5 March, Monday, 2001

3.22 pm
============

//Hello? Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless//, a male voice monotoned into the phone.

"Umm, hi Angel. It's Xander," stated the somewhat nervous youth, hoping against all odds that Angel wouldn't just hang up on him. Sitting on a thick towel on the bathroom floor in an effort to make himself more comfortable, Xander kept close watch upon Spike for some sign of improvement.

//Harris. Cordelia's not here at the moment, do you want me to get her to call you back?//

"Ahhhh...umm..no. I don't want to talk to Cordy..ummm, I sort of need your help?" Xander tentively enquired. his stomach fluttering as he wondered just how to broach the subject with Angel.

//You have a problem and you need my help? Let me guess, Giles and the other's can't help you and I'm your last resort?//

"Yeah, you are. Anyway, its not me that's got the problem, well, ok it is in a way but it's Spike really. We need your help. Bad..really bad and no, Giles can't help with this because I can't find him so that means I need help from you."

//Not interested. I want nothing to do with him and I *really* don't want to know anything about Spike unless his chip is out. Is it out?// came Angel's calm and emotionless reply.

"Shit Angel, no its not and thanks for the whole 'care' factor. Like I sai..." snapped Xander, his nervousness giving way to annoyance as he was cut off by the other man.

//What do you want Harris? I've got better things to do and if Spike has a problem, you sort it out. You're the one that took him to Alaska. It's your own fault if you can't handle him. If you're finding it hard, stake him and be done with it. Look, when you took Spike, I washed my hands of him. As far as I'm concerned, he's all yours.//, Angel shot back, his own voice now tinged with annoyance.

"Spike's bleeding to death." blurted out Xander, his whole body tensing in anger at Angels attitude towards both himself and Spike, his tension reaching its peak at Angel's almost bellowed reply.

//*What?*// Angel asked in a startled tone.

"Since last night sometime. I only found him this morning. Angel, he's crying himself to death. Crying real blood and each time I try to feed him up again, he just cries faster. I..I don't know what to do." Xander said softly into the phone, reaching his free hand out to wipe away the tears from Spike's face with a damp washcloth.

//Since last night? He's crying? Spike doesn't cry...ok, maybe he does since his accident but this sounds...odd. What happened?// Angel asked, his annoyance letting up a little as curiosity crept into his words.

His body almost collapsing from the sudden release of tension, Xander gave a quick thanks to the heavens above that Angel was at least somewhat curious about what was wrong with Spike. With a deep breath and another quick face wipe for Spike, Xander started to tell Angel what had caused Spike's condition.

"OK. He's been crying real blood since sometime late last night. I don't know how long because, you know, we don't...ummm...share a room or anything. We sort of had this huge fight and I got Spike upset enough so that he turned on the waterworks. He went to his room, I went to mine and that was it until this morning. Only found him after he didn't come out for his breakfast" said Xander, lying through his teeth. There was no way in Hell that he was actually going to tell Angel the real truth behind their relationship. "I knocked on his door and when he didn't answer, I went in to see if he was ok. I just thought that it was a bit weird that he would miss breakfast..he just never does that."

//Very domestic for you both. Anyway, what happened then?//

"He was covered in blood. Head to foot and he hasn't opened his eyes since I found him, hasn't moved either. He's just like a big ragdoll. I took him into the bathroom after I couldn't find anything wrong with him and washed him off. Spike's this weird grey colour all over. His eyes have sort of sunken back into his head and his lips are a funny blue colour."

//A ragdoll? I'm sure Spike would like that. What's his skin feel like? Is he making any noises or moving at all?// The annoyance had now left the vampires tone.

"No. No, not moving at all or making any sounds. His skin is really dry and sort of weird to touch and definately feels a lot cooler than usual. Jesus, how do I say this, I think he's, you know...shrivelling up?" stated Xander as he ran his free hand over Spikes drawn face. Looking down at the still form laying in the bath, Xander took in the changes that were ravaging Spike's body. In only a matter of hours, Spike had gone from a vampire in an almost perfect physical state to one that was in a seriously unhealthy condition. Since being found, Spike had lost all his muscle definition, his whole body growing so thin that Xander could just begin to see Spike's bone structure lying under the wrinkling paper like skin. The worst was how Spike's tortured body was starting to forcefully curl the vampire into a fetal position and still, Spike was continuing to cry at an alarming rate, something that Xander was finding both distasteful and frightening.

As Xander relayed all this to Angel, he answered his lovers Sire's questions as truthfully as he could, without incriminating himself. Shifting the phone to his other hand, Xander reached out and started to gently run his fingers through Spike's damp dull hair only to quickly snatch his hand back in horror. With his hand held up to his face, Xander looked at what was sticking to it with a sick fascination.

"Oh fuck..oh *fuck me*!"

//What..what's wrong Xander, tell me?//

"His hair! His fucking hair is coming out...I think I'm gonna b...."

And with that, Xander moved as fast as he could towards the toilet, ignoring both the phone as it clattered onto the bathroom floor and the thin voice of Angel's questions. His stomach heaving, Xander gulped down deep breaths as he leant over the bowl. In a swift action, he tore off a length of toilet paper and furiously began wiping the strands of bleached hair that insisted on sticking to his palm and fingers.

"It wont't come off...Why the hell isn't it coming off? Get off, just *get off*!" exclaimed Xander. All the while he was doing this, he could hear Angel's faint voice demanding that Xander pick up the phone and talk to him. Finally, after Xander could no longer see or feel any more of Spikes hair on his body, he rose from his knees and quickly washed his hands at the bathroom sink. Wet hands wiped on the small towel hanging next to the bath, Xander sat himself heavily upon the floor again and picked up the phone.

//Xander...Harris? Haaaaarrrrisss? Xaaaaannn...// Angel sing-songed down the phone.

"Deadboy...ANGEL! I'm here. Sorry about that but..Spike's hair..oh God..it's so gross!" grimaced Xander, unconsciously rubbing his palm against his thigh in an effort to get rid of the false sensation of Spike's hair clinging to his hand. "What? Sorry..so fucking sorry but I have this *thing* about hair, OK?"

//I *really* didn't want to know that and I so very much don't want to know why you have such a *thing* about hair//

"Don't worry Deadboy, I wouldn't tell you anyway and gee, sounds like someone has been hanging around Cordelia too much..Sorry..Jesus don't hang up...No, don't! Please?" pleaded Xander, his stomach lurching as Angel threatened to end the so far poor excuse for a conversation. As much as he disliked Angel, Xander forced himself to apologise, and with an eventual grunt of satisfaction from down the other end of the line, Xander listened as Angel ran through what Spike was currently experiencing.

