A Night to (Almost) Remember

Prequel to Lions, Tigers, and Padawans, Oh My!. A fundraising bar crawl? Only Jemmiah could arrange something like that.

Note: This is a group fic written mostly by Jemmiah, with a little help from (in order of posting): Sybelle, Jedi Kylenn, HealerLeona, Wampasmak, Lilith Demodae, LadyJedith, Krelo Rei'ch, Jedi_Daphne, and mouse2. The original thread can be found at theforce.net.

Disclaimer: Qui-gon Jinn, Obi-wan Kenobi, Mace Windu, Yoda, Depa Bilaba and the universe they live in belong to George Lucas. They are respectfully borrowed with no intent to profit thereby.


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EPILOGUE:

"Where are you off to tonight, Padawan?" Qui-Gon asked as he reclined idly, sitting in the comfy chair.

"Nowhere master. I thought I'd just have an evening in. Maybe do a little meditation."

Qui-Gon's affected nonchalance evaporated almost immediately into the anxious lip-biting type of annoyance. "Are you sure?" he asked. "You don't want to go out at all? There must be some cantina that you could find to drink yourself senseless in."

"I thought you didn't like that sort of thing." Obi-Wan said with a reproving smile. "Not after the events of three weeks ago."

"I think the least said about three weeks ago the better, don't you?" Jinn fingered his reformed beard, recalling precisely the kind of torture that had been inflicted upon his masterly person. "Seriously, why don't you go out tonight, hmm?"

"There isn't anywhere I want to go." Obi-Wan rested his head calmly against the back of the sofa. "I felt that perhaps I should rest in view of tomorrow's agility test."

"You'll have no problems with that." Qui-Gon waved the obstacle away.

"How do you know?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Because I'm setting the tests." Qui-Gon replied. "Now, I really think that you should go out and enjoy yourself. It doesn't do to get tense and worked up about these things. It would be very unproductive."

"But I'm not," Obi-Wan frowned.

"I'm just saying that it would be very bad if you were to get tense, that's all."

"I'm not remotely tense."

"Good." Qui-Gon ground his teeth. "Very glad to hear it."

Obi-Wan watched as his master's eyes drifted to the chrono. "Because if it was a matter of money," Qui-Gon reached into his pocket and pulled out an array of credits, "I could always give you a loan�"

"I don't believe in borrowing, thank you, Master."

"Why not?"

"You taught me not to."

"Oh."

Qui-Gon looked heartily displeased. "Doesn't Simeon want to go out?" Qui-Gon asked.

"I shouldn't have thought so." Obi-Wan laughed. "Not after what An-Paj caught him doing yesterday morning."

"Which was? Or do I not wish to know?"

"Well," Obi-Wan lazily stretched his booted feet onto the footstool in front of him and crossed them, "it transpires that a joke he tried to play on Dimallie backfired just a little. He managed to get hold of a giant Kupacha fruit�the ones that look like human heads from the back because of all the long hair and pretended he'd accidentally cut off Quirida-Xac's head. Needless to say his master didn't find it quite so funny, especially when Dimallie burst into tears of hysteria."

"Cleaning freshers, is he?" Qui-Gon guessed.

"From now to eternity," Obi-Wan nodded.

Qui-Gon drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair. "What about Jay? Doesn't he want to go out?"

"Grounded."

"Tanni?"

"He's ill, master. He came out in big lumps and his hair has all fallen out. It would be like going down town with a threadbare rug by my side."

"Where's your compassion?"

"It's covered with cat dander."

Jinn sighed. "How about Jodi?"

"Off planet."

"Zac?"

"Playing Gabali."

"Kylenn?"

"Studying."

"Bant?"

"Busy."

"Sybelle?"

"With her boyfriend."

"Letina?"

"Washing her hair."

"Ambianca?"

"With Letina's boyfriend."

"Jasmyn?"

"Not speaking to me."

"Meri?"

"Got the flu."

"Hmiol?"

"I'm not that desperate!" Obi-Wan looked stung.

Qui-Gon started to tap his feet on the ground the same way that Rela did when she was agitated. Odd, Obi-Wan thought. He'd never noticed that before. "What about Jemmiah?" he said through hardly moving lips.

"Sorry, Master? Did you say something?" Obi-Wan asked overly politely.

"I said," Qui-Gon repeated with the distinct feeling his padawan had manoeuvred him into this situation, "what about Jemmiah?"

"She'd round at Rela's for the evening. I think she's staying over night," Obi-Wan answered.

