Title: Reasons to Hope, Reasons to live
Author: HanaHeart ([email protected] or [email protected])
Website: http://www.fanfiction.net/~hanaheart
Keys:
"Common language"
'Elvish language'
[Translations]
//Thoughts//
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Reasons to Hope, Reasons to live - Four
By HanaHeart
Legolas was standing on the balcony, enjoying the beauty of Imladris when he heard a soft knock on the door.
'Neledhi,' [Enter] he said loud enough to make his visitor hear. He heard the unmistakable footsteps of his friend Aragorn approaching.
Aragorn stood behind Legolas, watching him silently. He watched as the rays of the setting sun made Legolas' hair shine; how he longed to run his hand through the silken hair. Aragorn sighed deeply, trying to keep himself under control.
//This isn't the right time for this,// he reminded himself. //Legolas will always be your friend, nothing more.//
"Wonderful sight, isn't it?" Legolas ask abruptly, cutting off Aragorn's train of thoughts. "Even though it fills my heart with sadness, the sunset is a beautiful sight to be hold."
"Fills your heart with sadness?! Why?" Aragorn asked, stepping forward to stand next to the elf.
"Because the sun abandons the world for the darkness to claim it," Legolas said, gazing at the horizon.
"But the moon and the stars glow during the night. They reduce the darkness that covers the world."
"You are right, my friend." Legolas smiled slightly. "They are the hope that shines through the darkness. Every time they glow, they tell us that the night will soon be defeated by the light of the day and the sun will rise once more."
"I never thought of them that way." Aragorn smiled, gazing at the horizon. "Messengers of hope."
"After Haldir's death, I've lost every hope in my life, Estel. I had drowned in the darkness of my grief." Legolas placed one hand on his stomach, closing his eyes. "Now, a star has shone again in my dark world, but my father wants to take away the only light left in my life."
"Legolas!" Aragorn placed his hand on the elf's shoulder. "Don't misunderstand your father. Being a King for a great kingdom as Mirkwood is not an easy task. It demands some sacrifices. Your father, as much as he loves you, has responsibilities towards your home and family. He did what he had done because he thinks that it is best for you, your family, and most importantly your kin and homeland."
"I know," Legolas whispered, then chuckled softly. "I've never thought that you would say something like that one day, Aragorn. You always were the one who drifts after his emotions and forsake reason."
Aragorn laughed. "I've never thought I would, either. Being a King has changed so many things in me, I think.”
Legolas sighed deeply. "I've changed as well, Aragorn." His voice was barely audible. "I'm not myself anymore. Haldir's death has changed so many things inside me."
"You have his child now, Legolas. Let his last gift to you bring light and hope to your life. Let it bring the cheerful, happy Legolas back to life again."
Legolas looked into Aragorn's gray eyes and smiled gratefully. "You know something, Aragorn?" he asked, looking back at the horizon. "When my father told me about my pregnancy, I thought that grief had finally affected my mind and hearing. I thought that I had started to imagine things. But when my father confirmed it and told us about our kin's secret, I felt hope shining again in my soul. Different emotions rushed into my mind at one time. I was happy, confused, shocked, and sad."
"I can only imagine," Aragorn whispered. "I didn't know what to feel when Ada told us about it! It was quite shocking."
"I understand." Legolas glanced at Aragorn briefly, before looking away again. They watched as the darkness slowly covered the red sky with its dark blue cloak.
"I will not allow anyone to hurt Haldir's child, Aragorn," Legolas finally said. "When the shock had gone from my mind, the only thing left in my mind was that the child is Haldir's. The only thing that I have of him now. I will not let any harm come to it."
Aragorn smiled and squeezed Legolas' shoulder. "No one will hurt your child, Legolas. You have my full support and the twins' too."
"Thank you, Estel." Legolas smiled.
"Your brother, Aredhel, is talking with Lord Elrond right now," Aragorn said after a moment of silence.
