Saturday, January 26, 2002

I like her more & more everytime I visit her site. Posted by TI Anne at 5:45 PM | link |

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OK. Who has more time on his/her hands? The person who started this site or the person (me) who keeps looking at it? But while I'm at it, I must tell you about something I found here that's very disturbing. Did you know that The Bradys (yes, those Bradys) and Samantha and Darrin Stevens of Bewitched had the same phone number? That's right. 555-6161 *sigh* I wonder if Bo Brady of Days of Our Lives would let me borrow his boat so I can relax and calm down after this. Let's call the boat and see if it's free, shall we? 555-6320 Posted by TI Anne at 2:47 PM | link |

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Writer's block ... kind of

Did you ever have so much to write about that you don't even know where to start, and even if you did know where to start, you wouldn't know exactly what to say?

Confusing, isn't it? Well, that's where I am. I want to write something. I want to write a lot of things. The main problem, I think, is that the one thing I want to write about the most is off limits. Someday, I hope early this summer, I'll be able to write about it all and finally get it all out of my brain, my heart, my soul and everyplace it's living right now. But until then, I'm supposed to keep quiet. I've done a pretty good job of that so far. I haven't been perfect, but I never was perfect and never will be.

Anyway (and one of this days I'll stop use "anyway" as a transitional word), everything else is just swimming around in my brain trying to make its way to the front so I can write about it. But I don't think it's going to be today. Posted by TI Anne at 2:37 PM | link |

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Friday, January 25, 2002

Exhaustion

Brains are a funny thing.

I had a really rough, uncomfortable, stressful last couple of days. I was doing things I didn't want to do, but had to do. I had absolutely no viable choice whatsoever. I'm surprised I was able to keep going and keep my wits about me. Actually, I did more than keep my wits about me. I did a damn fine job at what I had to do.

When I finally got home, I felt tired but there was so much adreneline pumping through my veins that I was wired. I talked and talked and talked, ate pizza, then talked some more. Finally, I passed out. Almost literally.

I slept for about 13 hours straight. I woke up a few times. Two to use the bathroom and one to kiss Nick goodnight. I also remember opening my eyes, seeing a good show on television and wishing I could keep my eyes open to watch it. I couldn't. I just slept.

That's why I think brains are a funny thing. Not funny as in ha-ha. Funny as in, it's difficult to figure out how and why they work the way they do. In my case, my brain kept me going and alert and everything else it needed to do for two days. Then, it let me -- made me -- sleep for all those hours.

Funny. But very cool. Posted by TI Anne at 4:58 PM | link |

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Incompetence

It's always been my feeling, my belief even, that if you're going to do a job do your best. Whether you're a doctor, journalist, actor, librarian, cop, convenience store clerk, lawyer, it doesn't matter. Whatever you're doing, you should try to do your best. And if someone is paying you to do a job, you should do your best to be competent at that job.

If you're not good at what you do, find something you are good at and do your best at that. It's in everyone's best interests to do that.

For example, say you're a lawyer. Wouldn't you want the lawyer on "the other side" to be just as competent as you are? Sure you would. You'd want to be able to guess what "the other side" is going to do, anticpate their moves, so it's kind of like a chess match. But if you're playing chess and the other lawyer is playing Parchesi, it's nothing but a mess that frustrates everyone. It's even worse if the lawyer doesn't even know the rules to playing chess. How are you supposed to play the game if the other player doesn't know how to play?

Now let's say you're the lawyer who's playing Parchesi and doesn't even know how to play chess. Wouldn't you want to, at the very least, take a crash course in learning how to play chess? Wouldn't you want the playing field to be as even as possible?

That's one of the differences between competent people and incompetent people. A competant person knows what game is being played and does his best to win. An incompetent person knows what game is being played but decides to play a different game. His game.

To make matters even worse, sometimes the incompetent person will try to blame the competent person for his shortcomings. He'll make up his own rules as he goes along. When you don't play by his rules, he'll accuse you of doing something wrong. Of course it couldn't be his fault for not learning the rules. No. Of course not.

But I guess that's one of the major problems in today's society: Some people refuse to take responsibility for their own actions. It's about time they started doing that.

written on Jan. 24 but Posted by TI Anne at 4:46 PM | link |

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I got accepted into The Ultimate Journaler Challenge. I think it'll be a great motivator for me. Posted by TI Anne at 4:25 PM | link |

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Before I do anything else, I have to do The Friday Five:

1. What cologne or perfume do you wear?
Chantilly, if I remember. Usually I wear Calgon body mist.

2. What cologne or perfume do you like best on the opposite sex?
Jovan Musk

3. What one smell can you not stomach?
Vomit (There are actually quite a few, but that's the worst.)

4. What smell do you like that others might consider weird?
The greasy fryer smell around some restaurants.

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend?
Eat lots of Chinese food, work, try to calm down. Posted by TI Anne at 4:23 PM | link |

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Thursday, January 24, 2002

Confidence

Remember in "The Sound of Music" when Maria was on her way to meet the Captain and his children for the first time. She was scared and nervous, but she sang a song that helped. "I have confidence in sunshine. I have confidence in rain. I have confidence that spring with come again. Besides which, you see, I have confidence in me."