Rela! The answer to all Qui-Gon's problems! Oh, how he could just hug her right now! "Why don't the three of you go out, hmm? When was the last time you did that?"

"That would be very nice, master. But I'm not sure I'd be welcome. It's a sort of girlie night I think. Quite what goes on at one of those evenings I really wouldn't know."

"All the more reason to find out," Jinn said firmly. "In fact you can make it your next big mission. I'll expect an essay on it first thing next week."

"You're not serious." Obi-Wan stared at his master as if he'd gone stark raving mad.

"Never more so. Off you go, young padawan." Qui-Gon stood up and then pulled the boy to his feet. "Have a good time�and don't come back too early. In fact, I'm sure Rela will let you stay over on the couch."

"But I have my own bed here," protested Kenobi, hands on hips in indignation.

"Why don't you be sociable for once?"

"But Jemmy's there! I thought you didn't like me and Jemmy being alone under the same roof�"

"Rela is also there. I might not trust you completely but I do trust her. I can't see the pair of you getting up to much in a sleeping bag."

Obi-Wan blinked as he tried to consider that.

"That was NOT a challenge, Padawan." Qui-Gon said sternly.

"No, Master. Of course not, Master."

"Off you go then. Have a good time."

Obi-Wan just stood there, planted on the spot.

"Something wrong, Obi-Wan?"

"Well, call me Mister Paranoid but� you wouldn't be trying to get rid of me by any chance, would you?"

"Get rid of you? Why of course not! Why should I do that?"

"I don't know." Obi-Wan mused. "You've been acting strange all day."

"In what way?"

"Sort of�you know how Jemmy sometimes gets. Mood swings."

"I hardly think that's likely to apply to me."

"I don't know. You looked very good in that dress with the stripy stockings during the crawl."

"Padawan?"

"Yes?"

"Go!"

Obi-Wan made a sad face. "No money, Master."

"But I offered�"

"Neither a borrower or a lender be. I read that someplace and rather liked it."

"Yes, yes." Qui-Gon pulled out some credit notes and placed them smack in his padawan's hands. "Here. Get some take-out or something. Not a loan. Keep it."

The padawan still didn't move. "I er, don't know if this will be enough." He laughed in embarrassed fashion.

"I know you can put it away but surely�"

"Spider's also going to be there."

Qui-Gon narrowed his eyes but sensed no deceit from the young man. Well, if this was the price he had to pay then so be it. And there would be even less chance of his apprentice getting up to mischief if Spider was there too. "Here," he thrust some more credits at Obi-Wan, "take the lot. Have a nice evening and DON'T do anything that would make me ashamed."

"No, Master. I'll make certain that I'll do nothing that you wouldn't have done yourself."

"I thought I said don't make me ashamed," mumbled Qui-Gon, remembering his own rebelliousness at Obi-Wan's age.

And well beyond that age, come to think about it�

"Thank you, Master." Obi-Wan bowed graciously, a brilliant smile dimpling his face.

"Have a good time."

"Oh, don't worry, Master. I will!" Kenobi grinned, gathering his robe from the back of the sofa.

Obi-Wan took a few strides before pausing by the door. "Enjoy your evening with Leona, Master," he winked, watching as the guilt spread on Qui-Gon's face before he left their apartment behind them for the night.

Qui-Gon should have known that Obi-Wan knew exactly what he had planned. Not that there was anything wrong with what he was doing. Of course not. It was hardly a crime to spend some time in private with the one that you cared for�

Even though he had more or less denied his padawan the chance to do exactly the same with his own girlfriend. Then again, that girlfriend happened to be Jemmiah�

Qui-Gon had been sure that with a little time and without much effort the two of them would come to see that they were completely wrong for each other. Unfortunately, although they sometimes argued they were on the whole getting on extremely well and strangely enough they seemed to get on best of all when away from the confines of the temple. They would become totally different people.

He noticed that his padawan had left several items on the sofa from when he'd emptied his pockets and tutted at the boy's messiness, stooping to pick them up.

One packet of Takkini chips (empty) and one candy wrapper.

One small breath freshener spray, (which caused him to frown without realizing it).

One of Jemmiah's hair clips. Sith knew what he was doing with that.

One small holo of himself and Jemmiah (she was sat on his knee).

One folded piece of flimsy.

The latter made Qui-Gon curious. If it were important then his padawan wouldn't keep it lying around where anyone could see it, so there wouldn't be any real harm if he took a little peek�

The letter was in Jemmiah's hand.

