Web of the Spider is a tough film to come by. For good reason. It stinks. For the most part, this is a dull, lifeless haunted house movie without a brain in it's head. However, there are a few amusing camp factors here. For one thing, how many horror movies star Anthony (don't call me Tony) Franciosa of Death Wish 2 and Sideshow (is this a good or bad thing)? For another, I've never seen Edgar Allen Poe so poorly misrepresented (or played). Shame on Klaus Kinski (I'd be even angrier than this if I undsertood what he said in the role - luckily, he muffled every line and I couldn't make out the dialogue he was butchering).

The film opens with Poe excavating some tombs. A classical guitar piece softly plays, enhancing the artistic vision of director Antonio Margheriti. Okay, I'm lying. We are treated to EXTREME close-ups of Poe that is set to, what sounds like, Jimi Hendeix (on a bad day) tuning his electric guitar. To make matters worse, the director of photography keeps tight on Poe's face the entire scene. I GUESS he was opening graves. We really can't tell. Who hired this guy? All the set decorators must be furious - the entire film is shot in close-ups and we never get to see any of the backgrounds, or surrounding rooms.

Moving on. It's the turn of the century, and Poe opening graves was nothing more than Poe telling a Poe story (the Poe Rule of Thirds). Kinski is truly awful in these scenes, as he sweats more than Chris Farley under the desert sun. Anyhoo, Poe wagers writer Franciosa that he can't survive the night in a supposedly haunted house. Ol' Tony (sorry, hehem), Anthony accepts - and we're off to the races. Hmm. Cliche #1 - The house is surrounded by an old iron gate. Cliche #2 - When it's learned the house is haunted, Anthony first meets a "good ghost". Cliche #3 - The portraits on the walls move...almost as if they are alive! Cliche #4 - The final night of each of the ghosts' lives is being acted out...tonight. Cliche #5 - Anthony doesn't realize everyone he meets in the house is dead (despite their TELLING HIM this). Cliche #6 - The old "witness a murder which took place in the past/try to change the original events but fail" scene.

The plot is extremely cliched (note above comments).

The low point: Franciosa's hair-do. It seems as if he visited Robert Reed's "Brady Bunch" stylist. Despite the film taking place at the turn of the nineteenth century, he wears an afro with sideburns.

The high point: The movie is dubbed (poorly), despite having an All-American cast.

Bottom Line: Do not rent, buy or get near a copy of Web of the Spider - unless you like your movies more painful than an iron gate through your chest (whoops - gave away the ending).

Click here to read a rebuttal by Ol' Stinky, Lil' Stinky's mother!