Dateline: Hayashi, JPN
Few teams looked forward to the start of the 2006/2007 CDFL with as much anticipation as Mark Trollinger and the Hayashi Silver Dragons. Building off of a playoff season, Trollinger declared that he would again go against conventional wisdom stating that a running back should be drafted in each of the first two rounds. Trollinger started the draft with three wide receivers. It should be noted that the last time Trollinger did not select a running back first, Hayashi finished in last place. With QB Trent Green being knocked out in week 1, Hayashi has yet to recover. After three games, Hayashi is again in the basement and the only team to boast an 0-3 record in the league. With the Buckeye Beasts coming to play next weekend set on making Hayashi 0-4, CDFLInsider was able to catch up with Hayashi QB Trent Green for an interview on his thoughts at this early point in the season...

Dateline: Tempe, AZ
In an apparent attempt to maximize gate revenue, the Tempe Tamtrums sold $10 tickets to poor fans and gave them seats on the roof that covers the stadium seats. Unfortunately, the roof collapsed, sending fans crashing down to the concrete below.

Tempe owner Aaron Kaufmann was quoted as saying, "You can't fault me for trying to generate more money. This team needs an influx of cash to try and repeat last year's CDFL Championship." When told the fan was in critical condition and not expected to make it through the day, Kaufmann said, "No big deal, I already got his 10 bucks!"

To see a video of this "tragedy", click the link above.

Dateline: Columbus, OH
CDFLInsider has received a copy of startling findings researched by Vanila Rhino General Manager Tim Breghm. In his report, Brehm outlines a comparison between the CDFL Commissioner and one of history's most evil men. Both men are pictured to the right during their teenage years.

Below are details of Brehm's report:

Mark Trollinger v. Heinrich Himmler

Twins Separated at Birth? Doubtful since Troll was born much later.

Perhaps Troll is the reincarnated Himmler? Himmler’s belief in it is well known.

Himmler’s dream was to succeed Hitler and dominate the world. In the end he swallowed a potassium cyanide capsule to commit suicide.

Every year Troll dreams of succeeding last year’s CDFL Champion and dominating fantasy football. And each year he swallows his own load of verbal bullshit and commits CDFL suicide (or Hari Kari as the Japanese prefer).

The similarities are chilling. Alert the media (or at least the Wilmington Star), the world needs to know!

Dateline: Marion, OH
After a successful 2005-06 season in which the team earned their first playoff spot in franchise history, the Moscow Maulers are no longer considered an easy opponent on the CDFL schedule. Gone are the days in which GM Ed Rollins drafted retired or injured players.

Building on last seasons success, the Moscow Maulers recently unveiled a new logo for the 2006-07 season. Rollins has put together a team able to contend and return again to the post season. Having surprisingly secured the number 1 rated running back, Larry Johnson with the number 5 pick, the Maulers have an excellent star to build around. QB Donovan McNabb hopes to get back on track, WR Plaxico Burress and TE Jeremy Shockey will help keep Moscow in contention all year long. This team is a CDFL up-and-coming franchise.

Dateline: Tempe, AZ
The ongoing joke surrounding the Tempe Tantrums is that they are a team always on the go. Not always moving up in the standings, but moving locations. Alvada, Tempe, Alvada, Tempe, etc. Shockers, Tantrums.. Unbeknowst to the league, the team known as the Tempe Tantrums has been more consistent in location and name than many others in the league. Former franchise and two-time CDFL Champion Wallachia Raiders changed from the Rio Grande Rioters to the Rio Grande Rambdas to the Wallachia Raiders before bowing out. The Team from Wilmington has changed names almost annually, as has the Tim Brehm owned franchise - even Andi Fox's team has changed each of the past three seasons. Despite the facts, the league continues to mock Kauffman. All he has been doing of late is win games. This time Kauffman returns to the league as champion.

