3 March, Saturday, 2001

10:43pm

Seating himself next to the heavier Fijian, Xander gratefully took the offered beer, anything to make a dent in the heat that always seemed to envelope the small sitting room. A small sip and he turned his attention fully towards the situation at hand.

"So, you and Spike need help?"

"Yeah, a problem we both thought had been left in Sunnydale has unexpectedly popped up again."

"Sooo...what do you want from me?"

Another sip and Xander tried to explain about Diehl and his attitude towards the blond vampire without embarrassing the smaller demon too much. He could feel himself getting angry, each word stirring the barely blanketed emotion. The youth knew he was still in a bad mood from the day before and if he had the choice, he would have waited until he was fully calmed down before approaching the Kava demon. Unfortunately, he couldn't afford that luxury, not when it was his property that was in danger of being damaged.

"Umm, I'm not actually Spike's official Claimant. Someone else is, someone who has just decided to make an appearance and stir up some trouble...which he has done quite well so far."

"What has it got to do with me? If you have assumed the responsibility of being Spike�s Claimant in place of the other Claimant, then it's your job to deal with it. If you challenged him to a fight and killed him, then Spike is officially yours."

"Yeah. That�s the thing, the other Claimant is also a human and I really don't want to murder anyone no matter what the reason is."

Sinking back into the couch, Lukas now knew just why the vampire and his Claimant had come to Alaska. Unsavoury claims were pretty common but two humans fighting over a vampire...now that was something he had never heard of before. Eyeing the youth, he wondered why Spike had chosen someone who beat him over the other one. He wondered just how bad the other Claimant could be if Spike preferred to stay in an abusive relationship.

"So Spike doesn't want to go back with the other Claimant then?"

"No fucking way is he going anywhere with Diehl, Spike is mine. Look Lukas, I don't know Diehl personally but I've seen what he is capable of. He and his friends are the reason Spike came to be living in my basement back in Sunnydale. If Diehl was given free access to Spike, Spike would be dead before a week was over."

"That bad huh? Spike never told me how he got to be living in your basement and I admit that I'm curious but it's none of my business if Spike doesn't want me to know. Your situation with Spike is unique but to hear of him submitting to a human before you is really odd, I've never heard of a vampire submitting to a human before...never! Two humans is just plain weird."

"He didn't have a choice in the matter, anyway, Diehl has no idea that he is Spikes official Claimant and even if he did, he wouldn't know what it meant...at least I hope he hasn't gotten clued in. Lukas, what it comes down to, is that Diehl is here in Alaska and hassling Spike, making threats to kill me and I need to find a way to get rid of him."

Xander ran a hand down the beer bottle, wiping the small beads of moisture from the smooth surface. Label teased until a corner lifted, the brunette absently played with the fraying edge while watching the Fijian think about the current situation.

"You can't just move again...not that I want you both to move, your my friends but would that make a difference?"

"Diehl is friends with Buffy's boyfriend. Willow, my best friend, is sharing a dorm room with Buffy... there is no way we could move and keep the address a secret. We may be able to do it for a few weeks but Buffy will find out, tell Riley who will then tell Diehl so no, besides, Spike and I already ruled that out. Why should we move? We've both got jobs and friends here, there is no way that I'm going to let him push us around."

"When's Diehl coming back again?"

"Next Friday....Lukas, he tortured Twatcat right in front of Spike. That bastard broke just about every bone in her little body. You should have seen Spike, he was a mess. I know he's a vampire and supposed to get off on seeing other creatures tortured and maimed but with the chip and his 'emotions', he can't deal with things like that anymore."

Finishing the last of his beer, Lukas wiped at his moist mouth. To put it simply, the best solution was to kill Diehl. It was simple and straightforward, get rid of the threat permanently. Xander however wasn't looking to take it that far even with the knowledge that his life was being threatened. Back in Fiji, it was done without mucking around. See the threat and remove it before it became a real problem. Admittedly Spike had to accept some blame in the situation for not telling his Claimant about the man while in Fairbanks. Lukas however could see how difficult the decision not to tell Xander would have been for the vampire. The Fijian had already been a witness to the remnants of the brunette's temper and it hadn't been a pretty sight. Lukas felt a swell of pity for the bleached blond, it seemed that no matter what the smaller demon did, it was wrong. This was just another thing to come and bite him on the arse.