Dear Ben,

I'm sorry we've not had much of a chance to see each other recently but I know you've been busy with all these tests that Master Jinn's been throwing at you of late. Still, it'll give you a chance to use up all that excess energy you have acquired through all the calories that you put away, eh termite?

Looking back on it now, the cantina crawl was quite successful. I know most of us ended up sick or in the infirmary but I really enjoyed what I could remember of it.

I think.

Apart from all that Kryztan stuff, of course. I don't know how Master Berlingside managed to persuade the council to give him another chance. As long as he keeps away from us then I don't suppose there's much we can do. I'm glad your hands healed as quickly as they did!

Of course, the highlight of the evening was the holofilm of all the events. Lilith told me that unfortunately her holochip was faulty and so they got nothing at all, but let me tell you Ben, the stuff that I got was hilarious! Some of the things that happened�and poor Master Jinn!

You know, he tried to wheedle the location of the chip out of me, but I wouldn't budge. Typical stubborn Corellian, I think he called me! I don't care. I have the power! And I like it!

I'll tell you where it is because I know I can trust you, and I know that you will laugh whenever you take a walk out in that direction. You see, I buried the chip in the temple gardens, inside an airtight container. (Well, it was my old jewellery box but it does the job) That's why I was out in the gardens when you had that dip in the fountain.

It's buried fifty-two paces west from our favorite tree and seventeen paces to the right from that point.

I laugh every time I see someone standing over that spot!

I hope we will be able to dig it up and watch it together some day, when the heat has died down and they aren't all threatening me with every kind of torture and blackmail known to humanity to extort the location from me.

Until that time,

Love always

Your Jemmy.

Qui-Gon straightened up in shock as he heard the door chime go, stuffing the flimsy into his tunic and throwing the rest of the rubbish under the chair with a force push, hoping Leona wouldn't notice. If she did he could always blame his padawan.

This was vital. He had the clue that he needed.

He wasn't the only one who was worried that a copy of the goings on might make it out of the temple confines. Plenty of others had made fools of themselves that evening too. If Yoda ever got to see it, or worse still Lilith Demodae�

And by the sound of it she had somehow been in contact with Jemmiah�

Qui-Gon would have to keep an eye on that.

But now he could use Jemmiah's directions, find the chip and destroy it once and for all. Victory was his!

*******

Obi-Wan entered Rela's place laden with two bottles of wine and a very dubious smile.

"Hi, Scrub Brush!" Rela grinned. "You got our money?"

"Here," he smiled. "Courtesy of my master."

"I like!" Rela clapped her hands in delight. "If only he knew!"

"Knew what?" Spider asked.

"The sort of evening he's got planned. We are going to that new place that's opened three sub blocks away. Got a good Jizz band there. Then we grab something to eat and head back to yours, leaving the two love birds to it."

"You won't come back too early?" Obi-Wan asked in an echo of his master only an hour or so earlier.

"I've sorted that." Rela pulled a face. "I'm spending the night at Spider's place. Again."

"You're wonderful!" Obi-Wan squeezed her arm.

"This is true. I'll be thinking of you two cozying up and making eyes at each other. The only thing making eyes at me tonight are going to be those damn locusts that wouldn't stop chirping last time," she sighed.

Jemmy took the bottles from Obi-Wan and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Now, behave Jemmiah. Be kind to this poor, delicate waif of a boy." Spider nodded at Kenobi.

"As if I'd do anything to strenuous. He's got that agility test tomorrow."

"A girl who plans ahead, eh?" Rela nudged her, actually making her blush. "Well, we'll be off them guys. Oh, and don't let this get back to Qui-Gon. If he finds out that you've used my place as a temporary lovenest he will go banoodly."

"Already thought about that one," reassured Obi-Wan.

"Have a good time," Spider winked.

"I intend to." Jemmiah replied, closing the door behind them.

She looked at Obi-Wan. "Eight weeks, but we got there in the end." She smirked. "I'll put the wine in the cooler." "Who cares about the wine?" Obi-Wan laughed, wrapping her in a tight embrace.

"Do you think it worked?"

"What? The note?"

"Uh huh. Think he knows we planted it there for him to find?"

"My master? No, he won't suspect. He'll be so pleased at the idea of getting his hands on the goods at last, the excitement will be too much for him."

"Is this the holochip or Leona?"

"Both!" Obi-Wan squeezed harder. "My poor master. He is in for a shock!"