The consistency, perhaps, is about to change. Rumored to have been considering a move to Tennessee to become the Tuxedos or another name, Kauffman has been logged visiting the website http://www.bid4assets.com. The Tantrum GM has reported placed bigs on a number of properties. Is Kauffman considering moving the team again?One fan thinks so. A report to the CDFL hotline from a Jeff Anderson indicated that Anderson followed Kauffman. The report cited Kauffman was the winning bidder on a piece of land in Northwestern Ohio, near the Indiana border. Anderson, in speaking to customers at Nellie's Diner in town heard rumors that the city would be gaining a CDFL franchise. These rumors indicated that the team [Tempe] would play out this season under their contract, then move to the small town of Gayville, OH to become the Giants. Nellie's customers seemed excited with the story, but pointed out they are still only rumors at this point.

More as this story unfolds...

Dateline: Portsmouth, OH
Considering moving the franchise from Wilmington, NC to Portsmouth, OH CDFL Owner Mike Voorheis mosied into Draft Central late Friday night, setting in motion heightened anxiousness world-wide as the annual CDFL draft is fixin' to commence. Sippin' a cup o' joe and cooking his baked beans over an open flame, Voorheis declared himself right as rain and rarin' to go for the draft.
"This year marks the first time, to my recollection" Commissioner Trollinger announced from his morning breakfast booth at Heart Attack Grill, "that all owners from the previous season are returning and no new teams were added. It builds a great sense of ommoradary and rivalry. I look forward to the season at hand and expect to see a return of season-end awards as well as the catch-up of previous years awards. Let the Jack Daniels once again flow in Tempe!" With that, Trollinger donned a silver and sky blue afro, paid the bill and left for Hayashi Headquarters and the war room.

Be sure to check in Sundays this fall to see if Mike Voorheis' Carpal Tunnels can wrangle up the competition!

Dateline: Martins Ferry, OH
Just days before the 2006-2007 CDFL draft, a few vacancies remained. An unnamed informant phoned in to the Great Lakes Brewing Company, speaking to officer on duty Chris Komandt. The informant revealed the location of Mindy and Dan Anderson, two of the missing three CDFL owners. Shaker...er...Officer Komandt pinpointed the mountainous location and stalked the joint with anxiety only rivaling that of Jerry anticipating Up Time.

Knowing the the lack of trophies of the reports of non-flowing Jack Daniels in Tempe, Komandt quickly assessed the CDFL coffers must be bare. Springing into action like a nimble ninja, Shaker huffed and he puffed and he knocked the door down - revealing the bound Sexy Mama and Martins Ferry owners. The shack was dank and smelled of pepperoni. The inept mask-wearing guard turned toward the airborn Shaker looking all the while like a chicken destined to lose to Iron Duck Tyson. As the fight ensued, Shaker would not be denied, whailing on the captor like a pop can crushed by an angry conservationist. Exhausted, Officer Komandt first assisted Mindy Anderson to Shaker Wagon, then returned for a reluctant Dan. Dan hesitated to leave the scene, looking at the man laid out on the dusty floor. "He laid me out like that once", said Anderson. "I was made to taste forbidden fruit. It is with mixed emotions I leave this mountain Brokeback..."

Look for Sexy Mama 69 and the Martins Ferry Fairies in action this fall on ESPN 8: The Ocho!

Dateline: Sapporo, Japan
CDFLInsider intern, Yoshi Fukumama has released the following statement after allegations of drunkeness on the shop.

"It come to my attention some owners of CDFL question my abirity to type press rereases and tell the story. Most of all it Brehm-san of Vanirra Rhinos that accuse me of such mistrakes. I must humbrey apororgize to Mr. Brehm-san for the typographical errors that have graced these pages. I am have great dishonor to my famiry. Trorringer-san force me to work eary in morning to type the stories for your amusment. Yoshi up rate the night prior to the deadrine watching he favortie team the Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters.Yoshi rove to watch Satoru Kanemura and Brisky the Bear. The bear funny to watch and distract Yoshi from checking fact of story and sometime to way Yoshi type words. Yoshi must say on record Yoshi no touch the sake and type the story. Yoshi only drink sake on weekend when Trorringer give day off. That rare occasion!

