Chad,

Listen - I know you're pissed right now; there's no doubt in my mind about that. And really, you have every right to be. I let you down big time. I probably squashed your dreams in one quick whim. And believe me when I say that I am truly sorry about it. I have never ever felt so bad about doing anything in my life. I really wanted to see you tonight Chad; I've been looking forward to it for 4 days now (well, really for a lot longer I guess.. I mean from the beginning two weeks ago, right?) You can't imagine how badly I wanted for us to have a great time tonight.

And it makes me so sad that it's not going to happen now. When I got off the phone with you (when you said you were going to grab something to eat), I layed down on my bed and I balled my eyes out for an hour, thinking about how much I've disappointed you and how incredibly frustrated you must feel. I wanted nothing more than to call you back and tell you how much I needed you and wanted you. (I keep hoping that the phone will ring and that it'll be you on the other end)

....But, I knew you were upset, and I knew no matter how much I tried, it wouldn't help. I know it sounds stupid to say that I have nothing to wear..... I keep thinking how ridiculous that must sound now. But you have to understand how serious I am. Like I said, it's really been a very long time since I have done any laundry because I have been so busy getting my room renovated, and when I finished, that's when you came into my life and I have spent so many nights talking to you, when I should have been worrying about other things too. I guess I just lost all sense of priority when it came to you --- but can you really blame me? You're so amazing, it's unbelievable.

I imagine you've probably gone out now, and you're probably thinking about how much you hate me... and I can understand that, totally. What can I say? I am a total idiot. But, at the same time, I am also an idiot that loves you... and that's not going to change no matter how much you despise me.

I just wish there was something I could do to make it up to you, to make you understand how much I care for you, and to show you how incredibly apologetic and saddened I am by what I've done. But I know that there's nothing I could do because I've screwed up big time. I've made such a mess out of things, and I feel completely hopeless about it....

... and I'd understand if you never wanted to talk to me again... You have every right to feel that way. I just hope that somewhere in that big heart of yours, you can find just a little bit of solace in the fact that I am hurting more than you are right now (I'm devastated), and you'll call me. I am sorry, Chad. I know it doesn't make things better, but I can't think of anything more that I could say or do.

I love you.

Forever and always,

Teddy

P.S. I don't know if I am even going to get my laundry done, because I feel so ill to my stomach right now... it's probably best that I just sleep... but, I know I won't be able to sleep because I'll be thinking about you the whole time... I hate this feeling. I feel the you feel when you've just lost a best friend. And that hurts.