*******

"How was your day?" Qui-Gon asked Leona as she sat down on the sofa and tried to get comfortable.

"Well," Leona sighed, "I think tiring would be the best description."

Qui-Gon passed a glass of red wine to the healer and then excused himself whilst he went to the kitchen, tying an apron round his waist. Leona tried to smother her laughter at the sight of Qui-Gon, having great difficulty marrying his usually severe and reserved reputation with this image of domestic perfection before her.

"In what way tiring?" he enquired as he started to get the plates ready for the meal he had prepared.

Leona shrugged. "Well, you know what it is like. I was up at four in the morning. Gave Quirida-Xac a bed bath. Changed his sheets. Lanced a few boils, removed a few gangrenous toes, patched up several initiates, reattached a few severed limbs, delivered several babies and then when I got my breath back An-Paj whisked me off to the store cupboards for some hanky-panky. That lasted a good few hours. Then I managed to stagger to the Bacta tanks and�"

She caught sight of his open mouth. "Joke," she grinned.

"Oh, yes. Of course," he grinned. "I knew that."

Leona raised an impertinent eyebrow. "What's for dinner?"

"My speciality. Qui-Gon Jinn's Spicy Nerf in hot Korrassi mustard sauce."

"Sounds good." Leona smiled. "Not all the masters are so domesticated. You know how it is; they like to pretend they are wonderful cooks but they live on carry out most of the time."

"Not us." Qui-Gon said, suddenly spotting the packaging from the duck fritters he and his padawan had eaten that afternoon lying on the work surface and hurriedly shoving them in the garbage unit. "We don't always have fancy meals. I think sometimes plain food is better although Obi-Wan will eat anything including the wrapper given half the chance."

"Dex was telling me that he likes to eat healthily. Lots of salads and things." Leona mused.

"That's because anything other than a salad is too complicated for him to make." Qui-Gon remarked. "He's lived off salad ever since he became a knight. Before that Quirida-Xac used to stuff him with all sorts of food, in fact you have never seen such a well-stocked larder! No wonder Dex was the most popular padawan in the temple. Everyone used to go round to his apartment and shovel food down like there was no tomorrow. I'm afraid when it came to cooking Dex did not learn from his master."

"But Obi-Wan's had a good example." Leona looked at him appraisingly.

Qui-Gon nearly blushed at the complement. Thank you. I like to think I've taught him all he needs to know�"

*******

"Hmmm!" Obi-Wan sighed as he and Jemmy lounged along the floor in Rela's living room area. "Hot, greasy Corellian Gwelm Sausage deep fried and covered in Takkini sauce."

"Nothing like the good old fashioned junk food when it comes to having a night in." Jemmy agreed. "But I'd be worried about the damage you did when you dropped your sausage on the carpet."

"Nothing wrong with it." Obi-Wan frowned. "Do you think I was going to let the little matter of some fluff come between me and my supper?"

"No Ben," Jemmy just stared at him, "I meant the damage to the carpet. Not the sausage."

Obi-Wan looked at the stain. "She'll never notice," he remarked.

"But the sauce is eating a hole in the fibres!" Jemmy answered.

"Look," he said with his mouth full, "we can clean that up before she comes back." He wiped his oily fingers on his tunic. "But not just now. I can think of much more important things right now."

"Yeah?" Jemmy's face lit up.

"Uh huh. This food. Pass the salt, would you?"

Jemmiah wondered momentarily what she saw in him and wordlessly did as he requested.

"Thanks," he winked. He could see the displeasure in her eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said.

"Tell me."

"I'm fine."

"Look, if it's about how I ate those last chips I'm sorry�"

Jemmy sighed and shook her head. "Get on with your food. Your sausage is getting cold."

*******

"That was wonderful." Leona smiled as she finished the last mouthful of Nerf. "I'm intrigued. What else can you do?"

Qui-Gon gulped. "Sorry?" he asked hesitantly.

"It doesn't matter." Leona's face took on an impish expression. "Have you got anything to drink?"

"We've got more bottles of Florizan wine in our racks than you have ever seen." He rolled his eyes. "Evla keeps bringing it back whenever she goes away to see her family. Other than that we've got Purple Twilight�"

"That will do." Leona nodded gratefully. "Thank you."

Qui-Gon was surprised at the change in the little healer, usually so timid and yet flirting as bold as you liked. Not that he was complaining� "Would you like to watch a holo?" he asked.

