| Saturday September 7th 2002 I just experienced the worst breakup of my life, followed by the best reunion of my life. Whew. I won't get into the details of what happened because it doesn't matter anymore. Let's say it revolved around the downfalls of communicating over the net instead of by phone (my cell phone died during an intense discussion and we had to continue online). Anyway, I was mad at LA. Unnecessarily mad, I can admit now. And I wanted to end this, or call us friends and leave it at that. In fact, I was determined to make it so. I doubted her sincerity. Until I was bombarded with phone messages, online messages, email from her friend (thanks again Bri), etc. - like it was WW2 all over again and she was getting back on this beach no matter what. She won me back, and I'm ecstatically thankful for it. I'll never doubt her or distrust her or suspect her of playing with me over something like this again. The one line that won me back the fastest and most effectively, was, I think remembering it now, probably the finest, greatest, most important thing I think anyone has every said to me. "Why can't you just admit we love each other?" It was so true, and cut to the heart of the matter so well. I couldn't have felt so hurt if I didn't feel I had lost so much. It blew away all my determination to just be friends in one shot. That's quiet some firepower LA's packing :) So, we're back in the saddle again, hopefully to stay this time. It wasn't the first time we hit a rough point, and probably won't be the last, but this was trial by fire and we survived it, thanks entirely to her. She could have let me go, but she's shown me that this thing between us is cast in stone. It's meant to last. My ex and I never argued to any serious extent in the whole time we were dating. We never came close to a breakup. Maybe because we didn't care to the degree we should have. Maybe we didn't fear losing each other enough. I don't know. All I know is, I'm taking these spats with LA as a good sign, rather than bad. We cling to each other. It isn't desperation born of lonliness, or a seizing of the first person who's available. We know what we've found, we know how hard we've searched to find it, how much we want it, and nothing's going to shake us loose. I owe you, LA, for wanting to keep me so much. I'll repay you for saving us someday, I promise. |