Yoshi verry sorry for miss spellings on the newsretter. Yoshi do better when season come so that Trorringer-san no fire Yoshi! Yoshi can not return to famiry with such disgrace over Yoshi head. Me so sorry to everyone and esprecially Mr. Brehm-san. Please forgive Yoshi! I now return to checking facts on next story involving Breasts from Buckeye. Sank you for ristening to Yoshi! "

Yoshi Fukumama
CDFLInsider Intern

Dateline: Shaker Heights, OH
Fans from far and wide the Great Lakes metroplex came out to celebrate the upcoming season and their beloved North Coast Shaker team! GM Chris Komandt invited fans out initially to a Put-in-Bay island picnic at the lakehouse of fraternity brother Tom aka "Smooth"; however plans fell through. Able to assemble a get together in a short time only second to Joey McMasters, Komandt reserved the picnic area at a nearby park and invited fans to meet him and Shakers past and present. In attendance at the meet-and-greet was WR/PR Tim Dwight, Donovan McNabb, Vai Sikahema and Gerald "Ice Cube" McNeil.

Fans were treated to hamburgers, hotdogs, potato salad, chips, coke and beer catered from Shaker's brewery connections. Komandt said he wanted a good old-fashioned Ohio summer picnic. "Bringing the fans to the park is something the Shakers have always been about. Why not an actual park? These fans are hungry - not just for chips and dogs, but for the Shakers to return to the Shaker Bowl."

Attendance was annouced as 175. Look for future reports from the camps of the Beasts and Vanilla Rhinos!

Dateline: Tokorozawa City, Japan
The Silver Dragons and GM Mark Trollinger are coming to the close of the annual fan tour with stops in Japan and Korea. "Hayashi has been a presence in Japan since its inaugrial year", said Trollinger while dinning at the Fuk Mi restaurant in Ichikawa, Chiba. "Other franchises have entered the marketing, but we are holding our own and becoming not just the Japanese fans preference, but the Asian fans as well." Trollinger made stops in Sakura, Kofu, Tokorozawa City, Kyoto, Yokohama and Utashinai in Japan; Seoul, South Korea; Wonsan, Democratic People's Republic of Korea and Beijing. The Asia tour wraps up this week with more stops in Japan Monday - Tuesday and stops in China Wednesday - Sunday.

"The Asian people have shown tremendous support for Hayashi. We had a good season last year with a return to the playoffs, and we look to expand upon that and give these people a championship." Fans lined up for hours to meet Trollinger and get lucky enough to pose with the Trollinger-san. Shouts of "senshuken!", "sakae" and "saidai" were heard in the crowd.

While in Tokorozawa City, Trollinger was attended a Seibu Lions baseball game at Seibu Lions Kyujo. Trollinger joked during the game "These Lions are fiercer and more competitive than those Rhinos!"

Trollinger refused to comment on rumors that US President George Bush and Japanese Prime Minster Junichiro Koizumi requested the Hayashi leader to visit Korea's Kim Jong II in hopes of diffusing building tensions between the nations. "Right now I will say that I am hear on a Hayashi goodwill tour. I won't go into anything political."

Dateline: Thurman, OH
Thanks to a year-end cleaning at the University of Rio Grande, a piece of CDFL history was re-discovered! Recently Mom Ross assisted in the cleaning of dorms to prepare the school for the annual summer camp onslaught. While moving a box in the back closet of Holzer 301, a dusty reel fell to the ground. Unsure what the film contained, see turned it over to CDFL league offices. What unfolds is a rare behind the scenes look at two of the young league's franchisees.

Commissioner Mark Trollinger was warned not to enter the room when "I've got the Power" was playing. What were Mr. Brehm and Mr. Kauffman doing in there to that song? As this video demonstrates, the two also enjoyed "Mortal Kombat". Enjoy this exquisite peek at the CDFL's past!