"Yes," Leona smiled, "why not? What have you got?"

"Well, I thought you might want to watch that new holo with Rex Victory�"

"Haven't you got anything more, well, thrilling?"

"Thrilling?"

"You know�less slushy. A bit more pacy and action packed."

Qui-Gon stopped just short of saying that from what he had seen there was plenty of thrilling, pacy action in Rex Victory's holo. Most of it of the female variety�

Leona walked over to the holo stack where most of Obi-Wan's holos were kept and ran her fingers down the spines until she came to one that caught her eye. "This one looks excellent." Her eyes twinkled.

"What is it?"

"Death Beneath the Stars: The Return of the Vibroblade Killer." Leona picked the holo out from its cover. "You don't mind do you?"

"N-no, not at all." Qui-Gon said in a stunned voice. "If that's what you want to watch."

"I think it's really great that we have such compatible tastes." The healer grinned at him. "I'm sure this will round off a wonderful evening."

"Indeed." Qui-Gon smiled. "I'm sure it will. I only hope my padawan is having as good an evening as we are�"

*******

"I LOVE Rex Victory." Jemmy declared happily as she sprawled along the floor with careless abandon. "I can't think of anything I'd rather do than watch a holo with him in it."

Obi-Wan stared at the screen. "You told Letina last week that he was a waste of space and you hated him because he was cross eyed, portly and couldn't act his way out of a wet bag. You said he was an abomination to the arts and was keeping serious actors out of work with his amazingly over-chiselled jaw." Kenobi pointed out.

"I know. But I like him this week," she virtually swooned.

The film had been on only ten minutes and Obi-Wan was seriously bored with it already. He hated slushy holos but unfortunately Jemmiah didn't. In fact she rather enjoyed them. And it wasn't as if there was anything he could learn from them anyway.

He put his arm round her back very, very slowly� "Have we finished all the wine?" Jemmy asked him suddenly.

"I think so," he nodded. "But that doesn't matter does it?"

Once again he began to slide his hand over her back."No I don't suppose so." She smiled alluringly at him.

"Good." Obi-Wan bent to kiss her.

"I'll just have to have water instead." Jemmy said cheerfully, standing up and bounding towards the kitchen, leaving a very frustrated padawan behind on the carpet.

This was unfair. She was torturing him on purpose now. He idly traced the hole in the carpet that the sauce had made, wondering if it was actually bigger than he'd first imagined it, and all the time willing Jemmy to hurry up and come back through. "That's better." She appeared some minutes later (deliberately keeping him waiting, Obi-Wan thought) with a glass of water in her hand. "That Rex Victory's got me all steamed up. Phew!" she fanned herself with her hand.

Obi-Wan glowered slightly as he noticed the way she ogled the man every time he opened his mouth to speak. "Why don't you sit down?" He patted the floor beside him.

"Don't you think he's got a lovely voice?" Jemmy cooed as she walked towards him.

"Wonderful," Obi-Wan said dryly.

"I'm glad you're enjoying the holo." Jemmiah pinched his cheek. "There's another three hours of it to go."

It was all Obi-Wan could do to stop crying out Nooooooooooooooooo at the top of his voice, yet he bore it all with stoic jedi patience that he didn't really possess. Jemmy stared at the man in the holo as if in a trance. This was getting silly, thought Obi-Wan. He waited a further minute or two and then started to let his fingers wander to her neck and shoulders.

"Hmmm, that's wonderful." Jemmy smiled blissfully.

"Glad you think so." Obi-Wan felt pleased that he was finally getting somewhere.

"The way he walks is just wonderful. He has the most sexy wiggle I have ever seen." Jemmy sighed deeply.

Obi-Wan gave up and lay along the floor beside her, resting a very bored head in an equally weary hand.

*******

Qui-Gon was finding it very difficult to get into a romantic frame of mind. Every time he tried to put his arm round her, someone in the holo would scream or be attacked or be found dead on the ground and she would lean forward and shout "It's not him you idiot! Any fool can tell it's the cop that's the killer!" or "Look behind you!"

The film itself didn't exactly paint the most romantic of pictures. It was almost impossible to feel amorous when just inches away someone was getting cut up in an autopsy. The breakthrough was finally made when Leona had leaned back and snuggled against his chest.

Success!

Now if he could just get her to relax�

A small beeping noise disturbed him from his ardent attentions. "What's that?" he asked, puzzled.

Leona stood up. "Someone's buzzing me. I have to go. There must be an emergency somewhere in the temple."