//So let me get this straight. You two have a fight last night, about what I really don't care, and you both go to your seperate rooms. You find Spike this morning and Spike is sort of dehydrating himself to death by crying continuously. Is that right?//

"Yeah that's about right. Dea...Angel, he's dying..you know..Again. Angel, I like him. Since the crypt incident, we've become friends and I don't want to lose a friend. What's wrong with him and how do I fix it?"

//Just friends huh? Are you sure about that? Alright..alright, just asking, no need to start yelling Harris. It's just..If its what I think it is and if I'm right...then it really isn't making any sense? Harris...Xander, have any other vampires or demons been hanging around either you or Spike?// came the firmly asked question.

"Spike works for some Chinese demons and is pretty good friends with Lukas...Yeah thats right, the ones who own the restaurant and Lukas is the Kava demon..why?" Xander tentively answered. He really didn't like the path that Angel's questions were following and Xander was starting to have a bad feeling that he was going to have to tell Angel the exact nature of the relationship between Spike and himself, something he really didn't want to do.

//Are you absolutely sure? You can't think of one other demon other than who you just mentioned that may be following Spike? Think Harris, this is *very* important//

"None apart from the Veronkif's but we've never met them and anyway, Spike is the only vampire in Pennington. There's not much of demon community up here, its not like Sunnydale or even L.A. It's really small"

//Veronkifs? No..they only stick to their own kind. They wouldn't touch Spike. What about vampires from another town?//

With an exasperated sigh, Xander went on to tell Angel that the closest vampire lived in North Pole, a good forty five minutes away while both Fairbanks and Anchorage had a couple of small sized vampire gangs although they didn't cause many problems.

"Seriously though Deadboy, we haven't crossed paths with any of them. All the demons up here sort of stay out each others way."

//Uh-huh. This is making no sense at all. Ahhhhh..is Spike seeing anyone...Sleeping with anyone?// Angel hesitantly enquired.

"No! I...I mean not that I know of and what does that have to do with how he is now? Look..are you going to help us or not?" demanded Xander, his fear for Spike's well-being giving way to another wave of annoyance due to the direction of Angel's questions. Picking up the wash cloth, Xander postioned the phone in the crook of his neck as he turned on the bath taps to rinse the blood from the once white cloth.

//Harris, I'm trying to help you alright? Good. OK, does Spike have...um...any sort of feelings for you?// was the next obviously reluctant question.

"What? No..I mean..we *are* friends but no...no way. I'm not gay Deadboy...and Spike..no fucking way!" Xander shot back, his heart starting to beat rapidly as Angel finally stepped into the very territory that Xander was trying to avoid. Xander couldn't believe he was lying so much and he only hoped that it wouldn't all blow up in his face, although he knew that by telling the truth he would make it so much easier, Xander just wasn't ready to declare himself 'out' to his lover's Sire. "What do you mean feelings...you so can't be meaning the 'happy..gay' sort?"

//Exactly the 'happy gay' sort and I asked if Spike did, not you afterall, we all know you're not gay. You've said that often enough. So does he have more than friendly intentions towards you or not? Harris...Xander? Are you still there? Answer me?//

Oh God, thought Xander, I can't believe I'm gonna say this. With a deep breath, he answered Angel's question.

"I think so. Ummmm....one night, not too long after we first arrived here, we got really drunk and he...ahhhhh...sort of tried to..you know..ummm..kiss me. But..but..I told him straight away that I wasn't like that and we sort of never went to that scary little place again" said Xander, his annoyance giving way to shame by the need to place the blame solely on Spike. Unable to stop himself from the false confession, he continued. "That is until last night. He...he..tried to kiss me again, I sort of pushed him away and that's what we fought about. I said some really bad things and I'm the one that made him start crying. I just thought that he would stop, he always does in the end."

Bottom lip chewed nervously, Xander felt his whole face flush with a deep heat as Angel gave a short laugh. With a familiar ease, Xander reached over, and with the damp washer, carefully wiped the twin trails of blood from Spike's dry cracked face.

//Bet admitting that just about killed you huh Harris? Yeah..it did, I can hear it. Alright...alright, don't get so annoyed..Sorry alright? Fine. From what Giles told me about Spike after his accident, your the one looking out for Spike..is that right? He's somewhat dependant on you? Hmmm..thought so.//

Oh Jesus. He knows, thought Xander.

His palms sweating, Xander gulped audibly as his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth in his suddenly dry mouth. With growing worry, Xander waited for Angel to continue.

//Before you say it, I know you're not gay but have you..*ever*..given Spike any sort of come on...given him an indication that you in...let me finish Harris...in any way might possibly return his feelings? Think Xander, anything at all? A touch here or there...a few looks between you...did you return the kiss last night?// Hesitant once again to ask questions of this thread, Angel nethertheless plowed ahead.

"W..why? I mean..no..no, I..I don't think so. Why..why are you asking me this?" croaked out Xander, horrified that he already knew why Angel was asking these type of questions. Xander couldn't help himself, he just had to hear Angel spellout what he already knew and with that thought, he found himself gently stroking Spike's hollow cheek as Angel continued.

//You say no but you're really not sure. Xander, you said something earlier about Spike's skin being cooler than normal...how often do you touch Spike to know that?//

"Aaaahhhh...errrrr, sometimes when he has a..uuuhhh..crying fit, he..he needs a bit...bit of human contact. A hug so I..you know..justdothatandnothingelse" Xander blurted out somewhat truthfully. Ashamed of himself and the need to lie almost compulsively, Xander found himself wiping a hand over his eyes in order to stop the pricking of tears. Never in his whole life had he ever felt such conflicting emotions as he was currently experiencing. Even thought Xander wanted to do all he could to help Spike, he just couldn't seem to do what was needed and what was needed was to tell Angel the whole truth. As he waited for Angel to make some sort of comment as to what he had just said, Xander admitted to himself that the reason he was so unwilling to tell Angel all was that he in no way wanted Angel to become interested in Spike again.

//So a hug every now and again is the closest you two get? Uh-huh. Last night..you basically rejected Spike's advances..you did..right. And that's what the fight was about wasn't it...right. Last night...did you make a final rejection of him...I mean something...something more than before..like ask him to move out..threaten to end the friendship at all?// came the carefully worded query.

