Saturday, September 22, 2001
I used to work at a daily newspaper. For years, my dream had been to work there. But, to paraphrase an old saying --- Be careful what you dream for, it might come true. The last year or so there was hell, mostly because of two people, know-it-alls who really aren't. Today I heard from a former colleague of mine that on 9/11 the female know-it-all walked into the newsroom at 3:30 p.m. (EST) with her 21-month-old son and didn't haven't a clue about what was going on. I'm totally in awe, confused, perplexed --- Pick a word. I can't -- about how anyone, especially someone in the media, could not have known about any of it at 3 fucking 30 in the afternoon!! Did I mention this happened in Pennsylvania only a few hours from the crash site? Unreal. Simply unreal. If I was there that day I would have had to hit her.
Posted by TI Anne at 4:32 PM |
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You'd think with all this writing I'm doing I wouldn't have had time to do anything else today, wouldn't you? Well, I did find time to take this IQ test. My score was 141, which means (according to "them") I'm "highly gifted and appearing to be a genius to most others." Yeah. Whatever.
Posted by TI Anne at 10:45 AM |
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My Second Grade teacher died. I really liked her. She was 45 when I was in her class. Seemed old then. There was a rumor back then that she was a lesbian. Of course no one in the little hick town I grew up in used that word. She was just "that nice teacher who lives with another woman." When I was in 2nd grade I had no idea what that meant. I don't even know why I'm writing this about her. Maybe it's because I feel sorry for her because she couldn't live the life she probably wanted to live. But know what? It probably wouldn't be any easier for her if she was 45 today, at least in that town anyway. Sad state of affairs if you ask me.
Posted by TI Anne at 10:39 AM |
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Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one
John Lennon
I'm pretty sure John Lennon wouldn't agree with my interpretation of this song (one of the greatest songs of all time), but I believe to get to the world he wrote about we have to go through what we're going through now, and will be going through for the next several years. To use an overused cliche -- It's always darkest before the dawn. Anyway, we gave peace a chance for decades. It didn't work. Now it's time to try something else.
Posted by TI Anne at 10:11 AM |
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I got a disturbing email from my Mom yesterday. My brother is severely depressed over the WTC attacks. He had many friends and clients there. His company, which is based in Boston, has, umm, had, offices across from the WTC. Everyone died. I haven't talked to my brother on the phone since May. I haven't seen him in person in, I don't know, but it's been a long time. My Mom talks to him on the phone about once a week and has often commented on his varying states of depression. One time she did say, in not so many words, that he may be clinically depressed. I know why she hasn't really delved any deeper into that subject. She's worried about the same thing I am. My Mom's brother, my Uncle Jim, committed suicide in 1986. He had been "depressed" for quite some time and even went to doctors and counselors, who assured the family he was not suicidal. Uh huh. Shit. I lost my train of thought, but I'm sure you know where I'm going with this even if I can't figure out how to get there at the moment.
Posted by TI Anne at 9:42 AM |
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I have a lot of stuff to write today. This will be long. First of all, before we went to sleep last night, Nick and I talked about my sleep patterns and wondered if I have a sleep disorder. It seems I yell mean things at Nick, scream, toss and turn, walk, have conversations and a bunch of other stuff, all while I'm sleeping. I don't remember any of it. Nick says I fall asleep just about as soon as my head hits the pillow. But on some nights I feel as if I haven't slept at all. We didn't really talk about it when we first started living together because he didn't know if this was normal behavior for me. He was confused and, at times, upset with what I'd say and do in my sleep. I had no clue what was going on. So, first thing I did today (after coffee and a bathroom break) was look up sleep disorders.
Nick and I figured that sleep talking and sleep terrors is what's happening with me. Sleep talking can range from a word or two of gibberish to an entire speech, but except for the distress it causes others, it's harmless. The sleeper has no memory of it, and the condition is usually temporary, brought on by stress or illness. It can also be associated with sleep apnea or sleep terrors. Sleep terrors are marked by a sudden awakening with physical behavior associated with intense fear. Screaming and fighting to escape are not uncommon, and harm to the sleeper or others can occur. Episodes last about 15 minutes, after which the person returns to sleep, unable to recall anything in the morning.