"But I thought�"

"I know, but I really have to." Leona bent over to kiss him quickly on the lips. "I'm sorry. It's been a wonderful night, really it has. I tell you what: you watch the rest of the holo and you can tell me how it ends, Okay?"

She gathered her robe off the sofa and hurried towards the door. "I'll see you tomorrow." She smiled sadly. "And thanks again for everything."

And then she was gone.

Qui-Gon sat back down, rather at a loss for what to do. He decided that perhaps he'd make a start on washing up the dirty dishes. Then he decided he'd leave them for Obi-Wan to do tomorrow. It wasn't much of a consolation but Qui-Gon took some small crumb of comfort from the fact that if he had experienced no luck with his girlfriend then neither would his padawan.

*******

Obi-Wan was now feeling very depressed.

He began to wonder if perhaps his earlier innatentiveness to Jemmy was now being punished. This was their first chance to be alone, really alone�and she had chosen to hide away in the fresher. She'd been there for over fifteen minutes, leaving him alone with the annoying Rex Victory for company.

He looked at the screen. "I hate you." He said simply.

"Talking to yourself, Ben? That's the first sign of madness." Came a sultry voice from the fresher doorway.

Obi-Wan looked up and gulped. "W-what's the second sign?" he asked.

"Preferring a packet of chips instead of myself."

"Where did you get that dress?" he said in a hushed voice.

"Well," Jemmy walked a few more tantalising steps towards him, showing off the red and gold number to its full advantage, "Leona gave it to me. Shortly after the cantina crawl. Sith knows where she got it because I can't see her in it at all."

"Ah," Obi-Wan nodded, "I thought it looked familiar."

"Sorry?"

"I doesn't matter." Obi-Wan switched off the holofilm, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Tell me Jemmy. How many people do you think can fit in a sleeping bag?"

*******

Qui-Gon re-read Jemmiahs letter and decided to do something constructive with the rest of the evening. He waited by the holoterminal until eventually the person he sought answered his call.

"Dex." Qui-Gon smiled. "Are you busy?"

"Why should you think that?" Dex smiled.

"Let me put it another way. Dex, are you and Krelo busy?"

"Not at this specific point in time." Berlingside pursed his lips. "Why?"

"See if you can contact Mace. There's something important going on here and I need both your help."

"Important?" Dex frowned.

"Buried treasure," Jinn elaborated.

"No, still not with you." Dex shook his head.

"It doesn't matter. See if you can persuade the shiny headed one to join us, would you. Stress that it's an emergency."

Dex looked startled but agreed all the same.

"Meet me at the refectory in half an hour." Jinn smiled. He cut off the transmission. "We have got some gardening to do," he said to himself.

*******

When Mace finally arrived at the refectory he found that Qui-Gon and Dex were already there waiting for him. The lights in the eating halls had been deactivated for the night and the two tall figures could be plainly seen lounging against the wall of the corridor outside, kicking their heels against the skirting in total boredom.

"Sorry that took so long." Mace held his hands up. "I had council business to attend to. You know how it is."

"Council business?" Qui-Gon challenged incredulously. "At this time of night?"

"I had reports to finalize before tomorrow's morning session." Mace replied tartly." Those of us who actually work round here don't have spare time to fritter away on social chit-chat. Now," Windu continued, ignoring the raised eyebrows aimed in his direction, "Dex said something about this being urgent, yes? Where's the fire?"

"I'll tell you on the way." Qui-Gon mumbled, furtively looking from side to side before hurrying towards his left in a quick, long-legged jog. The other two exchanged non-plussed looks and then followed on.

"I hope this IS important," Mace growled as they tried to keep up with the ground-eating strides that Qui-Gon was taking, "because if I've been dragged away under false pretences I will NOT be amused."

"Yeah, where are we headed Qui?" Dex hissed. "This is starting to resemble one of our many padawan escapades." "I hope not." Mace grumbled. "We always got caught. Even when we hadn't done anything we still got caught."

Dex chuckled. "Do you remember our code names? Commander Qui-Gon the intrepid, Captain Dexter the fantastically courageous and Lieutenant Mace the�what was your title?"

"MACE THE INCREDIBLY BORING." Qui-Gon deadpanned.

"Ha ha." Mace grouched. "How come I had to be the Lieutenant? Why couldn't I have been the Commander?"

"Because," Qui-Gon answered over his shoulder, "Some of us are born to lead and others are born to be council members."