Dateline: Mississauga, Ontario, Canada
Having not seen the signing of the Moscow Maulers to the upcoming CDFL league, nor having heard from GM Ed Rollins in some months, Commissioner Mark Trollinger began to worry. A call to the Rollins residence went unanswered. A neighbor called into CDFL league offices reporting seeing Ed headed to the airport. Who knew a sasquatch sighting would be so difficult?
It seems that Ed has been busy on the scouting trail for the upcoming season. Planning to officially join the CDFL soon, Rollins has been working on a sure-fire draft that will propel Moscow deeper into the playoffs. Coming off a good 2005 - 2006 season, Rollins will enter the season with confidence.

Recently the GM has traveled to Pittsburgh, New York, Jacksonville and now Toronto. Rollins indicated that he had spoken with a few players key to his impending success and was shocked to learn that they had not yet been contacted by other CDFL franchises. "I was amazed that players of their calibre had not yet been reached to schedule workouts", Rollins said. "These are guys that I feel confident in being able to draft based on my discussions with the players. We are looking at All-Stars both at wide receiver and running back. I mean, when I call out these names, those CDFL owners are going to howl they didn't get them first! With a wide receiver tandem of Wayne Chrebet and Jimmy Smith and running back Jerome Bettis, how can I go wrong? I am in town to sign another stud that put up surprisingly good numbers last year. Someone told me that Ricky Williams was up here in Toronto for some reason. I am still looking to get with him, but I am sure I can convince him to come to Moscow.

As word leaked out that Rollins was planning on signing Ricky Williams, NFL Hall of Famer Joe Theismann had some harsh words."This is a feeble excuse for the Moscow Maulers to sell tickets - to think that they would stoop to this level to sell tickets, to bring in someone who is not worthy of playing professional football. He has insulted professional football players, he has insulted professional football, he has been suspended from the National Football League, he doesn't want to play, he's going to a place where his value will be limited," Theismann continued. "All that said, Ricky is not a bad kid - he's just done bad things to a sport that I love. And it's a damn shame that the Moscow Maulers would not show a lot more class and pass on somebody who has been a repeat drug offender. To me, it's an insult to guys who put on the uniform. I don't ever want to be mentioned in the same breath as Ricky Williams as a football player," he said. "He's a disgrace to the game. The man doesn't deserve to play football."

Stay tuned as this story unfolds.

Dateline: Ashtabula, OH
From the beating taken in last year's Shaker Bowl, one would think someone would have called the ASPCA on the Tempe Tantrums; however it was the runner-ups from Alvada that so far had been missing in action. Despite multiple requests from league offices to confirm participation in this season's CDFL, the Alvada Horned Dogs were unresponsive. After a CDFL fan submitted the attached photo, Commissioner Mark Trollinger thought he might have to, well call the dogs out on Alvada. Thankfully, the sign was only erected by a prankster and the Horned Dogs confirmed.

Rival GM Aaron Kauffman reported that Alvada was experiencing computer issues and the Horned Dogs were unable to perform business duties. Someone should contact Logan Electric and check on GM Jon Werner's account summary. Perhaps he has spent too much of that runner up paycheck on lunches at New Riegel Cafe in cahoots with GM Kauffman planning upcoming collusion tactics instead of paying that electric bill?

Dateline: Columbus, OH
If life outside of Brutal Stadium is any indication, the Buckeye Beasts may be in store for a long season ahead. Earlier this month in Cincinnati the thrill ride "Son of Beast" roller coaster malfunctioned, injuring 27 people. Most injures were to chest and neck, none considered serious. While in motion, the ride came to an abrupt stop - bearing an eerie resemblance to its Buckeye namesake. Frequently Buckeye running backs have been observed with the same motion, as has the franchise - on a roll headed for playoff success and a sudden stop.

Investigators examining the site reported cracked timber may have caused the ride to malfunction. Again, a simularity to GM Jerry Starlin. Many ladies on match.com report that he too suffers from poor wood. "There was a girl with a breathing mask on, and there was water in it, and she was sitting on the bench," said Linda Franke, a park guest. "There were many people crying."A man who rode the coaster moments before it was shut down said the ride felt dangerous. "(The ride was) shaking real bad," said Angelo Forte of Gahana, OH, a park guest. "It just seemed like every time you were going to fall off."

