes, sir.�
�When could you start?�
�Anytime.�
Edward un-narrowed his eyes and smiled faintly. �Good, you can help close up tonight. We�ll work on the details tomorrow. Is that all right with you?�
�Yes, thank you, sir.� Percy was grinning.
�Good. Talk to Chester, he�ll get you an apron and train you.� Edward called over his shoulder �Chester! Get over here,� before walking off with money from the drawer.
A man in a black t-shirt and blue jeans walked over from where he�d been cleaning off a table to the front counter. �Can I help you?� he asked Percy with a pleasant smile.
�I think I was just hired. You�re supposed to train me.�
�Really? That was quick, that kid just quit a few hours ago.� He stuck out his right hand. �I�m Chester.�
Percy shook Chester�s hand. �Percy Weasley. Nice to meet you.�
Chester grinned. �Come on, let�s get you an apron.� He and Percy finished cleaning off the tables and Percy mostly cleaned while Chester served the few more customers who came in. By the time they and the two other staffers closed the cheap little restaurant it was nearing midnight.
The man who hired Percy came out of his little office then, looking much more pleasant than he had earlier. �Sorry, I didn�t properly introduce myself earlier. I�m Edward Gibbons.�
�Percy Weasley.� They shook hands.
�Good to have you join the team, Percy. Can you start a regular shift tomorrow?�
�Yes, anytime.�
�How about you come in, say, an hour before your shift starts? And we�ll set up the paperwork and everything, that should be more than enough time. You�ll be working Chester�s shifts while he�s training you. You�ll tell him when you work, right Chester?�
�Yeah, sure.�
�Well,� Edward said, �I should be getting home to the missus. Everything ready to go?�
�Yeah, Mr. Gibbons,� the skinny girl-woman with acne scars named Vera answered.
�All right then, let�s be going. Goodnight everyone. Oh, and Percy, the uniform is just a black shirt and khaki trousers, for the moment. It�s what the staff voted on. You�d do well to remember that, Chester.� He walked to the glass door and held it open while everyone filed out and locked the door behind him.
After saying goodbye to everyone who was walking to the car park, Chester and Percy stood alone on the sidewalk.
�So,� Chester turned to Percy, �tomorrow we�re working eleven AM to five. The next day is six AM to five, then a day off and he writes up a new schedule.�
Percy ticked off the numbers in his head so he�d remember them.
�Where�s your car?� Chester asked. The car park was empty now except for Chester�s.
�I don�t have one. I walked.�
�How far away do you live?�
�Just a few kilos west.�
�Come on, I�ll drive you.�
�No, it�s��
�Weasley, get in the car, I can�t let you walk kilos in the dark in good conscience.�
Percy shrugged and got into the passenger seat, thinking that was something Oliver would say. It didn�t mean they were friends, it meant they were good people, Percy decided.
�So, how was your first day?� Chester asked as he got on the first road Percy told him to.
�It was all right, thank you.�
�How do you like it? Everything you thought it�d be?�
�What do you mean? It�s not like I dreamed about serving people as a kid or anything, but a job�s a job.�
�And it�s a good job,� Chester said, agreeing.
�Take the left coming up. Yes, I think it will be. Honestly, I wish we worked more.�
�Why?� Chester fixed him with an odd look, but still had that friendly smile that Percy figured would make anything feel less severe. He could work at St. Mungo�s and tell people they�re dying, but they�d probably feel all right about it if he smiled while doing it.
�Because almost my entire family will be home.�
�You live at home?�
�Yes.� Percy felt himself getting defensive. �I had a flat in London, but, when I quit my old job, I couldn�t keep up the bills and look for a new one.�
�Makes sense. Don�t get along with them?�
�Who?�
�Your family.�
��Not entirely.� What? Why are you saying this? Shut up, prat, you don�t know this person! �I was horrible last year about�this thing, and I got into a row with my parents and�was generally horrible. Mum and Dad forgave me, they wanted me to come back home. I get the feeling my brothers aren�t going to forgive me anytime soon.�
�Well that�s stupid, the row was with your folks, not them.�
�They were never very fond of me to begin with; I think they were looking for a better reason to excommunicate me than being a general bastard.� What am I telling him this for?
�Well, I really don�t think you�re a bastard.� Percy chuckled nervously and Chester did the same, although not nervously.
His smile, that was it. Chester�s smile was like having grown up with him as a friend. Chester was just over all a friendly person, it made Percy want to confide in him. Sort of like Oliver, but that, as Percy decided, had been more of an adoration matter: adoration over Oliver�s popularity, comfort, personality, and, in general, life. Percy wanted to be Oliver�s friend badly in the first years. What was with all these thoughts about Oliver lately? It must have been the end of the school year. He was thinking about his time at Hogwarts, even if it was subconsciously, and Oliver had been a bit part in that.
�You can let me out here,� Percy said.
�You sure?�
�Yeah. It�s just a little more of a walk to the Burrow.�
Chester stopped the car as he said, �your house has a name?�
�Yeah. Mum says it gives a place personality.� Like the Burrow needed any help there? �Thanks for the ride, Chester. See you tomorrow.� Percy got out of the old car and walked up the road to his house whilst Chester sped away.
