Early Stuff page1
The Verge

When it's hidden in the shadow
of the smallest cloud
in the clearest, cleanest, crispest sky
When you can just barely reach it
When you're prepared to cry
That's when you know you're at the edge

When he's wandering through the mass
of robotic men
tiring of the longest, hardest day
When it's imperative that you confer your thoughts
But you're lost in a fog of dismay
That's when you know you're at the edge

When you're lying in your notions
scattered about
in the middle of the night
When you're constantly grabbing to hold onto just one
But they keep taking flight
That's when you know you're at the edge

I've been living on the edge for countless seasons
Barely peeking over to see what's below
And when I finally do heedlessly leap over
I hope that the drop isn't too harsh
For I have been known to die in midair





Choices
(6/19/00)

You all thought that I knew better
You all thought correctly

I reach into the medicine cabinet
A variety of fun
Which one?
So many choices

Remember
The drink(s)
Mix, party, embarass, blackout, blurt, forget
What happened?
My life changed, that's what happened.

I choose mother's pill
For something I know not
Sounds cool, I thought
(open bottle quietly)

Remember
The rehabilitation
Fascinating, the choices, the people, the idiocy
Can I try?
Maybe later

Fill cup with water
Calmly swallow
Hours later, no euphoria still
Maybe tomorrow




Wild Tranquility

A vast desert
Sand stinging my eyes
Insects and spiders
A snake slithers by

I spot a lovely eagle in the distance
What a dashing exquisite sight!
Oh, as it soars with delicate grace
Up in the clear blue sky

And I see myself
In the turbulent stillness of this desert
Wondering
How wonderful it would be to soar alongside the eagle
To fly with perfect ease
Over the canyons and cacti and rodents
And to swoop
Down into the serene valley
And live forever
In tranquility




Faith in Nothing
(4/25/00)

There is nothing to renew my faith in love
A boy in a bubble never caught the disease
Not that I'm contagious or anything

Nothing renews my faith in love
I burnt out my dream world
To repeats of old flames

Faith renewed by nothing
My constant obsessions went benign
I know not another cancer

Nothing renews faith
The record stopped spinning long ago
All vibrations ceased

Renew nothing
I only go down from here
Though I'm already at rockbottom

Nothing
love
access denied




No Brakes Required

I started moving but I don't know where I'm headed
I started flying but I don't know what I sought
I went to the bus stop but I didn't like the driver
I went to the station but I lost my train of thought

And I go
And I move
And I don't think I am done yet
So I'll just keep going
Headed towards the end
Headed towards that point
Don't stop me now
I'll just keep going

And snow tries to stop me but I just keep going
And rain tries to slip me but I just keep going
And hail tries to slap me but I just keep going
And you try to stop me
So I'll stop
Slip
Slap




Cell
(1/22/00)

I'm driving off the deep end
I feel I'm reeling away
Blockade my growth of life

this trapping can't be happening

I thought I could trust
Now I know that there's no place to go
When I'm nailed down to the ground

Claustrophobic
this trapping can't me happening

Why does one not comprehend the intention
Defile my smile for the while
i'm going going back
Going to implode myself who tried to go
Lifelong detention
(Wasn't this supposed to stop in grade school?)

Interrogation
Claustrophobic
this trapping can't be happening

(Or elementary school for that matter?)
I let go
Introvert
Deal




Ashore
(11/19/99)

Lighter my outsides
Turn to a thin pale fabric
Darker my insides
Turn to a bloody black

Greedier they get
I try to summon night
We will remain in darkness
They won't understand the light




Loose
(10/17/99 <-- it's my birthday!!)

Quarrel, fight, deserve my trust
Kill me now or take my lust
Sad, true, good, bad, rolled in one
Take my blood, do what's not done
Finish me and wash me clean
Once again return to green
Glimmer, sparkle, gold from flesh
Intertwining, shining mesh

Turn me into someone else
Turn me loose or I will melt



Removed

Further
Drifting
Lost and unseen
Flying among the bloody entrails
Burning he falls
Flaming he flails

Damaged
Broken
Daftly removed
Dying among the warm healthy souls
Burning he cries
Flaming he rolls

Blazing
Flashing
Picking it up
Trying to find the cause of the crime
Maybe he'll heal
Maybe - in time                                              
index   page2
updated 8/5/01
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