Reunion and Beyond

As we finally began to uncover information about my family I started to imagine what it was going to be like to meet my mother. I began to wonder what it was going to be like to look into her face, to see her smile. I wondered what it would be like to hear her voice for the first time. I started to look forward to asking her so many questions. I looked forward to finally meeting the lady that gave me life. At 6pm on January 30, 1999 all those hopes and dreams came to a screeching halt. I learned that my birth mother died in 1975 at the age of 41 when I was 15 years old. I don't know of any words to describe how I felt at that moment.

The following day at 2pm I spoke with my mother's sister (my Aunt Dona) for the first time. It was a surreal experience. I think my poor aunt was in shock. She has always known about me but I imagine that this phone call still caught her by surprise. She seems like a very nice lady and she told me a lot about my mom. I finally know my story. It may not be a 'pretty' story but it is MINE. I no longer have to borrow the story of my adoptive family. I finally know how I came to be adopted. Hopefully I can get to know my mother through her sister.

THIS IS MY STORY (as told to me by my Aunt): Note: I subsequently learned that some of this information was not entirely accurate or correct.  However, I've left this entry just as I originally entered it.
My mother, Mary Vee Parr, was born November 13, 1934 in Salt Lake City, Utah. At the age of 5 she was hit in the head with a baseball bat while playing in the neighborhood. She was in a coma for 8 months. This left her severely brain damaged. Intellectually she was more a child than an adult her whole life. She married Roy Hammond 9/13/54 at Fort Ord, CA. He filed for divorce in March of 1956. My half sister, Jodi Lynne was born 11/23/56. The divorce was final 4/21/58.

On 4/28/59 Mary married my father, Ruben Don White. She filed for divorce on 6/15/59. The divorce was final 12/4/59. I was born on 1/23/60. My aunt told me that my father 'raped' my mother. Hopefully as time goes on I will learn more about this. I wonder if it was a situation where he took advantage of my mother's diminished mental capacity and forced himself on her. My mother's family never met him and has never known where he is.

When I was born my aunt Dona and my grandmother were already raising Jodie and felt I had a chance for a better life if I was adopted. My grandmother was in a wheelchair crippled from arthritis at this time. My grandfather died when Dona was only 9 years old.

On 7/2/60 my mother married Douglas Stevenson. They had two children, Mickel and Wilma Marie. Mr. Stevenson brutally beat and abused them. They are retarded as a result of the abuse and Mr. Stevenson spent time in prison.

My mother married Jack Harvey on 10/18/75. She died the next day 10/19/75. She had suffered severe sunstroke at some point. She had a heart condition as a result. The heart condition caused kidney failure. The kidney failure was the cause of her death at age 41.

My mother had two brothers, Judd and Pete as well as a sister, my Aunt Dona.

My mother is buried in Salt Lake City, Utah.

This is not a 'picture perfect' story but it is MY story. It is the first time I have known anything about MY family and how I came to be. I find a sense of peace just from knowing where I came from.

2 February, 1999
Dona,
I just wanted to write and say how nice it was to get to speak to you on Sunday. It was a dream come true to find my family after all these years. I have had a good life but when you are adopted there is a part of you that always wonders who your birth family is. You always wonder what your mother looks like, wonder if you have any siblings, wonder so many things. No matter how wonderful or loving your adoptive family is, you still wonder about your birth family. Every adoptee, at some point in their lives, feels a need to know their origins.

I look at my life as if I have been putting together a puzzle for 39 years. This puzzle is coming together quite nicely. I can see a beautiful picture emerging as I find where more and more pieces fit. As I'm getting close to finishing this beautiful puzzle, I realize that I am missing a piece. The picture will look okay without it but it will not be complete. Finding my birth family at last has filled in that missing piece. The puzzle (my life) now feels complete.

I look forward to getting to know you and hopefully the rest of my birth family. I really appreciate all you shared with me about my mother. I am very sad that I will never get to meet her, to hear her voice, to look into her face and see her smile. I am very sad about these things, but it helps lessen the pain to know that I have found her sister. I look forward to getting to know her through you. You sound like a very loving, giving lady. Just like you described my mother.

This is a little bit of an awkward place for all of us right now. You are my family, but we have no history. I hope that little by little we can get to know each other and hopefully have a future.

As the shock of my phone call on Sunday begins to wear off, I imagine that you will have lots and lots of questions. Feel free to ask me anything.

Sorry this turned out to be so long. I guess I didn't realize I had so much to say. But how do you put 39 years into a single paragraph?
Sincerely, Dave Caldwell

It could be that my Aunt Dona is still trying to adjust to the idea that her sister's son found her. She could be trying to sort out her feelings about all of this and just needs time. It could also be that the whole experience is just too painful for her and she wants nothing to do with me. If that is the case, I would be disappointed but I could deal with it. I would just like to know.

I was really hoping that I could make contact with Jodi by now so that I could possibly meet her when I go to Salt Lake City this coming weekend. I have asked Caroline and Cathy both to see if they can locate Jodi. If we can locate her I will just go ahead and contact her myself. Dona said in our phone call that she would be out of town this coming weekend, as her daughter would be having her baby. I'm wondering if maybe she misunderstood which weekend I said I was coming to Salt Lake or maybe the baby came early and that is why she wasn't home last weekend. While I'm in Salt Lake I'm going to try to call her and see if maybe she is home. It would be nice to meet at least someone while I'm there. I will be visiting my mother's grave while I am there. I am going to take 2 roses with me. I will leave one on her grave and keep the other one as something to bring back from that experience. I will try and dry it so that I can keep it as a remembrance of this experience.

I have been thinking about my birth father a lot lately. I think I am almost ready to try to contact him. I am going to try to do that next week when I get back from Salt Lake. I think it is time. It's a little scary. I don't know if he is a nice man or not and I don't know if he even knows I exist. I will have to give it some considerable thought once I decide that I am truly ready. I will have to write myself a script or I will forget any and everything I want to say and ask.

I'm at the stage in this "reunion" business that I've read about and heard many people talk about. So many questions . . . Where do I go from here? Will I ever get to meet any member of my birth family? Will they like me? Will I like them? Will we be able to have a relationship? Will these people that I have found ever truly feel like my 'family'? Will "I" ever truly feel like I have a family? SO MANY QUESTIONS still . . .

So many questions, but so much peace. At least I finally know where I came from. It is a nice feeling. Now maybe I can figure out where I want to go with my life.

