|
This
is the last entry.....The conclusion of my three- year adventure in
pursuing
a dream and fulfilling God's promise. Ang Munting Bukayo will still be
online but will have to
do with its current content, I will still have to figure out a way to
update it from the mountains.... that is the precious Philippine
Military Academy. To all those who visited this website thank you very
much and I hope in some way I was able to show you a world that is
fully blessed and wonderful. Thank you very much and God Bless all of
us......
Alex
----------------------------------------------------------
They
say that the greatest lessons in life are those lessons that you learn
the hard
way. In one of the services that I attended, Pastor Nathan Leigh once
said that
it is not necessary to experience something so that you’ll know that
it’s bad,
you can actually watch people. But for me, that was too late. By the
time I
heard that phrase from him, I was already on the summing up stages of
my
greatest lesson so far. My name is Alexandre F. Cabales. I am 21 years
old and
have had the greatest adventure in my life just to realize that God
loves me.
My father left us, me, my 2 brothers and my mother, when I was in grade
4. I
could very well recall that my mother already started talking to me
about
stopping school because we had no money. The next day after my mother
talked to
me, money arrived from my father; unknowingly that was the last of it.
He has
already decided to leave us and stay with his other family. That other
family
was not a surprise to us. The eldest daughter there is about 3 years
younger
than my elder brother and a year older than me, another daughter and
son is
older than my younger brother. Again it was no surprise only that at
this time
my father has made up his mind to raise that family for good and just
leave us.
From that time on, my mother tried so many things just to raise us. She
had a
full time work, we sell vegetables around the subdivision, and she
tried
selling everything just to sustain our schooling. Of course it was not
easy,
especially for young children like us who barely understand things.
Finally, my
mother decided to try her luck in the States and in December 15, 1992 she left
for the States.
After that everything was provided. We went to good schools and had
everything
we needed. Around that time, since my mother was already away, my
father
started to reach out. We resented our father bearing in mind that our
mother
would not want it if we hated our father. We knew that our father did
something
wrong, but at our young age we do not know how to react.
I
went to High School in Dumaguete
City.
When I was in first year, I happen to meet members of an activist
organization
and later on I became very active in rallies, teach-ins and even went
to remote
barangays to give lectures. I enjoyed that experience so much that I
started to
neglect school. Everybody started to get worried with what I was doing.
They
wanted to send me back here in manila just to stop me from joining the
Communist Party. It came to a point that I was almost inducted as a
member of
Kabataang Makabayan, a forerunner of the Communist Party. I asked for
another
chance as a result I was placed under the care of a foster father.
After that I
started to withdraw from my activities. Later, I realized that I was
just
craving for attention, and somehow it was my form of rebellion against
my
father who was in the military. Sadly, when I was in Third year, my
mother was
diagnosed with cervical cancer and unknowingly she was not able to send
me
money for school, it was my foster parents who paid for my school. My
mother
recovered after a series of treatments and then life continued.
When
I graduated from High School there was only one thing in my mind, to
graduate
from the Philippine Military Academy. Since I was only 15 when I
graduated, I
studied 2 years of college before taking the entrance exam. I passed
the
examinations the first time I took it. Also, in my second year, my
mother’s
cancer reoccurred and she was set to be operated in November of that
same year;
that was 1999. Later on, it was learned that nothing can be done with
my
mother’s cancer and so my mother just decided to go back here in the Philippines.
So after about 8 years of not seeing each other, I finally saw my
mother again
in December 23, 1999.
We
were already bigger than her and she was in very bad shape, she was
dying of
cancer. One can not describe the emotions that enveloped that reunion;
finally
I was able to hug my mother again. To date, Christmas of 1999 is the
most
wonderful Christmas I have, an intimate affair with my mother that I
loved so
much; that was the last Christmas we spent with her. I passed
everything in my
application to PMA and so in April 1 of the year 2000, I reported to
PMA as a
cadet. Two weeks after, I had to go home because my mother passed away.
I was
the last son to see my mother alive and in our last meeting she hugged
me very
tight, I did not know that it was the last hug I’m getting from her. I
hated
God for that, why my mother, she was so good to us, but you had to take
her
away, at the back of my mind I was wishing that God should have killed
my
father instead.