"Can I ask a huge favour?"

"Yeah...what?"

"Can Spike and I, or even just Spike, stay here on Thursday and Friday night?"

"Look Xander, you're both more than welcome to stay for as long as you like. You can stay in the guest bedroom, its squishy but comfortable."

"Thanks so much Lukas, I really appreciate it. I don't want that arsehole to find Spike alone...is he able to stay here during the day?"

"No problem...I like him, he's easy to talk to. That's the great thing about him, he never tells me to shut up!"

Laughter floated around the overheated room, easing some of the tension. Telling Xander to bring vampire over each morning on the way to work, the Kava demon promised that he would try and think of a solution to the problem.

"Where is he now...I know that you wouldn't leave him home alone...tell me you didn't?"

"Shit no! I dropped him off at Blizzard, you know, the internet cafe? He wanted to download some furniture designs for his woodwork course, so I left him in the care of Nancee and Liam. I figured that he should be pretty safe for an hour or two, I mean, it's in the heart of the Mall and Spike did say that Diehl won't be back until next Friday. I really don't think that even if he did come back today, that he would be looking in an internet cafe for a vampire."

"Mmmm. I hope not. You take this Claimant thing pretty seriously don't you?"

"Yeah Lukas, I do. Spike is mine and I don't want him to get hurt and I sure as hell don't want Diehl to come into the knowledge of what a Claim on a vampire is."

Dark head nodded, Lukas had to admit that from the sound of the current situation, the brunette was the lesser of two evils for the moment. With a cough, the demon managed to hide his smile as a thought struck him. Spike would be in his care for the next week and nothing was going to stop the Fijian from talking the vampire into leaving his un-official Claimant once the threat was taken care of. The only thing Lukas had to worry about was getting Spike away before Xander was able to do the Claim properly. It was something he could work on.

Xander shown out the front door, he watched and waved as the brunette drove off towards Pennington's Mall. This time, the Kava demon was going to take it slowly and not just shock the bleached blond all at once. Lukas had to admit that he really didn't like Xander and if it wasn't for Spike, the dark man wouldn't even talk to the brunette. He had nothing against humans and inter-species relationships but he hated people who took their anger and frustrations out on others, particularly when one was incapable of defending themselves.

*****
Part 22:

4 March, Sunday, 2001

7.39 pm

"Yeah, thanks again Lukas, we both appreciate it. Don't we Spike?" said Xander, watching Spike nod his head in agreement as they both walked back through the Post Office's front door. Turning to hold the door open for Spike, he gave the Kava demon one last grin before walking towards the car. Without saying a word to the vampire, he slid himself into the drivers seat and waited for Spike to get himself belted in before starting the engine.

"I'm sorry that I'm a little late in picking you up, had to finish installing the new locks on the front door and windows at home." explained Xander, clicking the indicator to turn right onto the deserted main road. "No. You don't get keys so you can stop holding your hand out for them. I told you, only *I* get them. Not you, not Diehl and not anyone else."

~Fucking prick! Like I'm gonna give keys to that sodding arsehole. What the fuck happens if there's a bloody fire and I'm stuck inside? What does he expect me to do, burn to down to ash just to satisfy his bloody dominence issues?~

With a soft tap on Xander's upper thigh, Spike indicated that he wanted to ask his soon to be Claimant that very question, albeit without the swearing and snarky tone. As Xander slowed the car down and turned to look at him, Spike signed the question.

"Y.e.s..b.u.t..f.i.r.e.?"

"Fire? Well, don't do anything stupid and there won't be one will there?"

"W.h.a.t..i.f..D.i.e.h.l..t.r.i.e.s..t.o..s.m.o.k.e..m.e..o.u.t?" signed Spike, starting to pant as he ran through just what could happen if the event ever occured. And from the behaviour that Diehl had so far displayed, it was a very real possibility. His body just beggining to tremble as his mind threw the memory of his first meeting with Diehl to the forefront, Spike unconciously cringed away from Xander as the car came to a halt on the side of the road. Fearing that he had just managed to upset Xander in some way, he couldn't help but jerk away as Xander reached his hand up to gently run a finger down one side of his face.