"Yes." whispered Xander, collapsing heavily against the side of the bath as he recalled his carefully thought out punishment for Spike. Shock coursing through his body at the far reaching ramifications he had caused, Xander went on. "I...I sort of told him that I wouldn't put up with that type of shit anymore. I pretty much put my foot down and that's what got him so upset"

//Harris, what do you know about vampire relationships? Particularly Claimants and Adored's? Harris...Xander? Xaaaannndeeerrr? Hello? Hello..you still there? Answ...//

"Yeah...yeah. I'm still here. Ummm..sorry..sorry what did you say Angel?" asked Xander, forcing himself to concentrate on what Angel was repeating. "A bit. I do know a bit about it. Read about it in one of the books that the G-man thinks he's hidden away. Why?"

//Ok...what I think is that, for a reason that totally escapes me, Spike has somehow latched onto you and is identifiying you as his Claimant and has convinced himself that he is your Adored. You following me so far?//

"Uh-huh. Spike's my Adored and I'm his Claimant. Right" Xander replied, his heart sinking at Angels words. With a shaky hand, Xander reached up and wiped away the first of his tears. If only the earth would swallow him, thought Xander. He honestly couldn't ever remember being so ashamed, embarrassed and scared at the same time in his whole life.

//Now I know you wouldn't have gone through the Claiming process so I won't go into that. What I'm pretty sure is happening is that your final rejection of Spike has started something called 'The Shaming'. I don't really know how to explain it, only that you won't find it in any of the Watcher's Diaries or in any books about Vampires. It's something that's only very, very rarely seen. What happens is that when an Adored has had, what they feel, is a final rejection from his Claimant, the Adored goes into a crying fit..exactly like you described..and pretty much cries themselves to death. The more they cry, the more their body breaks down and...disolves...into blood in order for them to keep crying. Finally, they get so dehydrated, they just crumble into dust.//

Horrified, Xander just sat and listened as Angel described the ritual in a calm voice, a cold clinical tone taking over the hesitancy of the earlier questions.

//Basically, what Spike is doing is committing suicide. He'd rather be dead than live with the shame of you rejecting him. It's a last ditch attempt to get your attention and hopefully convince you to accept him.//

"Keep...keep going. I need to know?" Xander softly pleaded, hating himself for what he had caused.

//It's rare because usually when a Claimant has had enough of their Adored, they either give them to another Claimant and they have a token fight with the old Claimant 'losing' to the new one to allow the Claimant taking over to iniate the Claiming process, turn the Adored away after five years has passed and allowing them to become a free vampire again or they just stake them. Sometimes, its even the Adored who chooses the new Claimant and organises the fight between his or her current Claimant and the new one.//

"Why does this..this 'Shaming' happen? I mean I know why but...you know...*why*?"

//Because this is the only option left open to them. When all the pleading, the offering of themselves and all attempts to become the Claimants most 'Adored' possession once again has failed, this is their last cry for attention and help. Do you understand? What happened last night between you both was the catalyst for this. Harris, what did you say to him...what did you do because for Spike to start 'The Shaming'...something big must have happened//

'Offering of themselves?' With Angel's words sending chills down his spine, Xander couldn't help but think back to the night before when he had found Spike willingly offering himself like a woman to Xander. Barely hearing Angel's questions, Xander couldn't help but start crying out loud, something that prompted Angel to ask if he was alright.

"No...no I'm not alright Angel. This is my fault. We didn't just have an argument last night. I had a shower and when I got back into my room, Spike was naked and...and..off..offering himself to me. He *offered* himself to me Angel and all I did was yell at him and drag him back into the spare bedroom."

//*What*?// demanded Angel, his calm demeanour gone in an instant as he listened to what Xander was admitting.

"I did. I yelled at him and rejected him totally and this is all my fault. I've killed him....Oh my God, I'm killing him right now..how do I fix this...Please Angel...Help me?"

//I've only seen it fixed once and it doesn't matter how because it doesn't apply to you and Spike. Xander, this isn't your fault. You had no idea that Spike thought of you this strongly...ok, you knew he was attracted to you but not like this. The best and most humane thing you can do for him right now is to stake him.// Angel replied somewhat uncomfortably, trying his best not to sound too harsh.

"NO! I will *not* murder him. I can't just *stake* him....Deadboy, I can't. How do I fix him?" asked Xander, every last bit of his pride vanishing as he was reduced to pleading with someone he couldn't even stand living in the same city as.

//Just calm yourself down Harris. You are going to have to stake him to put him out of his misery. The sooner, the better. If you...no, you just listen...if you do it now, you can save him hours of agony. You don't want him to suffer do you...you are his friend aren't you? Of course it would hurt! How do you think it would feel to have your body disolving? Are you crying Harris?//

"I..I couldn't tell if he hurt or not and fuck you..yes I'm crying. I..he. He's my friend and I've killed him so yeah, allow me to feel just a little upset about that...is that alright with you? Oh really...are you sure? Well fuck you very much *Liam*" spat Xander, unable to help himself from lashing out verbally at the only person available. Smiling bitterly to himself, Xander listened as Angel swore at him and abused Xander for calling him by his human name.

//You asshole, what gives you the right to call me that? Hmmm..just what gives you the damn right? Don't you ever call me that again....never! No-one calls me that and if you know whats good for you, you'll never repeat that word anywhere where I or others can hear it. Do you understand? Good. The only reason I'm not hanging up on you is that my life wouldn't be worth living if Cordelia found out I didn't help you....you got that *Alexander Lavelle*?// came the icy reply.

"Bastard! And lets all hail 'Queen C's' reign of terror on the undead shall we?" shot back Xander, wiping at Spikes tears before he put down the cloth and wiped at his own. His smile growing a mere fraction warmer as he re-called just how scary Cordelia could be up close and personal when offended, Xander knew that Angel had a very legitimate fear for his own life. Xander's anger towards Angel calming down a little as he finally found that they had something in common, he continued. "Yeah, she can be a little...vicious at times can't she?"

//No...really? She's mellowed though..a lot. Suits her too but she's still more than happy to vent an 'opinion' when she wants to.//

"Yeah, don't I know it. Deadboy....I'm sorry. I'm upset and I really want to fix Spike. Can we just forget about what I said?" tentively enquired Xander, both thankful for Cordelia's reputation for being a little scary and hating himself even more as he was forced to continue to beg for Angels help. "Fuck it! Angel...I'll pay you if that's what its going to take...I can sell the car..the stereo..whatever? Just tell me how the other Adored was fixed."

