*****

Xander Harris has been hiding a big secret from all his friends for a very long time. It wasn't just that he was gay, because everyone would accept that over time. Even Anya would learn to cope with it after awhile. But Xander wasn't interested in human men at all, they seemed weak and predictible. Of course he thought some were very attractive, he even remembered masturbating a whole weekend to Riley. Yet he wanted something more, something deeper. A partner that could have incredible sexual stamina and not be weighed down by basic human need for oxygen.

For some reason, he thought about what Angel did one night when he was a senior in high school. He saved Faith from killing him. He didn't put much thought into it, I mean he did have a soul then and he was probably just doing a good deed. But, it was the way Angel was looking at him afterwards that striked his attention. Those piercing, eyes. He looked like a dog that just did a good deed and wants a doggie biscuit. It was very cute, but it also made Xander feel very uncomfortable. It was okay for him to be gay, he knew that. But to feel sexually attracted to a vampire? They weren't technically alive, and he was unsure if they were phsyically able to ejaculate.

Besides, he already feels left out of the gang. People always tend to ignore the good things he does. He just feels like Willow or Buffy's shadow most of the time. Therefore, if he admits he has a thing for male vampires he will truly be the outcasted scoobie. Xander knows all this, yet he still yearns for male affection. Male sexual affection. Male vampire sexual affection. Wasn't that contradictory? Could any vampire really show him affection? Or would it just be hot physical sex that seems like affection but would really be just some butch vampire bleeding his rectum, pretending it's a woman's hymen? Xander has always cared about what people think of him, and if anyone knew that he yearned to be literally FUCKED by a male vampire, then he really would feel left out.

He doesn't have good luck with girls, but he realized it's because he's gay and has nothing to do with luck. He just tries to act like a big sister to Anya instead of a husband. With Buffy and Willow, they really just boss him around. He just feels ignored and all victmy, and so when he dumped Anya at the alter he was glad he could use that vision guy as a diversionary tactic. He just was too afraid of saying "Anya, I want to have hot gay male sex with another vampire instead of you"

So even though Anya can be bitch of the year, she was still right when she told him that he was a scared little boy. That's all he was, nothing more. Just a scared little boy having to say dumb jokes to get people to like him. He will always be remembered as "Willow's friend" or "Buffy's sidekick." But never as what he truly is- a loyal, honest person. He didn't mean to feel sorry for himself, but he just couldn't help it anymore. His overly submissive attitude didn't help much anyway.

Therefore, he decided that he was going to attempt to end this suffering. He just had to find out if his gay vampire feelings were just curiosity or if that was what he was. He was going to visit L.A for a week. He knew from going online that there were many gay vampires. He thought they would be in San Francisco, as that is usually the stereotypical response people give when ask where gay humans live. Fortunately, he knew it was L.A that the gay vampires liked to live.

Besides, he wasn't into male humans. He even wanted a gay,extremely dominant black vampire to experiment with sexually. He just had to try, besides it's not like the AIDS virus has any affect with vampires, so that is good. He can't believe he's thinking about actually having gay sex with a vampire. What will his parents think? But he just had to see if these feelings and fantasies we're real. He was going to catch a plane to L.A first thing in the morning. He wasn't going to call anyone, he really only planned to stay for a week. He would just leave a note. Besides, they wouldn't be all teary-eyed like if Buffy left or anything. She was the star of everything, he was just that guy in the corner.

He drifted to sleep, thinking of typical Xander-homoerotic thoughts like Riley being a vampire and probing Xander's aching man-ass with his big military cock while he lightly bit his nick and sipped some of his young spunky blood. But he couldn't hide the thoughts in the back of his mind, that when he arrived in L.A tomorrow he hoped to see Angel.

*****
Part 2:

Xander arrived in L.A with a mixed feeling of fear and exicement. He actually couldn't believe he was going all this way to have what will probably be just recreational sex.

The night was still fairly young as he stepped into Blood-boys, a gay 21+ bar for vampires. They sure didn't hide anything, as Xander heard moans like "Fuck me dude" and ear-biting and ass-licking sounds from the bathrooms. He always thought that it was degrading for any gay man; human or not, to cruise for sex in public bathrooms. He thought that by them doing this, they just we're giving the people the right to say more bad things about them.

But he wanted to feel it, he just had too. Xander was always pretty intelligent, so he didn't know why he pushed the logical concept of getting to know somebody before you just go looking for sex. Yet he didn't care, he had to satisfy this craving. He went in the bathroom and stood there and froze at what he saw.

It wasn't what he expected that's for sure. Some three big burly vampires were fucking the hell out of some human guy. Xander got a closer look and he saw the person couldn't have been more than 19 years old. "Uh, he looks a little too young to be here", Xander stuttered nervously. The other vamps just laughed at Xander while another one starting unzipping his pants and coming closer to him. Xander felt a cold, vampire cock head brush against his ass through his jeans. Xander began to feel very stimulated, but then he noticed the boy's rectum was starting to bleed. Xander knew the boy hadn't been in pain, but it still scared scared him because he knew this was just sex for fun. It had no meaning, no substance to it at all. Just meaningless, recreational fun gay sex to get the gay vamps jocks off. Xander left the bar with a million thoughts swarming in his head.

Xander ran and walked back to his car. He knew what he just saw in the bathroom wasn't rape, but it looked so awful. I mean he always had gay fantasies, but that looked sick and cold. He wouldn't classify it as coercion, but it sure didn't look like anyone loved each other. It was just about sex. He remember having a raging hard-on, but being too afraid to do anything. Then the realization hit Xander like the building that fell on Glory did in "No Place Like Home"

"DOH I'm just so stupid! Here I am actually thinking of having sex with a vampire, but really the only person I really liked was Angel but he had a soul." Xander said this to himself while driving away from the bar to stay at his hotel. Xander knew now his thirst for love and sex was with not just any vampires, but vampires with souls. This made perfect sense, because how could Xander love and care for someone who didn't feel human feelings and just cared about forceful, unsoul vampire sex? Xander needed to be cared for, not just fucked around like a doormat.

Xander then became very horny. He just had to jack his manmeat. He pulled over in an empty parking lot, and made sure nobody was around. He started to rub his dick through his pants when suddenly, someone caught him. He was so startled and his heart nearly jumped in his throat. Then his emotions turned into both fear and extreme arousal as he saw who was watching him- The one and only Angel.

*****
tbc