"Lord Elrond said he'll send for my father to come," Legolas said. "He promised that he would help me change my father's mind about the child."
"Don't worry, Legolas. We are all with you."
~~~~***~~~~
Lord Glorfindel entered Lord Elrond's library and saw the said Lord sitting there, lost in his own thoughts.
'How your meeting with prince Aredhel of Mirkwood went?' he asked, taking a seat beside Lord Elrond.
'Very well. I have convinced him to wait for his father to come here. We'll solve this problem together before it's too late,' Lord Elrond replied solemnly.
'And how you are we going to solve it?' Lord Glorfindel asked. 'Legolas wants to keep his child and King Thranduil won't let this child live because it was conceived out of wedlock.'
'There must be a way to please both sides.' Lord Elrond frowned. 'I understand why Thranduil is upset but we must think of Legolas, also. His grief is draining his life away. I have examined him, Glorfindel. His body is weakening and if we let him, eventually, he'll fade away. Aborting Haldir's child will only speed his passage to Mandos' Halls.'
'The problem now is that the child was conceived out of wedlock,' Lord Glorfindel mused, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. 'If Haldir was alive or Legolas was married to him before his death, there wouldn't be a problem.'
'What did you just say?' Lord Elrond looked at Lord Glorfindel, surprised.
Lord Glorfindel arched an eyebrow. 'I've said there wouldn't be a problem if Legolas and Haldir were married before…'
'That's it,' Lord Elrond exclaimed, smiling broadly. 'How did it slip my mind? This will solve everything. Thank you, my dear. That was clever of you.'
'What you are talking about? What was clever?' Lord Glorfindel asked, puzzled.
'The solution for Legolas' problem, of course,' Lord Elrond said. 'The problem is that Legolas is pregnant but not married. So, if Legolas got married as soon as possible and his husband claimed the baby as his own, everything would be in order. Legolas wouldn't be a single parent and his child would have a known sire.'
'It's a good idea indeed, Elrond,' Lord Glorfindel said, thoughtfully. 'But there are a few obstacles we have to consider.'
'What are they?' Lord Elrond frowned.
'First, there are no guarantees that King Thranduil or Legolas will accept this arrangement. Second, you said that Legolas must wed as soon as possible, which is difficult because where will we find a suitable husband that is willing to claim another's child as his own? In addition, you're forgetting Legolas' feelings; it will be a loveless marriage, Elrond. He'll live in misery all of his immortal life.'
Lord Elrond sighed deeply, rubbing his temples. 'You are right, Glorfindel. But if he wants his child to live, he must sacrifice a little.'
'So the choice will be between his child and his freedom and happiness?' Lord Glorfindel snapped, feeling a little bit angry.
'I'm sorry to say yes, Glorfindel,' Lord Elrond said sadly. 'Legolas must choose either his freedom or his child.'
Lord Glorfindel sighed, shaking his head. 'What about Legolas' husband-to-be?' he asked. 'Who will agree to raise a child not his own?'
'I don't know.' Lord Elrond shook his head. 'I can't think of anyone that will be fit for the apple of Thranduil's eyes.'
'Maybe your son would be suitable for Legolas,' Lord Glorfindel smirked.
'My son?' Lord Elrond raised an eyebrow. 'One of the twins? Elladan or Elrohir?'
'I didn't say the twins, Elrond,' Lord Glorfindel said slyly. 'And if you asked me, I think that there is no one more suitable to be Legolas' husband than the King of Gondor.'
'Estel?' Lord Elrond's surprise grew stronger. 'I don't think so, Glorfindel. The fact that they are loyal friends doesn't make things between the two reach that limit. Besides, Estel has already someone in his heart.'
'Do you know who Estel is in love with, Elrond?' Lord Glorfindel asked, mysteriously.