"Don't do that Spike, you know I hate it and besides, I'm not going to hurt you. Yeah, I'm still fucking angry at you but I'm not going to hit you. Already done that and I'm sorry, you know? Good."

Head nodding warily at Xander's repeat apology for the beating on Friday in which two of his ribs got broken, Spike forced himself to lean into the other man's touch, all the while hoping that Xander's current good mood would last for a while. Even after Xander had picked him up from the internet cafe, Blizzard, last night, Spike had still been able to smell the lingering anger from the hissy fit. It hadn't been very strong but nethertheless, it had still been there and Spike had made sure that he had done everything Xander had asked of him to the best of his ability, even going so far as to be the one to iniate Xander's favourite sexual position. As much as he hated it, Spike had plastered a huge smile on his face and had done all that he could to ensure that Xander had cum quickly while Spike had pretended that he had enjoyed sitting on Xander's thick cock with the boy laying underneath him on the bed.

Just by giving that little extra the night before, Spike had been almost overwhelmed with joy as he had scented Xander's anger finally dissapating with the hot hungry kisses Spike had been rewarded with after such a performance. Content to try and forget how his ribs had ached with all the effort he had put into it, Spike had been unable to resist smiling as he had snuggled into Xander arms as they had both let sleep catch up with them. As Xander continued to speak, Spike nodded again and let his cool hand lay on Xander's much warmer thigh and pressed his face willingly into the warm fingers brushing across his now unbruised cheek.

"Spike...I'm doing this for you. It's mainly to keep that piece of shit from hurting you but its coming up to Summer, I mean, from what both the G-Man and Lukas say, you're going to be real sleepy through most of it and what if someone decides to take up knocking off houses?"

"Y.e.s.?"

"Jesus Spike, what the hell is wrong with you at times? You sleepy and unable to defend yourself and an intruder that's hell-bent on getting the video player and tv and not being identified? Can you just imagine what's going to happen if you both suddenly meet one day in the living room? I don't want anything to happen to you." stated Xander, continuing to run his fingers across Spike's smooth white cheek before giving the vampire's hair an affectionate ruffle, much to Spike's displeasure. Smiling at Spike's scowl, Xander continued on with his explanation.

"I want you to be safe Spike. I can't take the whole Summer off to make sure of that so this is the best that I can up with right now. I mean, I *can* take you work each day in the trunk of the car but I'm gonna be pretty shitty when someone goes to look in the trunk for something and you suddenly disappear into ash. I really mean it Spike."

~Sure. No-one else gets to hurt me but you. Yeah, I totally get it. Can't wait until you start bloody well slapping me around as bit of foreplay. Oh, hang on, he's already done that!~

"O.k."

~Not like I've got a fucking choice anyway have I?~

Giving Xander a crooked grin, Spike nodded his head at the words all the while feeling like his already short leash had another link removed so that it was even more restrictive. To have to spend the whole Summer locked into a two bedroom cabin wasn't a pleasant thought, no matter how much Spike acknowledged that the reasons for the extra security were good. It was true that if someone happened to break in while he was in his Summer semi-hibernation sleep, it was highly likely that he wouldn't even notice that there was another person in the cabin and he sure as hell didn't want to even think about how bad Xander's temper would be if that eventually happened. Barely able to supress his shudder at such thoughts, Spike started rubbing his hand along Xander's well muscled thigh in soft slow strokes. Spike's quiet panting and shaking subsided as Xander started to respond to his ministrations.

"Mmmmm, feels nice. Keep going." murmured Xander as most of his blood supply immediately re-directed itself to his groin. With Spike's scowl now becoming a definate trademark smirk, Xander leaned over and gave a pale earlobe a gentle nibble, trailing his tongue down to just under Spike's chin, and was rewarded with a low grunt of pleasure. In a swift descion, Xander took Spike's hand and placed it firmly on his belt buckle, bucking (his hips upwards a few times to give the blond a hint before turing the car ignition over. Once on the road again, Xander struggled to keep his attention on the drive home while Spike encouraged his cock into standing at full attention.

