*****

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/18/01 10:52 PM Pacific Standard Time (Thursday)
Subject: From Willow

Hi Spike!! So, this is like your virgin email! And I don't mean anything
by that, you know...just this is (I think) your first email on your new PC.
Even though it isn't really new, it's actually old. Not *really* old, like,
not obsolete, everything works very well. Or it should. You'll be sure and
let me know if you have any problems, right? Because you know you have the
official Willow Guarantee on parts and services. Good for the lifetime of
the computer, because I won't be around for the rest of *your* lifetime.
What with you being a vampire and me being a human. Unless of course you
keep making Buffy mad. Don't do that, okay? I mean, I know you enjoy it
and all that, but then you sweep off into the night with your black coat,
leaving us to deal with uhm...an unhappy Buffy. Which is bad. So...is
that your point? That's really not nice. Which you keep telling us
you're not. Anyway. Hope you're having fun with the new computer. I'll
be by tomorrow afternoon after classes to help you with anything that
comes up between now and then. And Tara made cookies; I'll bring them by.

Bye for now!

Willow (aka Red)

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/18/01 10:59 PM Pacific Standard Time (Thursday)
Subject: Wotcha Red! So tell me how this works. Let me know if ya get this.
Love, Me PS - Buffy has stupid hair.

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/18/01 11:11 PM Pacific Standard Time (Thursday)
Subject: From Willow

Hi again, Spike!

You're putting all of your text into the subject line. When you want to
send an email, you use the tab key (upper left of your keyboard) and go
from the To: line, then the From: line, and then the Subject
line...something brief in there. And then tab again and you'll be in
the body of the letter. Then just type away to your heart's content.
So...maybe I shouldn't say anything, but Buffy said you used to be a
poet when you were...you know...human. Are you going to start writing
again now that you have the computer? I think you should. And Buffy
does not have stupid hair. Be nice!

Love and chocolate chip cookies!

Willow

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/18/01 11:11 PM Pacific Standard Time (Thursday)
Subject: Re: From Willow

Red!! This makes loads more sense now. I tried to write more, but it
only gave me a little space to type in before it stopped workin. Okay,
yeah, so Buffy told ya I was a poet, did she? Well, she musta told ya
that Dru was me Sire, too. Which is all true, every bloody syllable.
Now - why dontcha just have her call Angel and tell him I said so. But
YOU don't do it, okay? Just her. Now, about cookies - can you get me
some oatmeal raisin, too? That last batch ya brought me was the dogs!!
An about the part where you say yer human - sorry about that, pet. I'd
change it if I could. Keep ya around forever, I would. In any case,
lookin forward to yer visit. Tell Tara I think she has great jubblies,
an' she should wear that blue dress more. You too, Red, filled out nice.
I'd fancy seein you in leather... Right then, hafta Email the Poofter an
Saggy Bottom Boy.

Love,
Me

PS This is bloody fun!

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/18/01 11:20 PM Pacific Standard Time (Thursday)
Subject: None

Oi! Peaches,

How ya been? Got me Email up an runnin. Red fixed me up a big grey box
from parts she had. Callin it Frankenputer. Frank, for short. So Email me,
or I'll stake you.

Love or Sincerely,
Me

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 7:40 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: None

Spike - the address you sent your missive to is a generic one for Angel
Investigations, please refrain from doing so in the future, since this is
our business account. We all have our own addresses, Angel's is
Angel@Angel_Investigations.com, and I will forward your message to him.
I would also suggest that you not threaten Angel, he has not been in the
best of moods of late.

Congratulations on acquiring a computer.

Sincerely,

Wesley Windham-Pryce

From: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 8:33 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: You're A Wanker

Dear Ex-Watcher who got sacked... alot,

Oi! How ya been, mate? I've been tits, thanks. Got me a right good set
up, I do. And howcome yer answerin instead of Legs? I thought she was
the secretary. Oh yeah... and I wasn't threatenin Angel... go and ask
him what I meant by "stake him"... Go on, I dare ya. Right then, must
be off... Baddies to kill, innocents to debauch.