Sometimes a little confidence in yourself is all it takes to get you through a trying time. I wish I could be more specific about the trying time I'm going through right now, but I can't be. For now, suffice it to say, I had lost all in confidence in myself and my ability to do a good job. I started questioning myself, second-guessing myself, wondering what I could have done better. Even deep down in my heart, where it matters the most, I couldn't find anything to give me confidence.

Then there was today. I was nervous because I was meeting with a person who, tomorrow, is going to introduce me to the very people who instigated my lack of confidence in myself. But this person has given me the confidence to hold my head up and be proud of the job I did. He told me I did an excellent job and went above and beyond what some people in my position would have done. He also told me my former employer and boss think I did a good job. I should have nothing to worry about when I'm confronted with the people who say I didn't do a good job.

Isn't it funny how someone else telling you the things you knew all along really makes a difference? I guess it validates you and your thoughts in some way.

At any rate, I have confidence in me again and I'm ready to face the world -- or at least the people who are trying to turn my world upside down. They had been doing a pretty good job of it, too, until today. But I'll face tomorrow with my head up and Julie Andrews singing inside my head. How can anything possibly go wrong?

written on Jan. 23 but Posted by TI Anne at 1:15 AM | link |

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Tuesday, January 22, 2002

Yay Anthony! Posted by TI Anne at 4:48 PM | link |

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Is there a 12-step program?

I'm what some people call a recovering Catholic. I was brought up in an Irish/Italian/Catholic household and attended both a Catholic high school and Catholic university. I certainly had my fill of it, and started questioning some of the practices in my early teens. For example, there's part of the Mass where you're supposed to say " ... say the word and I shall be healed." It means I'll be "healed" of my sins. If that's the case, what's the need for confession? As far as confession goes, I don't understand it in the first place. If God knows everything, he knows what my sins are. If God grants forgiveness if you sincerely ask for it, then why do I need a priest as a middleman?

I also don't like the way the Mass is so structured. I much prefer the Pentacostal way of doing things. Pre-written prayers are good (i.e. The Lord's Prayer) and they do the job sometimes. But I think God likes it better when we say what's in our hearts. That reminds me of a story. Nick's dad was telling a man who "didn't know how to pray" that God is your father. Just talk to him like you'd talk to your father. That is my idea of prayer.

Of course this is just my personal experience, but I've found Catholics to be some of the most hypocritical people on Earth. I know people who go to Mass and Communion every day, go to Mass on every holy day, go to confession once a week, still don't eat meat on Friday, regulary say the rosary, stick with whatever it is they're giving up for lent, give their "fair share" to the church. But these people are the first to criticize another person, drive past someone on the side of the road with a flat tire, ignore a homeless person who asks for change. I haven't been to Mass in ages, but I'd say I'm a better person than they are. Maybe I'm not a better Catholic, but I'm a better person.

It's not that I'm so against Catholics. They're just my biggest frame of reference. I'm actually against most forms of organized religion. A man I used to work with had a sign above his desk that said "God has no religion." The "good Catholics" were apalled, looking at the sign as meaning there is no God. When I explained to them that it means God isn't Catholic, Baptist, Jewish, Hindu or Wiccan, they didn't know what to say. Of course they didn't apologize or admit they were wrong either. Although I never asked, because I was afraid of the answer, I assume they're the Catholics who think non-Catholics aren't going to heaven. And yes, there are Baptists, Jews and others who feel the same way. Never understood that. Never will.

The only organized "religion" I practice regulary is kindness. I try to be the best person I can be. I pray -- in my own way. I try to help other people. So far it's worked for me. I feel good about it.

That's why I surprised myself a little bit this morning when I turned to, of all things, Catholicism. I felt the need to know which patron saint I needed to turn to for help getting me through an upcoming event. Turns out that the saint's feast day is the same day as the event. Irony? Fate? Someone gently pulling me back to the Catholic faith? I don't know. Another surprise came when someone involved in the same event, who is an atheist (and recovering Catholic as well) told me to "keep the faith."

I guess Catholics never really recover. Posted by TI Anne at 3:08 PM | link |

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Now this is interesting if you're a student of human behavior: Ask Jeeves: Peek Through the Keyhole. It shows which questions are being asked at askjeeves.com, and it updates every 30 seconds. Pretty cool. Posted by TI Anne at 11:52 AM | link |

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I'm Certain That Sex With A Redhead Will Be More Fulfilling Than Other Sex. Hmmmm? That's all I'm saying. Just hmmmmm?

