I Suspect

I suspect my escapist
Fingernails and toes -
          Grounding into splattered
          Tiles while drones of
          Fans and minute screeches
          Of chairs and shoes continue -
Are all beyond my control
My totalitarian tendencies.

There is a coup in my mind
To rise above the heads
And small pen marks
On clean white sheets
           Tip tip tip of pencils

And swim in the hum lights
Omnipresent through
Yellow, deep-eyed sleepy
Tongue bodies - slouched
Sat, straight, bright and
Great - detached.
Youth
(working title)

Smiling once I thought I could push myself to mortality,
Take hold the cup of life and spill it out
Bring the mercury of my soul to a final boil,
Or distill it down, to the finest measurement,
And drink past the dregs,
Until I vanished into myself.
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