Sincerely,

Me

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 8:48 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Wanker

Spike,
I will thank you not to write to me ever. And for the record, the Watcher
Council did not fire me; we parted ways by mutual agreement. And if by
using the plural you refer to Angel firing all of us, may I be so bold
as to remind you that your Sire now works for me? Lastly, I have no
desire to ask Angel about his relationship with you. The less I know
in that regard the better. For what I hope is the last time,

Wesley Windham-Pryce

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 9:15 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Get over it

Tosser.

Love,

Me

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 9:25 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Get over it

Really. I must insist, Spike. Stop this immediately!

Wesley Windham-Pryce

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 9:44 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Get over it

OKAY! IF YA WOULDN'T RESPOND, I WOULDN'T HAFTA ANSWER YOU! NOW SHOO!
OFF ME EMAIL

LOVE,

ME

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 1:25 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Life in the Big City!

Hey Xan,

It's me. I just got back from the Beverly Center, oh my god, you have to
see these new boots, they're totally nouveau riche... Anyway, Angel's all
holed up in his cave - so I'm sending this from home. You wouldn't believe
what I found in his bathroom... a bottle of hair bleach... I mean...
"HELLO!!" I'm guessing he's banging Buffy again. That's who we thought
of last time he did this, huh? But wasn't she there? Oh well, it
doesn't matter. I have to go. An audition for a dishwashing detergent
commercial... Yay me! I hope I get it. I do. So tell the gang I said
hi, and that I miss everyone.

Luvz,
Cordelia

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 3:15 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Life in the Big City!

Cordelia! Queen C! The Cheerleader with the most-est!
How are ya? Sounds like your working *really* hard there....not! Things
are the usual around here, demons, mayhem and of course Spike, who fits
into both categories.
Uhm...Cordy....about the bleach...it's not Buffy's. I'll give you a shiny
penny if you can guess which bottle-blonde it does belong to. Come
on....you can do it!
Good luck on the commercial thing....you must really be a great actress,
because....well - somehow I'm not able to really imagine you doing
anyone's dishes. Not even for money.
Well, this is the Xand-man signing off in all his/my greatness. I'll
pass along your love to the gang...we miss you too....except Anya -
she's still got that cute jealousy thing working for her.

Xander The Magnificent

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 5:31 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Perverted Much?

Hey Xan,

Oh... Whatever! You are NOT trying to tell me that Spike and Angel
are riding the hobbyhorse. That's so passe... how Anne Rice can you
get geek-boy? Anyway... I didn't get the gig... Ugh... can you
believe this? They said I looked too *young*!! HELLO!!! When has
looking young ever been an issue in Hollysucks... Never.. .that's
when. Whatever - I didn't want it anyway... I would've totally
hated seeing that on one of those "Before They Were Stars" shows.

So... Anya's jealous of me, huh? Not like I blame her. I mean, c'mon
- total knock out here - the kind of girrl a guy like you only dates in
his wet dreams... and wow - you actually got close enough to touch
me... But I do miss your hugs, you know. Those were the best. Even
if you smelled like Old Spice, which contrary to popular belief
really doesn't get a girl hot.

I'm gonna go take a bath now... And don't go thinking about me in the
water and the bubbles.

Luvz,
Cordelia

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 5:48 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Perverted Much? Yes!!

Cordy - let's just say I know more about your Caped Crusader's sex life
than I should. Spike talks *alot* when he's drunk. "Riding the hobby
horse"? Geez, nice imagery there, Cord....L.A. corrupting you much?
And as for my gorgeous girlfriend, I don't think she cares how you look,
she has issues with anyone of the female gender ever touching me,
looking at me, speaking to me....past or present. Yup...she's very
possessive of her Viking. (That's me!). But if you come to visit I
might get a short term leave to give you the Xander Special hug...she's
beginning to understand about "good" touching and "bad" touching (well,
I had to make a list.don't ask). Now if I could just get her to talk a
little less about Anya/Xander touching in public. Enjoy your bath.....I'm
sure you make your rubber ducky very happy. What about your ghost....does
he.....watch???

Love in the platonic sense only,

Curious Xander

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 6:13 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Perverted Much? Yes!!

Hey Xan,

Dream on! And don't *even* go there. Angel's my friend - and I don't
want to hear anything bad about him. Oh yeah, and I don't care WHAT
Spike says, because he's so last season, it isn't even funny.