Tomorrow night I am having dinner with two very wonderful friends that I will be meeting face to face for the first time. I met them through the miracle of the Internet. It is going to be so wonderful to finally meet two of the people that have been so supportive during this search and reunion roller coaster ride.

While I am in Salt Lake I will also be visiting my birth mother's grave for the first time. I haven't been able to think of much else all day. I'm getting more emotional the closer it gets. I didn't expect to get this emotional before I even leave town.

This is going to be one of the most significant experiences of my life. I'm traveling to meet my birth mother for the very first time. Unfortunately I have to visit her at her grave. My best friend is going to go with me. I don't think I could do it by myself. I am excited and terrified and apprehensive and the list of emotions goes on and on.

It is natural for me when things get too "heavy" for me to tune out and shut down emotionally. I really hope that it doesn't happen this time. I really want to be "present" for this. I'm looking forward to it and dreading it all at the same time.

Until today I have been feeling bad that I haven't heard from my Aunt Dona or that we haven't located my sister Jodi so that I could meet them during this trip. However, tonight I realized that it is probably a good thing. I believe that things usually happen for a reason. I think the visit to my mother's grave is going to be enough emotional turmoil for one trip.

I had the privilege of meeting 3 online friends that I have met during the course of this adventure. How neat to get to put voices and faces to the names of some of the friends that I have made in cyberspace. I was also VERY honored to meet Cathy (the lady who 'found' my family) in person. What a thrill it was to meet her and give her a great big hug. She was even more wonderful in person than I had imagined. I was able to spend some time with her at the LDS Family History Center in Salt Lake. We found TONS of genealogical information about my family. I was also able to get a copy of my parent's marriage license. That was an exciting moment to see that document and see their signatures. It made my existence and our finding them a little more real.

I was also able to find my mother's and my grandmother's obituaries at the public library so I was finally able to see a picture of my mother. That was an incredible moment. It was so neat to get to look at a picture of the woman that gave birth to me. She looks like an angel. It was also just a little sad. I will never get to meet that sweet lady. I was fortunate to have my best friend, Russ, by my side through the whole weekend. He was there to share in my excitement and my sadness and give me TONS of moral support. I am truly fortunate to have such a supportive, loving friend. Everybody should be so lucky to have a friend like Russ. THANKS RUSS!

Yesterday morning before I left to return to Denver we went to Cyprus High School where my mother graduated and I was able to get a copy of her Junior and Senior High School yearbook photos. It was neat to get to see what she looked like at that age as well. She must have been a wonderful lady. When I think about it I still get very sad that I will never get to meet her.

Now I need to concentrate on continuing to try to locate Jodi (my sister) and concentrate on contacting my father.

Tomorrow I'm going to call this Jodi and find out if it is my sister. (As long as I don't lose my nerve!) I figure all I need to do is ask her if her mother is/was Mary, does she have an aunt Dona. If she answers yes to those two questions then I better ask her if she is sitting down. This is pretty exciting and scary. I hope I can keep my resolve to call her tomorrow.

I also did a search on the Internet for one of my other sibs (a brother) but didn't find the right guy. Eventually we have got to find some of these people. And to think, I thought my search was over . . . It's more like it has just moved to a different level. I'm very proud of myself today for having the courage to make the call even if it didn't turn out to be my sister.

We had a really nice conversation. He did not know about me so he was pretty shocked to say the least. Once he got over the initial shock he was really thrilled. We compared all of our notes and he filled in some of the holes for me.

I knew of five siblings from my birth parents various marriages. My father gave me one more to add to the list. I have a sister that was born in 1982. I also learned that one of my other sisters was given up for adoption as a baby. I now have another search to complete. I sure hope I can find her. I also learned that one of my brothers was actually adopted. My father and his 3rd wife adopted him when they thought they could not have any more children.

I told my father that I was in Salt Lake a few weeks ago. He said, "Why didn't you call me then?" I told him that I guess I wasn't quite ready yet. He chuckled and said; "I can understand that." I told him that I hope to go back to Salt Lake toward the end of this month and I would love to meet him. He got really excited about that. My youngest sister spends weekends with him. He said he hopes I can be there on a weekend so I can meet Elizabeth also. He said she would love to meet me.

My father gave me my brother's address and phone number and I called him as soon as I got off the phone with my father. His name is Gerald. We talked for over an hour. He, of course, did not know about me either so he was pretty surprised. He is a really nice guy. He has a wife and 2 daughters.

It was so neat to talk to him too. He was able to tell me more about my father and it was nice to get that perspective on him.

Gerald has considered over the years searching for his birth family as well. I told him that if he should decide he would like to search I have some good contacts that might be able to help him.

I tried to reach my Aunt Dona today also but once again got her answering machine.

The other day I located my uncle Judd (my mother's brother) on the Internet. After I got off the phone with Gerald I called him. He is sick and was in bed so I told him I would call tomorrow. I hope he will know how to contact Jodi and will help me get in touch with her.

After I got through with all my phone calls I got online to tell some of my friends the great news. One of my searcher angel friends was online so I sent her an Instant Message to tell her the news. I told her that I had just talked to my father and my brother. I told her that I had learned that my brother was adopted and was born in CA. She "just happens" to have the CA birth index. From my computer I could almost see her jump out of her seat. She asked what his date of birth is and I told her. She went to work and within minutes had found his Birth Certificate #, his birth name, his mother's maiden name, and the initial of his father's first name!

I was so excited. I immediately got off the computer and called Gerald back. I told him that I had some information for him. I said that if he isn't ready for it now, he will know where it is when he wants it. I told him that my friend had found his birth name and his mother's maiden name. Of course he wanted the information and I gave it to him. I also gave him Caroline's name, address, and phone number. She said she would be happy to help him when he decides he is ready to search. WHAT A DAY!!!

I had a really nice conversation with him. I told him that I would really like to be able to talk to Jodi. I told him that I don't think that Jodi knows about me. Dona had not yet told Judd that she had talked to me either so my phone call caught him by surprise as well.

He took my phone number and said that he will call Jodi and give it to her and that hopefully she will call me. I sure hope she does.

He asked me how I went about finding them. I told him I found them through the miracle of the Internet as well as some angels that I found along the way. He seems like a really nice man too.

This is so amazing. Finally a connection with some family members. And I actually got to hear my father's voice. I have to keep pinching myself to believe all this is happening.

