For a while there, I was scared that I was going to become agoraphobic. I had started feeling brave this month. Martin and I would drop off Mystie at her singing class then we�d go for coffee. Having to go somewhere CLOSE TO the house helped me face my struggle with PTSD. Having to go and do something I really enjoy sure helped as well. I even got to the point where I was taking Mystie to her singing classes and picking her up afterwards... by myself. I was able to take Mystie and Selah shopping and survived the 10 min. of walking around. LOL! Things started to go down hill on Mother�s Day weekend. Martin had to work that Sat., so it was up to me to get Mystie to singing class. I didn�t have a choice in the matter. At first, it wasn�t a big deal� until I started feeling sickly on the way over there. After dropping her off, I went home and rested. I was hoping to recuperate in 2 � hours. No such luck! I left with Selah to pick up Mystie� in hopes that my focus would not be on how yukky I felt because I�d have someone to talk to. I had started to blackout on the way. So� I started praying: �Please Lord� it�s just around the corner. Don�t let anything bad happen. Martin is an hour�s drive away and can�t pick up Mystie. Please help me to get there. Please protect us and don�t let me passout.� Alas, we got there in one piece. Sheesh! Class went passed their scheduled time� the kids weren�t coming out. I�d sent Selah in to get Mystie and Selah came back without her. I didn�t know what was going on and I was too sick to go and get Mystie. I felt so sick� I felt like I was going to pass out� it wasn�t going away. One of the ladies from church, whose daughter was also in the same singing group as Mystie, saw that I wasn�t doing so well. She offered to take Mystie home for me. I was relieved. She�d also offered to take Selah and me home, but I refused. We could�ve gone back for the truck at a later time, but I didn�t want to �put her out.� I didn�t want to be a burden. Plus, our house was only 10 min. away (at the most). I told her I should be OK and that I�d go ahead and drive us home. Selah and I did make it home safely. I hurried in the house and headed towards my bed. I�d started to blackout just as I was approaching my bedroom. That was OK� the bed was only a few more feet away. I�d been keeping Martin posted throughout all of that so he was trying to hurry home. Mystie got home about 30 min. to an hour later. Martin got home just after her. Anyway, the rest of my day was spent in bed.
Mother�s Day was very hard for me. It was my first Mother�s Day without my mom. I miss her so much! I had to rely on the Lord to be my strength that day. I didn�t even want to get out of bed. Plus� my body was giving me fits. Martin and Mystie were performing at church that day. It was my baby girl�s first performance at church so I had to go. (I also missed her very first performance with her singing group. It was the day before my mom's funeral and I was too sick. It was around the time I was at my worse.) I was going to try to drive, but my head and stomach wouldn�t allow it. Martin left the church right after playing during second service to pick us up. We got to church in the middle of the message, but I was able to see Mystie�s performance at the end. Ahhh� I teared up. I can�t believe how time has just flown by. My dad, younger sister, her boyfriend, and daughter met everyone at church right after second service. The plan was to head up to visit my mom�s grave. My older sister, Joy, flew in the Tues. before Mother�s Day from Tampa with her boyfriend and daughter. (We hadn�t seen them since Christmas of 1998.) That was her first time visiting the cemetary. We were all going to head up there, but there was no way I was going to pull that one off. I was feeling too sick. Three of my kids got to ride with them. They said they had a great time with their cousins. They don't get to see them often. Martin and Mystie ended up staying behind with me and playing at third service. It ended up working out on our part. Had we�d gone with everyone, we wouldn�t have gotten Mystie to her concert on time. It also allowed me to warm up the food so it�d be ready when everyone returned. :o)
We celebrated C.J�s 5th birthday once everyone got back. After eating, we hurried over to watch Mystie�s concert. We got there 30 min. late, but didn�t miss any of the songs Mystie was in. Whew! Afterwards, we went back home to finish C.J�s party. He opened his presents and we had cake and ice cream. It was great to hang out with everyone and catch up Joy�s life.
It sure is nice to feel like things are getting back to normal. |
