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uncut
men on sex
We all know men are supposed to think about sex
every six seconds - and if the lads' mags
are to be believed, most of them expect nothing
less than a constant frenzy of
oral sex and seduction by lithe, big-breasted, smooth-skinned models. But the
truth isn't quite so depressing. Kate Spicer gets frank with five men,
to discover
the hidden depths of their sexual psyche.
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MATT Pepper, 26, is an account manager. He has been with his current girlfriend for nine months.
He says: 'Making someone really respond during sex is an absolute art.'
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MARTIN Oliver, 42, is a musician and divorced father of two.
He says: 'There's nothing better than surviving on sex and room service in a hotel for three days.'
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JAMES Lynden, 23, is a journalist. He has recently been reunited with his first love.
He says: 'I used to sleep with as many women as possible. Now I know I have a lot to learn about sex.'
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LUKE Allen, 25, is a promotions manager and is currently single.
He says: 'My heart was broken a year ago and since then, there's no way I'm getting enough sex.'
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TOBY Rakison, 27, is a business development manager. He is currently single.
He says: 'Sex is definitely there to be enjoyed, so why not enjoy it.'
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1. How important is a woman's orgasm? |
'I know I'm good in bed because I always make sure my girlfriend is happy. For me, there is nothing better than making a girl stay at the height of sexual arousal for ages, when you know that it's you that got her there. In the end, it's giving in during sex that is arousing.' |
'If a girl doesn't come, you can't help feeling you're not up to scratch. You wonder if the girl's walking out thinking, "He was rubbish." If it's not happening, I stimulate her clitoris while we're having sex and do plenty of going down on her - I will do whatever it takes to make her come. Sometimes it's quite hard work and takes concentration.' |
'We should all recognize that having an orgasm is not the be-all and end-all of sex. Nor is there any reason why one person should be directly responsible for the other's orgasm. When I was younger, I used to think that it was up to me to give a woman an orgasm, but now I realise it's all about the overall sexual energy between her and me.' |
'A lot of women don't orgasm during sex, not because of any problem, but because women are emotional creatures - if they don't come, it might well due to their mood. Of course, there are times when I come too quickly and I feel guilty, but I don't hink men should assume reponsibility. These days, I always try to make the woman orgasm before me because I know that whatever happens, I will enjoy it - it's not difficult for men.' |
'Sex is about compatibility with the other person, so if my partner never had an orgasm when we had sex, that would make me feel very insecure about myself. In the end, I don't believe it's that hard to make a woman have an orgasm. It's all about patience. If you slow the pace down, you can keep a woman aroused and on the verge of orgasm for a long time.' |
2. What's best - illicit sex, or sex with someone you care about? |
'Having sex with someone you love - it's wonderful. Recently, my girlfriend and I went out for a wlak. I wasn't thinking about sex, but suddenly I found myself in this field beside the road and she was plunging herself down on me. All these cars were going past - it was fantastic.' |
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'With a stranger, there's anticipation and danger, but the quality of sex is poor - there's no intimacy or knowledge of each other. It often ends up being uncomfortable, quick sex. I mean, the first time you have sex with someone you don't want to say, "Oh, just pop your leg up, love." There's that whole filmic thing wher you're thinking, "Right, we are going to have mad passionate sex'" but, invariably, the bloke will be quite quick. It's nothing compared to sex with my girlfriend. We've known each other for seven years and know what turns each other on.' |
'Men think about sex all the time - it's a bloody strain. The excitement is in the chase and trying to get that sex. Problem is, the event itself can often be disappointing. I've had top sex with a one-night stand, but felt crap in the morning. If you never want to see each other again, then that's not very nice, is it?' |
'Great sex is more likely to happen with someone you know reasonably well. Sex is about fun - if you sleep with someone and it doesn't work well the first few times, but you're still having a laugh, then you can guarantee you will eventually have a good sex life together.' |
3. Does a woman's size or body shape make a difference to your sexual pleasure? |
'I think a pot belly is very sexy. But I remember being disappointed by a girl I met on holiday who was a dancer - when she undressed, I remember thinking that what I'd taken for a muscular shape was actually just a fat body, and that completely turned me off.' |
'If a woman is very big, she might be less agile, but I don't have any criteria for body shape. Sexual energy is what's important, and if a woman smells good, you could almost overlook any physical flaws.' |
'I was going out with this beautiful girl, but when it came to having sex I noticed she had this strange lump on her leg. I couldn't get it out of my head and didn't get an erection. So yes, I suppose a woman's physique does affect my pleasure.' |
'If I'm not physically attracted to someone, I don't want to have sex with them. I like women who have an hourglass figure, but it's a woman's eyes that really make the difference - women turn a man on by the way they look at them more than anything else.' |
'I love curves, but then I love skinny women, too. I could find something attractive in 90 per cent of women - at a really basic level, I think that men just want to have sex with all women.' |
4. How do you feel about anal sex? |
'It's fair to say that if a bloke has something up his arse, he feels it in his cock, but if a woman has something in her arse, she doesn't necessarily feel it in her vagina. Girl's don't enjoy anal sex per se - invariably, it's a combination of other things that are stimulating her as well. It isn't really important to me, either.' |
'There's a cloak around anal sex in terms of the grossness of it, but I've always enjoyed it. But if I had to choose between no anal sex or no blow jobs for the rest of my life, ooohh, I'd probably let the anal go.' |
'It's the big taboo and it isn't part of my life, because it doesn't do anything for me. In the throes of carnal passion, you might be tempted to just pop it in there, but I certainly wouldn't want to do it with my girlfriend - you'd have to be with someone you didn't respect. There are enough holes to play with instead.' |
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'I wouldn't want it done to me, but I have had anal sex with a girl just to try it. Unfortunately, it all got horribly messy and painful. I was alright, but she jumped about six feet off me. I've never tried it since. But hey, at least I can say I've had a go.' |
5. What embarrasses you about sex? |
| 'I don't embarrass easily, so not much. Losing your erection can be a bit crap, but most of the time I get it back pretty quicly and carry on.' |
Farting doesn't embarrass me - lavatory things have to be out in the open. But someone else's embarrassment is catching. If a girl is embarrahed about a fanny fart, then you are. Once, a girl asked me whether she could masturbate after sex - it was kind of annoying and awkward. We'd been at it for a while and I wanted to get some sleep. She was lying there, strumming away noisily.' |
'My body is a problem. I'm not at all confident about it at the moment because I'm so unfit. It doesn't really affect my sex life but that's my biggest worry.' |
'Maybe I should be, but I'm not at all embarrassed by me beer belly or by the squelches or anything. But when women say crass things after sex like, "That was fucking brilliant," I really cringe.' |
'I'm pretty comfortable with nudity, so that aspect doesn't worry me at all. I'm not sure I'm liberated enough to be watched having sex, though - the pressure to perform would be overwhelming.' |
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