//All forgotten Harris. Just bear in mind what I said and everything will be fine. You really like Spike huh? Yeah well, your pretty much the only who does then and don't worry, we'll call this a favour and one day maybe you can repay me OK? Good. Now, the only time I've seen it happen is when a Claimant finally decided that he wanted his Adored to stick around for a little longer. The only thing that's going to slow down Spike's 'Shaming' is either Sire's blood or Claimant blood.//

"How...Tell me how?"

//I don't know why you want to know this...it's not going to work for you two..you're not his Claimant. Ok..ok...don't yell at me, alright? It takes a vampire who is bound to the Adored by either scent or blood to halt 'The Shaming'. Sires are bound by blood and Claimants are bound by scent, sometimes both. Once the Adored has drunk enough blood and has stopped crying, the Claimant then has to nurse the Adored back into health and once the Adored is healthy enough, the bond between them is re-established and everyone is happy again. There, satisfied?// said Angel, a little snidely.

"Just..like..that?" asked Xander, his mind reeling as to how he was supposed to find Diehl at such short notice. He knew that Diehl recruited for the army but where he was at that moment, Xander had no idea. With a deep groan, Xander forced himself to listen to Angel once again.

//No..no, its not that simple. Harris, the Claimant has to repeatedly assure the Adored that they are wanted, needed and most of all, loved. Just suppose you manage to stop Spike crying, are you going to tell him that you love him? I really don't think so, do you? Because if you do, it's just going to give Spike the come on and when you reject his advances again...Do you know where I'm headed with this?//

"Umm...Spike starts 'The Shaming' again?" Xander questioned even though he already knew the answer. Unconsciously, he nodded his head as Angel confirmed the truth.

//Xander, stake him. Be a good friend and just do it. Put him ou...// started Angel in a soft voice before he was cut off by Xander.

"Would it work if the Claimant was a human? Angel..would it?"

//Harris...what's going on? Tell me you didn't?// came the demanding question.

"Just answer me Deadboy, if Spike was Claimed by a human, would the ritual work?" Xander asked in an equally demanding tone of voice, his stomach fluttering in nervousness even as his hopes were bumped up a notch.

After a lenghty silence on both ends of the phone, Angel was the one to break it, speaking in such a calm tone, Xander couldn't help but shiver at the underlying menace.

//Are you his Claimant?//

"No. I know who is and he's due to see Spike on Friday"

//Spike's going to be dust by then, Xander...you have something to tell me don't you?//

With a half choked sob, Xander found himself feeling a little lightheaded as he realised he was going to have to tell Angel the whole truth. Just as he wiped at a stray tear, he was struck with a sudden thought that made him give a half-hearted smile.

"Yeah Angel, I have to tell you a big complicated something."

*****
Part 25:

5 March, Monday, 2001

4.52 pm
============

//You stupid..*stupid* boy! What the Hell did you think you were playing at?//

Wincing at Giles' question, Xander found himself wiping at the tears that threatened to flow. "I...I didn't know...I didn't know that this could happen. I swear Giles, if I knew...if I thought....thought that..."

//Thought? That's the whole problem Xander, you didn't think. Did you? No. For heaven's sake, why? Why on earth did you meddle with something that you had no idea about?//

"I *don't know*..I just did, OK?"

//No...no its most certainly not just all ok...alright or whatever you seem to think it will be. From what Angel has told me, Spike is already well on the way to his final death and I for one happen to agree with him this time. You must put Spike out of his misery. Now.// came the angry reply.

"Giles...Please. I've already gone through this with Angel...God, I can't believe he's rung you already...I can't kill Spike. I...I don't...you know...*love* him but I don't just like him...it's more than that..." Xander stated, his stomach rumbling with hunger, a sensation he tried to ignore as he twisted to one side in order to wipe at Spikes tears. With an involuntary gag as he caught sight of the vampire's shrivelled features, Xander instantly re-directed his gaze to the shower wall. Blindly and a little roughly, he patted the cloth over the tightly stretched skin covering Spikes face, hoping that he had mopped up most of the continuing tears.

//How dare you say that? If Angel hadn't had the common sense to call me before you did, then just what little fabricated story would you have given me...hmmm...what would it have been Xander? He's told me that you lied, he's told me the whole story. You're just damn lucky that Angel is taking time out to help you with this...I've got a good mind to hang up on you. I'm disgusted at how stupid you have been// stated Giles, his voice, although not rising, took on an icy tone.

"I'm not staking him and that's final. Angel said that he would help me and I'm...Spike...we're both counting on that. You're...ah...ummm....gonna help too aren't you...Please?" ventured Xander, a louder rumbling of his stomach reminding him that he had skipped dinner, yet another meal that he hadn't even contemplated preparing yet alone eating. The bloody cloth wrung out into an ice-cream container already half full of Spike's blood beside him, Xander grimaced as a few drops of the thick liquid splattered his old tracksuit pants.

//Of course I damn well am...no matter how tempting it is to hang up on you. I...I just can't believe that this is happening...of all the people to meddle with magic and rituals... I thought that you were mature enough to leave such things alone//answered Giles with a weary sigh.

"I'm sorry...Jesus...I am *so* fucking sorry...how many times do I have to say that?" replied the humiliated youth, embarrassed that he, out of all his friends, had been the one to let Giles down.

//Honestly? You couldn't say it enough at this point in time. Anyway...enough of this. We can discuss this more when Angel arrives but for now, I need to know if what Spike said about Riley and his...ahhhh...friends is true?//

"Yeah Giles...he wouldn't make something like that up. Spike doesn't...he doesn't lie to me...since the accident...I don't think he lies at all anymore" admitted Xander, conveniently forgetting about all the times that Spike had in fact lied to him and how he had 'helped' Spike to think about not doing it again. "I...I mean he does at times but...but it's just about small things, not big things like what Arseholes Inc. did to him. Shit Giles, I *caught* two of them trying to rape Spike down at the park just before we left...I fucking caught them!"

//I beg your pardon, what did you say? Arseholes Inc.? And you said that y...you caught them trying to abuse Spike...is that right...is that what you said?// came the reply, Giles' voice tinged with puzzlement and more than a little worry.