Officials said the ride will not reopen until inspectors have done a thorough investigation and inspection and determine it is safe to ride. Let's hope that unlike the ride, our Buckeye Beasts are not shut down this season.

GM Jerry Starlin was not available for comment.

Dateline: Wilmington, NC
As the league awaits the first official sighting of the Wilmington, NC franchise, movement has occured which leads CDFLInsider to believe their arrival is nigh. Sources report the CDFL Commish Mark Trollinger has today approved an alternative uniform for Mike Voorheis' club. In paying respects to the franchise's roots, the Wilmington team will once again become the El Paso Rednecks and sport the attached helmet.

No word as to which game Wilmington will wear the retro duds, but it is sure to draw a big crowd and increase merchandise sells for Voorheis.

Dateline: Kennesaw, GA
Having not immediately joined the league as others had, CDFL league offices were uncertain regarding the status of the Atlanta franchise. As the league waited with baited breath as if it were the Cleveland Cavaliers waiting response to LeBron's contract offer. Finally the team once known as the Cleveland Steamers accepted the offer. This season, GM Andrea Fox returns to the CDFL with yet another new name. From Cleveland Steamers to Andy's Dandys, after speaking with Tempe's GM Aaron Kauffman, is it any wonder Fox returns with yet another nickname? In an internet chat dialogue, Fox revealed that is was Kauffman who encouraged her to sign up and even provided the catchy new team name - the Southern Comforts. The league wonders, is it that Kauffman enjoys Fox's discussions, her "Dandys" or perhaps that she finished last in the league in 2005 - 2006. Perhaps he considers the schedule makers will give him the Southern Comforts twice and those victories will put him on a path toward CDFL immortality? Only two franchises have won two CDFL titles, and the return of a team yet to make the playoffs would increase his chances.

With the Comforts in the mix and possessing the first pick of the draft, CDFLInsider approached the young GM in hopes of receiving inside information as to whom the first pick would be. Being Sunday morning, Fox was unavailable due to church services. With a simple curious check, the doorknob to the Fox mansion proved locked. But as Hayashi was no match for Apex last season, Andy's window proved to be no match for the rock placed enticingly on the side lawn. A quick ascend up the rose trellis (no doubt as many predecesors have used) found the Insider staff in the gals bedroom. A burgendony notebook matching the color of the Southern Comfort drink lied openly on the desk before us. Scratched in number 2 pencil was the name - the name league sources believe to be the number one pick in the upcoming draft- Rob Moore! Additionally there were plans for the upcoming season, potential smack talking comments and a picture. Yes, a picture of players already contacted by these newly formed Southern Comforts. It appears that Andy has been playing the sly little, well Fox, with the league and was planning on joining all along! She has already spoken with players she felt she could handle and has been holding secretive practice sessions. Did GM Kauffman really lead her to the new name? The uniforms in this photo seem to match the notebook as well as the drink. Perhaps it is Fox who is planning to attack the league like a hen house this season?!

The attack will now not come as a shock to league owners, thanks to the ground-breaking detecive work by CDFL Insider staff. This picture shows some of Fox's intended targets!

Dateline: Chandler, AZ
Unless you are just joining us, you might be unaware that the Hayashi Silver Dragons and Tempe Tantrums are long-standing rivals. During the first Shaker Bowl, the Silver Dragons battled the then Alvada Shockers before losing to eventual champions, the Wyld Stallions.
With the relocation of Hayashi to Chandler, AZ - just next to Tempe, the debate intensified. Last season both teams made the playoffs, but it was Hayashi who bowed out in the first round. Tempe advanced and eventually won the title. As returning champions, GM Aaron Kauffman and his Tantrums will have bullseyes on their backs - not only from Hayashi, but Seibu, North Coast and of course Alvada.

Fans are not just seeing the rivalry in the football stadiums today. Signs around Chandler have been popping up like daisies after an April shower. Despite Kauffman's believe Tempe will repeat, perhaps the Church has God's ear and can provide the early answer?

The season, and Tempe's attempt at the CDFL history books begins September 10.