I'm a little disappointed because I got myself all excited to go today, but I can wait one more week. Now I will be counting down the days (and probably the minutes and seconds) until I get to meet my father for the first time. WOW!

Still no word from my Aunt Dona or from Jodi. I was really hoping I would have heard from her by now. Of course that's on the assumption that my Uncle Judd called her and gave her my number. I'm tempted now to call my Uncle Pete and see if he will give me Jodi's number.

He sounded really excited last night that I'm coming to Salt Lake to meet him. I can't wait. My poor little Metro is just not going to get me there fast enough!

While I'm there I will also finally get to visit my mom's grave. That is going to be very sad but I'm excited at the same time. I'm going to still take the 2 roses to the grave like I planned before.

I knew it would be exciting to get to finally start to meet my birth family but I had no idea HOW exciting it would be. I'm too excited right now to be scared. I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to get scared on the drive to my dad's house.

Oh my gosh, I almost forgot to mention that I'm also going to be meeting my sister Elizabeth (sorry Elizabeth). My dad is picking her up today after school to spend the weekend with him. WOW! I finally get to meet a sibling too . . . okay, now I'm getting a little scared. Hopefully the excitement will overpower the fright!
THIS IS SO COOL! (I'm beaming, can you tell?)

I got a job offer for my "dream job" on Thurs. the 18th so early Friday morning I got in my car and headed to Salt Lake for the sole purpose of meeting my dad. I also planned to finally visit my mom's grave while I was there. Well, I was able to do that and SO much more. I am still reeling.

After I got to Salt Lake Friday afternoon I called my dad to let him know I had made it to town. He said that it would be best for him if I came to meet him Saturday at 1pm. I then called my great Aunt Edna and Uncle Manuel. Edna is my maternal Grandmother's Sister. I arranged to come to their house and meet them at 11 am. I also called my Uncle Pete (Mom's Brother) and left a message saying that I was in town and would really like to meet him while I was there if that would be okay.

I got to their house and my Uncle Manuel answered the door. I told him who I was and he let me in. My Aunt Edna was standing there and gave me a great big hug. We visited for about an hour and a half. They are the nicest people. I had a wonderful visit with them. Edna has a picture of my Grandparents she is going to get me a copy of. It was fun to hear her tell stories of my Grandmother. One story she told me was about my Great Grandmother (her mother). It seems that she was either widowed or divorced and had a new boyfriend. They were somewhere staying in a hotel and her boyfriend shot her. So, it seems that my Great Grandmother was shot and killed by her boyfriend!

After my visit with them I headed to Grantsville (about 50 miles west of Salt Lake) to meet my Dad and my youngest sister, Elizabeth. I got to his house at 1:10pm. I was SO nervous walking up to the door. I knocked on the door and this sweet little old man answered. We had the nicest visit. My sister Elizabeth stays with my dad on the weekends. She will be 17 in August. She was born with Cerebral Palsy and is in a wheelchair. She is a junior at East High School in Salt Lake. She is really sweet and it was neat to finally get to meet a sibling.

My dad and I had a really nice visit. He showed me all his genealogy on his computer. As we were sitting at the computer he looked at me and smiled and said, "You have my dimple." That was so neat. I've never known before what it is to look like anyone.

After we got through with the genealogy he pulled up his life story that he has written on his computer. He went over to sit on the couch while I read it. Bless his heart, he kept talking and telling me stories and I didn't get to read any of it. Hopefully I will be able to talk him into giving me a copy of it someday. While he was sitting on the couch the coolest thing happened. He was sitting in the middle of the couch. As he was talking to me he looked down and patted the cushions on either side of him to make sure they were in place. When he did that I said to myself, "Oh my god, that's ME!!!" "If I was sitting there I would be doing the very same thing!" THAT was another really cool thing that happened to show me that there is some sort of connection.

He told me how he and my mom met. They were both working at Deseret Industries (the Mormon church's thrift stores). He said they hit it off and were very compatible so they decided to get married. Then he said my mom soon left him and he doesn't seem to know or remember why. He said, "She left and I just figured I didn't have very good luck with women so I kind of forgot about it. But I didn't know she had a baby." He kept looking at me during our visit and would just smile. After a while I showed him the baby pictures that I have. As he was looking at them he had a big smile on his face. Part way through he stopped and asked me how old I was when my mom gave me up. I told him that I was two days old when she signed the papers and that I was in foster care for six weeks until I was adopted. He put his head down and I thought he was going to cry. I think he is very sad that he never knew about me.

I visited with him for about 2 hours and then I left and went back to my friend Russ's house. I always stay with Russ when I go to Salt Lake. Russ is the kind of friend everyone should have. He is the most loving, giving, caring person I know. Russ has always been there for me and with me through so many things. Throughout this search and reunion process he has been there with me every step of the way.

When I got to Russ's house I was trying to tell him all the stories that I had heard. I forgot a couple of details of the stories that Aunt Edna told me so I called her to clarify them. She told me that she had just come from her son's house. She said that he had given her my younger brother Michael's phone number! I wrote it down and immediately called him when I got off the phone with Edna. Poor Russ was sitting next to me through this and got to witness the whole thing. I think he was as nervous as I was.

I dialed the number and Mike answered. I asked if it was Mickel Stevenson. He said it was. I then told him my name, that I live in Denver and then kind of stumbled around for a few seconds trying to figure out how to break the news to him. Finally I said, "I don't know quite how to tell you this, but I'm your brother." He said, "Okay........." He asked how I got his number and I told him that Aunt Edna had given it to me. I then tried to tell him some of the details I know about the family to let him know I was not some psycho stalker who found his number. He asked for my phone number in Denver and then asked for the number where I was calling from. Then he said, "Can I call you back in a few minutes?" I said that would be fine and then hung up. After I hung up I told Russ that I thought he was probably calling someone to make sure I wasn't some psycho. I said to Russ, "Just imagine if someone called you out of the blue and said, "Hi, I'm your brother!"

Mike called me back after a few minutes and was much more excited this time! He had tried to call Jodi (my older sister) and then had called Marie (Wilma, my younger sister). He asked Marie if she knew a Dave Caldwell from Denver. Of course she said no. Then he said to her, "He says he is our brother!" Then Marie told him that when our Mother was dying she told Marie that she had a baby boy that she had given up for adoption. So it turns out that Marie and Jodi always knew about me but no one had ever told Mike. Mike is so excited to have a brother for the first time in his life.

