I had written a short email prior about Elise calling me a freak. I talked to Teddy from work and he told me that Elise called me a freak cause Teddy and I haven't even met yet and I'm leaving phone messages that I love Teddy. And during our phone conversation, he didn't mention that he stuck up for me or not. So I wrote an email asking him why and that I expected to be stood up for. And this is what he wrote back...

My dearest sweetpea,

I am appalled at the fact that this offended you and you didn't tell me right away. I would have thought that surely you trust me enough to tell me really how you feel. I feel very hurt and astonished that you didn't. I would hope that by now, you would be comfortable enough to discuss with me things that bother you. I guess not, though.

I truly am apologetic for my part in not standing up to Elise about this, but like I said, I really don't feel it's any of her business and I made myself very clear to her about that. I am free to meet, talk to, or date anyone I choose and honestly, she has no right to stand in the way of that. Besides, she didn't really call you a freak or anything. She just thought it was weird that some guy that she doesn't even know is calling for "Teddy" and saying "I love you". Frankly, you can appreciate her confusion. But then again, because I don't really discuss my personal affairs with her, she had no idea that anything had been or is going on with you and I.

I hope that you're really not that upset about it, because really it's not a big deal, Chad. You know that I love you dearly, and that I would protect you from anyone and everyone that tried to hurt you or say anything bad about you. You must know this by now, as I think I've done a fair job of proving this to you. You mean so much to me, and I would not want to ever see you harmed in any way.

The truth is, Chad, I care about you alot, and it scares me so much that we've become this close... to the point of complete reliance on speaking with each other constantly and sending emails back and forth all the time. This came so unexpected, and really, I don't know how to deal with it sometimes. You make me so happy...the way that you call me in the morning to wake me up, the sweet words you write from the bottom of your heart and the amount of time that you take to write them even though you have so much work to get done, the way that you completely accept me for who I am (including all my little faults), the fact that you talk about me to your friends and tell them how special I am, the fact that you bought me a present when you were away and you know you didn't have to, the utterly passionate and sincere poem you wrote me, and the fact that you genuinely want to make me very happy - it makes me happy. These are all things that make my heart melt; and I think to myself how much I appreciate having you in my life.

Sometimes, I think to myself that I simply don't deserve someone like you..... that I can't possibly ever satisfy you the way you have me. I really do appreciate everything you do for me, and it rocks my heart to know that someone cares about me like you. I keep thinking that if it's this good now, imagine what the real thing is going to be like!

Just like the poem you wrote for me. It was the sweetest gift anyone has ever made me, and I could tell how sincere and compassionate you were by reading it. Every word you wrote, spoke volumes in my heart. I felt so teary-eyed when I read it, and it amazed me oh so much. And even like today, for example, when I was so very worried and frustrated because of the things going on at work, you had a very special way of making me feel more at peace with things and you calmed me down immediately. It's not easy for someone to have an effect on me like that. You truly are the best, and I love you so much because of it.

And I know sometimes that I upset you, and I am sorry about that. I don't mean to disappoint you. I just try to be myself, and I guess, well, I can't be perfect. I hope you appreciate that and know that I am trying as hard as I can. It's not easy for me, because I am not used to feeling this way about someone else, and I am really afraid of being open and honest about what's in my heart. But I promise you one thing, and that is that one day it will happen... one day, and you'll know that there's no holding back.

It makes me so sad that I didn't get to speak with you tonight..... I was so looking forward to it. I think of you so much... you're on my mind all day and all night. I would do anything to be next to you where you are right now.. and hold you and kiss you softly....and dream sweet thoughts of you all night long. It's something I've been wanting for a very long time, and I hope that it one day becomes possible... for both our sakes!

By the way, if it'll make it easier for you, I'll send you something of mine... maybe an item of clothing or something... something that will make you think of me and that you can cling on to when you're sleeping all by yourself. Anything to make your heart beat faster - I am up for that!!! I think that it's the least I could do, and well, maybe you could do the same for me. I think it would be so cute!! I'd cherish it always. (What kind of underwear did you say you wear?? hehe)

It's not easy for me to stay in control, even though I know you need me to be..... I can appreciate the fact that you fell in love so easily and that you need me to keep things on a level playing field. But, I must admit. It's not easy for me either. I am astonished at the way things are, and it's simply very difficult for me to hold back. I want everything about you... and I won't settle for anything less.

I think it would be funny if we both ended up on the Jerry Springer show or something confessing our undying love for one another, and explain to the audience how we came to meet each other online.... I mean, in these days and times, it's pretty normal for things like that, and it happens all the time. Besides, there's so many other Springer episodes that are so much worse. Like the closet transexual who had an affair with his brother's wife Fifi. I think we're quite normal compared to that!!!

I was on my way home tonight, running a few errands, and I happened to run into a friend of mine, which caught me totally by surprise (I never run into people I know just by accident). He asked me to go for dinner with him and so I did. We went to this really nice restaurant in the Market. I had Salmon Steak and garlic mashed potatoes. YUMMY! .. almost as yummy as you!! I kept thinking about you the whole time, and I am sure he was aware that I had something else on my mind. I wanted to call you but I didn't want to be unfair to him.... so, the only thing I regretted was that spending time with him gave me the inability to speak with you. I wanted so badly to hear your voice one last time today before going off to dream-land....

...which by the way, is where I am headed right now. I am so very tired.. I can hardly keep my eyes open. I wish you were here.. I am sure you'd have a way to perk me up....hehe...

ANYWAY - I gotta jet... Only 5 more hours until I have to be up... geesh, I am going to have to get some sleep this weekend, if I am ever going to make it through next week.

By the way.. one other thing has been on my mind.. I don't know if you've noticed, but I have been a little frustrated lately, and well, I never really told you what was happening to cause this, because I guess, well I didn't really know myself. But anyway, to make a long story short, it's the reason why I was at the Union Office this morning.... basically, I am in the middle of something very big, which could turn into a very complicated lawsuit. I don't know what's going to happen, and I am very worried about it... but I know with your support, I'll get through it. I'll fill you in on the details later when we talk on the phone. I am meeting with anoher representative tomorrow afternoon, and hopefully I'll have a better idea of where to proceed with this.... just wanted to let you know... but don't worry, please.

I hope I hear from you in the morning, but I probably won't because my phone is STILL not working... I don't know what's wrong with it....remind me to pick up a battery this weekend or maybe a whole new phone! Because truly, I can't bear to know that I can't just pick up the phone and talk to you... I don't even know if you tried calling tonight or left any messages because everyone was asleep when I got home and like I said, I can't use the phone.

So, either way, I'll call you in the morning to say HI and brighten your day... hopefully, it'll make you smile!!

I love you so much, it hurts.

Teddy

P.S. Is this email long enough for you????? ;)