"Ummm...sorry, that's what he calls them. Arseholes Incorporated...you know, Inc. for short. Riley and his so-called friends are the ones who messed Spike up in the crypt...God...I used to wonder why Spike always freaked out whenever Riley came over to the apartment...used wonder why he always hid in our bedroom until Riley was gone. I..I knew that he had been, you know...umm...raped but I just thought that he was afraid of Riley because Riley was another male....that sort of thing. Jesus, Spike only told me *who* did it to him after a couple of the pricks cornered him in the supermarket car-park one night and started touching him up and yeah...I did catch them. Martinez and Corey." Xander replied, his voice rising with anger as he recalled how the other two men had been hell-bent on damaging something that by all rights, belonged to him.

//Dear God. Xander...why didn't you tell me as soon as you knew? That was the reason you moved wasn't it...not the job situation? You moved in order to try and protect him. Why didn't you tell Buffy?//

"Tell her what G-Man? 'Gee Buff...sorry to tell you but your boyfriend is a homo rapist who likes to give demons who can't defend themselves brain damage and his so called friends are all physcho stalkers....do you think you can ask them to stop hassling me and Spike?' You think that might have worked Giles?" snapped Xander.

//Ah...right...of course. I do see your point of view. Certainly, you couldn't have told Buffy but you most assuredly should have told me as soon as you became privy to the information. I have seen this Martinez in the company of Riley, as well as a Graham...was Graham one of the men who...who...ahhhh...abused Spike?// came the demanded question, the older man's voice almost trembling with anger.

"*Raped Spike* Fuck Giles, they didn't just abuse him....you know as well as I do...they raped him and from the bruises, it was more than once. Yeah, Graham is one of them and another one...Diehl." sighed Xander, a weary hand rubbing at the beginning headache that seemed intent on burrowing itself through his right temple.

//Yes. I..I did see the bruises. I must admit that I suspected something like that had happened but when nothing was said...I...I just brushed it aside and up until now, I've been more than happy not to think about it. And lets face it, even if I had questioned Spike about it, I very much doubt that he would have admitted it had happened. It's not a subject that any man wants to acknowledge.// said Giles in soft voice, the regret colouring his words was all to plain for Xander to hear.

"Ummmm...G...Giles?" Xander questioned in an equally soft voice, his face burning a bright red as he prepared himself to admit to the older man his own involvement in Spike's torture of so long ago. "I..I could have stopped it. I mean...I don't think that I could have stopped everything but...but...most of it. I think. If I had.he might not have been...you know...so very badly hurt"

//And you may not have stopped anything at all...you may in fact have made matters worse.//

"No...no. Spike told me that if I had just looked for him that night instead of going home and eating a fucking Twinkie, I could have stopped them...helped him.you know? I could have." came the reply, Xander unconsciously pleading with Giles to tell him that what he had done was ok and that he shouldn't still be feeling guilty for not having somehow prevented Spike's injuries.

//Xander...what would you have been able to do? Ask them to stop? Tell five ex-Initative men that what they were doing to a creature they more than likely considered lower than an animal, was wrong? Would you have taken one look at what was happening and rung the police...come and got me to help you...told Buffy what Riley was doing to Spike or would you have waded right in and thrown a few punches on Spike's behalf?//

"I don't know! Something....." A frustrated Xander answered back, the hand curled around the phone tightening so that the plastic groaned. "Yeah, but Riley would have stopped...I mean...I'm his friend and I already knew Graham and Martinez....they would have. Right?"

Not bothering to tell Giles that in fact now Angel was considered more of a friend than Riley ever had been, Xander found himself holding his breath as he listened to the reply. As he took in the carefully stated words, his blood ran cold.

//Really? Are you so sure of that? Would they have stopped and muttered an apology or two, asking you not to tell anyone or would Riley have invited you to join the party? Xander....they could very well have just put you in Spike's place and I shudder to think of what could have befallen you once they realised whom they were abusing.//

"W...what do you...mean?" whispered Xander, knowing full well what Giles was trying to get through to him.

//Xander...doing away with any evidence in a permanent way would have been a very strong desire. Spike wasn't disposed of only because no-one would have believed him and their desire for him to suffer but you...people would have believed your story if you ever told them and that would have posed a very big threat to their futures...especially for Riley and his relationship with Buffy. What I am trying to say is that even though Riley would have most assuredly been horrified at what he had done once he was sober enough, when someone is caught in a pack mentality, a group desire is virtually impossible to deny.// said Giles in a soft sad voice, somewhat uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation.

"And when you're drunk...anything seems like a good idea at the time, huh?" wryly admitted Xander, shivering as his mind flashed him a disturbing image of Riley beating his head in with a rock from the crypt floor while his friends cheered him on.

//Yes, quite true. Dear God...I just have no idea of what to tell Buffy and she has to be told...she has every right to know what her...her...*boyfriend* considers as an outing with the lads. Unfortunately, I don't think that she will believe a word of it. Especially as it's Spike who is pointing the finger.//

"She won't believe me either will she?" questioned Xander, knowing full well that Buffy was notoriously stubborn and would more than likely accuse him of having the wool pulled over his eyes by Spike. "Buff will just say that Spike is back to his old tricks of causing trouble won't she?"

//Yes...yes, I'm afraid that she more than likely will see it that way. She...she...sometimes, there is just no getting through to her and it's safe to say that this is going to be one of those times.// Giles sighed, his voice heavy with weariness. //I don't know what to do about Riley and those friends of his but I most certainly *do not* want him any where near the girls...I don't doubt any of them would be able to handle themselves....//

"But it's better to be safe than sorry?" finished Xander, inwardly cringing as he went to wipe at Spike's face again. "G-Man?"

//Xander...For heaven's sake...do not call me that...please?// pleaded Giles as Xander fell back onto a habit from previous years.

"Yeah. Sorry. Jesus...all I seem to be doing today is saying sorry, you know? Sorry to Spike...Sorry to Angel for pissing him off...sorry to you and I guess I'll be saying sorry for along time in the future huh?" admitted Xander, nodding to himself even as Giles angrily told him that Xander would indeed be apologising for quite some time. With a wry grimace on his face, Xander listened as the older man once again aired his despair over what to do with the Riley and Buffy situation, Giles stating that it would be best for Buffy's boyfriend to just leave quietly and to never return to Sunnydale or Buffy. Something that Giles was unsure of how to facilitate.