He asked what I was doing the next day (Sunday). I told him that in the afternoon I was planning on visiting our mom's grave. He suggested that he pick me up and then we would go pick up Marie and then the three of us could go to the cemetery. How fitting that I got to visit my mom's grave for the first time with my brother and sister. Marie called me a few minutes later and I had a nice conversation with her. She was pretty nervous about meeting me. She kept saying, "This is going to be really weird." I told her that I agreed but that we would both be okay once we got over being so nervous.

Russ and I went out to dinner with some friends. When we got back my Uncle Pete had called and left a message but it was too late to call him.

I got in the car with Mike and his girlfriend, Jean and we went and picked up Marie. Poor Marie was so nervous. Then we went to the cemetery to visit our mom's grave. We got out of the car to walk to the grave. Marie was walking out ahead of Mike and I. Mike was telling me about our mom as we walked across the grass. As we were walking he reached over and put his arm around me. I thought, "This is SO cool." We found our mom's headstone and stood there looking at it. Mike still had his arm around me and Marie came over and put her arm around me and said, "The circle is now complete." That's when I lost it and started crying. It was the neatest feeling standing there at my mother's grave for the first time with my brother and sister's arms around me. That was so comforting. We took pictures before we left the cemetery.

We then dropped Marie off at her house. She kept saying to me, "PLEASE keep in touch." I assured her that I would. Marie has a lot of pictures that she is going to make copies of for me. Then Mike and Jean took me to their house. Mike gave me several pictures that he had also. He gave me the cutest picture of our mom when she was 11 years old. She was such a cute little girl.

Then they took me back to Russ's house where I collapsed. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed by this time. I told Russ about the day (and cried). Every time I tried telling my friends about this all weekend I would get emotional. Then I took Russ out to the cemetery so he could see my mom's grave. On the way we stopped at the store and picked up two roses. I put one on my mother's headstone and kept one. I will always have that to remember the experience.

When we got home my Uncle Pete had called and left another message. I called him and he asked if I would like to meet him for dinner on Monday. I said of course. Then he told me that his sister and brother, Dona and Judd would be with him and that Jodi would be coming too. I was so excited to hear that Jodi was going to come. When Marie and Mike told her about talking to me on Sat. night her initial reaction was that she didn't want to meet me. I was so glad that she had apparently changed her mind.

At 4:30 p.m. Russ and I went to Sizzler to meet the rest of my mom's family! Russ was almost as nervous as I was. As we sat there I thought I was just going to die from fright and nervousness. I was so tempted to get up and run as fast as I could. I thought to myself, "I can't do this."

When they arrived they almost walked past us. Pete stopped and said, "Are one of you Dave?" I stood up and said, "I am" and shook his hand. Then I got to meet Dona and her husband, Glen. Judd and his wife, Sharon, were already there. I noticed that Jodi wasn't with them and my heart sank. I thought she had changed her mind and was not coming. We went ahead and ordered and then sat down. Judd's wife Sharon was really excited. She immediately said, "I have a million questions." I said, "As soon as I can calm down I'm sure I will too." She asked about my adoptive family and lots of other questions. They all wanted to know why and how I had searched for and found them. I was so nervous and overwhelmed that I don't remember much of anything else they asked me about.

After about 15 minutes Jodi showed up. She had been coming from work. I was so relieved and excited that I got to meet her too. My uncles and aunt sat around the table and told me stories of growing up with my mom. My Uncle Pete is a card! He is a funny guy. They were all so nice. Dona gave me copies of LOTS and lots of pictures that she had put together for me. She had the names of everyone in each picture along with the dates the pictures were taken. I commented how wonderful it was to have the names and dates and she said, "You can thank your Grandmother for that. She always labeled all her pictures." I said, "Oh my gosh! So THAT'S where I get that from." (That is exactly what I do to my pictures also!) Dona also told me that the pictures have been in a box since my grandmother died two years ago. She said this is what it took for her to finally go through the box. She said her mother was her best friend. I told her how much I appreciated her doing that for me. I had a really great visit with all of them. As we all started to get up from the table my Aunt Sharon (Judd's wife) came over and said, "I want to give you a hug." She said, "I hope this isn't going to be the end." I told her that I certainly hoped it wasn't. I'm sure I've probably left a few things out here. So much happened and I got so much information it will take me a very long time to sort it all out. I wish I had had a tape recorder with me all weekend. I can't possibly remember all the stories I was told.

I am so lucky. I have the neatest family in the whole world. They have had plenty of sadness and pain along the way but they are all wonderful people and they have all been so accepting of my becoming a part of their lives. I'm sure that I will end up being closer to some of them than others but it is a dream come true to finally have a connection with "my family." I still can't quite comprehend all of it.

My dad is always thrilled to hear from me. I am gradually getting to know a wonderfully sweet man. I am so glad that I made the decision to contact him. I would have missed out on so much.

I got to talk to Jodi a couple of weeks ago. This was the first time we had talked since we met at dinner with my aunt and uncles. We had a really nice conversation and it was neat to begin to get to know her.

I have talked to Mike and Marie several times. I talked to them last Monday. At the end of the conversations with each of them, they told me that they love me. I never thought those words could sound so sweet.

What a blessing it has been to have found my birth family. It has added a dimension that I could have never dreamed of. It has begun to make me feel "connected" for the first time in my life.

The last paragraph of the letter reads as follows: "I Love You Dave. I am sorry that I did not get to know you when you were growing up. Your Dad: Ruben White" I almost cried when I read that. (I still might!) He is such a sweet man. I'm so glad that I made the decision to contact him. It scares me to think that in the very beginning after contacting my aunt Dona that I questioned whether or not I wanted to contact him. I am so glad I did.

If anyone reads this that is struggling with whether or not to contact any birth family member, I suggest you do it. Regardless of what you have been told about them, THEY deserve the chance to explain themselves. AND, occasionally people do change. Please don't deny yourself the chance for a possibly wonderful relationship.

I talked to my brother Mike last night. His birthday is this coming Saturday, the 29th. What he doesn't know is that I'm driving in to Salt Lake to surprise him. Jean (his girlfriend) and my sister, Marie, are planning a surprise party for him.