"Wha...what are you dooooooiiiinnnnngggg...ahhhh...good...*real* good!" exclaimed Xander, almost cross eyed as a cool tongue carefully swept up the small beads of pre-cum that ran down his rigid shaft. Ok, this was new. Sure, Spike had often jerked him off in the car while driving home from some shopping expedition but never had he just unbuckled the seatbelt, leaned over and prepared to swallow...But this was all of the good, Xander decided. All of the '*very* nice and for God's sake please keep going' good.

~Mmmm. Not as bad tonight, usually tastes worse than this. Maybe it's them new Sugarpuff things...all that soddin' sugars got to go somewhere and if this is where it ends up, bloody well fine by me. If the kid tastes it like this, then maybe he might try a blow one day?~

Tongue sweeping around the underside of the hard cock, Spike was prompted to take Xander's cock all the way down his thoat by a heavy hand gripping tightly around his hair and pressing his face down into the heated groin of the moaning boy. His throat readily accepting the wide shaft, Spike managed to wiggle a few fingers in-between Xander's balls and his zipper, just enough room to start rubbing his fingers through the wirey hair much to Xander's apparant pleasure. As the fingers wound through his hair got tighter, he grimaced slightly from the pain as he continued to do his best while trying to avoid getting his head trapped between Xander's thighs and the steering wheel. At his strangled snicker at such a thought, the vibrations of the action around the solid cock down his throat brought Xander to completion.

Swallowing most of the oddly pleasant cum, Spike gave a soft sigh as Xander released the harsh grip on his hair and allowed him to move his head from the boy's lap and to be able to sit up properly in his seat. A few tugs of the stubborn zipper and Spike had Xander all neatly packed away back into his boxers and jeans just as the car pulled into their cabin's carport. Once the car was at a full halt, Spike leaned over towards Xander, fully intent on sharing the last of the cum in a deep kiss in the hopes that it would encourage Xander into thinking about giving head once in a while instead of leaving it all up to Spike. As firm a grip as the chip allowed around the back of Xander's neck, Spike closed his eyes as the grinning boy also graviated towards him. Just as he opened his mouth as their lips touched, Spike got one of the biggest shocks of his life as Xander moved away only after a brief second of contact.

PUNCH

"Whores don't kiss"

His hand clapped over hurting lips, Spike couldn't help the tears that welled up in his eyes as he sat and stared at the smiling youth next to him. Tears rapidly overflowing even as Spike valiently tried to blink them back, he took his shaking hand away from his mouth and gave a loud whine at the sight of blood decorating his pale palm. As he whined for Xander to explain, the still smiling boy just shook his head and tutted at him.

"If I have to tell you, then I guess the chip must have shorted out pretty much everything huh?" happily stated Xander, giving Spike a quick pat on the leg as he unbuckled his seatbelt. "Come on Spike, you know what you are? Shit, your Mom was one. Guess it just runs in the genes"

Shaking his head for all he was worth, Spike tried to tell Xander that he was wrong and that he wasn't a whore, whilst Xander sat and nodded to his signed words. With a squeal of pain as Xander suddenly ground a solid fist into his still healing ribs, he found himself moulded to the car door as he tried to escape being hurt even more. A quick fumble with the car door handle and Spike was soon out of the car and wondering what to do as Xander followed his actions, although a lot slower.

With the smile still on his face, Xander got out of the car and turned to face the vampire, knowing that his good mood was about to disappear into the begginnings of a major hissy fit. His eyes going from the deep chocolate brown that they normally were to almost pitch black due to his rising anger, Xander quietly asked Spike to come towards him.

"Spike, come here please"

~No...you're gonna hurt me again~

As he listened to Xander's request, Spike couldn't help but sob at the undercurrent of menace in the voice. He was going to get it and it was going to be big time. It might not be just now but it was going to become, might even be in a few more days but he was still going to cop a beating sometime in the near future, and for what? Nothing more than a simple kiss. Something that they had shared on numerous occassions, so what the hell had he done wrong this time? As he contemplated running down the road in an effort to make the up and coming beating more worthwhile, Spike started to cry in earnest as Xander walked around the car and came to a halt a few yards from him.

