| Tuesday July 30th 2002 I wonder whether this site is really serving its purpose anymore. Not that I ever set out to share excrutiating honesty with the world here, but I did intend to talk about more than the groceries I bought this weekend or the cool music I'm into or what I thought of that movie I saw yesterday. I meant to talk about how frustrated I am with myself for not getting that woman's phone number last week and relying on her to call me (she never did). I wanted to talk about why I can't seem to find peace with being single, even though this is an opportunity I should be cool about and enjoy, instead of trying to end it as soon as possible. Maybe I will try to find peace with it, instead of fighting it. Had a good conversation with two women at work I admire and they both had startlingly strong attitudes about it. The theory that women are trying to get wedding rings and the men are running for cover seems totally out to lunch. How else to explain the strong independent women I know, and here's me, unable to adapt. Maybe I'm not ready for a new relationship until I'm ready not to have one. The more ironic thing is that I always characterized myself that way - strongly independent - and now I have cause to wonder. Where's the highschool me that couldn't be touched and didn't care? Not that I want to go back to being that person, but I could use a measure of it in my life again. My friend JP celebrates his birthday this Thursday, and I tried inviting some loose acquaintances and pseudo-friends, as an avenue to open channels of communication with people I'd like to get to know better but never seem to. Got a couple of good replies, but I was hoping for more. Guess I still have work to do in the 'making new friends' department. Maybe I should concentrate on that. Maybe I should just work on making the most out of every relationship in my life, and stop trying to qualify or categorize them. Maybe I should be open to relationships that defy any category at all. I'm not sure what that means. Maybe I should find out. ==== To see what other people's online diaries are like, try visiting Diarist.net. Some of these people really put their hearts on the line. |