I'm also going to Salt Lake on June 5th to spend a week. He knows I'm coming then so he will NOT be expecting me to be there for his birthday. I told him last night that I'm sorry I can't be there on his birthday but will have to make it up to him when I get there the next week. ("just in case" he was getting suspicious)

I can't wait to see the look on his face when I show up. He is going to be so excited. It's so cool to have a family. I can't believe it. This is such fun. I could really begin to like this "having a family" stuff!

Gerald (my other brother) called me last week. He made copies of all the pictures he has of my dad and is sending them to me. He is also sending me a picture of his family. I hope that I get to meet him soon.

I am just so blessed to have the family I do. I never dreamed I would find such a wonderful group of people. AND THEY LOVE ME!! wow.... this is SO cool...

I got into Salt Lake about 2:30pm on Sat. I drove to Mike and Jean's house. As I was pulling up Mike was out in the yard and saw me drive up. He did a double take. He knew I was coming to Salt Lake the next weekend so he was not expecting me to be there on his birthday.

I got out of the car and he gave me one of his wonderful big hugs. He is just the most wonderful man. He is so sweet and gentle.

We then had a wonderful lunch of barbecued chicken, salads, and all the fixin's. It was so good to see them again. Marie's boyfriend, Bob, was there and I got to visit with him. He is a really nice guy. I met him the day I met Marie for the first time, but didn't get to visit with him so it was nice to get to know him.

After we finished eating Marie said that Jodi had invited all of us to her house for a barbecue and party. Marie said that Jodi had called her that morning to tell her that she wanted me to come with them. Apparently Jodi has been having a little trouble accepting everything which I can certainly understand.

We went over to Jodi's and I had the best time. Some of Jodi's friends were there and I got to meet them as well. Everyone was so nice. I also got to meet my niece (Jodi's daughter) Alisa. She is a really beautiful girl and very nice.

During the course of the barbecue, some of them got into a water fight. I was minding my own business sitting on the porch. I was mostly just enjoying watching my siblings interact with each other. When I wasn't paying attention, Mike walked over and dumped a bottle of water on my head. Well.... I had no choice now but to join in. I got the bottle away from Mike and walked over to the faucet and filled it up. Then I went and sat back down in my spot. Jean and Marie kept telling me to go pour it on Mike. I told them to go sit down and not worry about it.

After about 10 minutes or so when Mike was relaxed I calmly walked over and dumped the water on his head. He got up to come after me. I stopped and turned around and with a very serious look on my face I said, "Don't think that just because it's your birthday I won't kick your a**!"

I thought Jodi was going to die laughing. She said, "Yep, it's confirmed. He's our brother!" (I took that as a very good sign)

Later on, Jodi brought out a box of pictures that she has that belonged to our mom so that I could look through them. She told Marie that I could have any that I wanted. I picked out 5 or 6 of them. When I was almost finished looking through all of them Jodi came back in the house and was looking through them with me. When I got finished I handed her the ones that I had picked out and said, "These are the ones that I thought I would like, but look through them and if there are any that you don't want to part with, that's fine."

She handed them back and said, "No, pictures are memories. I have the memories and you don't." I almost cried when she said that. That was so sweet of her.

I just had the best visit with my siblings. It was so wonderful to sit there with them and hear them talk about our mom and growing up and all the things that I missed with them. I also couldn't help noticing how different it felt there with them than it felt at any other "family" gathering with my adoptive family. It just felt "right." I don't know how else to explain it. Anyone else who has been reunited with his or her birth family will know what I'm talking about. Anyone else really can't completely understand what it feels like. It was just the most comfortable, wonderful feeling. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful family.

While I was there I also got to spend the good part of 2 days with my dad. He had found his pictures and gave me lots of them. I got several pictures of his siblings and his mother. I also got a couple of pictures of Gwen (my sister that was also adopted); one when she was 3 and one when she was 18 years old. I also found out that she grew up in Springville, Utah. That is about 60 miles south of Salt Lake. I also learned that she was at least 3-years-old when she was adopted so there is a chance that maybe they kept her first name the same. That will make it much easier to find her.

I got to have lunch with Cathy (my angel searcher). It was wonderful to see her again. I gave her the information I know about Gwen and she is going to run a database search for all the Gwen's born on her birth date and see what she can find. I really hope we can find her.

I also got to finally meet my friend Jill. Jill is the woman that contacted me last fall thinking she may be my sister. She is not my sister but she should be. She is a wonderful lady and she helps so many people find their birth families. It was so great to finally get to meet her.

I got to see many friends that I haven't seen for a very long time too. It was nice to get to see so many people that I love. I must be the luckiest person alive to have so many wonderful people in my life.

I called Cathy as soon as I read the email but she wasn't home. Then I left and went to dinner with some friends. When I got home, Cathy had called and left a message but it was too late for me to call her back. I then called Jill and told her about Cathy's email. Jill offered to help me call Gwen right then but it was 10pm and I thought it was maybe a bit late to call her tonight. I'm going to call Jill at 8am tomorrow and we are going to call this Gwen and see if it's my sister.

So then, Jill told me that maybe I should call her and just tell her I'm her younger brother. So that's what I did. Actually, Jill turned around and dialed the number again. Only this time I talked. When Gwen answered the phone, I said, "Hi, my name is Dave Caldwell. My friend, Jill, just called you. Please don't hang up. I'm your younger brother and I'm the one that's looking for you."

I told her my dad is Ruben White. At first she was very defensive but eventually she warmed up and we had a really nice conversation. I found out why she is so defensive. I found even more reasons to be grateful that I was adopted.

Gwen is really nice. I told her I would write to her and tell her about myself and send a picture so she can know whom it is that she's talking to. I found out from talking to her that we have 3 more older sisters! They are all children of my dad (Ruben), and Erma (Gwen's birth mother). And I thought my search was over...

Apparently my dad and Erma got together and Erma ended up pregnant. When she found out she was pregnant, my dad took off and the baby was put up for adoption. They got together again, Erma got pregnant, and my dad took off. Again, the baby was put up for adoption. This happened a third time, same scenario. Then they got married January of 1956, he took off in February, Erma filed for divorce in March and the divorce was final in April. In August Gwen was born.

It was then that the State of Utah stepped in and wanted to know why this woman was having all these children from the same man and putting them up for adoption. They then committed her to the state mental hospital. Grandma (Erma's mother) kept Gwen and was raising her. Soon after Gwen turned 3 her grandmother felt that she wasn't being fair to Gwen and that she needed to be raised in a family environment so she approached some friends who had expressed interest in adopting Gwen. Grandma let them adopt her with the stipulation that she would be able to have contact with Gwen. So Gwen knew her grandmother as she grew up.