"Spike, come inside. I'm not going to ask nicely again" said Xander, smiling at the distressed vampire even as he felt his former good mood give away to a newly rising anger. What he had told Spike was true, he was still angry because of the mess they were now both entangled in, but what he was really upset about was the fact that Spike had cheated on him with another person. Another *human* person. In an odd way and what could only be the product of having lived life on the Hellmouth, Xander could forgive Spike more easily if the other party had been a demon but in Xander's mind, another human was beyond betrayal and that made Spike nothing more than a whore. His smile disappearing into a scowl, Xander snarled a demand at Spike.

"Stop the crying. Don't make me come over and remind you how to do it"

"S.t.o.p.p.i.n.g. S.o.r.r.y.?"

~I'm sorry..so sorry. Please don't hurt me..too much Pet?~

"Sure, whatever. Just get inside, I've got a surprise for you"

Whining at the smell of anger drifting slowly towards him, Spike almost retched as he hastily wiped a hand over his damp face in an effort to stop the flowing tears. His stomach dropping at the thought of what Xander could possibly call a 'surprise' in his current mood, Spike wondered again if he should just take advantage of the situation and run for his life down the road.

~He's going to fucking kill me. Should've just let him slap me around a bit, probably wouldn't be so bloody angry like he is now..Jesus..I am so fucking done for it's not funny~

*****

His chest heaving rapidly due to the renewed panting, Spike barely noticed that he was trembling again as he took a tentative step forward. With a shaky hand, he reached out and took Xander's outstretched one as he got closer to the boy. Hand encompassed by one so much bigger than his own, he had to force himself to stay beside Xander as they both walked up the cabin's steps and onto the porch. While Xander was fiddling to find the front door key, Spike turned himself to one side so that Xander wouldn't notice his continuing tears. Flinching when Xander momentarily let go of his hand and grasped him tightly in a strong embrace, Spike hesitantly wrapped his arms around Xander's waist as he wondered just what was going to happen next.

"You going to stop crying? Good, I'm glad. How about you try a little harder? There, that's better isn't it..hmmm? Sure it is." said Xander softly, one hand wiping gently at the tears that continued to flow while he kept a strong grip around Spike's waist with the other. Spike's nodding to his words only served to flame his anger into a higher peak, something that the vampire almost immediately noticed and cringed from. Reminding Spike that he didn't like that sort of thing, Xander flashed the bleached blond a tight grin as he felt the arms around his waist tighten. His chin resting ontop of the soft hair for a brief moment, Xander gave Spike a quick peck on the cheek before ghosting his lips along the pale skin and pressing them against Spike's much cooler ones, his hand stroking the fine blond hair that had grown enough to start curling at the ends even with all the hair gel. Just as he felt Spike begin to open his mouth in order to allow the kiss to deepen, Xander wrenched his head away from Spike and smiled the same tight smile as he had only moments before.

"What did I just say? Come on, surely even you can't be that stupid? God Spike, I just *said* that hookers don't kiss, didn't

I?"

Tutting again as Spike vigourously shook his head, Xander grapsed the sharp chin of the vampire firmly and jerked Spike's head up and down in a viscous 'yes' action even as Spike continued to try and disagree with his words. Feeling his anger come to a plateau, he kept forcing Spike to nod, his smile turing into a sneer as the smaller man started to wiggle out his firm grasp.

"Yes. Go on Spike, you try it. Just say yes..see? It's real easy to do. Yes, yes, yes and do you know why you are? No? Gee, that's not really a suprise since it's coming from a complete retard now is it? Nah, don't answer that one, we both know that answer anyway. Come on, don't get so upset, you'll make yourself sick and then I'll be worried again."

~Am not a whore. Never taken money from no-one for sex. Never been a fucking *prostitute*..hooker or what the fuck ever! Just plain bloody stupid, why the hell do I stay here and let him make me feel like complete and utter shit between his toes?~

His chest heaving almost painfully as his panting took a turn for the worst, Spike couldn't believe what he was hearing. There was no way that he was a whore and no matter what Xander did to him, he wasn't going to agree. As the quietly spoken words continued to take potshots at his already broken heart, Spike found himself struggling to get out of the iron grasp that Xander had once again encircled him in now that he had let go of his chin.