Oh yeah, and tell Anya to stop sending me hate mail - she's not as
innocent as she looks, is she? And look, you're here trying to tell me
she sends hate mail to everyone... so, how does Buffy handle this?
And tell Buffy that if she wants to beat her up, I support her in that
decision. Really Xander... I'm gonna enclose the last thing she sent
to me, just so you know. And she reads your email... so delete this after.

{I know that you're jealous that Xander and I are together now, but you
have to move on. He's giving me orgasms now, not you. And I don't
appreciate you stalking him through the internet, or sending him love
notes. If you were a man, and I still had my powers, I'd afflict you
with a terrible disease that made your genitals fall off}

Have a nice day.

Sincerely,

Anya}

Freak much? Control her, please. I have other things to think about.
Oh yeah, hey... did you hear that Johnny Depp and his girlfriend broke
up? Yay! Can you say Mrs. Cordelia Depp? Cause I can!

Luvz,

Cordelia

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 7:35 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Really Really Sorry!

Cordy -

Uh...sorry about the insanely jealous girlfriend thing. Anya and I had
a very serious discussion about PRIVACY. I don't think you'll hear from
her again. And if you do just let me know and I will withhold sexual
favors for a time of my choosing as punishment, as per our agreement.
I think I finally found something that gets through to her that isn't cash.

Believe what you want about Angel, you know I could care less about
Deadboy, but if should happen to catch him and Spike playing hide the
sausage, don't say I didn't try to tell you.

Again, sorry about Anya going a little psycho on you. And congratulations
on getting engaged to a man you haven't even met yet. Reality is a boring
place to live, huh?

Love (and you better not be reading this or reading anything into it, Anya)

your pal,

Xander

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 1:42 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: American Wanker

Yanno - I hate yer Email address, always think I'm gettin more nasty
love notes from my ex-demon lover. HA! Okay, tonight it is... Yanno
yer always welcome - except when yer not. Everything going okay over
there, by the way? Yer not tryin' to run out on me little bird, are ya?

Tell Cordelia she has bad hair and big teeth.

Love, Me

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 2:02 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Huh?

1) Like your email address is anything to write home about. But you do
have the truth in advertising thing going for you.
2) I've asked Anya about that once or twice and she assures me that you
and she never even knew eachother before Sunnydale, and I know for sure
I've kept her too busy to do anything or anyone else since she got here.
3) I'm not running out on Anya...just need a break...I'm surrounded by
women 24-7...which should be a great, wonderful and happy-making thing.
But sometimes it's just too much. And I can't believe I'm telling you that.
4) I am so *not* telling Cordelia that. I prefer to keep my reproductive
organs intact. Cordy'd give Anyanka a run for her money.
5) And why do you sign your emails, 'love'? Generally not a word in
your everyday vocabulary unless it's in reference to blood, violence,
cigarettes or "Peaches". And then, only when you're very drunk.

Alexander Lavelle Harris <--just wanted to see what it looked like

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/20/01 11:50 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: I HATE L.A.

Hey Xan,

God I miss you guys. Sometimes it just sucks here. And shut up about
Angel and Spike already... you're starting to freak me with all this
homosexual preoccupation thing you've got going on. Anyway... I really
miss you. I miss my room. I miss my cat. I miss Willow and her ugly
dresses. I miss Buffy - don't you dare tell her. I miss Giles. I wish
Giles was here. Wesley's really cool, but he's not Giles. I miss
you... I guess I said that already.

Bye.

Love,
Cordy

PS: If you're wondering why I'm all blah - I went to another audition...
this time for a snowboarding commercial. They said I was too tall. Too
tall, too young... whatever, I have a headache... gonna go take a bath.

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/20/01 12:10 PM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: Someone needs a vacation!!!

Cordy - Listen you....get your Hollywood butt back here next weekend.
I know for a fact (though my sources shall remain bottle blonde) that
you have the weekend off. Come and hang out...there's always room at
the Scooby meeting for an L.A. psychic like yourself.
Come on....you're missed here too, and I promise to keep Anya from
trying to rumble with ya. Say yes. You know you want to. No one can
resist the Xand-man.
Come on!!!!