Six
months in PMA, I was caught in some mess and finally I was discharged.
This was
the lowest point in my life. My mother dead and I was discharged from
PMA. It
was at this time that I cursed God. He took away the mother that I
loved dearly
and then He had me discharged from the institution that will secure me
a good
future. I was so ashamed of myself and amidst the frustration I went
away. I
went back to Dumaguete, nobody knew where I was. It was at this time
that God started
doing His magic. At the lowest time of my life, with no support system,
I was
forced to ask the help of friends in Dumaguete. Unknown to me, in the
many
months that I was not in Dumaguete, my very dear friend was converted
to
Christianity. When we first met, he was heading for a retreat and he
forced me
to come along. I came and then God started doing his thing. It took God
several
weeks to break my spirits but when he did, he revealed himself in a way
that I
will never forget. When God showed Himself, I cried for a minimum of
two hours.
Suddenly everything that happened to me started to flashback inside my
head and
the more events ran through my head, the more I felt guilty of myself
cursing
God and denying his presence. In one sudden turn of events God
converted me
from a God-hater to His Child. In one instant, everything made sense
and in no
time I was already leading small groups and feeling His presence.
Finally, I
went back to Manila and
started to
rebuild my life. I filed my first appeal to go back to PMA. But it
wasn’t that
simple, God wasn’t finished with me yet. My first appeal was denied. I
filed
another appeal, but this time it took a long time for processing, so I
had to
wait for another year. Finally a decision was made, I was to take an
exam,
together with other discharged classmates, and if we passed we will be
reinstated as cadets. We all passed the exam but I was not able to come
back.
One officer blocked my reinstatement and so I was denied of another
opportunity
again. I forgot about Christianity because of what happened, but God
simply has
ways. When I found work, one of my co workers was a Christian. One time
he was
talking about Christianity and suddenly I remembered everything that I
know
about our God. That person brought me to CCF and introduced me to
people that
reminded me of my faith. They provided money for me to attend the
single’s
retreat last year and another miracle happened, one of the members of
my
breakout group was an orphan. You may not have realized this but in the
duration
of my life there was never a time that I confronted my hatred for my
father.
But this friend was telling me that he was thankful for everything and
somehow
that penetrated into me. At that point I made a commitment to reconcile
with my
father. Today, I live with my father, we play badminton every now and
then, and
sometimes we just talk about things.
You
see in that long episode of my life I realized so many things. Together
with
all the pain and heartaches that I suffered, there was much lesson to
be
learned and you would be surprised how God used all those sad
experiences to
make me a better person. He had to take away my mother because there
was no way
I will be reconciling with my father unless my mother is dead or they
get back
together which was already impossible. My mother died at the perfect
time
because at that point she has already saved enough money for my younger
brother’s schooling. My eldest brother was also set to graduate in PMA
a year
after she died. As for me, I was in a position that I can very well
manage
things on my own. God was correct; I did manage to figure things out.
Aside
from the fact that we miss our mother there was no major loss that we
had.
Instead there was too much to gain. First, it created an opportunity to
reconcile
with our father something that wouldn’t be possible if my mother was
alive.
Second, my half siblings will forever have to bring with them the
stigma of
being illegitimate children; they have to deal with something that was
never
their fault. You see, God never wants His children to be incomplete. He
always
has his way in making us a complete person. He had to remove the hatred
that
was motivating my life so that He can use me for His glory. It is a
wonder how
God orchestrated his grand plan for me all I know is that what he did
was
perfect. I can go on detailing each lesson that I learned in my
experience but
that would take a lot of time. So I launched my website, Ang Munting
Bukayo, an
online testimony of God’s Lessons that I have gathered in this great
adventure
we call life. As for my PMA dream, I was allowed to take the entrance
exam
again and start from scratch. I passed the exam for the second time and
I am
all set to undergo Physical and Neuro-Psychiatric Examination. I am
confident
that with God on my side I’ll be marching back to PMA come April 1 of
next
year, this time equipped with the wisdom that God has taught me.
I
wrote this first part sometime before Christmas. Now, I am proud to
report that
it is Official, I will be going back to the Philippine Military
Academy.
you may also
read the previous entries to this diary
|