~Let me go..let me go..LET ME GO!~

Having freed himself enough to be able to start 'talking' again,

Spike found that his bottom lip was trembling in his effort not to give in to the desire to just sit on the floor and howl in tears. A slight movement from Xander and Spike leapt back a pace, the demon telling Xander that he wasn't a whore in shaky hand signs.

~Why do you always have to do this? Christ Xan, just pick one or the other, please? Either just kick the shit out of me all the time or be nice...but not both..you're driving me fucking insane..I think I'm goin' mental?~

His thoughts laid out in the open for Xander to finally see, Spike knew that if he had been a human, he would have pissed himself in fright already. Just one small advantage of being dead, he mused to himself as he watched Xander's face closely. Unoticeably, Spike managed to move himself out of what he guessed was arm's length for the taller man all the while hoping that he hadn't made a huge mistake and was about to receive the first option.

With a deep sigh, Xander reached a hand slowly towards Spike, taking a step closer as he idly noted that the demon was out of arm's reach. Ignoring the harsh panting and the all too obvious shaking for the moment, Xander gently grapsed Spike's upper arms, eliciting a yelp and grimace as he steadily increased the pressure of his grip on the black clad arms. His anger still at its peak, Xander continued to speak in the quiet menacing voice that Spike had come to dread hearing.

"Because..*you*..make me do this. If you would just... *You* make me hurt you. No-one else but you. I'm not my fucking father and just hit you because you happen to be blocking the view of the tv or got the wrong beer out of the fridge and anyway, it's not like I hit you all the time. Fuck, just get inside. Still got that surprise to give you."

The right key finally found and the cabin door opened, Spike was guided through first by a gentle push between his shoulder blades. Stepping into the cabin, he absently gave the main room a quick look for Twatcat before he choked down a sharp hiccup, the tears trekking slowly down his face as he realised that he would be feeling the tiny kitten's loss for a while. While Xander closed the door behind them and locked it, Spike stood in the middle of the large living room and waited in dread for his surprise from Xander. Barking out a startled yelp when Xander unexpectedly started to knead at his trembling shoulders, Spike wondered if the 'surprise' was really that, just a simple massage.

~Oh God. What the fuck is he playing at now? He's not going to..no..anything but that?~

Thought Spike, standing rigid as Xander's hands tried to work out some of the tension that was the only thing from keeping Spike from tumbling onto the floor. The bitter acrid smell of anger still emanating from the man standing behind him, Spike knew without a doubt that Xander had something else planned for him that night. With a plea to the higher beings, Spike hoped with all his might that what was planned was not going to be a repeat of his rape in the kitchen.

"There. That feels a bit better doesn't it? Come on, stop crying. Please? That's it...good. Does this feel alright? Oh, good...I'm glad" whispered Xander, his cock twitching as he ran his hands over the slim shoulders in a soothing pattern. Something that probably wasn't going to work since he knew that Spike could still smell how angry he was. He just couldn't help himself, no matter how much he tried not to lose his temper, it just exploded and he nearly always found himself lashing out at the only person available. Spike. Xander didn't like beating at the now timid demon but he couldn't deny that he had experienced numerous wet dreams that had featured him beating and then fucking Spike as hard as he possibly could. And he couldn't deny that he had found these dreams the most erotic that he had ever experienced.

With that thought in mind, Xander left off his attempt of a massage when it became apparant that Spike wasn't going to start relaxing in the too near future. A hand wrapped around the back of Spike's neck and Xander steered them both towards the spare bedroom door. The door opened, Xander stood back and let Spike take in what he had done with the second bedroom.

"Surprise! Act like a whore and I'll treat you like one" snapped Xander before turning around and leaving a hysterical Spike curled up on the floor just outside the bedroom door.

*****
Part 23:

5 March, Monday, 2001

2.38 pm

Xander
=========

I think I've broken him.

I honestly didn't mean for it to get to this point. I..I just had to teach him a lesson. Make him learn that there is no way in Hell that I'm going to be putting up with the shit that he still pulls. And I'm sure as Hell not going to just stand around and let him fuck who and what he wants, whenever he wants. He's mine and I'm not sharing.

I didn't think that my lesson was going to have this type of effect on him. Yeah, sure..I *knew* that it was going to make him real upset and get him into one of those 'heavy breathing' episodes that he only does when majorly stressed, but I have so gone too far this time.