Irresistible Xander

*****
Part 2:

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 3:15 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Try and behave

Spike - Please don't tease Wesley, he's very sensitive about his previous employment.
I'm glad Willow was able to help you with the computer. It's good to know that
you're getting along so well with everyone in Sunnydale. You are getting along with
everyone, aren't you? As for staking me...I'd like to see you try, boy.

When will you be coming to L.A. for a visit?

Regards,

Angel

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 3:28 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: BLOODY THING'S BROKEN ALREAD!!

PEACHES,

IT WON'T TYPE IN LOWERCASE NOW. GOTTA GET RED OVER HERE, SO TILL THEN, JUST READ
IT LIKE THIS. DIDN'T TEASE WEASLEY, ONLY SAID HI, THAT'S ALL. YOU BELIEVE ME,
DON'TCHA? OKAY, BACK TO MY LETTER. I'M GETTIN ALONG FINE. SHAGGY WILL BE OVER
HERE TONIGHT, THINKS WE NEED SOME DRINKIN'/BONDAGE TIME... GUESS HE'S GETTING
TIRED OF ALL THE ESTROGEN ROUND HERE. SO... YA MISS ME... DONTCHA? I CAN TELL...
AN' WHAT'S WITH THIS 'REGARDS' BUSINESS? YA WEREN'T SAYIN 'REGARDS' LAST TIME WE
MET UP. AS I RECALL ... IT WAS MORE ALONG THE LINES OF 'LOVE YOU.. YES!..
YES!...' BUT I COULD BE MISTAKEN... MAYBE IT WAS LAST TIME I WAS DRINKIN' WITH
THE SAGGY BOTTOM BOY.

ANYWAY, GOTTA RUN.

LOVE,

ME

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 4:15 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Instructions to turn off your caps

Spike - There is a button on the keyboard, it says 'Caps Lock'. Tap that once, and
you won't be typing in upper case. And no, I don't believe you. Just leave him alone.
So...you're bonding with Xander? That must be...nice for you. Just remember who you
belong to. Or do you need some reminding?

Angel

P.S. - Isn't he underage to be out drinking?

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 4:27 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Instructions to turn off your caps

POOFter... it works. Poofter,

You're smarter than ya look. And yes... I need some remindin... Tell me you miss
me. Right now.

Love,

Me

PS - Yes.

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 5:30 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Do you keep your toothbrush there too?

Hey Fangless? Understand you're leaving personal belongings at your boyfriend's
place....very subtle. Cordy knows, so the fecal matter should hit the fan anytime
now. Just thought I'd let you know.

BTW, we just got in a shipment of the weird beer you like at the Circle K....should
I bring some home after work?

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 5:44 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Beer Boy

Oi! bring me a few pints! Who cares if Legs knows me and Angel are together?
Yeah... I keep me toothbrush there, what of it? How do ya get this thing to send
pictures? I got me one of those digital camera things. I can see meself in the
monitor. Heh. Ya think I'm hot, dontcha... Bloody right, I'm hot...

Love,
Me

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 6:08 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Get a grip on your ego

You're talking to yourself again, aren't you O Bleached One?
Not to worry, Cordelia doesn't believe that you and Batman are doing the deed
because, and I quote, "Angel's my friend - and I don't want to hear anything bad
about him. Oh yeah, and I don't care WHAT Spike says, because he's so last season,
it isn't even funny. "

I think I can manage to let a case 'fall' off the truck for you. Videos at your
place tonight then. I kind of need to get out of the house for a night.....

Cya then,

Zeppo with the beer

P.S. - Ask Wills about the picture thingie....she's our resident propeller-head

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/19/01 11:08 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Where are you?

Spike - it's getting late. Is your computer broken already? This is Angel...which
you probably figured out by the address. I'm concerned that you and Xander might
have run into some problems. Because it's late. And you're not online. I'm sure
you're just fine, and aren't being attacked by demons or humans, and you certainly
don't have your tongue down anyone else's throat.

Do you?

Where are you?

Angel

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/20/01 1:08 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)

Well aren't you the green eyed vamp... kinda like that look on ya, pet. So I'm on
now. Fixed me capitals, like yer last note told me. Want me this weekend? I have
a few days to kill before Niblet gets back from her Dad's.

