At 2pm today, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I'm in total shock - I just can't believe it. Right now, I'm in shock, dismay, and I'm so very scared. After a failed first marriage, and single parenthood, I finally have a new husband whom I love very much - how can I even think that I might leave him behind? I love my 8 yr. old child dearly, and he needs me so much - with his mood disorder and severe ADD - what if I don't make it through this? What is he going to do without his Mommy? I just can't believe it. I'm in tears right now, writing this.
It all started in July when I noticed a fairly large lump in my right breast. . . my Dr. said it was the upper right quadrant. I already had an annual exam scheduled in a few weeks, so I called his office to ask whether or not I needed to come in or just wait for the appointment to come around. They said that as long as it wasn't hurting, I could wait. So, I went on with my life for a few more weeks - then went to the Dr. on Monday, Aug 23.
He checked out the lump, and thought it was nothing more than a fluid-filled cyst . . and he wanted me to get scheduled with a sonogram to see exactly what it was. So, by Friday, I was set up with a Monday morning appointment for a sonogram (Aug 30). I arrive that morning for my appointment - carefree - no worries.
The Radiologist did the sonogram, and wasn't exactly sure what he was looking at. He said that in a way, it looked like a cyst, but he just couldn't tell on the image. He wanted to do a Mammogram. Having just turned 31 in March, I have never had a Mammogram - they aren't recommending them until you reach age 40. So, since I wasn't originally scheduled for one, I had to wait around the medical center for a couple of hours so that they could get me in.
They did the Mammogram, and waited a few minutes to hear more from the Radiologist. He looked at the films, and said that it was large - and very solid. It definitely was NOT a fluid filled cyst. He said it could be a tissue mass that was benign, or another kind of cyst. So, he wanted to do a biopsy - but he wanted to do it that day - no waiting around. I guess it's good that they are so urgent, but that scared me a little bit.
So, I killed about 2 more hours, and got a bite to eat, ran a few errands, and returned for the biopsy. I wasn't able to get a hold of Philip since he was in meetings - so I just had to leave a sketchy voice mail. That was just going to have to suffice. . . . I mean, nothing was going to happen, anyway - RIGHT ? Well, after the biopsy, which was painless - the Radiologist still wasn't sure what to think about the lump. He said that the tissue from the biopsy was floating to the bottom of the fluid filled cup he put it in - and that was not necessarily a good sign. BUT, it was also showing signs of being benign. . . . . so it was just a waiting game now - would it be malignant or benign ?
I got home, filled my husband in on the information - and we had nothing else to do but wait. we just needed to wait and see what the results were the next day (actually today, Aug. 31).
He went to the store and got us some tubs of ice cream - and we spent the evening watching the Cowboys, and eating all the ice cream. . . it felt great ! Today, I woke up with the thought that everything was going to be OK - it must be. There's no way it could be Cancer....I just turned 31 six months ago - and I have absolutley no history of ANY kind of cancer - especially breast cancer. So it just HAD to be a benign little mass. Which, I had already decided, would be taken out - I didn't want to have to ever worry about it again - even if it wasn't malignant.
So, I took my son to school, Philip went off to work, and I headed up to the church to help out with some things. I worked there until "the call" came in.
As I stated before, at 2pm, I received the call that I had been waiting for. "Hello?" "Yes, this is Christy . . . . Oh, Hi Dr. Woomer. Yes, I'm a little sore from the biopsy, but I feel like I just worked out a little too vigorously." . . . . "Oh, you have the news - what did the results show?" I acted as if there was nothing wrong - which I had totally convinced myself of - because, there was absolutley no way that I had cancer. He was going to tell me this was benign, and we were going to take it out anyway, and then we would be on our merry little way.
But, it wasn't going to happen like that - this phone call was going to change my life.
"Well, I have read the results, Christy - and it's Cancer." That's all it took to change my life. I was in total shock - WHAT ?!?!?!?!?! He said that it had started in my ducts, and moved itself out into the breast to form a tumor. He didn't know at this point what kind of cancer it was, or how long I have had it, but it was definitely cancer. . . Dr. Clark, my OBGYN said that it didn't "just show up" last month - it has been there for a while, and we just didn't know about it.
Aug. 31, 2004