MONDAY        December 14, 1998 
 
   
This is me running the final stretch in 
the America's Finest City Half-Marathon.
I remember finishing this particular race
in 1hour and 40 minutes...   not bad for
running 13 plus miles, don't you  think?

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
"You have to be completely 
merciless with yourself."
---Keith Jarrett
 
 
Prima Donna 
  
Someone in the band was pretty much calling Nate and I prima donnas.  "What?"  I retorted.   I beg to differ!   For one,  I'm my biggest critic and I know I haven't gotten it all "sewn up",  that's for sure.   I looked up the word "prima donna" in the Webster's Dictionary just to make sure I was CERTAIN of its meaning: 
  
  
prima donna [italian... first lady]     1.  The principle woman singer in an opera or concert.   2.  [Colloq.]  a temperamental,  vain,  or arrogant person. 
   
  
As a drummer and soloist in a popular swing band,  no one can deny that I DO get lots of applause for my drum solos.   Who can deny that in this band?  Apparently,  logically it must be someone who must either be a bit jealous or resentful!   I get lots of applause and recognition for my efforts,  and I'm forever grateful to the people out there who can appreciate what I'm trying to do.   A lot of times I don't even think I deserve the applause.   That means I'm humble,  not arrogant or vain! 
  
I've worked hard to get where I am today,  yet I know I've got a long way to go in my quest to becoming the best drummer that I can be.   Is that being arrogant?   I don't think so...    I'm very hard on myself and always have been.   I'm striving to reach an artistic state of mind,  and not just to become some pretentious asshole.   I'm more of a perfectionist than a prima donna.   People just don't fathom how hard I am on myself!   Prima donna,  you say?   I think not...   I think the one's who are the prima donnas are the ones who think they can pass judgement on someone and accuse THEM of being a prima donna,  especially when they don't even deserve the prima donna status.   Those are the prima donnas.   As far as "stars" are concerned,  I think a person is fooling himself if he thinks he's not trying to be a "star",  especially if he is performing in a popular band.   Come on,  give me a break!!!!   The very fact that someone is in a band acknowledges the simple fact that someone wants to be a star,  and if that person is busy signing autographs and such,  then I don't think they are trying to avoid being a star.   If they were trying to avoid becoming a star then they'd be doing something far from the stage,  say,  becoming a monk in a monastery in Tibet.   All the bands I've ever played in and all the bands I see out there are trying to get "wider recognition" and "monetary reimbursement" for their musical,  creative efforts.   If not,  then please go up into the mountains and play music where no one will see you!    
  
I was a little hurt that someone would start to accuse me of being a prima donna.   I figured that I would be rewarded with applause and praise for my efforts,  and I do...  from the audience,  that is.   Apparently,  someone in the band seems to not appreciate my efforts,  which leads me to think that he is either hateful toward me or simply jealous!   This hurts me the most because I've tried so hard to maintain a positive attitude onstage.   I figure my own peers,  the guys in the band should appreciate  and respect me more than the audience does,  just like I respect them.   Well I feel most of the guys in the band do,  but maybe there's one or two who don't appreciate my contributions to the band.   If that's the case,  then I'd like to see them do better,  or get more applause than me... 
   
Either way,  I won't let any of this get in the way of my ambitions of becoming a better drummer,  a better person.   I've practiced too long  just to let this all go,  and I've sacrificed so much thus far.   When you are in a popular band who performs across the country and plays venues such as Disney World and Las Vegas,  you have to assume a certain role.   You have to be a showman and be able to impress and connect to the audience.   That is what I'm trying to do and this is what the audience expects out of me.   Hell,  the audience wants me to be a star more than I myself want to be a star.   It's a role one assumes when thrusted out into the public eye.   It's a role I'd rather not have to play,  but it comes with the territory,  and no,  I don't think it's being a prima donna!!! 
      
There are greater issues in the new swing movement than bickering about who's a prima donna or not.   There's the responsibility a jazz musician has toward keeping this beautiful music alive.   If you're busy worrying about who's a prima donna or not,  then you must not be concerned about the music as much as you should... 
  
I know I care about the music.   Being a prima donna was the last thing on my mind until someone brought it up!!! 
  
  
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Current Listenings:  
 
I've been in the mood for movie soundtracks lately,  so I went through my collection and pulled out a few of my favorites: 
  
    The English Patient  
    Enchanted April  
    Once Upon A Time In The West 
    Kundun 
    Leaving Las Vegas 

     
     
     

Christmas CD's In Rotation: 
  
    Christmas With The Cambridge Singers 
    Handel's Messiah Highlights 
    Canadian Brass - High, Bright & Clear 
    Home For Christmas Compilation 
    Nat King Cole - The Christmas Song 
    Barbra Streisand - A Christmas Story 
    Christmas Music On The Harp 
     
  
Current Readings:  
       
    Drummin' Men 
      by Burt Korall 
       
    Web Multimedia Development 
      by David Miller 
       
    Keith Jarrett:  The Man and his Music 
      by Ian Carr 
       
  
  
 
 
 

 
 

  
 
 
11 days 
till  
Christmas! 
 
 
 
The
Disney
World
New Year's
Eve Show
is
17 days 
away! 

 
 
 
 

  
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Copyright ©1998 Carlos Rull.  All Rights Reserved.
 
 
 
 
 
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