| Distortion-August 3, 2005 |
| Shining brightly, a star. A gentle hand from afar. A city that never sleeps Silenced by the secrets it keeps. Dimly-lit, a path A demon's furious wrath. Glowing heat of a fire An enemy retires. Cloud-covered moon. The sun sets too soon Bringing a dark grey shade Over beds that have been made. Creepy-crawly, a critter Mood will soon be bitter. Their earth quaking. Their graves we're making. Faces distorted. Babies aborted. Too bleak for thinking. Like quicksand, mankind is sinking Into a world of black Never looking back. Salty-sour, a taste. A body left to waste. Too weak to move about. The mind left to doubt. Drooping drearily, a smile. Never going the extra mile. Too faded to come alive Too bright to die. |
| Wake-Up Call- January 3, 2005 |
| Every day I wake up, I think it will be different. The wake-up call I get is not what I expect. Things can get bad, but sometimes they're much worse. From the moment I stand til the end of each day, I search. I search for people. I search for emotion. I search for an easy escape. But every exit is blocked and there's no way out. I'm trapped, but I only have myself to blame. Every self-accusation diminishes the truth. The truth that is unspeakable. I wonder, selfishly, if people ever think of me. If they miss me. And if I disappeared, would they even care? I cry with every sad song. I feel every word. Sometimes a little too much. I close my eyes and my tears deplete as I fall into a deep sleep. And I wake up with a tear-streaked face. I think the day will be different. Then I get my wake-up call and I begin my search. My search to find myself again. Something that seems neverending. |
| Enough- January 5, 2005 |
| So cloudy, so clear So distant, so near Tainted by my love Sometimes it's just enough. It was only yesterday I bet I'd fall for anyone I met. Then something changed from within. All I wanted to be was friends. Every rejection I made Was a rejection made too late. I realized I wanted more. And you've had all I waited for. So cloud, yet so clear So distant, yet so near Tainted by my love. Sometimes it's never enough. Seems like years ago that I cried a true tear. Now I can't even hold close the ones I held dear. I can't get out of the spot where I've been. I don't understand how it could be forgotten. Every decision I made Was a decision too late. I realized I wanted more. And you've had all I waited for. So cloudy, but so clear So distant, but so near Tainted by my love Sometimes it's just not enough. |
| End Of The Beginning-January 10, 2005 |
| One step closer to the end of the beginning. Not really knowing my inner emotions, I stare. And as I stare, my thoughts crumble into a dusty pile. I long for a childhood that was never quite right. Yet I'm missing my own present life. I never knew how precious family time was until now. All of a sudden, it became so clear, but clear too late. I saw him pack his last bag. I saw him wave his good-bye. And still, it didn't hit me. I keep waiting for him to come home. I say to myself "He's just out somewhere." But no lie I tell myself is going to turn back time. I miss him, but I'm glad for him. Is it so selfish to want him here? Little by little, I lose them all. My dad, my brother, and now my sister. She wants me to go with her after a year. Mother is going with her, too. But why must I follow? Is it what I do best? Sooner or later, I'll be on my own. The sooner the better is how I now see it. When it comes, I'll struggle. Not knowing how I'll survive financially. But knowing that I've grown. Grown into a woman, out-growing dependency. I'll long for all the memories. I'll miss what used to be.I'll take one step forward to the end of the beginning, but one step back to remember how it all used to be. |
| Underappreciated- February 28, 2005 |
| It's not supposed to be this way. The way I feel is not the way I feel. What I see is not what I see. But what I hear is a crowd of uncaring voices. Is it selfish to want someone to care? I turn around and those feelings aren't there. I really am alone here. Depending on nothing or nobody but myself. You disappoint me. And why are you so quiet? How come I'm the one who gets hurt? I do nothing to deserve it. Or maybe I do everything to deserve it. If I have a heart, it's probably broken. It's more torn than the words you've spoken. You only care about yourself. You don't even care that I wasn't here. It's all a new day to you. Wouldn't that be nice? To live every day like nothing ever happend? Too bad I'm not that lucky. I think, I think too much. I'd love to love someone. Too many times I've loved in the past. But I want it for real. Something that will last. Is that too much to ask? A stillness passes as I walk. It's like I've always been here and nobody noticed I was gone. Is that how it would be if I was gone forever? One day they'll see the friend I was. One day they'll see the lover I was. One day they'll appreciate their time with me. But that won't be today. Today, I'll be underappreciated. |
| Why Should I Care?- March 1, 2005 |
| Today I think you were mad at me. Was it because I didn't listen to your first story? I'm sorry there's so much going on in my life. I've been knocked down, and I'm drowning in strife. It's not my fault that you don't care. So why should I be the one that's there? Today I tried to look deep into your eyes. But all I saw was a dark demise. I can't believe you tried to talk to me. I'm sorry my thoughts were scattered so densely. It's not my fault that you don't care. So why should I be the one that's there? Today was the first time I didn't see you as a friend. I searched deep down and found ways you would pretend. I'm sorry I can't see the friend you used to be. But how can I when you just leave me? It's not your fault that you're so fake. And now I know our friendship is at stake. Today I find that again I'm alone. I could disappear and become unknown. I'm sorry there's not much more I can do. And nothing I can say can ever please you. It's not my fault that you don't care. So why, I ask, should I be the one that's there? |
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