| 18 jan 2002 ah, good lunch.� impulsively, i called some ex-coworkers at vivace and ate with chi-kai and raghavan.� i dunno.� they just seem so familiar to me... chi-kai's maniacal laughter and raghavan's 100mph speech.� i always feels good to go back to something that i recognize and like. i was really tempted to sit in front of my old computer and see if my e-mail files were there.� but i decided that i really have to learn to let go... my ex-coworkers suggested that i remove the hard drive and try to recover the files, but that just makes me seem really desperate or something, pining away too hard at the past which somehow makes me weak or something.� i gotta let go.� but damn, it would have been really fun and nostalgic to look back at those e-mails once in a while.� *sigh* last night, i was caught up in way too much good tv.� there were two basketball games on (duke vs. maryland and stanford vs. washington state), and _friends_.� joey's so cute.� margaret told me that jennifer aniston is pregnant in real life?!� is she really?� she said that you could tell jennifer is showing, but i couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. i wonder how this weekend will be.� unlike the previous month, where there was xmas, new year's, alan's visit, and the ski trip, for once in a long time, i don't have plans.� any plans.� i wonder if i'll revert to being bored and idle, sitting at home and doing nothing.� i sure hope not.� but it will all depend on who's around. not much to write about.� sometimes i wonder how i can fill up 7K+ characters every single weekday.� like, i draw a lot of my past, but eventually, i'm going to run out, right?� and what then?� it'll be like having a girlfriend for a long time... in the end, there will simply be nothing to talk about, if i can't fill up life with new experiences fast enough. oh, i realized on my fifty questions that i thought question 17 was about the "funniest" thing i had done.� i had read some other people's answers, and i remember thinking, "dude.� that doesn't sound so funny."� but then i realized that the original question was about the *funnest* thing, not *funniest.* so i gotta think about that.� what's the funnest thing i've done?� i think that overall experiences like japan or stanford were the funnest periods of time, but as for a single event?� i don't know... i'd probably say performing in stanford taiko's spring concerts, especially the last two, which were in dinkelspiel auditorium.� there's something wonderfully exciting about performing something well in front of hundreds of adoring fans... it's like the closest i'll ever get to being a rock star.� the best was my last year, when we got a standing ovation, and we got to play an encore.� truly a GLORIOUS time. i love performing taiko.� it was really different from my past performing experiences... with solo piano, i never really practiced much, so it was always a gamble whether i'd fuck up or not.� and i was out there by myself, so that was kind of intimidating... i would always start shivering with butterflies in my stomach before i'd go, playing in front of these stern judges.� and with cello, i'd play in the school orchestra, but that was never fun because nobody respected us... back in my school, the band was the thing that was considered "cool."� they called us the "orch dorks."� *sigh* but taiko was different.� i never had any real problems playing well (except for times when i had to solo), and the key was that i loved the sound of the booming drums and the fact that i was playing with a group of people that i loved.� it's so gratifying to have this collective spirit that's being blasted to the audience at 100 decibels of power and volume.� that was good shit. so that'd probably be the funnest thing i've done.� other highlights include my first little picnic with kristie... i think i'd talked about this before, but we had both missed the dorm dinner, so we headed over to the tress ex convenient store to grab some salami, crackers, some drinks, and a pint of ben and jerry's.� i spied this platform underneath the tresidder union spiral staircase, and that's where we had out little picnic.� i guess i'd call that my very first date.� i mean, it wasn't a true "date" in the sense that there were romantic notions in the backdrop, but i think that was one of the notable events that sparked our intense feelings for each other that came later.� in my 5th year reunion, we had to list our favorite memory.� and i said that this little picnic was it.� i wonder what kristie thinks about it. i downloaded vienna teng's lake version of "gravity."� it's ridiculously beautiful. i'm anticipating that once i get my iMac, i'll start putting more music on there.� i'm really lame, and with the dialup connection that i have at home, i just didn't really use my PC to store any music.� but i am resolved to use my new computer for more than just to read e-mail and store photos.� i'm really excited about apple's book service where you can get them to make a hardbound volume that contains pictures and stuff; seems like a great way of making travelogues and stuff... and it might give me more of a reason to do some travelling and to take some decent pictures. i heard that gorillaz are going to tour.� that might be my next concert event.� it's been a long time since i've gone to a concert.� i can't find their tour schedule, though... gg wrote something to me yesterday that basically asked why i crave drama so much when drama is only good when it works in my favor, i.e. bad drama is kind of useless and dumb.� hm.� i would agree that bad drama is most often a pain in the ass nuisance, and maybe in a lot of cases, i'd just rather not deal with shit like that, i.e. offending k2 with my journal.� but i guess the thing is that i believe in even karma, so to get the good juice, you just gotta deal with the shit that will have to balance it out. but in general, drama excites me. i firmly believe that it's important in life to have stories to tell, because that's how you pass along your experiences to each other... in little anecdotes that you'd relay while sipping raspberry daquiris.� and besides... all those happy or angry or sad moments... they just make me feel ALIVE.� i find it really easy to just coast through life in a completely stoic fashion, not noticing anything or even feeling anything.� and that's no way to live, is it?� gotta have the juice, that's what i say... and in part, that's why i keep journals.� so i can remember how i felt or what i was thinking at a time, to prevent my life from becoming on homogeneous blob of blurriness.� some people say that your life will improve as you write a journal, because you become more introspective and you recognize what's wrong with your life and how to fix it.� i don't know if that's true, but i guess it's an ongoing process.� but fuck, i am ready for some extra happiness! the office manager tina just stopped by to hand me my paycheck.� i wish i could hang out with her.� we're thinking of organizing a "social events" posse at the company, so i'm going to try to get myself onboard with her and some other people.� tina.� i like her. happy friday.� i'm off. |