Write back right now.

Love,

Me

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/20/01 1:17 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: Want and need

Do I want you this weekend? I'd take you right now, if I could get you. Yes, I
miss you. I'm looking forward to showing you how much. I'll get Wes and Gunn and
Cordy out of here early on Friday and give them the weekend off. Barring visions,
I'll stock up on supplies, so don't plan on leaving the hotel once you get here.

Understood?

Angel

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/20/01 1:28 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: Re: Want and need

Got it... and howcome ya don't say "Love, Angel"... ? Just a question... No need
to get huffy. And... ya really want me right now? Cause I can take Watchers car
and be there in two hours. Just a thought.

Love,

Me

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/20/01 1:39 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: Re: Want and need

It's a good thought. It's an excellent thought. It's the best thought I've heard
in a long time. Rupert really lets you borrow his car? You're not talking about
stealing it are you? I don't care. I didn't ask. Drive. Now. Please.

I love you and I want you in my bed, on my floor, anywhere I can get you,

Angel

Better?

From: [email protected]
Subject: [email protected]
Date: 1/20/01 1:44 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: Re: Want and need

On my way.

Love,

Me

PS - Yes

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/22/01 4:44 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: From Willow

Hi again....just got a call from Giles, Scooby meeting at the Box at 6 or so.
Xander can't make it because of the new job at Circle K. (He's had this one for a
week now, isn't that great?!!).
You know....I *can* tell when you're lying Spike, and no, I won't suggest that
Buffy call Angel. That's not such a good idea, you know. They both get very sad
when they speak. It's just not fair! I know you like to make fun of them both,
but it's just so sad....and I'm making myself all depressed thinking about it. And
hey! So not interested in being one of the undead!!! Human Willow is a happy
Willow....vampire Willow tends to be very scary! But you'd probably like her;
she does the whole leather thing pretty well. I tried it...it was hard to
breathe and I kept tripping.

Tara is very sexy, isn't she? I like the blue dress too! I'm so lucky....did
you know Vamp Willow was bi-sexual too? Somethings don't change between dimensions,
isn't that odd? I wonder why that is. I mean I wouldn't normally think that one's
sexuality was a constant or great truth....but....oh well...it's getting late.
Please please please come to the meeting, I'll bring the cookies! Hope we see
you there!

Willow (not a vamp...yay! Nothing against vampires)

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/22/01 5:49 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: From Willow

I'll be there - tell Watcher I expect him to have somethin palatable to swallow
this time. Let me tell ya about Vamp Willow - not that I met her, but I certainly
heard all the stories, and there ain't a vamp from here to China that wouldn't
have jumped into a lake of holy water to get a shot at rogerin that little bird.
My my - but those stories did get around... Wish'd I'da met up with her... Oh well,
another time. Don't you worry, though - nobody's gonna make ya whilst I'm around.

Yeah, Tara's sexy - but too quiet... Nice rack, though. What's she like in bed?
She talk there? Oh yeah - Angel's not too sad at the moment.

Love, Me

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/22/01 10:12 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: From Willow

Sorry the meeting was so boring, Spike, but you still shouldn't have said that
about Buffy's exes. Which doesn't make it okay what she said about Drusilla, but
still, you really made her mad.
So....Spike, are vampires really talking about me???? I mean, vamp me??? That's
really disturbing, but I guess kind of neat. Nobody every really talks about
Willow-me, which is good, I don't really want strangers or strange demons talking
about me...but I can kind of get this vicarious thrill out of it...you know?
I'm really really glad to hear that Angel's not too sad. I always liked him, even
after the whole Angelus killing my fish thing. It's hard to imagine him happy at
all. All I can remember is him being all brooding and dark and handsome with that
big coat and....Don't you dare tell anyone, but he's really sexy....I mean, Tara
wouldn't understand. She still gets weird when I mention Oz. So I'd die, this is
just between you and me....promise??
Well now I feel guilty so I'm going to go make it up to Tara. Even though I didn't
do anything. Because I never would. I really love her. She makes me feel all
warm and snuggly, like my favorite sweatshirt times infinity.
That's enough sappy Willow...a big disappointment to all those vamp-Willow fans
out there, but totally okay in my world. Yay me!