'No.' Lord Elrond frowned. 'But he is so deeply in love with that person. He had forsaken his engagement with Arwen because of that. I have waited for Estel to introduce us to the one he loved after his coronation. But he didn't mention the matter again. Even when I tried to push the subject, all he had would say was that it doesn't matter any more and that they were not meant to each other. I think that the one Estel loves is already taken.'
'He gave you that lame excuse again, didn't he?' Lord Glorfindel chuckled, shaking his head. 'Anyway, you are right, my Lord. Estel is indeed deeply in love. And indeed his love was already taken by another, for a while. The one Estel is in love with is... Legolas.'
'Who?' Lord Elrond was speechless.
'Yes, my dear.' Lord Glorfindel nodded, amused. 'Through different occasions, I've caught your foster son stealing admiring glances at Legolas when he thought that no one was looking. His love for Legolas is strong. Yet; he kept it inside his heart, because he knew about Legolas' feelings for Haldir. He didn't want to risk his friendship with either of them, even after Haldir's death. I wasn't surprised when Estel and Arwen called off their engagement. Estel loved your daughter, but his love for Legolas was greater. He didn't want to hurt her feelings or wrong her with him.'
'It all makes sense to me now,' Lord Elrond said musingly. 'Why Aragorn avoided talking about his secret lover.'
'Yes, my Lord.' Lord Glorfindel nodded. 'Estel has kept his feelings to himself long enough for his own good. It is time for him to have a chance to be with the one he loves. And your idea will grant him this chance.'
'Yes.' Lord Elrond frowned, thoughtfully. 'But will he be brave enough to take this step, especially since Legolas is still living in Haldir's memory and carrying his child? Will Estel be able to bear being so close to Legolas yet so far?'
'I have faith that one day Legolas will return Estel's feelings. He's still young and doesn't have much experience in life. Haldir was his first and only love. It is time for him to open his heart to another. He can't live in Haldir's memory forever and Estel can't hide his love any longer. The two deserve to be happy, Elrond.'
Lord Elrond sighed. 'Even if you say so, this must come from Estel himself and there is Legolas to think about. He won't accept Estel's proposal without knowing the real reason behind it.'
'Then Estel must tell him the truth, Elrond.'
'Let's leave it to its right time, my dear.' Lord Elrond sighed. 'I'll tell Thranduil my plan as soon as he arrives and see what will happen then. After all, we must hear his and Legolas' opinion about it first.'
'Make sure that Estel hears it too,' Lord Glorfindel smirked slyly.
~~~~***~~~~
Aredhel cleared his throat, attracting his brother's attention. Legolas was still standing in the balcony after Aragorn had left. The young elf was so deep in thought that he hadn't sensed his brother approaching. The two stared at each other for a while before Legolas looked away.
'You have pursued me from Mirkwood to here,' Legolas stated coldly. 'By our father's order.'
'Father is worried about you, Legolas,' Aredhel said, standing next to his brother.
'Worried about me or about Mirkwood's name?' Legolas asked sarcastically.
'I won't have this conversation with you, Legolas,' Aredhel replied evenly. 'I don't think that we'll say anything different than what has already been said. And I'm sure Lord Elrond has already told you the consequence of what you have done, so I don't have to repeat it. I'm here because Lord Elrond informed me that your grief has started to affect your health.'
'I'm fine,' Legolas said stubbornly. 'Leave me be with my child and I'll be fine.'
'Really?' Aredhel asked, in a challenging tone. 'Have you looked in the mirror lately, Legolas? You're paler than usual, your eyes are dull and dead and your body is far too thin. Are you sure that your body can carry a child while you are mistreating it the way you're doing?'
'Stop taunting me about the child, Aredhel.' Legolas glared at his brother. 'Nothing you say will change my mind about keeping MY baby.'
Aredhel shook his head disapprovingly. 'You have to go on, Legolas. You have to accept the fact that Haldir is no longer among us. You have to set your pain free and live your life again.'