The grimace twisting into a ghost of smile, Xander had to stop himself from blurting out that the Riley problem was probably going to be taken care of as soon as Angel caught up with the taller blond. Xander wasn't one hundred percent sure but he had a very bad feeling that Angel was going to have a severe 'talking to' with Riley as soon as Spike was in the clear. Shuddering, Xander could all too clearly remember the menacing growl from Angel as Xander had done as he had been asked and confirmed Riley's Sunnydale address. As much as he currently hated Riley, Xander couldn't help but pity the other man for being on a Master Vampires Most Wanted List.

Hoping to all the Gods he knew that no-one else from L.A. or Sunnydale ever found out about Angel's extra-curricular activities, Xander found himself jerked back to reality as an annoyed Giles demanded that Xander provide an answer of some sort.

"Wha - sorry..*again*. What did you say? I was...ahhh...wiping Spike's face. Didn't really listen. Sorry?" Xander hurriedly covered as he rubbed a hand over his face. Suddenly yawning, he listened as Giles berated him not for paying attention, his body beginning to ache from stress and hunger.

//Xander...I was asking if you were prepared for what you're going to have to do if we can't help Spike?// came the exasperated voice, tinged with sympathy.

"No...No I'm not. I don't even want to think about that Giles. I...I know that I may have to....stake him but...But...he...Spike isn't just some vampire all mental...flashing fang and ready eat straight from the grave....he's...more than just that"

//That's right, he is and that's precisely why it would be in his best interests, if not yours, to end his pain now//

"Fuck Giles...he's not just some...some *dog* you take down to the vet for a final visit when its looking all tired out. He's my...my..*boyfriend*. He's more than just that...he's my *friend*" declared an equally exasperated Xander, his eyes burning from the fresh tears that threatened to fall. A little amazed that he had finally acknowledged Spike's role in his life after considering him no more than just a fuck-buddy that he essentially owned for so long, Xander forced himself to look properly at the still form in the bathtub. In words so quiet that they couldn't be heard, he repeated himself. "He's my boyfriend. Jesus...Spike's my *boyfriend* Oh my God...I'm in a...a *relationship*"

His wide brown eyes taking in the skeletal creature that Spike continued to shrivel into, Xander stared at the blood staining the hollow cheeks. He slowly slid his gaze down the sickly grey body, absently counting each of the horribly prominent ribs as he did so. With more than a little embarrassment, he found himself riveted to the sight of Spikes hairless crotch, the hair having fallen out sometime during his conversation with Giles. The same as most of Spike's once full head of hair. Xander knew beyond a doubt that if it had been any other time, he would be fascinated to know how Spike felt being all hairless...down there.

Now however, all he could feel was disgust, helplessness and an almost overwhelming shame at how Spike continued to detiorate at such a rapid rate. As he continued to listen to Giles put forth reasons as to why Xander should stake Spike immediately, he dragged his gaze from the vampire's withered lower legs, glancing over the concave stomach that only hours ago had been defined by tight toned muscles and up to Spikes face again, noting how agonisingly sharp the cheekbones looked under the tightly drawn skin. With a hesitant hand, Xander reached out and took a small lock of the dull bleached hair in-between his fingers. Dry retching as the hair came away from the scalp without any resistance at all, he had an odd thought of how upset Spike was going to be over his white blond pride and joy. Deep breaths taken to quell the queasy feeling in his stomach, Xander jumped into the conversation as Giles paused.

"You don't know how hard this is for me....both you and Deadboy keep telling me to just...just shove a table leg into him, wash his dust from my hands and then everything will be ok again. This hurts Giles"

//Is...is there someone who...ah...could do it for you instead? If...if it ever does come down to it? Xander...as much as you are to blame for this...I..I *hate* the fact that none of us are there to help you with this// came the soft reply, Giles voice once again coloured with regret over the situation. //I can't even begin to imagine how you feel at the moment but...but I did promise to help you and I will, as shall Angel when he arrives but if nothing works......//

"I know, I know. Stake Spike. I so don't want to make that choice...I guess I know how Buff felt when Angel turned into the Very Big Bad. God...I was *such* a complete *arsehole* to her...guess its Karma or something huh?" sniffled Xander, a short bitter laugh coming through on the last of his words.

//Yes you were but so were we all. So if it is indeed Karma, then I think that you've gotten much more than you deserve as has Spike. Xander...I'm going to leave you until Angel arrives...please...*please* do not do anything stupid until I call back alright?// Giles quietly pleaded with a voice that clearly expressed all the worry that he was feeling.

"Oh...I think I've learnt my lesson. Don't worry G-Man...No more stupidity from one Xander Harris...well...not until the next time heh?" Xander sheepishly replied, twirling the dry lock of hair in-between his fingers. Hurriedly flinging the brittle strands into the bath and wiping his hand upon his sweatpants as soon as he realised what he was doing, Xander wryly agreed with Giles. "Yeah...yeah...I know. No laughing matter at all...gotcha."

//Xander...I will call, OK?//

"Soon?"

//As soon as I can or Angel will and please....do be at least a little civil towards him? Right...I'm going. Bye//

"Yeah...bye" replied Xander, pressing the hang up button and putting the phone down beside the ice-cream container. His gaze still focused upon the prone body in the bath, Xander couldn't help but think that he was going to have to stake Spike no matter how much help both Giles and Angel ended up providing him with. God, if only he could drag Diehl into the bathroom and somehow feed him to Spike...then..*then* everything would be ok again.

How though was the million dollar question.

*****

Hurt.

Hurt.

Ohhhhhhh...Hurt.

Ffffuuuuuck...this...this pain...Agony.

Feel you. Can feel you touch me Pet. Touching my face.

I'm cold. I don't feel the cold usually...I shouldn't be feeling the cold, I'm in bed. All wrapped up in the blankets you gave me. I am though. I'm cold. I hurt.

All over.

My head aches so bad. Rub just behind my ears Xan, please? Make the hurt stop. You're good at that. You hurt me but you always make it go away. Always.

I don't feel so well.

Hurt.

Why? What's wrong with me?

My eyes. I can't open my eyes. I know you're there...I know you're near me. I want to see you...why can't I see you...what's happening?

Friggin' freezing in this room Xan, need that filthy fuckin' stove turned up.

Hurt.

I feel sick...Christ, all I wanna do is heave.

So tired. I can't make out what you're saying...I can hear you. My head hurts too much...all I can hear is bloody mumble jumble shit. I like it though, I like you being near me. Safe, that's what you make me feel. Can you touch me some more?

Talk to me Whelp. No...don't stop...keep going...Please?

Hurting...hurting...hurting.

