I was reeling - how could this happen to me ?? I had gotten away from an abusive husband, finished my degree, worked a job that I loved, gotten re-married to an absolutley wonderful husband whom I love dearly, I have a child whom I love very much, and I had the luxury to quit work within the last couple of years and stay home. I am heavily invoved in the school, our church, and our family - I have a wonderful life. . . how can this change so suddenly ??
How dare this "thing" come into my life and wreak havoc ?? What am I going to do ?
My first phone call was to Mom - knowing that Philip was in a meeting, I knew I couldn't talk to him immediatley anyway - so I called her. She had what has been the standard reaction from everyone - TOTAL SHOCK. She was crying - and wanted to take it all away from me - and like everyone else, she didn't know what to say or what to do. I'm just glad that she can be there for me . . . my parents have always been a support system for me - and I have no thoughts that it will ever be any different.
I have decided to live my life right now as normally as I can . . . I'm supposed to play music in church on Sunday, and I'm going to continue to do so - I don't want things to change until they absolutley have to. With chemo and stuff, who knows how long I'm going to be able to play, and I want to do what I can now - before things change.
I think Philip is in shock - he doesn't know what to say. I know he's reeling inside, just like me. . . . although he would never let me see it. He's my solid rock - he's like an Oak. He may ask for help from others, and bend then, but he won't ever let me see him bend. I guess that is good - he will be strong for me when I need it most, but he's not too proud to ask for support and help where he can get it.
We haven't told Damon yet -We've decided NOT to tell him until we have more answers.
I'm still in a state of shock, I'm numb - I'm scared - I'm confused. I just still can't fathom how this can happen to me. . . but as I've seen testimonials on the Susan G. Komen website, it happens to people younger than me (although, they normally have some sort of history).
My next step is to get into a surgeon - and I have 2 visits scheduled (one is a 2nd opinion) for Thursday - so I should get alot of answers then. . . and have a plan of action as far as surgery and Chemo are concerned.
Please keep us in your prayers - we are going to need all the prayers and support we can get through this time. I hope this website will continue to provide you with some answers, and keep you informed of how I'm doing.
I, by NO MEANS mean for this to replace phone calls and visits - it's just an easy read on a busy evening, etc. Please keep in touch - I'm going to need my friends and family more than ever.
I'll post more after my Dr. visits on Thursday.
Love You All !
Christy