'And that won't be unless I abort his child?!' Legolas looked at his brother; tears were shining in his eyes. 'If this child died, Aredhel, I will too. Is that what you want?'
'No, Legolas!' Aredhel snapped, taking Legolas into a tight embrace. 'I don't want you to die, young brother. And as for your child, Lord Elrond promised that he'd find a solution that would convince father to let you keep the child. But you have to understand, Legolas; our father is doing what he thinks is right for us and our kingdom. You shouldn't hold any ill feelings against him because he wanted to protect you.'
'I know,' Legolas whispered; tears were falling silently from his eyes.
'Let it go, Legolas,' Aredhel whispered in his ears. 'Hiding your pain will only make it worse.'
'No one understands my pain, Aredhel.' Legolas sobbed in his brother's chest. 'No one knows how much it hurts.'
'You are wrong, baby brother.' Aredhel stroked Legolas' golden hair gently. 'Do you think that father hadn't felt the same way when our mother died after your birth? Do you think that Mallorn and I haven't encountered the loss of a beloved one in our long years? We've all been in your situation before, Legolas, and felt the same feelings you're feeling now. But we learned to let the pain go. You are still young, Legolas, and you have eternity ahead of you. One day, your heart will find another love.'
Legolas pulled away, looking at his brother with teary eyes. Aredhel smiled, wiping his brother's precious tears away with his thumb.
'Come inside, Legolas,' he said, leading them both inside the room. 'You must rest.'
'Aredhel?' Legolas asked. 'Where is Mallorn?'
'We split up when we reached Mirkwood's borders,' Aredhel replied. 'He went to Lothlorien. I thought that you might have gone to Haldir's brothers.'
'Lothlorien?!!' Legolas gulped; fear was visible in his now widened eyes. Aredhel frowned, what was the cause of Legolas' fear?
'Yes,' he said carefully, studying his brother's expression.
'You did warn him not to say a word about my pregnancy to Haldir's brothers, didn't you?' Legolas asked; fear was obvious in his tone.
'No, I didn't,' Aredhel said, noticing Legolas' wince at his answer. 'But Mallorn doesn't like either Orophin or Rûmil, so I don't think he'll even bother to talk to them. Besides, he knows that none of them has knowledge of our kin's secret; he won't risk revealing it, especially to them.'
'I hope you are right,' Legolas said, distractedly.
'Why don't you want Haldir's brothers to know about your pregnancy?' Aredhel asked, sensing his brother's distress.
'What?' Legolas looked deeply into Aredhel's eyes and then shook his head. 'It's nothing,' he whispered.
'Legolas, what is wrong?' Aredhel asked firmly. 'What is between you and Haldir's brothers?'
'Nothing, Aredhel,' Legolas whispered, avoiding eye contact with his brother. 'I just don't feel comfortable at the mention of them. That's all.'
Aredhel frowned thoughtfully. If he knew better, he would say that Legolas was afraid of Haldir's brothers. It wasn't just discomfort or dislike in Legolas' voice. It was fear, distress and uncertainty. Even if Orophin and Rûmil held some darkness in their hearts, Legolas couldn't possibly be afraid of them!
He's a strong warrior!
The two Lothlórienó brothers wouldn't frighten him!
Then why did he sense fear in Legolas' voice?
Knowing better than to push the subject any further, Aredhel decided to wait. Legolas wouldn't tell him any more if he didn't want to, so trying to know would be only a waste of time.
'Anyway,' he said. 'I'm sure that Mallorn is on his way here now. If he couldn't find you in Lothlorien, he'll come straight to Rivendell.'
'Yes,' Legolas said, absentmindedly.
'I'll leave you now to get some rest, Legolas,' Aredhel said. 'Quel du. Quel kaima.' [Good night. Sleep well.]
'Quel du.' Legolas forced a small smile. With that, Aredhel left the room. Legolas took a last look outside the window before he went to bed.
//Elbereth, please protect my child.//
TBC in Part 5