The lesson wasn't much and I was even going to bring him back to bed with me in a few nights. It was just a real simple one as well. Just shifted everything of his into the spare bedroom so that it was clear where he was going to be sleeping from now on.

You know, the whore gets his own bedroom because no one wants to sleep with a whore on a permanent basis sort of deal. I had to do it. If I don't get it through his head that he can't go around 'shagging' who he wants, then one day, he's going to pick the wrong person to mess with. Shit, he might even get himself into more trouble than he already is.

I wasn't being cruel...ok, I was, but it's not like I'm not going to make it up to him later. I have to do this, have to give him 'lessons' because asking him not to do things just doesn't work, and I really wanted this one to stick in his mind.

I only did it because I know how much he hates to be alone. Especially when he goes to sleep. I don't think I can ever remember him not clinging to my hand at some time during the night since the first time he did it, about a week or so after the attack in the crypt. Figured that this would really drive the point home. He hates going to bed alone and he gets all pouty and sulky when we don't climb into bed together, even when I'm only a minute or two behind him. I swear to God, I was only going to make him sleep alone for a few nights, maybe three at a push.

Christ, I hope he's not in any pain because if he is, I can't tell. I can't believe how much blood there is, there is no way he's drunk enough to be able to produce all this. No fucking way.

So, he took one look at the room and did exactly what I thought he would. Spike just fell to the floor and started in on a major tear session and that's where I left him. Everytime he whined at me, I told him to shut up. Had to drag him out of the main bedroom once, he had gotten undressed while I was in the shower and had climbed into bed. Ready with legs spread, lying on his back. Could see him trying to relax enough to put a smile on his face but there was no way he was going to stop gripping at the blankets.

I know how much he hates taking it 'like a woman' as he calls it and I very nearly just called the whole thing off. Don't get me wrong, I was still angry at what he had deliberately done but for him to actually offer himself to me like that... But the lesson had to stick with him so Spike got screamed at and dragged back into what was now his room. Told him that the main bedroom was now mine and if he wanted to enter, he had to ask me and if I was already in there, he was to knock on the door before entering. That set him off really bad, I mean *really* bad. I still can't believe that the walls didn't shake with how loud he was crying. As much as I wanted to tell him that he wouldn't be by himself for long, I had to ignore his continual tears and shut the door in his face. Spike had to learn his lesson.

I went to sleep to the sound of his crying and panting coming through from the bedroom next to me. Didn't really sleep too well, to tell the truth, I was so used to Spike being in the same bed as me. Each time I rolled over, I automatically searched for one of his hands so that he could could hold mine. Almost freaked a few times when I realised he wasn't beside me until I remembered where he was and why he was there. I guess I've never really taken in how much I like having him beside me. Wasn't going to tell him that in a hurry though. Wanted to make him suffer and squirm for a few days, could always catch up on my sleep once he was back in bed with me.

Oh yeah, I made him suffer all right. I just hadn't realised how much until I walked into the spare bedroom early this morning, stroking myself hard at the thought of having a whimpering cool body underneath me. Didn't bother to knock on the door, he was a whore and whores didn't have privacy as far as I was concerned. Was more worried about relieving myself deep in his ass. Disgusting but true.

Took one look at what was lying on the mattress in the middle of the floor and I swear, my jaw hit the ground, my hard on running for the hills only seconds later.

Never in my whole life have I ever seen so much blood.

It was *everywhere*.

It looked like someone had come in and just thrown bucket after bucket of blood over him. He was covered from head to toe in it. I don't think I've ever screamed before but I sure as Hell did then. Long, loud and clear and that's what cleared the haze of shock and sent me virtually flying to his side. All I could think was that someone had broken into the house in the middle of the night and attacked Spike. Hurt him so very badly because no matter how many times I was asking him to open his eyes, Spike was totally out of it. Just laying on a wet soggy mattress and letting the tears flow.

The first thing I did was check him all over to see if he had been hurt in any way, but I didn't find anything. Nothing. No cuts, stab wounds, gaping holes...nothing. I honestly couldn't figure out why there was so much blood over him, the sheets and the blankets. Fuck, it had even soaked into both the mattress and the pillow I had given him. It was only when I bent down to pick him up that I realised I was shaking.