Help me...what's happened to me? Did I have a 'flash'....am I still having one? Is this a new type of 'flash'...is this sodding chip doin' me head in even more?

My bed's cold. It's hard. Why? Where's my pillow...what happened to it? Why aren't you beside me...holding me? Am I lying on the floor again?

Why do you keep touching my face...what are you rubbing at me with? Why is it wet? I can't wiggle my toes...are they still there? You didn't.....teach me another lesson did you? You wouldn't have...would you? They're still there...right?

What's wrong with me...what's happening?

Hurt.

Tired.

Why can't I move? I want to talk to you.I want to see you...Help me? Don't you want me to talk anymore? Did you tie me down again...is this a game? Did you want to do something kinky and haven't told me?

Did you put something over my eyes...is that why I can't see you? Are my eyes open...everything is black...are we in a dark room...is that why I can't see you?

There's something wrong with me. I don't feel right.

I can smell you. Why are you afraid? Please don't be afraid...why are you upset? I can smell that you've been crying.

Why?

You don't cry. I cry but you don't. You're the strong one, I'm the retard...the one who needs you. Please Pet...I'm getting scared. Help me...tell me what's wrong with me?

Are you there?

Don't go...no...no...don't go.

Don't leave me?

Pleeeeeaaaase....please. I want you...need you.

Hurt...hurt...hurt.

Ohhhhhhhh...please Pet, make the hurt go away. I know you will. You always do.

Tired.

I think I'm having a dream....I think this is a nightmare.

I'll just sleep a bit and you can wake me up in the morning.

Hurt.

Cold...God...so *fucking* cold.

I feel weird...bit floaty-like.

Drifting.

Might just drift awhile.

*****

5 March, Monday, 2001

7.30pm
=========

"Yeah yeah...hang on. Shit...just *hang on!*" hollered Xander in response to the continual loud banging on the cabin's front door. With a deep frown and gritted teeth, he concentrated on trying to pour the last of the ice-cream container's contents down Spike's throat. This was something that was harder than Xander had ever thought possible due to the way the sickly vampire was now laying in the bath. Over the last few hours since getting off the phone to Giles, Spike's tortured body had curled fully into a tight fetal position, making it nearly impossible for Xander to get any of blood he had carefully wrung out of the face washer and into the gallon-sized container into Spike's mouth let alone down his throat.

"Great idea Deadboy. Feed Spike his own blood he says. It'll slow down the crying," Xander snapped to himself, mopping up the blood that poured straight out the lax mouth. Just managing to catch the gory tide before it flowed over the vampire's cheek and spread out over the bottom of the bath like it had done so many times before. Xander wrinkled his nose in unhidden disgust as the rough material of the fresh washcloth not only cleaned away the thick liquid but also took a large amount of the flaky skin off Spike's face with it. "Yeah great fucking idea. Of course, it would help if Spike would fucking well swallow it. Christ this is disgusting."

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, Xander found himself cringing inwardly at how harsh he sounded towards not only Angel but Spike as well. Dimly he noted that whoever had been intent on knocking down his door only moments before was now gone, something that he quickly pushed to the far end of his mind as he apologized to Spike.

"Sorry Spike. I didn't mean to call you disgusting...I mean, not that you are or anything...aaahhhh...yeah. No, you're still...ummm...really...good looking and everything." ventured Xander, hoping to God that Spike wouldn't start crying any harder. That is if Spike was still capable of hearing. Angel had informed Xander that even as an Adored continued to deteriorate, they would still be able to hear, feel, taste and smell anything that went on around them until their senses also started to fail them the closer they came to the final phase - the final phase being the most brutal of all as the Adored entered their second death. Once the Adored's fingers and toes started to turn into a fine dry ash and crumble away from the main body, according to Angel, there was no turning back.

Xander shuddered as he went over the last piece of information in his mind, shame once again flaring up deep within him. After Angel had finally arrived at Giles' place, the ex-Watcher had performed a scrying spell that had enabled both he and Angel to look at Spike's condition. To say that they had been shocked was a definite understatement and as Xander had been forced to accept another tongue-lashing from both men while talking to them on the phone, Angel had reluctantly re-evaluated his thoughts on just how far away Spike was from the final phase of The Shaming. Whilst he had been on the phone to Spike's Sire in L.A., Xander had been horrified and yet somewhat relieved to learn that The Shaming usually took no less than a week to complete all the phases. A week had meant he had time to try and make Spike well again.

Unfortunately, upon seeing Spike with his own eyes, Angel had come to the conclusion that his Childe only had a maximum of three to four days left. Giles had ended the conversation, commenting that maybe with maybe Spike's damaged emotional center was the reason the once blond vampire was so advanced in his condition. It hadn't been a pleasant phone call as Xander had had to argue for Spike's life when he was pressed to end it. As Angel had icily replied to all of Xander's angrily shouted reasons as to why Spike should live, the older vampire had stunned the upset youth into silence with an offer of a pint of Sire blood. Unable to voice his thanks for fear of breaking down, Xander had just looked up at the spot on the shower wall that Giles had said the scrying spell had taken residence in, and nodded gently. It was offer that Xander was currently waiting for to come to fruition.

"Please Spike...please swallow? Just gulp down all that nummy goodness you can taste. Mmmmmmm...Don't you just wanna swallow the lot?" Xander pleaded, his words tapering into a soft whisper as he forced himself not to retch as he placed his mouth beside Spike's right ear. Jerking his head back the instant his lips brushed against the dry skin peeling from the vampire's ear, he rubbed furiously at his mouth with the back of his hand, horrified by the idea that something might be sticking to his mouth. As his rubbing slowed down, Xander filled the otherwise silent bathroom with a deep sigh and leaned in as close as he dared towards Spike. "I know you can hear me Spike. The Poof said you could. Did I tell you Deadboy is with Giles? He's got Wesley coming up to help the G-Man with a portal spell and then when that's done, there's gonna be a nice...yummy...bowl of Sire's blood for you. Sounds good doesn't it?"

"Dea...Angel really cares about you. I mean, he wouldn't give you his blood if he didn't would he? Wes and Giles really like you too. Like I said, if they didn't then they wouldn't help you...they would just say no and that would be it, but nope...they're....they're pulling out all the stops to tr...make you better again." he stated as brightly as he could. With a hope that he was coloring his words with as much love as possible, Xander continued. "I care about you too. Hell...I care more than any of them put together so I know that you're gonna be just fine...besides...I want my...my... I want to know what you're giving me for my birthday. Please don't die. You don't know how much I'll....I'll....m-miss you?"

