*****

We have each other. The whole gang had separated for a while, but Spike and I stayed together. We needed to. When Anya died, we became closer. We were together before, but the loss sort of made us realise how much we need each other.

Which is how we ended up in my apartment, my bed specifically, tangled up in sticky bed sheets and each other.

"That was. that was damn good." An exhausted Spike smiled at me. I smiled back, and kissed him.

"It really was." I ran a finger along his chest. "Tomorrow, we should go shopping. Since you moved in, everything seems to disappear."

"I don't know what you mean, Xan." The vampire grinned, that grin that could melt my heart.

"I'm sure you don't. Enough talk. Let's sleep now, ok?" Xander yawned.

"Sure thing, pet." Spike pulled Xander closer, and fell asleep with him.

***

Giles and Willow, the new co-owner of The Magic Box, stood behind the counter, checking the inventory.

"I think Xander is coping quite well. With the loss of Anya. Don't you think?" Giles asked, flipping pages in his account book.

Willow nodded. "Hmmm. I'm not sure that Spike is the way to go though. He's lost Anya, and five minutes later, he's jumping Spike? Something is definitely not right."

"If it makes him happy, then that's all well and good. But its nice you look out for him, Willow. Xander needs a friend like you around, especially now."

***

"We do not need more toothpaste! We have plenty back at the apartment."

Spike and Xander argued in the center aisle of the supermartket, ignoring the pointed looks shot their way from the staff and members of the public.

"That's what you said about the lube last week! You had to run out that night and find a shop still open! So, just trust me, we need toothpaste!"

Spike sighed, and Xander knew he had won. The brunette threw the Colgate tube into the basket, and moved onto his favourite part of the store, the Bakery.

"I want an iced ring donut! Can I have one?" Xander pleaded with Spike, giving him his puppy dog eyes.

"'Course, babe. Go get one. And I'll have a double chocolate chip cookie." Spike smiled loving at his boyfriend.

Xander ran back to Spike after getting the goodies, and they walked to the checkout.

"20.36 please." The checkout assistant said in a toneless voice.

Spike handed her the money.

"Did you sue them?" The vampire asked the assistant, who seemed surprised she was being talked to. She handed him his change and receipt. Xander packed the products.

"The charm school." Spike looked at the girl, and laughed quietly to himself, as he walked away with Xander. Xander tried very hard not to laugh in the shocked girl's face.

***

Xander would patrol with Spike, covering Crestfield Cemetery and Weatherly Park, while the rest of the gang took the streets. It gave them more time together, which neither of them thought was a bad thing.

"So, what do you want to do? After we're done here, I mean."

Spike swiftly moved behind his lover, and firmly placed a hand on Xander's ass. "I've got an idea." He whispered.

"Hey! We're patrolling! Scaring off potential hell minions because you're horny." Xander turned around and passionately kissed the unnatural blond. "Well, maybe I'm horny too." Xander answered Spike's raised eyebrow.

The couple jumped when they heard growls from behind them. Four vamps were approaching them.

"You go for the small one. I'll take the other three, ok?" Spike didn't wait for an answer as he ran at the vampires. Xander sighed and ran for the smaller, male vampire.

The three vampires, all male, had Spike cornered. Until he kneed one in the groin, and sent another spinning with a sharp backhand.

Xander was pretty sure his nose was broken. The small vampire had apparently learnt a number of fighting techniques, which, pretty much, meant the Xander was screwed. And not in the way I like, Xander thought. Without warning the vampire grabbed Xander by the arms, and began to knee the brunette in the face. Screams and tears could he heard, but Spike was helpless to do anything. Xander broke free from the struggle, and began to violently shake. The vampire looked baffled, and moved away.

"Spike? Spike, I need help." The whisper came from his lips.

He lifted his head, and it froze there. Eyes not moving, or any other part of his body.

The wires dangling from Xander's face, and the circuitry that was visible around his face began to crackle.

*****
Part 3:

"It's got to be hard, y'know?"

"Well, they were very close. Its bound to be hard on him . When I lost Jenny, I wanted to be alone, so it might be best not to crowd him." Giles, Willow, Buffy, Tara and Dawn sat around the table in The Magic Box.

"So, you're saying we should leave him alone? That just seems wrong to me." Dawn piped up, giving her opinion.

"No, I'm not saying that. If he needs or wants us, we will of course be there for him. But we can't just go over there and demand that he should be better just because we want him to be."