With Spike in my arms, literally dripping blood, the few steps to the bathroom was the longest walk I've ever made. The blood made him hard to get into the bath and I apologised every time I banged him around while trying to get him in. Can't tell you how many times I accidently banged his head into the bath taps, I winced with each knock myself. It was just so hard, it was like trying to deal with a life-size ragdoll.

As I turned on the shower overhead and the bath, all I could think was that if he died - you know - died a second and final death, I would be really upset. Even more upset than I would have been if I had been with Anya or Cordelia and they had died.

It sort of creeped me out, forcing me to concentrate on cleaning him up.

I started with his face, wiping the thick blood tears away as gently as I could before angling him more into the water stream so that I could rinse the drying blood from his hair. And it was then that I sort of grabbed a clue as to that there was something so much more majorly wrong that what it looked like at first. Spike's skin was this horrible grey colour, not the usual stark white that I've come to crave. His lips were a light blue, his eyes had started to sink back into his head. I can tell you now, I was almost afraid to touch him. Thought that maybe he would crumble into dust if I wasn't too careful.

He really did look like a corpse and he was about as responsive as one. Kept talking to him, asking him to open his eyes...talk to me...grunt at me...do anything to show me that he could hear me. All through my washing of him, Spike kept crying and I had to keep washing his face. He was crying so hard that I actually got a little routine happening. You know, rub rub of the body, rinse Spike's face, rub rub of the body, rinse Spike's face.

Finally, he was all clean and I was still just having to wipe at his face. Kept asking Spike to stop crying but he either couldn't hear me or didn't want to. I've seen him cry before. Lots of times and usually, I'm the one to make him cry but I had never seen tears like this. Spike sometimes cries long enough for his tears to become tinged with blood and from what the G-man told me, that's unusual and not healthy.

Half the reason I yell at him to stop his crying is that I don't want him to make himself sick, the other is that I really hate it and it pisses me off more than anything. This time, however, all I could feel was this tight ball of fear deep in the pit of my stomach and I started to wonder just how long Spike had been crying real blood for. It have gone on for hours, for as long as I've been asleep because when I had to take Spike back to the spare bedroom, his tears were definately pink tinged then. Just thought that he would eventually stop, like he always does in the end. I think that maybe he had a nightmare and rolled around a whole lot on the bed which would have spread the blood around.

Fuck, maybe he had a 'flash' or even an epileptic fit sort of thing? I don't know but I do know I'm scared shitless that he's not going to be around for much longer.

But he didn't stop crying and this time, its my fault he's sick.

I'm the one whose caused this. Not anyone else but me. I've tried to teach him a lesson and it's gone so seriously wrong and

I have no idea of how to fix it.

I can't get him to stop crying. Thought that giving him some blood would make him feel better and he would stop but all that did was make the tears flow faster. The tears are like a tap that I can't shut off, constantly flowing down his cheeks in a thick red trail. I can't believe how fast they are, he has to have lost well over a half dozen pints. Actually, he *has* to have lost more than that.

I've tried to call Giles but he's not at home and the shop is closed. Left a message on Buffy's answering machine telling her to get Giles to ring me, same message that's on Will's and Tara's machine in their dorm room. It's times like this that I wished we had all gotten cell phones. At least that way, I could get Wills and Tara out looking for Giles. God, I'm ringing almost every fifteen minutes. They're going to kill me but I don't care. Spike's sick and he needs help. Now.

I'm sitting in a cold bath tub, Spike wrapped in a thick blanket, his head resting against my chest because I know that he likes to listen to my heart beat. So, I'm hoping that in some way it's helping him. Don't know how but I'm hoping.

Jesus Giles, ring soon.

If he doesn't ring soon then I'm going to have to swallow my pride and ring Deadboy. I so seriously don't want to but I will if I have to.

I'm so sorry Spike, I never meant for this to happen. I promise that I'll make it up to you. I..I know that I promise you a lot of things and I make promises even when I don't mean it but this time, I swear, I really do mean it. I just had to do this. Had to be the grown-up. Had to be the man and take control.

What if I've pushed him over an edge that I didn't even know he was standing on?

Please Spike?

*****