This is all in fun. Arkansas was NOTHING like this!
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FIRST A LITTLE BACKGROUND...
November 25, 2000 - I received the following email from a woman in Arkansas named Terry:
"Would like to know how you're related to Isham's and Holder's as I am in this lineage big time... some info you have wrong. I would like to correct this for you and see what all you have. Please write soon as to your lineage PLEASE... who are your parents... who are your grandparents?"
When I read the email I instantly recognized her name. She was related to my birth father. I remember hearing my birth father mention her name on one of the visits I had with him when I first met him. He told me Terry is a cousin he had recently found and they had been exchanging genealogy information. Terry had found genealogy information that I had submitted to a website.
I wrote back to Terry explaining that my father is Ruben Don White. I also told her that I was adopted and had recently found and been reunited with my birth family.
Thus began a series of emails with Terry that would begin a new chapter in my reunion story.
Once Terry realized who I was she knew my whole story. When I first found my birth father he had called Terry and excitedly told her that he had a new son! He had also called her when things fell apart between he and I.
Here's a little excerpt from another of the first emails I received from her: "To say that you're GAY well Hon that's NO BIGGIE to me! When Ruben told me of you and then wrote or sent me the same letter he wrote to you and why he felt this way towards you "because of it" I sorta got mad at him. If his beliefs are this way and his age and all that's the way he is and can't change his thoughts at all now like teaching an old dog new tricks as I see it, it ain't gonna happen and that is sad for you and him as the bond of son & father shouldn't matter at all........ in my opinion blood is blood!"
I could see that Terry was a fireball. I think I've learned where I get my outspokenness from!
Terry began sending me tons and tons of old family photos and history. She gradually introduced me to a few other family members and gave me their email addresses. I began chatting online with some of them; getting to know them as well.
Terry told me that my grandmother was in a nursing home in Judsonia, Arkansas. She turned 96 years old February 16, 2001. I had heard Ruben mention her, but he had told me that he doesn't consider her his mother. He considers the woman who raised him as his mother. Her name was Nellie. She was his stepmother and my grandmother's first cousin.
My birth father told me on one of my visits with him that his mother had deserted he and his siblings and that they were raised by Nellie. I learned from Terry that this was not exactly the way things happened.
I learned that my grandmother had come in from the fields to find her first cousin in bed with my grandfather! In shock, she stormed out of the house. When she returned later, my grandfather had left and taken the children with him. I remember reading from my father's life story that they moved around a lot when he was growing up. It seems that this was to keep my grandmother away from her children. How sad that must have been for her.
They divorced and she later married a man by the name of Carter Dorton. They went on to have 3 children.
Terry sent me a small figurine that belonged to my grandmother. I plan to put it in a glass display case to make sure nothing ever happens to it. She also sent me a box full of miscellaneous papers that she rescued from my grandmother's house. One day I will find the time to sort through them all and organize them somehow. To many people this stuff would be junk, but it's amazing to me to be able to have some of it. When you've never had any of your family "history" you find every bit very valuable.
As Terry and I got to know each other better I decided that I wanted to come to Arkansas to meet her. I also wanted to meet my grandmother. When someone is 96 years old, you never know how much time they have left.
The first part of April I received an insurance check from a car accident I had in November. The day I received it I bought a plane ticket to travel to Arkansas to finally meet my father's side of the family. I decided that my car could wait. My grandmother may not.
I wrote my Arkansas cousins and told them the exciting news. I would be coming to Arkansas Memorial Day weekend!
On Thursday May 24, 2001 I boarded a plane for what would turn out to be a very memorable and emotional weekend.
On Friday I drove from Little Rock to Judsonia. I didn't know the name of the nursing home my grandmother was in. As luck would have it, I drove right to it. I approached the front desk and told them I was there to see Purney Dorton. A very nice lady led me to room 204 where I laid my eyes on an angel.
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I can't be sure how much of our visit she understood or was aware of but the important thing for me is that I got to meet her. She has the sweetest face. I stood there holding her hand and stroking her beautiful white hair for the longest time. Every time I let go of her hand she would call out. As I looked into her eyes I couldn't help but think that she would have many fascinating stories to tell me about her life if she were able. It was a dream come true to get to meet her.
On Saturday, May 25th I got to meet my cousin, Cassie, and her husband, Jimmy. They live in a little town called Augusta. I got to meet their daughter and her husband as well. We had a really nice visit and I really enjoyed meeting them. I didn't stay too long as I would be seeing Cassie again on Sunday.
Terry had planned a big get-together for Sunday. I got to meet several more cousins and other assorted relatives. I met Terry and her sister, Bonnie. I also met my cousin, Carol. There was some miscommunication and we didn't get to meet up with Cassie and her husband. I was really disappointed about that so I'm really glad I met them on Saturday. We made another visit to the nursing home to see my grandmother again.
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After we left the nursing home, we went to see the house my grandmother had lived in. When we got there we learned that it had been torn down just 2 days before! That was disappointing.
We then met my cousin, Ruth and her husband, Norman, at a nearby restaurant where we enjoyed a wonderful lunch. It was interesting to hear them all talk about their childhoods and what it was like growing up there.
After lunch we went to see James Weathers and his wife, Evelyn. James is my father's first cousin. We had a really nice visit and it was nice to meet him.
We then said our goodbyes to Ruth and Norman. Terry, Bonnie, Carol, and I then returned to Searcy where we had met up with Carol. We dropped Carol off and then Terry and Bonnie took me back to my motel in Little Rock.
I spent the rest of the evening thinking about the events of the day and just soaking up all the stories I had heard.
On Monday I drove south to Hot Springs to Terry's house. We spent the day together seeing the sights of Hot Springs. I also got to meet Terry's husband, Jerry. They are a really neat couple. Terry showed me her filing cabinets full of genealogy information. She is an amazing lady. She is so knowledgeable about the family. She can remember all kinds of information. It seems like she knows the birth and/or death date of every family member since the beginning of time. I had a really great time spending the day with her.
This was an amazing journey and an unforgettable experience. When my birth father decided he wanted nothing to do with me I was so afraid that I would never get to meet any of his side of my family, but it happened anyway. I met a BUNCH of absolutely wonderful, loving people. I'm so lucky. I have wonderful people on both sides of my family. I consider myself truly blessed. As Terry said in another one of her wonderful emails: "Hon, You have a Large Family I promise and they all LOVE US just the way we are ! some of us are more mouthy than others But we Love each other ! stand by each other ! Honor Each other ! Got That Mr Dave Caldwell !!"
As I have thought about this experience and all the wonderful people that I met I have realized how comfortable I felt. In the best of circumstances it is always frightening and a little unnerving to meet new people, especially several all at once. I have never felt so "at home" in my life. I met a ton of people all on the same day and never once felt uncomfortable or out of place. There were no awkward gaps in conversation or moments where no one had anything to say. It's as if we had always been together.
That is one of the many parts of my reunion with all parts of my birth family that never ceases to amaze me. They have felt like "family" from the moment I met them. We met as perfect strangers, yet we weren't strangers at all.
I must be one of the luckiest people on this planet!
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