***

I feel numb. I know it sounds like a clich�, but I do. I'm standing in the kitchen, no idea how long I've been standing here. Spike's doing his best to help, but no-one can. All I can see is her face staring blankly at nothing, her head bleeding profusely. It made me cry. I would be cuddled by whoever was near by, and they would whisper empty promises of how it would be better soon. They don't know that I ever left, of course. Only Spike knows. We'd agreed when I came back, a week ago, that it was our secret. I thanked him for it, and I haven't said much to him, or anyone else, since. Spike's running around, caring for me, making me meals, running baths, stuff like that.

I think I'll go sit in the living room. Need to move, or I'll collapse. Again.

***

He hasn't told the Scoobies about what happened when he ran away. I think he feels that they have enough sympathy for him, and this would just make it worse. Of course we all feel the pain of losing Anya, but we're all putting aside our pain, until we've helped Xander through his pain. The last week, he's hasn't left the apartment, so his friends would come around, and sit with him. He would just sit and stare at whatever happened to be in front of him. Tears would sometimes roll down his cheeks, and they would be brushed away, but he showed no recognition of anyone around him. Sometimes I don't know if its losing Anya, or being raped regularly for three months. He hasn't slept in his bed since he left either. He said it reminded him of all the times he and Anya had spent there.

***

The reception of The Hyperion Hotel was left in disarray after Cordelia had another mind-numbing vision. Angel and Wesley helped her to her feet.

"What did you see?" Angel asked, holding onto her arm.

"Oh God. It was. it was." Cordelia broke into tears. She calmed herself down enough to tell Angel what she saw. "Xander. He's in trouble. Of the very serious kind. He was in a kitchen area. There was so much blood, Angel." Cordelia broke into tears again.

"Wesley, stay with Cordelia. When she's fit to travel, make your way to Sunnydale. I'll meet you there." Angel walked through the double doors of the Hyperion, and into the night.

***

Having run out of milk, bread and toilet paper, and seeing as it was the middle of the afternoon, Xander was walking the aisles of Walmart on his own. Having already collected the toilet paper and bread, he headed for the milk. Picking up two pints of semi skimmed, Xander moved towards the checkout and his thoughts began to wander. Especially when he saw the man in front place a pack of ribbed condoms on the conveyer belt.

**

"That's it bitch. Take it like a girl. I'm coming, I'm coming. I'm coming in you like a girl, you little shit."

**

Xander opened his eyes, and found himself still in Walmart, and not back there. But an important, and potentially devasting, thought now formed in his head. Al, the man who raped Xander, hadn't worn a condom. And who knew how many times he had done that kind of shit with someone else?

***

The table in The Magic Box had books piled upon books when Xander walked through the door, looking very dazed. Buffy looked up.

"Hey, Xand. You feeling better?" She gave him her best sympathetic look. He smiled back, not feeling up to telling the truth.

"Yeah. What's with the research?" Xander nodded towards the books.

"Just your run of the mill demon. It jumped me last night, but we still haven't found it in any of the books." Buffy began to walk back to the table, when Willow jumped from her chair.

"Hey! Is this your guy? He sounds about right, from what you told us." Willow grabbed the book and walked towards Buffy and Xander.

Buffy literally jumped, and exclaimed "That's him! What does it say?"

"Nothing much. He's nothing special, anyway." Willow offered.

"Well, that's good." Turning away from Willow, she asked Xander, " Hey, do you want to come patrolling tonight? See if we can't find this dude?"

Smiling a little too much, Xander agreed.

***

Drinking from a mug he had stolen from Giles, which read "Kiss The Librarian", Spike was told the news. And spit his blood across the kitchen in surprise. And over Xander.

"Hey! Watch it! Shit, it's all over my face!" Xander moaned. Spike smiled.

"Want me to lick it off?" He kept smiling, and walked towards Xander.

Xander kept his eyes riveted to the floor, and fidgeted.

"I can't." Xander muttered. And shouted it again. " I CAN'T!" He ran into his bedroom, tears falling freely.

Spike stood in the kitchen, mentally cursing himself.

***

"Buffy, we've been patrolling for three hours. Do you really think we're going to find that demon? Seems a little less than likely, right?" Xander had been walking alongside the Slayer for three hours straight, moving from cemetery to another, and all they had found was one measly vampire. No butt ugly demon. Which made for a tense Buffy. Who was not a fun Buffy to be around.