He was surprised when he opened the front door and saw his dad asleep on the couch in his night clothes. Percy took the blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over Arthur, careful not to wake him.
�Perceval Weasley, where were you?� Molly�s angry voice from the kitchen doorway, barely remaining below screaming level, made him cringe. �Do you have any idea what was going through our minds? You could have said something about coming home so late!�
Percy turned to face her calmly, carefully biting back the urge to tell her he was a big boy of twenty and midnight was a perfectly reasonable time for a twenty year old to be home. �I�m sorry, Mother, but it couldn�t be avoided. I got a job today and the manager wanted me to start tonight.� He listened to himself and wanted to cringe, he sounded so crisp with his own mum!
Molly�s features softened and she smiled. �That�s wonderful, Percy! Where is it?�
�In the village, a Muggle restaurant. I�m working tomorrow and the next day, too.�
�Oh, this is a good thing indeed! Have you had supper yet?�
�No, not really.�
�Well, come on, I�ll fix you a nice sandwich and you can tell me all about it. Isn�t this wonderful, Arthur?� she asked over Percy�s shoulder. At some point he had woken up.
�Yes, quite,� Arthur agreed with a yawn before he started snoring again.
After a sandwich, some milk, and all the details she could get out of him, Molly let Percy go up to bed where he found Ginny sitting on the top of the stairs.
�Are you all right?� he asked. �It�s late, why aren�t you asleep?�
�Yeah. I wanted to say hi. Hi.�
�Hello. How was school this year?�
�Wonderful. I was a seeker.�
�I know, congratulations.�
�Well, I won�t be next year, I assume Harry�s going to be let back on the team.�
�Yes, probably.�
�But I want to try out for another spot next year. Maybe a chaser or something.�
�I�m sure you�ll be fantastic.� He was about to say goodnight and walk past, save them both from the awkward conversation, when she spoke again.
�I got really good marks all this year. You�d�ve been proud.�
Percy frowned at her. The tone of this conversation didn�t sound right to him, maybe it was just that he was tired and so, probably, was she. �I�m always proud of you, Ginny.� Wait, was he? That was an odd statement. But it was true, he supposed.
�You know, I love you. I mean, you might be a git sometimes, but I really do love you.� She ran off down the hall then, and he stood there for a moment before continuing up to his room. He chocked it up to tiredness, but it felt good to hear her say that. Maybe there was to be salvation after all.
Charlie was standing in front of Percy, standing in one of the houses they spent so much time in as youths, saying something that got garbled by the small space between them. It seemed to stretch on like that for some time, Charlie talking and laughing and Percy standing there, not getting the joke. But, then, there was this loud noise from above and both brothers looked up. There were snakes and spiders crawling all over the ceiling somehow. One particularly mean-looking snake above Charlie�s head launched down to coil around his neck. Charlie screamed and clawed at its scales; his panicked sounds were not garbled by the space between, but magnified, intensified. Percy wanted to do something, to lunge forward and save his brother, but his legs wouldn�t obey him. He was frozen there, watching as Charlie tried to claw chunks out of the snake around his neck and chest while it sank its fangs into his temple and more spiders and snakes fell to bite and coil around him. Where they fell, chunks of the ceiling started to follow until Charlie was left with only those creatures that had crawled onto him.
That was when the wall behind him fell, as one solid block, right onto him.
Somehow, Charlie was only pinned under the wall from the chest down. He was still howling in pain.
�Save him, you bastard!� someone behind Percy shouted. He whipped around and saw his entire family kneeling in the wreckage, hands tied behind their backs. Behind them stood a shadow with glowing red eyes.
Percy was frozen in fear.
�Save him!� someone hollered again, Bill, Percy thought. But he couldn�t move to obey. Those red eyes had him so captivated; he couldn�t imagine doing something that would take his eyes from them.
After some amount of time Percy couldn�t guess at, the wailing behind him stopped and the red-eyed shadow grinned madly. The eyes disappeared for a second and when their glow returned, it was a deeper red. It started to laugh madly, so hard it cried, but the tears were blood. That finally broke whatever spell had prevented Percy from moving. He looked behind him to see Charlie dead and spiders and snakes eating the flesh from his bones. One snake, the one that first fell on him, looked up at Percy with one of Charlie�s eyes in its mouth. It swallowed the eye and, Percy could swear it smiled at him.
Percy turned away with tears in his eyes, to look back at his family.
�Bastard!� Ginny cried. �You could have saved him!�
�It should have been you!� Bill added.
Fred, George, and Ron spat at him one after the other. His parents looked like they wanted to do the same. The shadow laughed.
�Thank you so much, my loyal servant.�
That was when Percy shot upright in his bed. Panting, he reached for his glasses on the bedside table and looked around, making sure he was in his room at the Burrow. Then he curled up in his blankets and cried.
tbc...
Opening Page | Directory | Fanfic | Original Writings | Links and Recs | Other Stuff | Updates | Contact Me