Dateline: Chandler, AZ
The upcoming CDFL season is tentatively scheduled to kick off with a draft held online Saturday August 12 at 12:00 MST. This year, as every year, the league drafting order will match the reverse order of the owners finish from last season. In the event that an owner does not return for the upcoming season, returning owners will move up in position, and the new team will select last in the final round. As usual, the league will draft in a serpentine format, meaning that the team with the final pick in Round One will have first pick in Round Two.

Based upon last year's finish, this is the order teams will draft this season:

1st - Andy's Dandys
2nd - Martins Ferry Steelers
3rd - Sexy Mama 69
4th - Great Lakes Shakers
5th - Moscow Maulers
6th - Wilmington Surface
7th - Vanilla Rhinos
8th - Hayashi Silver Dragons
9th - Buckeye Beasts
10th - Apex Avengers
11th - Alvada Horned Dogs
12th - Tempe Tantrums

"Announcing the draft order with still a month away gives teams the opportunity to strategize and forecast who will still be around when their position comes up", said Trollinger.

Dateline: Tucson, AZ
CDFLInsider today learned that the Hayashi Silver Dragons have reached deals with two celebrities for the upcoming season. Hayashi GM Mark Trollinger was spotted at the breakfast buffet at the Embassy Suites Hotel in Tucson. Loading up on fresh-made hand, mushroom & cheese omlettes wasn't the only thing on Trollinger's mind. In town to watch USA National Softball team take on the Arizona Heat fastpitch professional team, Trollinger was in town to meet USA and former Texas Longhorns star pitcher, Cat Osterman. Trollinger, a long time fan, indicated that their schedules finally merged this weekend. Trollinger indicated that Osterman will be participating in the World Cup of Softball next month, the Softball World Nationals in China the following month and on to Japan for the Japan Cub. When she returns from winning the Japan Cup, Cat will be joining the front offices of Hayashi. She brings a wealth of sports knowledge, and will be working toward a Masters in Sports Psychology with Cal State Fullerton. "The benefit of international sports experience and sports psycology will be a tremendous boost to the Silver Dragons this season and help us reach the next level."
Osterman wasn't the only one inking a long term deal with Hayashi over the weekend. Trollinger also announced a working agreement with Japanese baseball star Kohsuke Fukudome. While the Japanese team traveled to Phoenix during the World Baseball Classic exhibiton games, Trollinger and Fukudome spoke. During the following months, the two have remained in contact, discussing American & Japanese baseball and a mutual interest in the Hayashi Silver Dragons. Not only will Kohsuke join the front office of the Silver Dragons and be a sponsored by Hayashi on the baseball field, Trollinger agreed to remain the stadium in which the Silver Dragons play. Beginning with the upcoming season, the retractable roof stadium will be called The Fukudome. "Some thing that Brutal Stadium is an indimidating place to play", Trollinger said. "Cat talked to me about intimidation and how it can take the fight out of an opponent going in. What will CDFL teams do when they have to come to the FukuDome?!"
Media blitzes are going into affect after the July 4 holiday getting fans ready for the upcoming season. Trollinger said the Fukudome will also be affectionately called "The Liar" (as in Dragon's lair). "It will be a tough place to play this year. Fans will be hyped, the stadium will rock and the Silver Dragons will be on their way to the CDFL title."