Apparently, my father and Erma tried to come back into Gwen's life several times. They made her life hell. She wants nothing to do with them to this day. It sounds like Gwen did not have an easy childhood with all this going on. Again, it helped me see how lucky I am that I was adopted. She has had a restraining order against Erma and my dad for 20 years. I assured Gwen that I would not tell my dad that I've found her or how to contact her.

It was so great to get to talk to her and I'm so glad that she was willing to talk to me. I knew when we called her back the second time that it was probably going to be my only shot at talking to her. I knew that if she hung up on me I would probably not get a second chance. I was SO nervous.

She seems like a really nice person. I hope that over time, when she gets to know me that I will get to meet her in person and that we can get to know each other. I also hope that we will be able to find the 3 older sisters.

After I finished talking to Gwen, Jill told me that she doesn't think it should be that difficult for us to find them. I don't know what I would do without Jill and Cathy. They are amazing angels. I'm so lucky that they came into my life, not only because they found my family, but also because they are beautiful ladies and I'm so lucky to know them.

I am beginning to feel like I belong on this planet for the first time in my life. I have absolutely wonderful friends and a fantastic life but I have never totally felt like I fit in anywhere. I am now finally beginning to feel like I belong here. That I truly do have a place in this world. I feel like the luckiest person alive.

I also talked to my brother, Gerald, this week. He is a really nice guy. He told me that he would like me to begin looking for his birth family also. We already have his birth name and his mother's maiden name. He is going to mail me all the information that he has. My searcher, Cathy, specializes in California where Gerald was born so maybe she will be able to find Gerald's family without much trouble. It would be so great to be able to help Gerald find his family.

I've been reflecting a lot lately on the events of this year. It has been a whirlwind year. My head is still swimming trying to absorb all that has happened. I'm so grateful for everything. Getting to know my family has been amazing.

For the first time in my life I am beginning to feel like I belong on this planet. I no longer feel like an outsider. I am beginning to feel grounded. I feel a sense of peace that I have never felt before. I have a family in my life and they love me unconditionally. They are all such beautiful people and I'm so fortunate to have them in my life. THANK GOD I SEARCHED. I hate to think about all I would have missed out on had I never searched for and found my family.

I'm so grateful to all the people that helped me along the way. There are way too many to mention by name but I need to mention a few specifically. Those of you that I don't name, you know who you are and what a difference you have made in my life.

I don't believe there were any "accidents" in my search. Caroline was the first person I contacted about helping me find my family. She is a wonderful, beautiful lady. I would probably not have continued without her support and encouragement. She guided me and told me what information to send for. Then we seemed to hit a brick wall.

Somewhere early on in my search Jill came into my life. She saw my posting on a reunion registry site and contacted me to see if I might be her brother. Jill has become a very close friend and a very important person in my life.

Then, Cathy entered the picture when she responded to the ad I placed in the paper. She "just happened" to know where the information was archived that we needed to find my family. Within 24 hours of her contacting me she had found them.

Then along came Carol with her offer to make the initial contact to my aunt. I don't know what I would have done without her.

I can't even begin to mention everyone that has touched my life along this path. I hope that all of you know what a difference you have made and what all of you mean to me. I am so grateful for everything that has happened to me in my life. I am one of the luckiest people alive.

Then she told Mike that if my mom had kept me she was going to name me David! That's a little eerie, but pretty heartwarming. Mike said this lady's name is Virginia Thorpe.

How neat that Mike ran into this lady. I would love to meet her next time I get to Salt Lake. It would be so neat to get to meet and talk to someone who knew my mom and was there when the decision was made to relinquish me. What a neat connection.

I'm going to have to get her phone number from Mike. It would be neat to at least get to visit with her on the phone until I can meet her in person.

Both Elizabeth's and Gwen's birthdays were last week. I hope they both had nice birthdays. I sent them cards. Elizabeth has been asking my dad when I'm coming to Salt Lake next so that she can see me. I was hoping to be able to go next weekend over Labor Day. I even got a couple of extra days off. Unfortunately, I'm really broke right now and I just can't afford the trip. I'm really disappointed that I'm not going to be able to go.

I have not heard from Gwen since our first phone call. I sent her a card and a picture of me about a week after we first talked. I would love to hear from her but it looks like it's going to take a while for her to warm up to me, if at all. I just hope that eventually she will learn to trust me when she figures out that I'm not a threat and that I'm not going to tell my dad how to contact her. I hope that one day I can meet Gwen and get to know her. Only time will tell.

Grantsville UT 84029-9795
Date 10-22-1999
Dave My Son;
I have some very serious things that I must discuss with you. We, the whole family, are all Latter-day Saints. Gerald and his family are L.D.S. Elizabeth is, I having baptized her myself, Gerald’s mother and I went into the Oakland CA temple and were sealed to each other and with Gerald and a proxy for Cynthia we were all sealed to each other as a Forever Family. Likewise, Elizabeth’s mom and I went into the Provo Temple and were sealed to each other, and when Elizabeth was born to us on Aug 23, 1982 she was born in the covenant of the Holy Priesthood, thereby, she is sealed to us for eternity. Cynthia and Kristina her sister was born in Hollywood CA at the Cedar of Lebanon Hospital.

The whole family are Latter-day Saints, and I want you to be a Latter-day Saint as well. For unless we are all of one faith and one belief we cannot be resurrected together as a family. It is not a hard road to follow. We need to believe in God and in his Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost. The Comforter that Jesus taught us about in the New and Old Testament, and in the Latter Day Revelations that we have before us will lead us as a family back into the presence of our Father in Heaven, for that is where we came from when we left their realm and entered into a body of flesh and bones as a newborn babe. When Mary and I were married we had every intention of raising a family and providing for them and bringing them up in the way that they should go; that is to be taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ and brought up in a home where love was shown to each member of that family. But you are aware of what took place; we got into an argument and she up and left taking Jodi with her. The next thing I heard was she was getting a divorce. Inasmuch as we had only been together for such a short time, I thought what the heck.

Couples that are worthy to enter into the House of the Lord and have kept themselves clean and pure from the sins and iniquity of the world are given an interview with their Bishop and are found worthy to enter the Temple are given a recommend that must be presented to the gatekeeper where it is checked for accuracy before we are permitted to enter in the Holy Temple. There people receive their Endowment. They make covenants and promises to be chaste and pure throughout their lives. They make solemn covenants to obey the laws of God and to keep His commandments, His statutes and His judgments.