After reading that, Nick suggested I look up post traumatic stress disorder and see what kind of sleep disorders are related to that. We found way more than we were looking for. One site told me this: In the LONG-TERM (months or even years after the assault), the survivor may experience:
On-going sleep and eating disturbances; Dreams, nightmares, and recovered memories; Phobias about situations or things which trigger memories about the assault. Survivors may -- or may not -- openly express which of these signs they are experiencing. Some survivors work very hard to give the appearance of 'control', regardless of their real feelings.
But there's way more than that. This information really opened my eyes and explained so much about what's going on with me -- awake and asleep. Many people with PTSD repeatedly re-experience the ordeal in the form of flashback episodes, memories, nightmares, or frightening thoughts, especially when they are exposed to events or objects reminiscent of the trauma. People with PTSD also experience emotional numbness and sleep disturbances, depression, anxiety, and irritability or outbursts of anger. Feelings of intense guilt are also common. Most people with PTSD try to avoid any reminders or thoughts of the ordeal. PTSD is diagnosed when symptoms last more than one month. Headaches, gastrointestinal complaints, immune system problems, dizziness, chest pain, or discomfort in other parts of the body are common. Recent brain imaging studies have detected altered metabolism and blood flow as well as anatomical changes in people with PTSD. Scientists have also found that people with this condition have alterations in the function of the thyroid.
That's me all over. I won't get into the trauma(s) that brought me to this point. That's for another day and time -- probably after I receive some kind of counseling, or something. But just knowing that my "condition" has a name, that all my little issues, illnesses and quirks can be explained has helped tremendously.
Posted by TI Anne at 9:15 AM |
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Friday, September 21, 2001
Hey! I just taught myself some javascript thingy! Yay me!!! It ain't flash 5, but it's pretty cool for me!
Posted by TI Anne at 2:12 PM |
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I haven't really listened to much news today. I'm putting on my ostrich act, I guess, because something I heard early this morning bothered me and, I suppose, I thought if I ignored it, it would go away. I heard that Boston may be attacked by terrorists in the next few days. My brother lives in Boston and works downtown in the financial district in one of the city's tallest buildings. On Sept. 11, one of my first thoughts was about him. He has clients and friends at the WTC and sometimes is there working or visiting. Thank God he wasn't there that day.
I don't want my brother to end up on this list of alumni, friends and family of the university we graduated from. It's a very small Fransiscan university and you really get a sense of family when you're there. So when I found out that Rev. Mychal Judge, the chaplain with the NYC fire department who was spotlighted several times on the news, was a 1957 graduate of the university, it affected me. It felt kind of like it would if a distant relative, who you don't really know but heard a lot of good things about, had died.
I'm going to stop now before I get even more morbid. Maybe I'll watch the rest of "All My Children" if it's on.
Posted by TI Anne at 12:17 PM |
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I'm a lifelong Democrat, but everday since Sept. 11 this thought has gone through my head at least once. "Thank God Al Gore is not president." I didn't vote for Gore. In fact, when Clinton was re-elected, the first thing I said was "I can't vote for Gore in 2000." Anyway, I think Bush is definitely the man for the job.
Posted by TI Anne at 9:36 AM |
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Yesterday was a good day for quotes. Most of them were from the president, but there was something else that stuck out as well. Last night, we did what the president said all good Americans should do and we got back to somewhat of a normal routine. We watched Big Brother, where possibly the best quote of the entire season was uttered by Kent. "Deciding between Will and Nicole is like picking between an ingrown toenail and a rash." Gotta love Kent! LOL
Gotta love George W. Bush, too. His speech was awesome. The lines that stuck out the most for me were: Our "demands are not open to negotiation or discussion," "Either you're with us or you're with the terrorists" and "We will not tire. We will tire falter. We will not fail." All heavy, heavy stuff.
God bless America!
Posted by TI Anne at 7:17 AM |
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Thursday, September 20, 2001
President Bush rocks!
Tom Ridge rocks! (I talked to him on the phone, ya know.)
America rocks!
"We will not tire. We will not falter. We will not fail."
God bless America!!
Posted by TI Anne at 6:54 PM |
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Well, it's not blogger so now I'm really pissed!!!