"I guess. I really wanted to get that bastard." Buffy whined. Xander rolled his eyes dramatically, and laughed.

"You'll get him tomorrow. He won't know what hit him." Xander smiled at his friend. "I better get going. God knows what Spike's been doing to my place. It's probably trashed, or something."

"Xand? Why do you let Spike stay with you? No-one would careless if you threw him out, y'know." Buffy cocked her head, waiting for a reply.

Xander shrugged. "I guess I like the company. It's pretty lonely without Anya around anymore." Xander held his breath, wondering if Buffy would recognise the invitation for her and the gang to spend more time with him at the apartment. Anything to keep me away from alone-with-Spike. Not that is such a bad thing. I just can't handle it right now.

"If you want, Willow and I can swing by tomorrow. Have a sleepover party?"

"Sounds like fun. Make sure you rent good movies this time. If you and Willow force me to watch Dirty Dancing again, my head will explode." Xander chuckled.

Buffy laughed, shaking off her tension. "It's a deal."

Rounding the corner of the high street, Xander said his goodbyes and walked off towards his apartment.

***

In the passenger's seat, a mobile rang. Angel picked it up, keeping one on the road. He was already late enough as it was. Colliding with another car, or worse, a person, would not be good.

"Hello?"

"Angel? Where are you? Wesley and I are leaving the hotel now. We're going to take his motorcycle to Sunnydale. God help us." Cordelia laughed nervously.

"I had some car trouble about a mile back. I should be there in an hour. Don't worry, I'll get there in time, Cordy." Angel did his best to reasure her. He wasn't so sure that he would get there in time.

***

Taking off his jacket, Xander slumped into his armchair, and flicked through the available channels on the wide screen TV Anya had made him buy. Settling on UPN, Xander put the remote down. Spike walked out from the bathroom, and sat next to Xander, in an identical recliner.

"You're watching UPN? I hear some good shows are moving there." Spike did his best to make casual conversation, trying not to overstep the mark.

"Yeah, I guess." Xander didn't take his eyes away from the screen. Spike shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

After a minute of awkward silence, Spike rose from his chair.

"I'm getting some blood from the kitchen. Do you want anything?" Spike gestured towards the kitchen.

"No, thanks. I'm good." Xander's expression didn't change. Hadn't changed since he walked into the apartment. "Actually, you could do one thing for me."

"Anything." Spike said, and scared himself when he realised that he meant it. He would do anything for the dark haired god sitting in that chair.

"I need some time alone. Could you maybe go out? I don't mean to sound rude, because you've been great. But I really need some space right now." Xander looked Spike in the eyes, and Spike saw the pain behind those eyes. If space was what he wanted, space was what he was going to get, Spike thought.

"Hey, I'm running low on blood anyway. I'll see you later, ok?" Spike headed for the door.

In a near whisper, Xander said,

"Thank you."

The sound managed to make Spike feel like the king of the world, a feeling he had last felt about one hundred and twenty years ago, when he had first met Drusilla.

Once he was alone, Xander moved from his chair and into the kitchen area. The image of Anya laying on the ground, the right side of her face caved in from the pile of bricks that had landed on her, haunted Xander until he picked up the nearest butcher knife.

***

A car sped down the main street of Sunnydale. Picking up the mobile, Angel dialed Buffy's number as quickly as possible. After three rings Buffy picked up.

"Hello?"

"Buffy? It's me, Angel."

"Angel? Oh, god, what's wrong now?" Buffy's face cringed as she thought of the possible reasons Angel would have left L.A to come to Sunnydale.

"I need Xander's address. Quickly." Angel voice carried a sense of urgency, which made Buffy give the address, holding the questions until her curiosity peaked. Which wasn't long.

"Now you've got the address, do you want to tell me why you need to see Xander so badly?"

"Xander's in trouble. I'm not sure what kind, but it might be best it you got there ASAP" That said, Angel hung up.

***

Xander held the butcher knife in his right hand, and ran his left index finger along the blade. He smiled. Bringing the knife down, he let the blade balance on his arm, holding the wooden handle in a firm grip. In one quick move he cut the skin, and felt the knife cut the veins in his wrists. In another quick motion he repeated the action on the other wrist, and dropped the knife. As Xander fell to the floor in a pool of his blood, he smiled in relief.

*****