Qui-Gon stopped at the turbo lift and pressed the down button, waiting for his two companions to catch up. The gentle hum of the lift came to a sudden halt and the cylindrical door slid round. Qui-Gon walked into the brightly-lit transporter just a Mace was beginning to get antsy.

"So where are we going?" Windu frowned.

"The gardens," Qui-Gon replied.

Mace, who had just walked into the lift spun round on his heel and walked straight out again, only to be caught unceremoniously by the collar of his tunic and hauled backwards, choking and spluttering. "No you don't." Qui-Gon said firmly as Dex followed them in, the doors entombing the three of them.

"I'm NOT going to the gardens!" spat Mace.

"Yes ,you are," Jinn said patiently.

"No I'm not! Every time I do something horrible happens, like I get an insect with pincers the size of a Sailbarge stuck up my nose or a large gardening implement impaled on my�"

"Yes, Mace. I understand. It's unfortunate but you have to keep in mind that you were unlucky on both occasions. Anyone could have tripped on the rake."

"But it wasn't anyone, it was me!" yelled Mace heaving a thumb at his chest. "And as for that damned Fork-Tailed Stinger, I bet you trained it to fly up my nostril!"

Dex peered up at the tattoo on Mace's head. "You can't really see it now. All you can see is a sort of dingy, dirty mark. People will just think you haven't washed."

"I've been scrubbing and scrubbing at that thing until I thought my skin would wear out." Mace grimaced. "Just one more reminder of how I do not want to go into the gardens."

"Do you want to make sure that holo recording of the cantina crawl gets destroyed? Do you really want to risk Captain Demodae getting her hands on it and selling copies for exorbitant prices?"

"What do you mean?" Dex frowned.

Qui-Gon reached into his tunic and brought out Jemmiah's letter. "I found this when I was going through the contents of my padawan's pockets."

"So much for trust," Mace commented.

"You were lucky that was all you found,� grinned Dex. "Especially after the cantina crawl."

"I believe Obi-Wan has learned his lesson," Qui-Gon said as he unfolded the letter for their perusal.

"More fool you." Mace snatched the letter away and started to read.

Dex tried to read over Windu's shoulder. "So�you want us to go to the gardens," the blonde master stated.

"Yes."

"Now."

"Yes."

"In the middle of the night."

"Yes."

"And follow these instructions."

"Yes."

"And dig up the gardens trying to find this holochip."

"That's about the size of it," Qui-Gon agreed.

"I'm not doing it. "Dex shook his head. "Quillan will go spare, especially after he discovered what happened to his swan! Not to mention where he threatened to stick the aforementioned swan after it's head became detached�"

"I've had far too many run-ins with Quillan in the past and I'm not about to add another one to my already impressive tally." Mace refused, crossing his arms to get the point across. "And the man has no taste�he didn't even like my topiary!"

"My Yoda was better than yours," Dex bragged.

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Garbage."

"Mine had ears!"

Qui-Gon tried to intercede in the quarrel. "I think we're losing sight of the real issue here. This is our big opportunity to get rid of this thing once and for all. If we hadn't been out of our minds on alcohol none of us would have incurred Quillan's wrath in the first place. Now, all we have to do is take our instructions and follow them to the letter, dig up the holochip and Jemmiah and my padawan will be none the wiser."

"I wouldn't mind a copy for myself," Dex said with a smile. "Just for sentimental reasons."

"It has nothing to do with all those girls getting their legs felt up?" Mace asked.

Dex thought about it. "Well�yes." he admitted.

Pause.

"I'm still not happy about this, though."

"What's wrong with you?" Qui-Gon asked impatiently. "I thought you were Dexter the fantastically courageous?"

"He grew up to become Dexter the incredibly coward," Berlingside admitted. "Qui, if we get busted on this we are deep in Bantha dung."

"Then we'd better make sure we don't get busted." Was Qui-Gon's only answer.

Dex muttered something under his breath.

"Sorry? What was that?" Qui-Gon asked as if he were speaking to a sulky padawan.

"I said you're only doing this because you are bored. And if you're bored it means that you're at a loose end. And if you're at a loose end it means that your meal with Leona didn't quite go as planned." He watched as Qui-Gon's face colored. "Ahhhhhaaaaa! I knew that was it!"

"Just shut up and get out of the damn lift," Jinn growled as the turbolift came to a juddering halt.