Dateline: Callaway, FL
What better person to begin this column with than the inspiration for the league? Much like UPS or KFC, the abbreviation of CDFL has come to represent the league. Lest we forget those chickens are Kentucky fried, we must remember that special Dave from Cleveland.
David Trentini, nicknamed "C.D." was an ode to the only owner denied entry into Rio Grande, OH's fantasy football league. Most know the story of what CD actually stands for, but Dave assumed it paid homage to his hometown of Cleveland. Thus, the Cleveland Dave Football League was born. Dave didn't graduate at Rio. Somewhere along the way, Trentini left the University of Rio Grande and disappeared from the CDFL map, residing merely in lore. League Commissioner Mark Trollinger sought to relocate "CD" Trentini and return him to his glorified status.
Our journey took us to Callaway, FL - just outside the town of West Palm Beach. Some say this is the "Redneck Riveria". Could Dave, not really a redneck, blend into this scenery? With his outspoken attitude and quick witted tongue, it would seem improbabable that he could disappear for more than 12 years without a trace. It took a large amount of research and contacts with people in shady establishments, but CDFLInsider was able to identify and locate the CDFL legend.
Dave was spotted at Ragin Reds Bbq in West Palm Beach Tuesday night. When Commissioner Trollinger entered the smokey restaurant, Trentini was surprised. "Holy F#*)# S#!% !!", said Trentini. "If it isn't Troll! What's up fat ass?!". Still sporting a skinny frame and a speech impediment, Trentini reeled off four letter word after four letter word. He inquired about his ole' buddy Chris Komandt, what has happened after Rio and if we are still playing that fantasy football crap. When asked if there was room to join now that it is online, Trollinger said the league was at capacity. "I have not received word that any owners are not returning this season", Trollinger told Trentini. Sucking the barbeque sauce from the rib bone, Trentini said life was treating him well. "I have been staying at the Pine Terrace Apartments in Callaway. I got this little bitch that comes around. She loves this big ole meat!", Trentini said as his sauce-stained hand grabbed his denium crotch. Still unable to drive, Trentini rides his bicycle or takes the bus. "This life on the beach is the shit! I have been working at the Lake Worth Drive-In& Swap Shop. I have been trying to get into the porn film industry too." Trollinger choked on the sweet tea with that remark. "F&*# my D@$%, Mothe F@%!!!", Trentini exclaimed as he shot the bird. Dave expressed a desire to get in touch with Komandt and catch up on old times. Trollinger ended the meeting and told Trentini he would pass the message to Chris. "Pass this,dickhead!" Trentini said as Trollinger exited the establishment.

Dateline: Chandler, AZ
It has been brought to the attention of the editorial department that the June 22 entry regarding the Vanilla Rhinos included an incorrect statement. GM Tim Brehm responded to the league offices with the correct motto:

Trollsan,
Please note the Vanilla Rhino's tag line is:
"We're white, thick skinned and horny as Hell!"

You reported it incorrectly on the CDFL Insider (you said tough instead of thick skinned). Please correct this egregious error or I will be forced to break out the Banzai Kamikaze Zeros and give your ass a good tub-thumping!

Domo Arigato,
Tim

Another noted error was the mention of the Tempe Tantrums defeat of the Buckeye Beasts in the Shaker Bowl. Tempe, in fact, defeated the Alvada Horned Dogs in the championship game.

We apologize to Mr. Brehm and Mr. Werner for the errors.

Dateline: Tempe, AZ
After several seasons in the league and many trips to the playoffs, Tempe’s GM Aaron Kauffman broke through to win his first championship title. Having reached such an accomplishment, many owners may be tempted to call it in for the following season, but not Kauffman. Also immediately upon announcement of the league’s preliminary setup, Kauffman fired a shot to rival GM Mark Trollinger, criticizing the Commissioners early announcement. The Tantrums GM then sounded off to fellow owner Tim Brehm, calling him out on a recent name change. The Tantrums have long been mocked by league owners for their past relocations and name changes. The statements to two of the league’s 2006 playoff teams shows that Tempe is not about to back down from a fight this season.
It was rumored during the off season that Tempe may be on the move again – relocating to Tennessee. An internet fan voting poll showed the Tennessee Thunder and Tennessee Tuxedos as potential candidates for the new name. In the end, Kauffman decided to remain in his present location. From his summer vacation home at Tiffin, OH’s Walnut Grove Campground, Kauffman said the move would not be beneficial to Tempe or its fans. Tempe has a good local rivalry going with the Hayashi Silver Dragons, based in Chandler and the Tantrum name is growing in popularity. CDFLInsider polls show that Tempe’s jersey and hat sales increased more than any other team this season.
To commemorate Tempe’s achievement, Commissioner Trollinger announced that beginning with this season, the CDFLInsider league newsletter page would bear the color scheme of the former season’s champion, a la Horse racing’s Preakness. The 2006-7 website will wear the Yellow & Purple of Tempe.