His words dying down to a cracked whisper, Xander wanted nothing more to gather Spike in his arms, wrapping the vampire up in one of the strong hugs that he knew Spike loved receiving. Something that Spike had often initiated when the blond was having one of his 'bad' days and it was a gesture that always had Xander feeling protective and tender towards the other man. His mouth curving into a ghost of smile at the thought, Xander felt a sudden burst of heat flare up across his face as he remembered the last time Spike had tried to make his way tearily into Xander's arms. With the fire of shame coursing through his body, the youth wearily closed his eyes as he re-called how he had viciously shoved Spike down onto the ground, screaming that as he had had a bad day himself, he wasn't in the mood to put up with Spike's useless pathetic shit. Unable to help himself, he felt himself jerk at the memory of how Spike had squealed in agony every time Xander had kicked and punched him.

"Jesus. I am such a sick fuck" he mouthed silently to himself as he couldn't help but recall just how strong and in control he had felt, towering over Spike as the vampire had curled up into a tight whimpering ball on the kitchen floor. "I'm not my father. I'm not. Am I?"

"I hurt you...I know that. I know it's wrong and I shouldn't do it but...but...I c-can't help it. I don't want to be him. I'm not so like him. Yet. I..I." Tears flowing from sheer exhaustion and finally having the full realization of what he had been subjecting Spike to since the forced blow job in the basement in Sunnydale come crashing down on him, Xander found that he couldn't stop the flow of words that poured out of him as his voice got louder. "I hurt...I hurt you *so God-damned much* and you take it. Just like my Mom. But...but she hits back...she...she always gives as good as she gets. A-and you can't and that makes me so much more worse than Dad. I am such a prick. You used to call yourself the Big Bad but you're not. I am. I'm the Big Bad and you know why?"

Not even noticing the tears as they dripped from his chin and onto his chest, the distraught youth continued. "Because I like what I do to you. I fucking *love* that I can punch the shit out of you and you'll always come back for more. I'm sick. I know that and you know what? I can't even blame alcohol like my Dad and Uncle can. You're not my wife but I come from a long line of wife beaters. I...I thought that I wasn't like that. Thought that...thought the label of 'wife beater' didn't apply to me. It does though doesn't it?"

"Shit, I would never have dreamed of hitting Cordy or Anya. Never. Just thinking about it makes me sick. Thought it didn't matter because you were another guy....a vampire. I could never hurt you..not really. I mean, you'll always heal up won't you? Always had this little thought in the back of my mind that was saying it was wrong to hit you but I kept ignoring it because it just feels so damned good when my fist smashes into you and I know it shouldn't...right? But...but...with help...I can stop feeling like that. Maybe I should go to one of those classes? You know...get up in group therapy and say 'Hi, my name is Xander Harris and I'm a gay spousal abuser"

"You know what? I can't even blame this Claimant/Adored thingy. Fuck - you're not even my official Adored anyway...that prick Diehl is. Shit...I don't even have that excuse. Nope...the best I come up with is bad days at work and my temper. I know...I know I have a bad temper. Really bad actually....sort of scares me at times as well. But...but...Dad and Uncle Rory have bad tempers too...I just thought it was normal you know? To kick and scream at other people. Hit them. Like Dad di...does to Mom."

With a watery sniffle, Xander gave out a half choked smile as he wiped at the tears puddling down his chin. "When I was younger, I scared Wills and Jesse a few times with my temper and that's why I started hiding it. I didn't want them not to like me anymore. Went over to their houses and got to learn that no-one else's parents acted like mine and their kids didn't either. Got really good at hiding it too huh? Fuck, the first time you li-lived with me in the basement, there were so many times I just wanted to punch the shit out of you. Make you take back all that you had said to me. Make you feel as worthless as you made me feel. I didn't though did I? No. I, like the fucking coward that I am, waited until you relied on me...till I owned you. Till you were too scared of your own God-damned shadow to even make a smart gesture back."

"I...I. I'm gonna get help. Go to one of those anger management courses...buy one of those 'Controlling your temper' books they always have on late night TV. Might even get the steak knives with them. I'm so sorry that I did this to you. So...*so fucking sorry*" admitted Xander before lapsing into silence. It was true. Every word he had just said was God's honest truth and Spike deserved to know all of it. He was going to get help. He had to if he wanted to have some sort of relationship with Spike. What he had at the moment was nothing and if he really thought about it, he was treating Spike worse than his Mom and Dad treated each other. What his parents did to each other was wrong but neither of the battered party had ever held the other one and promised that the abuse would never happen again. Something that Xander had done after each and every occasion.

His head hung in shame as his self revelation continued to open up, Xander finally acknowledged that he was not only a bully but he was deliberately cruel. Delving a little deeper into himself, the youth realized that what he had blurted out only minutes ago to Spike was true. He did like that Spike was the weaker one in the relationship and he did indeed feel safe in the knowledge that Spike would always stick with him, no matter how brutally he was beaten and bullied, only because he had no other place to go. As a pang of pain clenched at his chest at the thought of Spike one day leaving him, Xander honestly wondered if the vampire would survive long enough to ever contemplate packing his bags and leaving.

"I...I am my Dad. I'm not a man am I? A real man wouldn't do what I did to you. A real man wouldn't make his...boyfriend try to commit suicide. Fuck...I'm not my Dad. No, I've fucking well outdone him. Dad or Mom would only kill each other accidentally...I know that. I think they both know that. Me...Nope...I just go ahead and do it deliberately. I know I didn't know everything about Claimant/Adored relationships, all the 'ins and outs', but I should have read properly. Should have done the homework and I didn't and what's happening to you is my fault. And I swear, when you get better, I'll...I'll be nicer. I won't take my temper out on you...I won't hit or...or...force you to do anything you don't want anymore. Even the...you know...sex stuff" came the now earnest words as Xander made a vow with himself to make sure he did everything that he was promising Spike. "I..I can't promise to be perfect...I won't ever be but...but...I can be better?"

Lifting the ice-cream container, he angled it awkwardly to rest the rim just on Spike's dry cracked lips and tipped it gently so that the remaining blood lapped against the vampire's lips.

"Please swallow...Drink Spike. I...I wanna stop being my Dad and I want you around to help me be a better person."

"I...uuuhhh...I...ummm...love you Spike"

*****