Bwuahahaaa!! I am Kikyo, the tragic priestess who never dies and shows up in all of the episodes to cause romantic conflicts!! I'm not evil, I'm just misunderstood...Trying to drag Inu-Yasha to Hell with me was a one-time thing. It won't happen again *Crosses fingers behind her back* *Wistful sigh* Mine is a tragic tale...
.....
Tragic! Tragic means sad! Cry for me!
OH! Boo hoo...
Oh Kikyo! You're alive! I thought you died fifty years ago but apparently I was wrong...I pretend to hate you since I am the introvert, reclusive, angry, reluctant to express emotions hero and like to pretend I have a tough exterior, but inside, I am a wounded bunny rabbit! But I don't hate you! Although I didn't exactly appreciate you trying todrag me to Hell...But no hard feelings! You didn't mean to pin me to a tree fifty years ago! You were just misinformed! *Looks down at script* I think that's the biggest monologue I get...
This is the part where I get insanely jealous!
Come to Hell with me Inu-Yasha! I'm asking politely this time! We can be together forever! And, truth be told, it's not as bad as everyone makes it out to be...It's actually quite nice in early Spring and you can get a lovely tan! Not to mention, you're never cold. And come on, life is totally overrated. I'm dead, I should know...So come to Hell with me! Hurry up and decide or I'll miss the only bus leaving for Hell today...
Umm...No thanks. Maybe later. Right now, I got some demon butts to kick so I can't die just yet...
Hmph...Don't think I don't see what's going on here! *Sniffs and puts on a pouty face* Is that worthless reincarnation more important to you than me?
Of course she is...*Looks at script* Oops! I mean NO! I hate her! I hate her I hate her I hate I hate her I hate her! I mean, just look at her, she's disgusting...That nasty-looking long black hair and the butt-ugly dark eyes and her...
...You do know that she's my reincarnation and looks like me, right?
Oops, did I say disgusting? I meant gorgeous. She's absolutely gorgeous. Oops...I mean she-
Hmph, and I'm not?!
Of course you aren't...I mean ARE. She's just...Well, since you're...She is...Jeez, I just can't win, can I?
Fine! But you don't know what you're missing! I'll be back to torment you some more later! Right now, I'm late for a meeting with the head honcho, the red guy with the horns and the pointy tail. THIS ISN'T THE LAST YOU'VE SEEN OF ME!! Bwuahahaaa!! *Cloud of mysterious smoke appears* *Coughs* Stupid smoke...*Walks offstage*
That was fun. Her visits are always so nice. I hope she visits again soon.
POOF!!!
Look! I can mysteriously appear out of nowhere!
Sweet...But I'll bet you can't change into a fearsome-looking pink blob!!!
....And I'd want to why again?
Then everyone shall fear you!! RARRRGH!! Quake in fear puny humans!!
......
Hey look! It's Pacman!!
Grr...These people obviously don't know what's scary and fearsome...Their sense of fear must be distorted...
I need a raise...
...Why?
Because I'm pretty and it's hard to look this pretty all the time! I'd like to see you try this on a low budget!
Are we allowed to fire him? When is his contract over? Can we change it to thirty seconds from now?
Hey! You can't fire me! My contract doesn't end for another thirty-seven episodes! And besides, I'm too pretty to be fired. Pretty people don't get fired.
*Sigh* Unfortunately, we can't fire him. There's no way we'll be able to find someone who looks like a girl as much as he does...
Hey! I'm just in touch with my feminine side! You should try it sometime!
He should try wearing a dress and a feathered boa?
This is NOT a dress! and this isn't a feathered boa! It's a...a...Well, I don't know what it is but it's NOT a boa!! Getting in touch with your feminine side is very healthy for you! Cosmo Girl says so!
Hah hah! Sesshoumaru's a sissy!
Hey, who's the runt anyway?
I'm here to nudge along the comic relief when things get too serious and angsty!
...I thought I was the comic relief...
You're the comic relief too, Miroku, but you're the comic relief for the more gutter-minded people and Shippo's the comedy for the more cleaner-minded people.
Ooh la la! That makeup artist is HOT! I'll be right back. You can handle Fluffy over there can't ya, Inu-Yasha?
Yeah...Sure...It's not like I almost died the last time I had to fight him or anything...
Okay, great. *Leaves to chat up the makeup artist*
Now...What do I want again? Oh yeah, I want that rusty piece of crap. Give it here or I'll have to...hurt you I guess...
Do you really want this rusty old piece of crap?
No, not really. But the script says I want it...
Why?