Posted by TI Anne at 1:22 PM |
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I don't know if it's blogger or my ftp thingy or my server or whatever, but I can't load what I'm trying to load and it's pissing me off!!
Posted by TI Anne at 1:21 PM |
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I suck sometimes. I screwed up the html on the previous post so bad that I can't even get in to edit it. Anyway, what it was supposed to say is: Some people will understand about the Monkey Man thing.
Posted by TI Anne at 11:11 AM |
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One more: Late Show with David Letterman : Top Ten Archive 2001 I had to do this one because it's Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Is The Monkey Man. Some link | Comment
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I haven't watched Letterman in more than a year and, until last night, I forgot how much I miss his Top Ten lists. This one really made me laugh. Late Show with David Letterman : Top Ten Archive 2001
Posted by TI Anne at 9:38 AM |
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For everyone who was worried about my health -- I probably don't have a kidney infection afterall. Did I ever mention that Nick and I are hypochondriacs?
Posted by TI Anne at 9:31 AM |
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I was flipping between Letterman and Leno, waiting for one of Dave's guests to come on -- the last journalist from a major media outlet who interviewed Osama bin Laden. Dave was funny. He seemed a little nervous and uneasy about telling jokes but he told some pretty good ones. He talked about Sean Combs (Sean "Puffy" Combs, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy .... what-tf-ever) being so patriotic he changed his name to P. Doodle Dandy. The Top Ten Least Popular Theme Restaurants was pretty funny. Can ya beat Drooly's Juice Bar and Cap'n Filthy's House of Improperly Refrigerated Shellfish? Anyway, after that I really didn't want to watch Matthew Broderick, so I switched to Leno. His first guest was Arnold Schwartznegger (sorry about the spelling). Arnold came out waving an American flag and smiling his Arnold smile. He got a standing ovation. Arnold, who came from Austria to the U.S. in 1968, said "I've never been so proud of eing an American as in the last 8 days." He went on to talk about the roles he's played in most of his movies. But, he said, firefighters, policemen, EMS workers, et al are the "true action heroes." I was pretty impressed with Arnold.
On to John Miller on Letterman. He's ABC News correspondent who interviewed bin Laden in 1998 before the embassy bombings. He had been covering John Gotti and was moving on to a series on terrorism. He wanted to know who was "the biggest gangster in the world." bin Laden was about to be indicted by a New York grand jury for the World Trade Center bombings. He was also being investigated in connection with a possible assassination attempt on President Clinton. To make a long story short, after the embassy bombings, a bin Laden aide called Miller and said "Tell America the war has just begun." It took him a while to take the next step, but it looks as if he was serious.
Posted by TI Anne at 9:22 AM |
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Aboard Flight 11, a Chilling Voice
I'm doing the late night TV thing and just heard about this story on Nightline. Wow. No further comment cuz I'm a bit shaken up. My Letterman and Leno observations will have to wait 'til morning.
Posted by TI Anne at 12:38 AM |
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Wednesday, September 19, 2001
Dog Guides Man Down 70 WTC Floors -- Animal Planet -- guide, dog This is so cool! How can you not love dogs?!?!?!
Posted by TI Anne at 10:16 PM |
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I really like this blog. Bulletproof & Bleeding: A Journal She's very opinionated and funny. Also, she's a stewardess and it's interesting to read her perspective on the current state of the airline industry following the 9/11 attacks.
Posted by TI Anne at 10:08 PM |
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Hearing all the military aircraft fly overhead is kind of eerie, but I suppose we better get used to it.
God bless America!
Posted by TI Anne at 6:22 PM |
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I had to do this one, What's Your Flavor? too just cuz he did.
Mmm ... cinnamon! Fiery and intoxicating, you're the flavor of Hot Tamales and Atomic Fireballs. To put it plainly, they don't call you red-hot for nothing! You're passionate and creative, an impulsive person who puts your heart and soul into everything you do. You definitely know how to have fun � in fact, your adventurous and spontaneous tendencies might even be called explosive. And you're not afraid to speak your mind, either; your hot-blooded nature won't stand for secrecy or repression. You're all about going with your gut feelings, expressing yourself, and living in the now. Exhilarating and intense, you're a truly tasty treat.
Posted by TI Anne at 2:56 PM |
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I had to do another one: What Color is Your Aura?
