Arriving at the local weapon emporium, Chain Reaction strides in to the small building. A man stands behind the counter polishing new arrivals. He glares at the random weapons strewn across the wall behind the clerk and the other destructives in stock.
Ray: Can I help you with something, man?
Chain Reaction: Errr... **** off. I'm looking for something very ****ing special. Something that will guarantee me a win at the Coliseum tomorrow.
Ray: As a matter of fact, I think I have something. Now... remember. This just now came in.
Chain Reaction: Yeah? Well what the **** is it?
Ray: Heh. I can't exactly tell you... that would ruin the whole idea behind making it mysterious and what not. Do you understand where I'm coming from?
Chain Reaction: I see... so how much is it going to cost me?
Ray: Actually... you know... we haven't even added it to the computers yet. So in fact, it is going to be free. But I need you to promise me something. I need you to promise that you are going to tell no one else about this. It is very special...
Chain Reaction: Special? Is it some kind of ****ing gun or something? I mean throw me a ****ing bone, man...
Ray smirks and leads Jay in to the back storage area. There, a fluorescent blue light shines on an unseen item. The silhouette of the said unseen item catches the attention of the self proclaimed King as his eyes widen with excitement.
Chain Reaction: I gotta say... you have my attention. So what could this thing possibly be?
Ray: Before I get in to that... you have a choice between this and another un-scanned item known as the War Axe. It is an aristocrat cavalry weapon, capable of rending mail and piercing the heaviest of helms. It has a forged blade, tapered tubular shaft, and a wire-wrapped spiral bound grip.
Chain Reaction: But is it shiny blue like the thing on that top shelf up there?
Ray: ....No. So what is your decision? That thing up there, or the War Axe I just described to you? (http://www.silvermane.com/images/CI-XH2079.jpg)
Chain Reaction: Well, I'll take the mystery item on the top shelf. It's all shiny and what not and really has my interest.
Smiling, Ray drags a ladder from another section of the storage room. Climbing to the top rung, he removes the item from the shelf. Revealing it to Jay, the self proclaimed King cocks his head to the side. He is confused. Ray, with a big grin spread across his face, climbs back down the ladder with the item in tact.
Ray: This is what you've chosen. This is a non-refundable item...
Chain Reaction: And just how the **** is this supposed to ****ing help me win a ****ing chariot fight? Tell me how the **** I'm supposed to do that!
Ray: Well... this is definitely the item you chose. Now remember... it's free. And although it may look like a simple DVD remote control with the basic 'play, rewind, fast forward, pause, and main menu, volume, enter, and next scene' buttons, it really does come in handy. I promise. You see, this is quite the tool in life.
Chain Reaction: Wait... wait... a remote control is a useful ****ing tool in life? What kind of ****ing crack are you smoking?
Ray: Here... let me show you.
Chain Reaction: What the **** is going on right now...?
Ray: No, you are not on some kind of acid trip, Jay.
Chain Reaction: And how the **** do you know my name? What is going on!?
Ray: As of right now, we are in the main menu. The main menu of your life, Jay Marco. And the fact of the matter is, you accepted this fate a long time ago. It has just been a matter of coming in to your life. And now... it is yours.
Chain Reaction: Are you ****ing kidding me!? I don't want a ****ing remote control. I don't know how the **** it is going to help me. And what do you mean we are in the main menu of my life? What the **** is that ****?
Ray: Well... this remote control can do anything you want it to do. You can skip past scenes of your life! You can rewind your life! You can pause your surroundings and look at what is going on around you! Anything you want!
Chain Reaction: Hrm.... this might actually ****ing work. So I'm getting out of the main menu now...
Ray: If you ever need help... I'll be here. In the main menu. Toodles.