Wednesday ~ February 16, 2000

It's been 7 months since I've written a single word in this journal... it seemed like so long ago, I don't know where to beginning.

I could just recap on the challenges of being a bandleader, the headaches and frustrations of hustling for work, and now juggling family life, freelancing and trying to promote and book my own band.

But I feel I should concentrate on my inner-workings, which I seem to have neglected, things I felt made me a better musician because I seemed to tap into some unexplainable yet inspirational areas in my own creativity.

But now I'm back and I'm feeling pretty good about myself, enough to get back into this journal and write and analyze how I feel. 
 
 

Anyway, I was intending not to allow this journal to simply be a documentation of my daily experiences, but more like a personal account of my internal thoughts, and things I don't generally discuss with anyone... thoughts I keep to myself. I might discuss some thoughts and reactions to something that happened during my daily experience, but I would concentrate on how I handle it on a deeper level.

A great example of what I'm trying to talk about could be best described in the following work: 
 
 

The conditions of a solitary bird are five:

The first,  that it flies to the highest point;
the second,  that it does not suffer for company,
not even of its own kind;
the third,  that it aims its beak to the skies;
the fourth,  that it does not have a definite color;
the fifth,  that it sings very softly.

-- San Juan de la Cruz,  Dichos de Luz y Amor 

And with this---my journey back into my own inner thoughts begins...