Teddy my big baby!

You are so adorable. I'd love to hear you cry over the phone. I love a guy who can cry. And I love you more because of it. I can't believe how much I've grown to love you. As each day passes, I end up getting more and more hurt by you by not spending the quality time with you that I so desire. I hope someday real soon, I'll be able to look into your eyes and whisper the words you've been dying to hear... I love you. And you'll finally know, just how sincere I am as you watch my tears fall from my face. I love you.

You mentioned in your previous email that you would send me an item of clothing. I would love that. I would love to have a t-shirt of yours. But I would want you to sleep in it all night. It kind of sucks it's no longer humid out, cause that would have been awesome. So this is my request, put on a T-shirt in the morning and wear that under whatever it is you're wearing, then when you get home from work, kept it on at all times. Don't you dare take it off. I want you to sleep with it on as well, all night. Then the next day you can send it to me, and it'll smell just like you. That would awesome! And I would totally love that.

I keep asking myself if this is ever going to work out. I get so nervous thinking about us meeting. I'm honestly going to heart broken if things don't work. You've become a huge part of my life. I've grown so dependant on you to make me happy. And that scares me. I need you in my life so much. But I don't want to think about that now. I don't want to be hurt or become depressed.

I'd like to think that we'll spend the rest of our lives together. You make me incredibly happy with all the things you do. Today must have been the hardest days so far. I almost cried not being able to talk to you. I was ready to have a fit. Today you said you would call me around 10 to 1 and you didn't. I got frustrated cause you wouldn't answer your phone. And it was then I got my first panic attack. I needed you so bad and you weren't there. That scares me.

I hope you take my offer to stay at my place this Friday seriously. Cause I mean it. I would love to spend the night in each others arms. Cuddle up while watching a movie. Sit and talk face to face on my bed, look into each others eyes til we fall asleep. We wouldn't have to worry about tying up the phone or sleeping with the phone off the hook.

Thank you for sharing your problem with me. Thank you for trusting me. I feel that much more closer to you. And I do care about you, and I'll do anything to help you. I hope you can appreciate any of the views and opinions I had or gave you that night. In situations like this, I find it better not to sugar coat anything.

And speaking of those late night phone chats. Our little 'session' was amazing. I've never done that before. And I look forward to hearing you feel that good again real soon. The next day with all my cravings and stuff, I got so excited cause it did feel like I was pregnant. And this might sound weird, but I don't care, I really did wish I was. It made me sad to think that I'll never be able to provide anything like that to you. To be full of you like that, I just can't fathom it as much as I want to. I felt that we really did reach a milestone in our relationship. There I said it, relationship. I'm so happy that we became that much more intimate with each other. And I look forward to spending many more nights sharing those intimacies.

Baby I'm so sorry, but I can't type any more. I'm terrible tired, and it makes me sad that I can't keep going. My eyes are dried up and scratchy. And I've got to go to bed. I love you so much, my heart aches. I think I'm just going to go to bed and cry myself to sleep. I can't take being alone in my bed without, I'm going to need you here with me soon... every night.

Instead of the traditional I love you I'm going to try and express how much I love you in as many words that I can possibly use.

I love you. I love the way you say 'hey' when I first call. I love when you say you love me. I wish I could always hear it. I love when you make that little 'uuggghh' noise. I love hearing you breath. I absolutely fell in love with the way you sound when you sleep. Your soft little breaths. I love the way you laugh, and I always want to hear you laugh, I want to make you laugh. I want to make you laugh so hard that you cry. I love when you cried on the phone. I love when you sang our song over the phone. I love the cute things you say. I love that your so passionate in the things you do. I love the way you get jealous when I talk about other guys. I love that you can't stand me being sarcastic. I absolutely love the way you stall when it's time for us to get off the phone. I love how you need me. I love making you happy. I'd do anything to make you happy, anything... that's why I'm sitting here typing this email for you. I love how you care for me so much, I love hearing the cute things you say about us. Like getting an apartment and see who gets to decorate it. I love the fact that you want me to meet your parents. I love you to death MIKE, yes you. I love you so much my heart wants to explode. I love that you make me cry. I love that you make me want you this bad. I love you for the strong man that you are. I love you... I love you.

Chad.

I didn't know whether to tell you this before or after you read this email, but I finally decided to wait until after you read it. Unfortunately, as all things seem to go... All good things must come to an end. This was my last email sent to "Teddy".