I don't remember...*Flips through the script* It says why in here somewhere...*Tosses script aside in frustration* It doesn't matter! I want that rusty old stick so...so...Oops, I need that...*Retrieves script* I want it and you're a stupid, worthless half-breed yadda yadda yadda...So prepare to PIE!!
........
Oops, I mean prepare to DIE!! *Runs and attacks Inu-Yasha with his claws*
I can't die! I'm the hero! I've got to live so they can make lotsa movies and more episodes! They can't make movies if I die!! I'm not allowed to die just yet! It's right here in the rules of action/adventure shows! *Brings out a huge book, simply titled, Da Rules* *Flips through and points to a page* See! Right there! Rule #439: "The main male character always has to end up falling in love and sleeping with the main female character at some point in...Oh, oops, wrong rule....
I'll save you Inu-Yasha!
Oh no...Inu-Yasha's doomed. Kagome can't shoot one of those things!
Hey! I've been practicing! *Shoots arrow*
*Flies past Sesshoumaru* Heh heh heh....
Wow! I just got hit in the head by one of Kagome's arrows! Wait till I tell ChaChaChica...She'll be so jealous! Hey, will you guys sign this?
Oops...Well, I  hit something anyway...Looks like you're on your own Inu-Yasha.
Thanks for your help...
Looks like it's up to me! I'll save you Inu-Yasha! *Floats over and gnaws on Sesshoumaru's head*
Tee hee...That tickles! Ahk! You messed up my hair! And I think I broke a nail! I just can't work like this! If anyone needs me, I'll be in my trailer. *Stomps offstage*
Hah! I win! Who's the demon? Who's the demon? Me! Boo yah!!
*Gasp* What's that I sense?
What do you sense Kagome? Do you sense a jewel shard?
.....You got slapped didn't you?
Of course I didn't! She just couldn't keep her hands off me. *High-heeled shoe comes flying towards his head* Ouch...
I sense...I sense...Eww! DEAD MONKEY ODOR!!
*Gasp* NARAKU!
Hey! That is not funny! I do not look like that! And this isn't a monkey suit! It's a baboon suit!
Eww...Smells like dead monkey...And what an ugly suit!
This...is...not a monkey suit! Agghh!! And Seventeen said that baboon pelts were all the rage this season! Or was it National Geographic...?
So what evil plot are you going to use today?
Tee hee...I've already done my evil deeds! Bwuahaha!! Feel the evilness!
What'd you do?
EVERYONE! LOOK DOWN AND QUAKE IN FEAR OF MY EVIL DEEDS!!!
*Everyone looks down*
...My shoelaces are tied together...
Bwuahahahaaa!! I also switched your tuna sandwich for a head of cabbage AND I turned off your car alarm!! Feel the evil pulsating from my evil mind!!
Since when do you wear shoes, Inu-Yasha?
I just performed a truly evil deed and all you can think about are his shoes?! I command you to feel the evilness radiating from my evil aura!!
I thought they made me looks sorta dashing!
FEELING...IGNORED...! Ahhhk!! Now feel my superior evilness and DIE!!
Hah! I don't think so! I'm not allowed to die yet! So there! *Slashes at Naraku with the Tessaiga* Now, the true identity of Naraku can be revealed!!!!
.......
OHH NO!!! The secret identity of Naraku is another reincarnation of Kikyo?!!! Two Kikyos were bad enough!!
You idiot! I'm not Naraku's secret identity!
Well then where's Naraku? His secret identity's supposed to be revealed!
I'm back! I just had to go get a new baboon suit. You ripped that one up. That was the fifth one this week! Take it easy on the baboon pelts. They're hard to come by!
Oh oops. Sorry. Is it time for the epic battle scene yet? But you can't kill me. You're not allowed to.
I'll save you Inu-Yasha!
No! You can't kill him yet! You're not allowed to! He's gotta stay alive so he do more evil stuff!
*Flies towards Naraku* *Laughs evilly* Heh heh heh...
Ooh! A nickel! *Bends over to pick up the nickel and the arrow goes flying over his head*
Wow! Another arrow! This is so cool! Sign this please?!
Hey guys! I have good news and bad news! The good news is: I'm going to name my nickel Penny!
So what's the bad news?
It's a boy nickel! Now hand over the jewel shards or I'll stick this nickel where the sun don't shine!!!
The closet?
...........
Umm...no. I was actually thinking more along the lines of the cupboard.
*Groans* Somebody help me! Save me!
Did someone say they needed help? *Holds up bow and arrow*
NOOOOO!!!!!
*Lays on the floor, twitching*
The End
Part Two Coming Soon
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