Why do we build temples? So that these sacred ordinances can be performed for ourselves and for those that have died of our ancestors. We want to give them the same opportunities that we experience so that they will be held accountable for their actions, if they have repented of their sins, then they are acceptable unto God and are worthy of the same blessings that are afforded us, and will be able to pass by the Angels and the Gods there, into their Exaltation and Eternal Life. We need to give them an opportunity to experience the same covenants and promises that we make when we enter into the Temple of our God.

When Gerald was brought into the sealing room, in the Oakland CA temple and was standing there beside the altar all dressed in white like the rest of us were, he looked like a little angel. It was one of the most joyous times of our lives. I want you to be able to kneel at the altar in the House of the Lord and be sealed to myself and your mother.

There is no greater joy than what we experience when we enter into our temples and can be sealed to a loved one; a wife or a child or a relative that has passed through the veil of death. To see your wife kneeling across the altar from you, holding her hand in yours and having your children stand beside you and receive that same sealing of being born in the covenant of the Holy Priesthood.

And you knowing that you and your wife are legally and lawfully sealed to each other not only for this life but for all Eternity, and that your children born to you are yours throughout eternity. It is such a good feeling when this happens, and the joy that comes into your soul is unsurpassed. There is nothing on this earth that can compare with it, just as there is nothing that can come close to describing what the glory and magnificence of beholding God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ would be like. They are exalted beings. We are striving to become exalted beings like they are. Dave, there is so much that I want to tell you about, that pertains to what they are like. The truths of the Gospel of Jesus Christ are the truths that will lead us back into the presence of Elohim the God of us all. Jesus Christ is literally our Elder Brother for he was before us all; A Spirit Child of God. We are all Spirit Children of our Father Elohim who is the Eternal Father. By becoming a Latter-day Saint at the waters of baptism and having hands laid upon our heads and being given the Holy Ghost, we then have open to our eyes eternal truths. Truths that we never have imagined existed. The scriptures become so much plainer to our understanding, and we begin to learn those things that will exalt us on high. We become worthy to enter into The House of the Lord and there we receive our own Endowments that will enable us to learn the will of God, and the way that we should conduct our lives while upon this planet earth, for this is a probationary period in our existence. We existed before and we shall exist after this life is over. For this is a time for learning. You have an inquiring mind just as I do and you need to use that mind to the fullest extent, and that is by inquiring about the things of God and His Eternal Purposes. Keep in mind that you are a Child of God… Keep an open mind that you may know when that still small voice speaks to you and you will not go wrong in your daily life, for the Lord is watching over you. In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
A Dad who Loves you;
Ruben

When I first contacted you, you asked me if I was LDS. I told you that I'm not and just left it that. However, there is more to this story. I will attempt to be as honest as I can as I try and relate it here. I hope that you will try to understand it in the spirit it is given.

I was adopted by an LDS couple and raised in the Church. I served a mission in Australia from 1979 to 1981.

In late 1989 after many, many years of soul searching and questioning I finally found the courage to admit to myself that I'm gay. I then had to figure out where the Church fit into this picture. I knew that being gay went against everything I had ever been taught in the Church but I could no longer deny the truth. Nothing about me had changed. I was still the same person I had always been. I was just now finally honest with myself about how I truly am.

I realized that I had spent the first 29 years of my life trying to be something I wasn't. I realized that I had always been gay and no amount of trying could change that, just as I can't change the fact that I have blue eyes.

I know this will be hard for you to understand but I don't know how else to explain it.

Needless to say, going to the temple is out of the question. Dad, I know you will be disappointed with this news but I have to be honest with you. I also realize that it will take you some time to absorb this news. Take as much time as you need.

I know this is a lot to digest and I hope that it will not change things between us. I have enjoyed sharing and being a part of your life and hope that you feel the same. I look forward to seeing you over Thanksgiving.

Love, your son Dave

Now all that's left is to see how this pans out. I have no idea how he will react to this but it's not my responsibility. I have no control over how he will react. Hopefully he will still want a relationship with me. Only time will tell.

I sure have been thinking about my mom a lot the last few weeks. Last month on the 19th was the anniversary of her death. Since then she has been on my mind a lot. I really miss that I never go to know her. It would have been so wonderful to get to know her. She just seems like she was such a loving person. It makes me sad that I missed out on the chance to know her.

On Thursday, I received a letter back from him and I have included it here. Not for any sympathy, etc. I just wanted to let some of my friends know what is happening in my reunion. He said some very hateful and hurtful things and it hurts when anyone says hateful things to you, but I'm okay. Sure, it's very sad, but I can't control how someone else thinks or feels. I will include some more thoughts at the end of the letter.
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Grantsville UT 84029-9795
Date 11-13-99
Dave:
I was ready to extend to you all of the love a father could give to a son, but now I am not too sure, you have confirmed what I have suspected all along. You, being 39 years old and not yet married goes against the grain. I thought you said that you loved me. I cannot believe that a son of mine would even consider stooping to the level of an animal. You say that you were raised as a Latter-day Saint, and the Caldwells sent you on a Mission for the Church. How could you have betrayed them in such a manner? They had given you a name and a home and clothes and every needful thing and sent you on an honorable mission, and that is the way you repaid them. My God, how could you do such a thing to them? Their hearts must be broken in a thousand pieces. And moreover, how could you betray your Lord and your God? How disappointed he must feel at this time, for He gave you life and the ability to think and to act in a decent way to put forth the effort to make something of a Son of God. You accepted the Plan of our elder brother, Jesus Christ, before you came to this earth, you promised to keep the laws of God. You have forsaken your vows and broken your covenants that you made in the House of God. Don't you feel a little bit ashamed for having done so? Is there not remorse in your heart for the stink you have brought on yourself? Have you lost all respect for yourself? You promised to live by every word that proceeded forth from the mouth of God. Why did you even try to find me with this Stigma embedded in your soul? You must have known that when I found out it would be like a shaft of lightning through my heart. I bragged about you to everyone I know and now what do I tell them? That you are an animal!! That you prefer Men as a lover instead of a Wife? What led you to get involved in such a way? The Caldwells did not teach you to be that way; it is the most disgusting thing I ever heard of. They no doubt asked you to leave their home when they learned about it. What am I supposed to think? Am I supposed to go on loving you as though nothing has happened? You came to me under false pretenses. You were not honest with myself and Elizabeth. I hate to think what your Mother would say. She is heart broken at learning of it there in the Spirit World!

