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| 18 jul 2001 "'cause i'm hot like wasabi when i'm next to your body" against my disposition (i was not very happy yesterday), i had this picture taken of me in the lab.� that card right behind me is the... hm.� ok.� i don't want to compromise any information, for fear that the company will sue my ass, so i won't mention what that big green thing is behind me. but yeah.� people in the lab were amused that i wore my superman t-shirt yesterday, and that i wanted to get a picture of me and my chip.� heh.� i bet they all were wishing they had a superman t-shirt.� ha!� it's a very valuable and enjoyable piece of wardrobe that i think everyone should have. sigh.� so today's it's back to normal.� the only good news i have so far is that my ribs don't hurt as much as they used to.� i mean, it's still painful, but i'm finally getting a small sign that my body is trying to fix the problem.� i can't imagine having this problem for the rest of my life.� i GOTTA start appreciating my good health.� it's only when i have problems with my body that i realize that good health is taken for granted way too often.� good health, and a good mind. hm.� i would have driven to wells fargo to fix my ATM card, but i was running low on gas, so i didn't know if i would have been able to make it there.� low gas is one of my many phobias.� i'm just deathly afraid of the possibility of running out on some random street, and being stranded for hours.� plus, i was going to go to a particular shell station on great america parkway, the one with the good carwash.� my car is dirty. but anyways, one thing i'm terrible at is running errands.� for example, i had this box of clothes i was supposed to ship home.� it took me basically a YEAR to actually do it.� i'm so bad.� the living room still has some random boxes of my shit, and all i have to do is either move them to my room or the garage downstairs, but i still haven't done it!� jay must think i'm a fucking slacker.� he's such a good roommate.� yesterday, he went all the way to IKEA in emeryville to get a table and four chairs in my apartment.� i really dig his proactive nature in what he does.� he's really motivated, and i just hope it rubs off on me someday. so now we have four more chairs, and a table to put the food on for the party.� yay!� our place is slowly being furnished completely by IKEA... i'm starting to feel like the beginning of that _fight club_ movie. it hasn't hit me that i'm leaving for japan in a week and a half.� as much as i appreciate the opportunity at getting a vacation, i'm kind of settled in this work routine.� and the fact that it doesn't comprise of much work.� so i come in, check my e-mail, chat with amms a bit, peruse my list of online journals, write my entry... it's pretty relaxing.� and i really like writing.� it's done some good things to me, so i'm really afraid of being without it for two and a half weeks.� shit.� a 17-day HOLE in my journal! i don't like the idea of being unwired for that long.� i'm going to try to hardest to find some internet access while i'm over there.� sigh.� i bet it's fucking expensive, though, those cybercafe's.� shit. as much as i appreciate emi's grandparents for setting up the ENTIRE trip, i kind of wish i was going with more people my age.� basically, i'm going with emi's family... her parents, her grandparents.� it'll be quaint, i'm sure.� but there's not much room for craziness.� i'll probably hang out with emi's sister gwen the most... because emi will be back in the arms of her new husband, shoji.� (cute!)� heh.� maybe gwen and i will take off on our own and whip up some cool shit.� i dunno.� maybe i'm sad that i won't have a guy buddy while i'm there.� i need a drinking buddy!� i doubt gwen drinks. i think i'm really gonna miss talking to amms.� we'll see. she talked about music snobs today.� there was one incident that comes to mind about my musical snobbishness.� i'm not really a snob, but... basically, back during sophomore year, i went to a depeche mode concert, and i kind of got huffy when i exclaimed that a lot of people only knew the "popular" radio-play songs.� and i was kind of snobbish since i felt like i knew the lyrics to all their less mainstream songs.� i remember telling kristie, "look at that kid... he only knows that one line to 'enjoy the silence'"� alas. i'm not like that any more.� i know that not everyone is able to own like _every_ album of their favorite band... cd's can add up in price very quickly.� but i will admit that i really dig people who know every song on every album... i think it's quite a statement of their fanaticism. i was holding back on saying this, but hell.� i sincerely hope there's no animosity between me and karine and her new boyfriend, peter.� i know i haven't exactly been nice to karine since our breakup, but at the very worst, i just want the three of us to have a superficial cordial relationship.� and usually i really don't care what kind of friendship i have with my ex-girlfriends, but in this case, i am concerned because i don't want eric to feel like he's caught in the middle of something. i have no animosity towards peter or karine.� i just want to be mature about it while all of us just go about living our lives.� but for some reason, i'm just paranoid, i guess.� i know this journal has alienated karine in some way, so i know that things aren't peachy between us.� so that kind of bugs me.� but like i said, i'm too apathetic to do anything about it or make things better.� but now, i guess i have a reason.� i have yet to meet eric or call him a friend of mine, but i like the dude, and i just don't want to make him uncomfortable. hm.� funny how i want to avoid tension, not because of the direct people involved, but because of a third party (eric).� am i doing this for the wrong reason?� i wonder.� i guess i'm fine with having enemies or something like that (NOT that karine/peter are my enemies), but i just don't like catching people in the crossfire.� no innocent victims! heh.� kristie's boyfriend after me, jason, was really afraid of me for some reason.� i, of course, was this crazy e-mail stalker, so i actually e-mailed him once out of the blue, and we exchanged some friendly blitzes.� but the first time i met him, it was when i bumped into him at the stanford post office.� he was pretty stunned.� "dardy, do you know this is the first time we've met?"� i was like, "yeah, so what?"� i wonder what it was that kristie told him to make him think i was some sort of psycho.� i guess that incident makes me wary of what kind of impression peter has of me, and what karine has told him about me.� he seems like a cool guy, and i just hope he makes karine happy and stuff. ah well.� self-created drama.� maybe everything will be fine.� i just get apprehensive like this.� we'll all see how saturday goes down, when all of us will be at eric's place. yikes.� i was not planning on talking about this.� i do worry a lot, don't i? this past week's _sex and the city_ season 4 episode was pretty good.� 1001 sex positions!� emotional.� poignant.� i really like aidan.� i'd like to be like him. oh, and lori from _real world_ is really hot.� too bad she got negged by jason.� that turns her into one of those "pining" people, like rachel from _friends_ when she was lusting after ross.� or joey from _dawson's_ when she wanted dawson.� i am just LOVE that kind drama... love unrequited, yearning, unfulfilled.� it just seems so tragic.� it's really addictive. i know what lori meant when she said she felt hot flashes through her body when kevin told her "i don't want to be with you."� i went through the exact same same thing during that misunderstanding episode with amms last tuesday.� when she typed out "it's not meant to be," my body just got all flushed.� it was like i was sitting in a human-sized microwave oven, and someone started cooking me.� heh. there's no drama quite like unrealized love. |