At 6am, we had to call the Hospice nurse, due to another spell of labored breathing. This time we gave Elijah 2cc's of Lasix instead of 1. It seemed to do the trick. This was our first day of no unexpected visitors, and we were able to keep to a pretty good schedule of feedings, pumping and enjoying our little guy. My dad's parents and two of my aunts came to visit, and pray over him. At 9am, he got the hiccups for the first time ever! It was so nice to have some "normal baby" moments to remember! Around 10, Elijah looked blue, and after trying everything we could, we put him on the floor and it seemed to work. Then for about a half an hour, he went back and forth from blue to normal, then he seemed to stabalize at his normal color. That afternoon, he was fussy, which was a little odd for him, and he was spitting up in his tube some. He had a rough time and we had to call the nurse to come, and he had to give him more Lasix and also Morphine to calm him, but it took 45 minutes until he finally did calm down. That night when Dr. Reagan came, he confirmed that Elijah was working harder and harder, and his little heart was really struggling. We cried, and prayed, and cried some more. I was giving the update to our pastor on the phone, and Lizzie and Dylan just started singing "Jesus loves me" to Elijah. It was the most precious thing ever. We had started to notice that the older kids weren't sleeping as well with us going up and down the stairs all night. We decided to bring a mattress down to the living room, and have a "campout" all together. It was so nice. The kids slept great, and I think that Cameron and I slept better during our turn to sleep, because when we would wake up before our "shift" was up, we just looked at Elijah and saw that he was breathing, and could go back to sleep! Tonight I was thinking about how much we have grown as a family through this. Lizzie and Dylan really stuck together and let us take care of Elijah. Cameron and I were able to tube feed our child, and handle him being on oxygen and all sorts of scary sounding drugs. God really gave us strength, wisdom, peace and a whole lot of grace! We will be forever changed because of this journey. I know now that there are absolutely no coincidences in life. God gave us Elijah for a reason. For many reasons. We have grown closer to God than we ever imagined. We found that we don't need to fear ANYTHING, because God is in control of each and every day of our lives. We found that we could get through the biggest fear of our lives, losing a child. We found that God really is our best friend, he chooses only those who can handle journeys like this, and he chose us! It is so amazing to have a friend who knows us better than we know ourselves!
By now, we have gotten so used to what symptoms required what medication, so we didn't need to call Terri, our nurse all night. We did, however have to give extra Lasix at 3:30am, and at 7am. We did end up calling her at 7:15 because he wasn't calming down, so we gave him half the dosing of morphine, then the other half at 7:45. This was the first time since the day he was born, that he really started grunting while having difficulty breathing. Dylan must have had some information from heaven, because now he started singing "Jesus Loves Baby Elijah"! I went up to take a shower around 9am, and when I came down, Cameron put Elijah in his bassinet, and was going to get some breakfast and take a shower. I picked Elijah up, and he stopped breathing. Soon he started again, but he kept having these apnea spells every few minutes. We called Terri at 10, who said that it was probably time to call our family to come and say goodbye. We called my mom, and our pastors. Friends of ours were already planning on coming over, so we were glad to have someone to watch the kids. We told Lizzie and Dylan that it was time for Elijah to go to heaven, and to give him a kiss and say goodbye. They kissed him, and we cried. Then they went off and played. They really amaze me. I held Elijah in the position that seemed to make him start breathing again, and for 2 hours, he had apnea spells. My mom had called Dr. Reagan, so he and his med student came. Terri and Kathy, another Hospice nurse came, too. At noon, Elijah's breathing stopped, but his heart kept going! I hugged him so close. I wanted to hold his hand, but when I went to take it, I found he was gripping hold of my shirt. I will always remember his little ways he showed he loves us! Even through this whole process, he kept "smiling" the way he did when the medicine finally kicked in and he was at peace. It was so good for us to know that he was comfortable. At 12:30, his heart stopped, and he was healed. Before Elijah was born, the Lord gave me the verse, Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God has prepared in advance for us to do". God created Elijah and had a job for him to do. What a beautiful vessel Elijah was. He was just here to do the work of the Father, and then go home to glory! We are so proud of him, and honored to be called his parents.
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