Endless

Endless Warm Rain

You move suddenly, rolling, taking me with you until we are on our sides. Your arms are still around me, your hand still over my heart, our hands are still clasped, only now my head is resting on your shoulder. You sigh and straighten your legs, and I do too. Did you know my legs were cramping, but I didn�t want to move? I think you did. I feel you close against me, and I relax back against you, content, half asleep, drifting down, with you�Drifting�Love you�

Love you. Your last conscious thought before you fell asleep in my arms. I love you too. I love you asleep in my arms, awake in my arms, always in my arms. But in my mind, that frightens me. I could read that thought so clearly, yes, but all guard was down, you were almost asleep, your mind open. Maybe it�s because we�re so close, it�s more emotions than thoughts, I know what you�re feeling. I�m still frightened, Duncan, this level of intimacy is almost overpowering. The physical connection, what I feel when we make love, that is so beautiful, incredible, to know just what you want, how to touch you, how to move inside you to give you the greatest pleasure, and that gives me the greatest pleasure. To touch you, to feel what you feel when I touch you and to feel the same when you touch me, this is bliss. But what if we can�t stop reading each other�s thoughts? What if we drive each other half-mad, not able to stop, not able to hide anything from each other? It�s not good to know everything; we must learn to shield our thoughts. I must learn to shield my thoughts; I�ve disturbed you enough to wake you. You stretch, roll over, and look into my eyes, into my soul. �What�s wrong, old man?� Your voice is rough with sleep; your eyes warm, soft, loving. My mind isn�t open to you. You know what I�m feeling, not my thoughts, and my fear eases.

I try lying to you. �I was thinking this must be the worst room in this hotel.�

You smile and say, �Yes, and they�ve given it to us before.�

�Well, they know we don�t come here for the view!� I smile back.

You laugh, and you kiss me and say, �Don�t lie to me. I may not know what you�re thinking, but I know when you�re lying.�

�That�s what I was afraid of.�

You kiss me again, and say, �It�s all right, I love you anyway.�

I try to change the subject, saying, �Let�s take a shower, I feel all�sticky.�

�I�ll bet you do.� You kiss me yet again, laughing. �And you�re still lying!�

You get up and pick up our clothes, and I call room service for clean towels. I go to the bathroom and turn on the shower. You follow me in, stealing the bathrobe, going back out to answer the door. I hear your deep voice, muffled by the water and the partly closed door, then you come back, carrying a stack of clean towels, closing the door, dropping the robe. You kiss me and pull me under the falling water, pick up the soap and begin to wash me, your hands slick, sliding over my tingling skin. I take the soap from you and wash you, I love your body, the muscles, the feel of you. You are becoming aroused under my hands, as aroused as I already am. All of a sudden you�re on your knees, oh please Duncan�

The water falling down on us like endless warm rain, the water sliding down your body, I want to taste it, to taste your skin under the water, a beautiful drowning. Overcome by my need to touch you I fall to my knees, my arms embracing your thighs, my cheek against your wet curls. Overcome by my need to taste you I turn my head, take you in my mouth, and I feel you moan. The water falling in my eyes, running down my face like tears, no, not tears, no tears, only love, only you, only forever. The taste of you, I love the taste of you, the feel of you in my mouth, the feel of your pleasure fills me. I know just how fast to move, just when to stop before you come. I keep moving and stopping till you�re begging me to let you come. I bring you to the edge again, then slow, holding you there. I can hear you moan over the sound of the water, you�re desperate, pleading, and I take pity on you. I move again, faster, taking you to the brink, then I stop and suck hard, rubbing my tongue against the sensitive underside of your cock. You sob and explode in my mouth and I swallow your come, your life, your love. I never want to stop but you can�t bear any more sensation, you�re falling and I have to catch you�

Unbelievable, unbearable pleasure. I can�t stand, my legs giving way. I would fall but you hold me, controlling my descent. Slowly I slip to my knees, my head on your shoulder, your arms holding me up, the water falling down on us, all I can hear is the water, my ragged breathing, and the beating of your heart. Oh, Duncan, Duncan, all the love I can hold isn�t enough; all the love in the world isn�t enough. I finally manage to raise my head and you kiss me, deeply. I can taste myself in your mouth, subtly different than the remembered taste of you in mine.

I turn off the water. I have to help you stand, leaning you against the warm tile wall. I pick up a towel and dry your trembling body, then wrap you in the bathrobe. Your eyes are dazed and you keep sagging against me, you can�t support your own weight and I have to help you walk, you�re stumbling. Did I do this to you? Did I? I asked the maid who brought the towels to change the bed and I take the robe off you, toss it at the foot of the bed, and lay you down on the clean sheets. Your eyes are dark, dilated, your eyelids heavy. I turn to go back to the bathroom and you whisper, �Don�t leave me.� Is that what you�re afraid of? I lean over, kiss you, and say, �I�ll be right back.� I go to the bathroom and dry myself, turn out the light, and return to you. You seem asleep but as soon as I lay next to you, you turn to me and hold me, tightly.

�What are you afraid of?� I whisper this in your ear, and you burrow your face into my shoulder. �What is it? Tell me, please, I can feel your fear, but I don�t know why you�re afraid.�

You draw a shuddering breath, hesitate, then finally say, �I�m afraid you�ll stop loving me, I�m afraid if you know me, really know me, you won�t love me anymore.�

I raise your head with my hands and look into your eyes. Tears rise and fill your eyes, I try to kiss them closed before they can fall but I can taste your tears on my lips. I love you, you know that, you can feel it. I murmur, �Believe what you feel now.� I kiss your mouth, you can taste your own tears, you can taste my tears, I�m crying with you. I know that I hurt you, that was before, before I understood, I�m sorry, old man, I�m so different now. I hear my voice, rough with tears, saying, �I�ll never leave you, I�ll never stop loving you, I�ll never want to stop loving you. No matter what, we belong to each other forever.� I feel the fear leave you, and my love fills its place. Your grip on me loosens, you relax into exhausted sleep. I love you Methos, I will always love you�

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