Chad,

I thought that perhaps maybe it was time that I wrote to you, simply because I miss you to death, and well, I guess I feel like I need to get some things off of my mind.

First of all, I wanted you to know that I thought your little "surprise" on Thursday was extremely kind and thoughtful, and it only proves to me more how much of a sweetheart you are. It meant so much to me, and even though I kind of knew what was happening, it still had the same effect. So don't think that it was a big screw-up just because it didn't happen when you wanted it to..... it was perfect either way, and so are you... you are so very perfect, for me. I just wish I could show you that or make you feel that...sometimes I feel that I am just not able to give you what you need or want, and I guess that's ok, but I wish I could find a way to do more for you..... I don't think I possibly could make you feel the way that you've made me feel.

Anyway, back to the surprise.... there's still a few details that I am a little confused about ..... not sure why there are even details... like I know you asked both Luc and Elise these questions, but I don't know why you had to ask both of them.... and then later when I asked you if it was something that was going to be embarassing, you said probably... and then I asked if I'd be able to hide it from Luc and you said probably not, but that I could always try. What would have been so hard for me to hide a boquet of flowers from Luc?? I don't understand any of this.. you better explain to me... 'cause I guess I am just a little slow.

Oh well, regardless it was still the most amazing thing you've done... and you know you didn't have to, but I am so glad that you did because it made me smile a lot and I think my heart skipped like 3 beats all at once.... at first I thought I was going into cardiac arrest, but I soon realized that my heart was just aching to be by your side......

I can't wait for tonight.. it's going to be so nice to finally meet you and see you.......I can't believe it's been this long ..."way back in the beginning 3 weeks ago" seems so long ago.. I feel like so much has happened since then..... and well, I think that in that time, I've had the opportunity to get to know probably the most amazing guy I've ever imagined... I've watched the way that you send emails to me, always surprising me... writing what you feel in your heart... I've listened to you tell stories about you, growing up, your friends and family.... and well, in all that time, I've learned so much about you, and I truly feel so close to you and it makes me want to be with you even more. I couldn't imagine my life without you... I really couldn't, Chad.... and like I told you last night, that even if things didn't work out between us, I would certainly hope that we could still remain to be a special part of each other's lives.... you mean so much to me, Chad and I know for sure that there would be a very big void in my life without you there...

So, what are you cooking tonight?? I don't know, but I have this big huge craving for mushrooms.. do you think we could have mushroom soup for supper... maybe followed by an entire course of beef pies with mushrooms and then for dessert we could have banana splits, topped with mushrooms... mmmmm.. sounds so good to me!

Ofcourse, I love you so much so I'd be willing to let you cook whatever you want...... hehe

So you're nervous? I'm petrified.... I seem to be handling it well though... I guess because I am so excited about it.. but at the same time, I guess if I had to be honest, it worries me a lot because I am so scared with not knowing what to expect.....but I mean, I am sure things will be completely fine... we have a lot of "history" together, and well, that means a lot right there.......

Damn... I have to get back to work... looks like I am not going to get a lunch today.....ughhh.. it sucks so much to be me...... I wish you were here to make me feel better... I MISS YOU SO MUCH!

Sorry this is not longer but I didn't expect to be as swamped as this.....

And yes, I am a strong man - don't forget it!

Call me soon please.. I need to hear your voice....

Love,

Teddy