| Gouda, Lactose and Stinky, three miscreants born the twisted and delusional sons of Cheddar, a Wisconson dairy farmer, were forced to endure the long midwestern winters by watching poorly made movies tractored back from the local "mom & pop" video store. Did I mention they were locked in their basement?
Often, the movie would be so unwatchable that the boys would strain and tug on their ankle chains in mad attempts to overpower their VCR . This would anger Cheddar, a champion pig wrestler, who beat them with his favorite milking bucket until they were unconcious. Their father would then prop them up and force them to stare through their swolen eyelids at the poorly concieved, badly written diatribes; the shabby scenery leaving lasting scars on their young minds.
Their teen years were spent not in High School, but in front of the television, where they learned how to read and write through such movies as 976-EVIL; Shaft In Africa; and Saturday The 14th.
Update 06/21/00  Lactose was killed in a bizarre accident. While trying to watch BLUES BROTHERS 2000 for the 486th time, he reached for the box of Jujubees, but it turned out that his hand fell apon Gouda's stash of Milk Duds, instead. He had gotten milk-poisoning, which resulted in the very smelly discovery of his corpse, bathed in what seemed to be an ocean of his own loose feces.
He will not be missed by anyone.
We hope he rots in Hell.
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