Love,

Willow

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/22/01 10:32 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Fwd: Re: From Willow

If ya want my body, an' ya think I'm seeexxxxxyyyy... HA! Yer still workin' up a
load of sexual tension around here, an' yer all the way in LA. What ya got to say
for yourself, ya poofter?

Love, Me

Oh, PS: So ya weren't happy, then? Ya sure seem happy now... What's the
difference between me and Slayer?

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/22/01 10:53 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: From Willow

Spike! Do you have any idea how completely thoughtless that is? Do you care?
Willow apparently thinks of you as a friend, and trusted you not to tell anyone.
Probably, no, especially not me. That's why you did it, isn't it. Just a little
reminder that you're still the evil one, right? Okay, I get it.
So...Willow thinks I'm sexy? I always thought she was an extremely intelligent
girl, this just proves it. But I would just as soon not have anyone dwell on that
alternate reality. It wasn't a very nice place. And despite the outfit and
certain....assets it displayed to great advantage, Vampire Willow made living with
you seem like a walk in the park. That girl would have given Angelus a run for
his money....She wanted to tie me up and call me 'Puppy'!!
I can live the rest of my existence without ever visiting that dimension.
And don't get any ideas, boy.
And what is it exactly that you were saying about "Buffy's exes"? I'm certain you
were referring to Captain Cardboard and that Pecker person. For your sake, I'll
pretend that's true.

Love,

Angel

P.S. Yes, I'm happy. Yes, you make me happy. Also insane and frustrated. I
refuse to comment on the last question.

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 1/22/01 11:03 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: From Willow

Yes, I have lotsa ideas, mate. Namely, Willow in leather, you in a cage, on a
leash... callin you Puppy...Bloody Hell! Reckon I got my wank material for the evinin...

And yeah, Willow's me chum, and she trusts me, and I'm evil, and I wouldn't hurt
her, and ya know it, and ya just had to say somethin about it cause it was required,
cause yer a tosser. She is a smart one, isn't she? I like her. Woulda shagged
her if she weren't all hearts and flowers over the blonde witch... although - the
blonde and the redhead, Angel... remember the days?

Okay, yeah - so I made some comments about her ex's - she had it comin. You
weren't there, and ya don't know. And I insist ya answer the last question, cause
I wanna sit here all smug, and entertain myself. Especially after the way she
talked to me tonight... So answer the effin question.

Love, Me

From: [email protected]

To: Reply All Address Book: [email protected] (Buffy), [email protected]
(Willow & Tara), [email protected] (Xander), [email protected] (Anya),
[email protected] (Rupert), [email protected] (Dawn),
[email protected] (Cordy), [email protected] (Gunn), [email protected] (Oz),
[email protected] (Wesley), [email protected] (Kate), [email protected] (William)
Date: 1/22/01 11:31 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: The Differences

I can't imagine you being any more smug than you already are. And haven't I provided
you with enough entertainment for the evening, or morning? But you won't let it rest
until I answer you. Smug and stubborn. Buffy was a beautiful girl and is now a
beautiful woman. She is strong and smart and noble. She made me feel like a young man
in love. I wasn't. I'm a vampire. With a soul. Who has occasional and very violent
flashbacks. And did I mention the murderous past?
Buffy made me try to be the man Liam should have been and never was. (And still, I
don't believe my Father would have approved).
You have a beautiful ass. An amazing ass. The rest of you is very impressive too.
And before you can think anything sarcastic and biting to say about my only wanting
you for your body, (but let me add that I've been around the proverbial sexual block
more than a few times and you have the most flexible yet taut and willing body I've
ever had the pleasure of....pleasuring), I want you for more than that. You make me
laugh. Whenever I thought about Buffy, and whenever I think about Buffy, it hurts.
I brood. I angst. I'm very good at it by now. When I think of you, I get hard. The
sound of your voice tends to have the same effect.
I enjoy remembering our past with you. I enjoy more the memories we're making now. I
want to talk to you. I want to fight with you. I want to fuck you. I get so damn
excited when I know I am going to see you that I think I would lose my soul permanently
if not for Willow's magic. You make me feel like what I am. A vampire. With a
soul. With a happy.

Love,

Angel

*****