We don't need a psychic to tell us that you're giving off a Violet vibe. An amethyst-colored aura is the trademark of compassionate, empathetic people with arms big enough to hug the whole planet. If you had your way, you'd be teaching the world to sing in perfect harmony (and maybe even buying them a Coke) or heading to a third-world country with the Peace Corps. Spiritual and caring, you're a true music lover and probably committed to at least two or three causes. Your heart is so tender that it bleeds when you hear about any pain and suffering. That's why you're always working toward change, whether it's improving your workplace or rallying for global peace. You've got your sights set on lofty goals and, because you're such a dreamer, you might occasionally overlook the details when you're on one of your missions. But you're sophisticated and worldly enough to know how to dig in and make a difference where it counts. Strong-willed and kindhearted, people with a Violet aura are the world's activists.
I have to think about this before I comment.
Posted by TI Anne at 12:52 PM |
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I was just over at Nick's and found out who is Inner Rock Star is. Well, of course I wanted to find out who mine is, so I went to take the tests but found another one --- Who is your TV family? Well, that's all me. So, ya ready for this one?
Cue the flying cars � your family is most like everyone's favorite futuristic clan, The Jetsons! Modern, always trendy, and just a little bit crazy, George, Jane, Judy, Elroy, and even Rosie and Astro (or is that "Rastro"?) are your family's TV soulmates.
I don't get it, but, oh well. So, who's my Inner Rock Star? *sigh*
Hey, gal, your inner rock star is all Faith Hill. You are country, as sweet and sultry as summertime honeysuckle. You can warm hearts with your charming stage style, but you're calm and friendly with your success because you're grounded in the important things in life�family, friends, good living.
Whatever.
Posted by TI Anne at 12:45 PM |
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I feel like crap. I have for quite a few days now. Nick says he thinks I may have a kidney infection, so of course I looked up the symptoms.
*Pain in the lower back, right around the waist. It could feel like a dull ache. It could be a sharp stabbing pain. It could feel like someone punching you repeatedly. Any pain concentrated to that small corner of the lower back could indicate kidney trouble.
yep
*For people who get frequent kidney infections, the number one sign is the fatigue, which can hit suddenly. You'll be fine, no other symptoms to speak of, then, boom, you are so exhausted that it becomes a struggle to keep your eyes open. It takes every bit of energy you can muster to keep from slumping in your chair.
uh huh
*Usually a low-grade fever goes along with a kidney infection in the early stages.
Well, I feel as if I have one sometimes.
*Difficulty concentrating.
You betcha.
I have a doctor's appointment next week, so I guess I'll find out.
Back to work.
Posted by TI Anne at 12:24 PM |
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I don't know how I feel. I'm so confused I can't even pick a mood for my imood thingy. I guess I'm anxious. Whatever's going to happen next, I wish it would just happen. I trust the President, but I wish this process could move faster. I guess I've got this fear of the unknown. I think the fact that people are buying up gas masks all over the place doesn't help. There's something else that bothers me, too. Last night my friend and I were talking about how people are reacting to all of this. There are a lot of pent up emotions and, if the U.S. doesn't retaliate soon and give people a focus, some people are going to start turning on each other. Riots in the streets probably aren't out of the question. I hope it doesn't come to that. During the last week we've seen many things that are good about America. Let's hope the ugly side doesn't show up anymore than it already has.
On a lighter note, there's this new weather girl on the local morning news show we watch. Everything about her is annoying. This lead me to question the need for weather men and weather girls. Couldn't they just show us the graphics and play some nice soothing music, or even music that fits the weather? Like, if we're gonna get snow play "Winter Wonderland." If it's gonna be hot and humid, play "Lazy, Hazy Days of Summer" (or whatever the real name of that song is). That would be so much better than some chick telling us the weather is "nice" when it's 95 and humid. I'll define "nice" weather myself, thank you very much.
I guess that's it for now. I have work to do.
God bless America!
Posted by TI Anne at 7:41 AM |
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Monday, September 17, 2001
I feel like a slacker. I haven't felt well the last couple of days, so I haven't been here. Oh well. I'm sure no one missed my mundane observations on nothing anyway.
Posted by TI Anne at 6:06 PM |
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