Dave, get down on your knees and ask God to forgive you. Repent of this Evil. Satan has you right where he wants you to be. He has grasped you with his awful chains and is dragging you down to Hell, and he will not stop until you are fully engulfed in that Lake of Fire and Brimstone. Is that what you want? He is most pleased when he can entice any person to obey his bidding. He will use every means at his disposal to get a person to do his will. He is raging in the hearts of the children and many there are that think he is right. Do not listen to him. He is so miserable because he was denied a body and he wants everyone to be as miserable as he is. In the end he and all of his cohorts will be entombed in that bottomless pit, where they will never get out. Is that where you want to be, in total darkness? Is a small moment of pleasure worth an eternity of regrets, of sorrow, of hatred of oneself? (Think about it.) Put your thinking cap on. You will curse yourself for having listened to that Demon. In Leviticus, the Lord specifically forbade any man to lie with another man, declaring it to be an Abomination. No excuses, no quarter given an Abomination, Filth, Hog Wallow, you name it. When we do such things we become lower than the lowest Beast. You make me sorry that I helped give you birth.

You have as much as become a Son of Perdition. On your mission, you got to know the Holy Ghost as a personal friend. You have as much as hated him and that makes you a candidate for perdition.

I have to quit this letter now before I start hating your life!! I am not sure that I ever want to see you again. Just as the Jews, when a son marries outside their Faith, they will tear their clothes and declare that son to be dead just as though he had never been born to them. How else am I supposed to feel?
Ruben
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This is where I am with this situation at this moment. I searched to find my birth family, including my birth father. I accomplished that. In the process I was also fortunate to meet my birth father. I have part of his life story and I had the chance to get to know him. In that process I have found a man that is without compassion and has hateful and unforgiving feelings in his heart for those who do not believe or think exactly the way he does. I can't change him. I am glad to know this early in our relationship what kind of person he really is. I can now get on with my life and now know that I need to protect myself from this man.

Also in the process of searching for and meeting my birth family, I found 3 siblings from other marriages that my birth mother had. They are loving, supportive, non-judgmental people. I am privileged to be building a loving relationship with them as they share their experiences with me and invite me into their lives.

What I'm finding interesting is how similar this is to what I experienced with my adoptive parents 10 years ago. The letter I received from my birth dad is very much like the one I received from my adoptive parents. The only difference is that my birth father's letter was only 2 pages long. My adoptive parent’s letter was 5 1/2 pages long, typed single-spaced. I went through all the anger and all that goes with it 10 years ago so this was not so difficult this time. I kind of just thought to myself, "Oh, here we go again." It still hurts, don't get me wrong, but I'm really okay. Like I said, now I know what kind of person he is and I can now protect myself from him.

Saturday morning I went to Mike and Jean’s house and spent a few hours visiting with them. That night I met Jodi at her house and went to her favorite bar so she could introduce me to some of her friends. We played several games of pool and had a really great time. On Sunday morning I went to Marie’s apt. and visited with her and Bob.

I have the best family I could have ever hoped for. This is still all really new and strange to me. I’m still getting used to the idea of “family.” I’ve never known this before but I sure do like it. My siblings and I are so different in so many ways. We were raised completely different and have many differences, but we get along great. Even though, in many ways, they are still strangers to me there is something I feel when I’m with them. Some sort of connection that I’ve never experienced before. I guess that’s what “family” means.

I spent a lot of time today reflecting on the last year. It has been quite a year. Finding my birth family this year has really changed me as a person. I think it has made me more secure. I now know who I am and where I came from.

I’m so blessed to have found such a loving family. Of course, my reunion has not been “perfect” but it has been everything I could have hoped for. Unfortunately, my birth father never wants to see me again, but that is his choice. My birth mother has been dead many years and I never got the chance to even meet her, but I’m lucky she had other children who have welcomed me with open arms.

Today, I’m also grateful for my brother Gerald. Even though our father doesn’t want to have me in his life, Gerald and his wife do and I’m very happy about that. I’m hoping to get to travel to Tacoma, WA this spring and meet them finally. They are really nice people and have welcomed me into their lives as well.

When I began my search, I had no idea what I would find. What I found has exceeded anything I could have ever hoped for. I’m really lucky and feeling very happy and blessed today. I have a wonderful, loving family who loves me back. I am also blessed to have many, many wonderful friends in my life. These are things that money can't buy.

I did spend last Christmas with them and I should have written about that. I had a wonderful time and it was nice to get to spend that holiday with them. They made me feel really special.

The thing that prompted me to write tonight is that my brother called me to remind me that it was 2 years ago today that we met for the first time. He is such a sweet man and I'm so lucky to have him for a brother.

Ruben's brother, Richard, traveled to Utah and cleaned out his apartment. The other day I found Richard's phone number and address on the internet, but I haven't worked up the courage yet to call him and introduce myself as I didn't know whether or not he knew I existed.

When I got home from work today I had a message on my answering machine from Bob White, Ruben's brother. It seems that when Richard was going through Ruben's things he found letters from Terry and had Bob track her down. Apparently Bob and Terry live in the same town, but neither Bob nor Richard knew about Terry. Bob paid Terry a visit today and that's where he learned about me. I don't know if he has told Richard yet about me, but he will soon. I had a really nice conversation with Bob (my uncle). He sounds like a really nice man and he said that he hopes sometime soon that we can meet. I told him that I would like that. It's a shame that I didn't know him when I was there visiting. It would have been neat to get to meet him then.

I just keep finding more and more family all the time.

The sad part in all of this is that Ruben died and none of his children were told about it, except indirectly. The day Terry told me I called Gerald in Tacoma and told him. He had not been notified and he is the son that my father acknowledged. I also called Gwen and told her and she was relieved to know he's dead, as I expected she would be. I find it very sad that an old man died and his children found out almost by accident. That's a sad way to live your life.

It meant so much to get to go to Arkansas and meet so many relatives and now I need to get back there to meet even more. How sad that my birth father shut all these wonderful people out of his life; all over religion. I don't fault him for his religious beliefs, but I find it sad that he shut out the people that loved him because they didn't happen to agree with him on religion.