Karla Davis reviews
Release Date: March 19, 1999
Released By: DreamWorks Pictures (whose previous releases include the film we all regard as a virtual masterpiece: Deep Impact. All hail the two-hour nebula that made me lose significant respect for Elijah Wood).
Directed By: Brownen Hughes
STARRING(in no order whatsoever):
Sandra Bullock....Sarah
Ben Affleck.......Ben (hmmmmm...)
Maura Tierney.....Bridget Cahill(Ben's fiancee)
Blythe Danner.....Bridget's Mom
Steve Zahn........The annoying best friend/comic relief/excuse for another character
Ronny Cox.........Bridget's Dad
I. . .had. .the time of my lii-ii-iife. . .
WARNING: The following review contains violence, language (primarily English), typical scenarios, bad acting, techno music, and Bania. It is not advisable for persons who have not seen this film to partake in the joy of slamming it.
That's more fun on the big screen. =)
SUMMARY
Forces of Nature: The story of a young, astute, strapping man (one can only assume that's Affleck) boarding a plane on his way to be married to the woman he ardently loves.
Feel free to "aaaaaaaaw" at any time.
Reeking of purpose and fundamentalism, this J.CREW posterboy seems to have it all together. He's got his name. He's got his laptop. He's got his woman, Bridget, who is played by Maura Tierney (most easily placed as "That Ugly Chick from NewsRadio"). But as Ben will soon discover, there's one thing he hasn't got: courage.
...Or maybe I'm thinking of that lion dude.
Ben thinks he's on top of the world...that he has it all. That he's pretty much the stuff, da bomb, and (my personal favorite), tha man. That he could never want another thing for the rest of his blessed life. And you know, a career as a hotshot actor might possibly be getting to his head, but .................... but...................ah, I'm talking about the wrong Ben, aren't I? Oh yes, Ben HOLMES. Ha ha, It's just so easy to get them confused. They look so darn much alike!
Anyway, this well-contented paragon of mediocrity is in for a particularly big surprise. On this flight, Ben will encounter the epitome of the paradoxically indelible-yet-trendy "hippie chick" (portrayed by Bullock), who is boarding the same plane on her way to smoke the pot she so ardently loves. Bullock----whose 'groovy' eyeliner alone is rumored to have been responsible for half the film's budget----plops her bellbottoms down beside a visibly indifferent Affleck. Very little conversation is exchanged. Just your average, ordinary, every day takeoff. But-------wouldn't ya know-------due to a *force of nature* (or bad scripting, I'm not sure which), the plane endures a hardly-classifiable "crash." Gratuitous cursing abounds; people scream, and Bullock manages to suffer some irrelevant injury. This leaves our helpless flower child at the mercy of fate, the elements, and Bania from Seinfeld.
You know, I always thought Ovaltine was a force of nature. It's calcium, right? Calcium's natural.
Anyway, Sandra's obviously in some sort of trouble. I forget what crippling injury she's afflicted with; it's probably a nosebleed or something. So, as any good, Abercrombie-donning, American boy would, Ben decides to help her out. Having just faced the prospect of being dead (either that or having awfully swollen nostrils), Sandra, of course, is grateful (PLEASE tell me you got that). Ben carried her a whole thirty feet from the pseudo-wreckage of the plane aaaaaaaaaaaall the way back to the airport--------she's indebted to him for life! She can never repay him! He's the best thing since sliced bread! Etc, etc, etc.
At this point, the newly-named "hero" has a devout fan. Amid the confusion of cancelled flights, Sandra follows him around the terminal. Soon, Mr. Affleck comes to the realization that he pretty much has to hang out with her until he's able to catch the next flight, a flight which------as if by fate--------also ends up being cancelled! Imagine that!
This convenient inconvenience, we're supposed to believe, *forces* the two to become fast travel partners. Consequently we have a dynamic duo, each member of which is determined to reach his/her respective destination, pairing off on a somewhat anti-climactic (and completely superfluous) cross-country trek across the US. They hitchhike, get arrested, jump a train, join a group of gallivanting senior citizens (if any group of transient senior citizens can actually be described as "gallivanting"), and take a majorly unnecessary detour to K-Mart------------all in vain. The weary duo is literally and figuratively getting nowhere...perhaps not so much due to their extremely bad luck (like a sudden hailstorm which *forces* them to take refuge in the aforementioned K-Mart, poor souls) as because the growing *forces* of attraction between them are now holding them back. And not only from their respective destinations----but now, from their respective destinies!
!!! Holy briefcase, Batman !!!
Oh the humanity! Will Ben miss his wedding?! Will Sandra miss her *Delias* photoshoot?! What turmoil! What happenstance! What BULL CRAP.
Forces of nature, my butt. At the first of the movie, we see Ben Affleck making those gay little schmoopie pet-noises with his would-be wife, and a half hour later BANG, he's fantasizing about some chestless chick with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth! I'm sorry, but there is no way in all existence that earth, fire wind, water, or heart could possibly separate two people who really love each other. Heck, all those powers COMBINED probably couldn't even separate 'em. =) Love is a wonderful, magical land of puffy clouds and chocolate and tiny pink hearts that float around people's heads and...man, I'm getting hungry. But you're not supposed to leave that world for anything! So what could compel a man to leave it for...this.
At one point, Sandra goes to take a bath behind an ill-concealing wall. Suddenly Ben's hearing suggestive techno music. I'm not kidding...you can listen to the soundtrack (if the idea of experiencing irreversable brain damage doesn't bother you).
So he hears this music, and he starts getting all worked up. Then the camera starts psychedelically panning around to shots of Sandra's "funky" blue nailpolish, like somehow that adds to the situational ambiance even though all he can see is her silouhette. I guess the idea here is that in the face of such cuticle know-how, Affleck can't help but be a conniving cheat. Ben is compelled to get major jiggy with the fly chick 'cause she has swanky threads and totally rufus accsessories and HAIR MASCARA! THAT IS SO KEWL SANDRA IS LIKE MY HERO!
Ugh. I don't doubt that the *forces* are strong with that one. He's about to be married, and all the dork can think about is his lightsaber.
So what can we conclude? Well, at this point anyone should be able to grasp that Ben "I'm-so-popular-that-they-let-me-keep-my-name" Affleck doesn't really love his fiancee; he simply made a poor and hasty decision stemming from his strong fear of eternal celibacy, a common concern among Froline Maria and single adults approaching their thirties. He obviously didn't know it got as good as a brunette who sports polychromatic tresses and a wide range of STD's. Sandra makes him realize that what he thought was love is really an illusion, and even though Ben hasn't been with the hippie chick long enough to know if she's the one, he knows that his current fiancee isn't. The whole experience of cross-country traveling with Sandra is significant and therefore film-worthy because it at least stopped him from making a horrible, horrible mistake. With this justification, we are relieved to forgive Ben his trespass because, in the true Hamlet tradition, he is finally being true to himself. And because we sure as heck can't blame him. Maura Tierney looks like a breed of bloodhound.
=shudder=
CONTINUE the negatives