Dateline: Seibu, Japan
As the league prepares for the upcoming 2006 - 2007 season, there is sure to be changes. One change that is already evident is a name change for the Seibu Kamikaze. Still based in Seibu, the team announced today that it will play the upcoming season under the moniker Vanilla Rhinos.
Despite an annual contender for league scoring title, GM Tim Brehm has had many challenges both on and off the field. Brehm made it clear that the team was not changing locations, but rather only its name. "They have only ever been in two cities, Columbus, OH and Seibu Japan. They are still in Seibu, just called the Vanilla Rhinos - or the Siro Sai as our Japanese fans call us." Brehm continued to break down the meaning of the name. "The name change is in honor of my beating colon cancer. I was called Rhino in the hospital for having "thick skin" when it came to my condition and for fighting back against my own "extinction". Vanilla comes from the fact I am white (in case you didn't know)."
Brehm unveiled the team's new tag line: "We're white, tough and horny as hell!"
The Vanilla Rhinos look to take charge this season. Here's wishing that the name brings equalled luck on the playing field.

The 2006 - 2007 draft has been tentatively scheduled for August 12 at noon MST. If you have not received the invitation, please email Mark Trollinger. Date, Time and Host site available to change.

2006 Regular Season Schedules

Dateline: Tempe, AZ
Mr. Brehm was back on a plane bound for Columbus, OH this morning. Yesterday afternoon, however the second meeting between Seibu and Hayashi took place. Brehm concurred that the proposal to ESPN should proceed and in depth discussions as to the scope took place. Brehm and Trollinger worked on preliminary negociations for an official food sponsor of the CDFL for the upcoming season. Having many contacts in the food service business, we journed to Arizona State University to explore a leading candidate. After further review and partaking in the establishments sandwich and beverage selection, both owners agreed and felt that a majority of the league would back them. The duo felt the league should pay homage to its collegiate roots and select a restaurant with the same flair and image. Interviewing ownership, the league officials discovered that The Library was a small sports bar & grill with locations in Tempe and Albuquerque. Being that the CDFL Champions hail from Tempe, the restuarant catered to the college market, it focused on sports and adult beverages (two favorites among CDFL owners) and also promotes CDFL owners of the pursuit of knowledge (the library), Brehm and Trollinger worked the deal. One special stipulation in honor of the CDFL Commissioners past and present, was that Thursday nights offer specials on Jack Daniels. Beginning next Thursday night, Jack Daniels $3, Gentleman's Jack $4 and Jack Daniels Single Barrel $5. Next time you are in Tempe or Albuquerque, stop in and show your support!

Company page: The Library

Dateline: Tempe, AZ
Who says I am not a good fantasy football commissioner? Oh that would be Dobie and Beast. Unfortunately for me those two bozos met in the Shaker Bowl last year, so I knew I would get smack from one or both. Betting that these two teams will return to their expertese of mediocrity is as sure a bet as the swallows returning to Capistrano. But I digress.. that's my Hayashi hat and not my GM hat... I take time to meet with my owners. Address their needs, listen to their concerns. For example - Beast & Melvin said "sandbox sucks" - no more Sandbox. Today was a meeting with one of the owners - Tim Brehm of the Seibu Samurai. Tim was in town for business. We called, we hung out for lunch. Tomorrow afternoon is round 2 of the Spring Meetings. Among the things we discussed were a potential new name for Seibu's franchise and a proposal I am working on to submit to ESPN. It will be good. (Fellow CDFL'ers I will keep you posted on that. ) We also discussed the Tempe Tantrums, lovingly called the Montreal Expos of the CDFL and their potential expulsion - no, I just made that one up. We laughed that Ed would probably draft Doug Flutie, Jimmy Smith and Ricky Williams this season and that Andi would make a fine addition to any college's enrollment this fall. Mostly though, we just shot the BS. It was nice to see him again and talk about the ole' days.Hopefully tomorrow afternoon we will get into something fun. Maybe a Diamondbacks game. Who knows?!