Dearest Teddy,

Gosh, I don't know what to say! I'm flattered. I'm speechless again. Last night while we were talking, I got the impression you were scared and nervous and that you wanted to tell me something along the lines about us and we feel about each other.

I almost cried when I read that you wanted to tell me that you loved me. I actually stopped reading and I looked up into the sky (I was reading your email on my way to work) and I could have died a happy boy right there on the spot. It's always good to tell somebody that you love them. It's never a bad thing. Then I continued to read and was a bit discombobulated by what you wrote next. But I think I understand what you're trying to say. You love me just about as much as you possibly can under our circumstances. And I can appreciate that.

But thank you for loving me. Cause I love you to. Last night I wanted you to say something like that to me. I knew you were thinking about us being more than what we are now. I know you're scared of what's next to come. Which is the unknown. I'm thinking the exact same things you are. I just wish you could open up and share those feelings with me. Trust me. I want to listen to what you have to say. I want to share this awkward moment and deal with it with you.

I can't believe how close we have gotten over the past few weeks. I don't know how it happened or how we even ended up this way. But I'm glad we did, no matter what happens. I've grown so attached to you, it hurts me so much to think that I could lose you. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't talk to you, or hear your voice, or read your sweet emails. I love talking to you. I love hearing and listening to what you have to say. I love how you're troubled by what's going on and that your lost and don't know what to do next.

I so want to be able to sleep next to you, spend time with you, hold you. I want to see you cry and I want to comfort you. I want you to feel safe and secure in my arms as I want to feel safe and secure in your arms. I want to rest my head on your chest and fall asleep. I want to wake up next to you and share the brand new day ahead of us. I want to kiss you and feel your lips. I want to spend countless hours looking at you, holding your hands, looking into your eyes. I want to hug you and never let you go. I want you.

I don't feel crazy or confused anymore. But I do feel scared. I really don't know what to do here. I need help. I want your help. I'm so scared.

I'm happy that you got upset because I didn't call you over the weekend. It made me realize just how much you cared about me. How much you really need to talk to me, hear my voice. It was a touch of reality in many ways. The reality of us even being an us. And the you brought a question to mind, is this how he's always going to be? I knew then, that things were going to be different. I knew that I'd have to take into consideration, somebody else's feelings before I make any decision, and did I want that responsibility? I don't know if that makes sense. But one thing I do know, I loved that you cared enough to get upset. And that's just another little something that I've come to accept with you. The way you get moody and silent when something's bothering you.

It amazes me how much we are thinking alike. We both are scared about the same things. We both wonder about the same questions. I hesitate to say this. I really don't want to say this. But honestly, what ever we have relies on one simple meeting. And that's what scares us the most. Isn't it? What have you gotten yourself into? What have I gotten myself into? And how hard is it going to be to let go?

I appreciate you telling me how you feel. And what you expect me to do. And I just want you to know that I'm ready and willing to deal with this with you. I really want to get this awkwardness behind us so we can start enjoying life! I can't wait to talk to you again! I miss you a lot. I've sat here and daydreamed over and over. Tons of scenarios are running through my head when we meet. I can picture us looking at each other and both of start to cry and we hug each other. Or the complete opposite, an awkward silence followed by our final departure.

Well, I've kind of jumped all over the place with this email so if it doesn't make any sense, then I don't blame you. Plus I typed this between doing work. So it might not flow.

I've chatted with my friend and she thinks that we should meet before doing anything else or going further. I think her advice is good, do you? Let me know. Call me. I'll be here!

Luv,

Chad.