He told me and Nick we're dorks. Why? Well, we were watching Crossing Jordan when it happened. Normally, it's a show we can take or leave. Doesn't really matter. But the previews of this one looked good. They showed something about a stigmata, a guy (who may or may not have been St. Francis of Assisi) who wouldn't "stay dead." That's why we wanted to watch it. Little did we know there was a subplot involving a dead Elvis impersonator. This guy's wife was explaining to the medical examiners that this guy wasn't just any impersonator. He was the Elvis. Nick & I had our eyes glued to the television and we were totally silent during the explanation. When it was over, we both said "Wow." That is when we were branded "dorks." Posted by TI Anne at 2:41 AM | link |

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Monday, January 21, 2002

This is why they're the best: 10 things Google has found to be true. Posted by TI Anne at 8:33 PM | link |

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I just felt like writing this about a friend of mine. I'm very proud of him for handling everything in his life right now so well. He's managing a brand new and popular store, which seems to have more than its fair share of problems (not his fault) and headaches for him. On top of that, both of his parents have serious medical problems. His mom is having surgery today. His dad has cancer and has been having radiation and chemo. He's gone through this type of thing before with his wife's parents. But as far as I know, this is the first time he's had to go through anything like this with his parents. Speaking from experience, I know that dealing with your parents medical problems is difficult in so many ways. It's exhausting, mentally and physically. It also makes you think about a lot of things you never thought of before. I won't get into that, though, because I'm sure it's different for everyone. But he's doing so well and, like I said, I'm proud of him. Posted by TI Anne at 12:33 PM | link |

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Well, this is different. It's The Breast Test. You look at 20 pairs and decide if they're real or fake. I got 18 out of 20 right. I wonder what that says about me? Posted by TI Anne at 12:23 PM | link |

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Having a bad day? In dire need of a compliment? Try this. How can you have a bad day after someone tells you "The quietness of a manhole cover cannot compare with the wild vapours of nylon I sense in your larynx." And this just made my day. "You so truly know your inner plankton, it is a revelation not unlike discovering an impacted toll booth upon the plains of Patagonia." Posted by TI Anne at 12:19 PM | link |

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I found this interesting link, idea, concept, thingie via Ev who got it via lyd. It's PeopleCards.net. Instead of baseball, football, Partridge Family trading cards, they have "real people" on them. Not celebrities of any kind, just real people from all over the world. What a great idea! Posted by TI Anne at 12:14 PM | link |

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Frustration

There's something going on in my life that I really want to write about, but I can't. It's not that I'm unable to write about it. I'm not allowed -- well, actually, I'm not supposed to write about it right now anyway. Perhaps in several months I will be able to tell you all about it.

The frustrating part is that for most of my life writing has been the most effective outlet for me to vent my feelings. Now, that's been taken away from me. I'll have plenty to say when it's all over. But that doesn't help me now. I need to write about how frustrated, angry, nervous, scared, pissed off I am about this whole thing. But the last thing I need is for anyone to find my thoughts and feelings on the Internet.

I guess the only thing I can do right now is trust the people I'm supposed to trust and hope this all ends the way I want it to end. Then, I'll be able to get all my feelings out -- and it'll feel SO good! Until then, I'll keep everything bottled up and hope I don't develop an ulcer.

I know this won't make sense to anyone but me and a few people who can read between the lines. But I don't really care at this point. I just needed to write something about "it." Posted by TI Anne at 12:05 PM | link |

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A mother of three children became so fed up with Jehovah�s Witnesses calling at her home that she interrupted their Sunday service by banging on their church door and offering them free magazines. Priceless! Posted by TI Anne at 12:18 AM | link |

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Sunday, January 20, 2002

I purposely wrote the piece of crap below (aka "working") specifically because I'm trying to blog everyday. Now blogger and/or geocities isn't/aren't cooperating. Figures. Posted by TI Anne at 4:12 PM | link |

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Working

I actually worked all day today. I've been putting it off for about a week because I didn't feel well, but it wouldn't do any good to have a Valentine's Day survival/shopping site up much later than today, would it? Anyway, it's done and I'm pretty happy with it.

As I started writing this, I remembered I've always been bad at deadlines, even when I worked for the newspaper. I always met the deadlines, but it was a struggle -- for me and my editors. *w* Now that I'm my own my boss (for this anyway), I even piss myself off when I don't do things as fast as I want to do them. At least I'm not pissing Nick off -- yet. I'm sure it would not be pleasant to have my husband/boss mad at me. I'll do my best to make sure that doesn't happen.

The other thing I thought of about working today is that I worked so hard I didn't get to do any of the normal things I do when I'm online. I didn't even get a chance to check in on the trailer park or do committee work for an online group I belong to. I guess there's still time. But there's no motivation.

Oh well, there's always tomorrow. Posted by TI Anne at 4:08 PM | link |

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