The smell of fresh air drifted out from the exit that led to the gardens and Qui-Gon breathed in heavily, trying to clear his senses. Some of Dex's nervousness was beginning to rub off on him and he couldn't afford to let anyone know. The reluctant Dex followed him out towards a path that forked into several paths, wondering which route Qui-Gon was going to take, whilst Mace seemed to be preoccupied with the ground.

"What are you doing?" Jinn asked through gritted teeth.

"Checking," Mace mumbled.

"Checking for what?"

"More rakes. You know, I wouldn't trust Quillan not to have this place booby-trapped from top to bottom with sharp gardening tools just incase�"

"You know Mace, your brain is living proof that we are descended from poultry. Get your head up off the ground and start looking for this tree."

It took several moments of aimless walking around in the near dark, waving a little hand torch ahead of them for Dex to come up with the obvious.

"Qui, this is a garden. It has lots of trees."

"So?"

"My point is this: which tree are we looking for?"

Qui-Gon had to concede that Dex might just have hit on a small snag. "It says it's their favorite tree. Where do they go to sit most?"

"Qui, they are two teenagers. When they sit beside each other they do NOT want to be seen."

"So it would be somewhere fairly secluded," Mace wondered out loud.

A stray memory clicked in Qui-Gon's mind. One of two younger children taking turns to push each other on a swing that Obi-Wan had made out of a piece of wood and a couple of old ropes tied to a large and gnarled old tree not far from�

"The water gardens." Qui-Gon snapped his fingers together in triumph. "The line of trees by the back of the water gardens where they had that swing."

"The swing the council made them take down." Dex grinned crookedly at Mace. "You horrible creature!"

"That's dangerously near to where that rake was." Mace shuddered at the memory. "I'll be traumatized for life.

"Oh, yeah. How many spikes did go in?" Dex asked, dodging as Mace took a swipe at him.

The journey to the water gardens only took a further ten minutes, but it was ten minutes fraught with bad memories for Mace who remained utterly convinced that somehow that rake was going to come back and get him. Qui-Gon laughed at the childishness of it all whilst keeping his eyes peeled at the same time f or the slightest trouble. There still, however remained the problem of which tree was the one that Jemmy was referring to in her letter.

"It's so long ago now that I can't remember which one it is," he admitted.

"That's us stuffed then, isn't it?" Mace declared happily. "Come on, let's go home."

"No." Dex smiled.

The other two stared at him. "It's this one." He pointed at the largest of all the trees. "This is it."

"How do you know?" Mace demanded.

"Yes, you're just making it up to look good," Qui-Gon replied.

"I'm telling you, it's this one."

"Prove it." Windu challenged.

"Okay. How much?" Dex asked.

Qui-Gon held up a silencing hand. "Is it my imagination," he asked quietly, "or are we being watched?"

All three of the guilty looking co-conspirators froze; desperately trying to ascertain what if anything was lurking out there in the gloom.

"Nothing." Mace remarked caustically. "You imagined it."

"What if he didn't?" Dex felt like pulling his hood over his face incase anyone should recognize him. "S'pose someone's out here? Watching us?"

"Who would want to watch us?" Mace asked, his voice not sounding as level as it had previously. "You'd have to be a lunatic to be out in the garden at this time of night."

The other two looked at him.

"Okay, point," he admitted. "But it was YOUR idea, Qui."

"I still think I can feel eyes upon my back." Jinn replied with a wary glance over both shoulders.

"Now who's getting scared?" Dex challenged.

"I am NOT scared," Qui-Gon's voice soared.

"Yes you are. You always pretend to be tough but when push comes to shove you have the backbone of a marshmallow," interjected Windu.

"At least I'm not afraid of insects!" Qui-Gon retorted. "I wouldn't go flapping my arms about like a giant flightless bird just because some teensy insect decided to set up house in my nasal cavity!"

"Teensy?" Mace became indignant. "It was the size of a Hutt! You've never seen anything so darned big in your life!"

Qui-Gon circled the council member predatorily. "Yes, well. You always did have a problem when it came to comparing the size of things. You have an unhealthy obsession with my feet which springs from Sith knows where�"

"Shut up." Mace eyeballed him. "There's nobody here, except for us and the alien creature inhabiting Dex's mind."

"Hey, why pick on me?" Dex sulked. "I haven't done anything wrong."

"Whose fault is it then? Your imaginary friend?"

Silence.

"You promised you wouldn't say!" Dex pouted.

"You had an imaginary friend?" Qui-Gon laughed.

"Yeah, he had more interesting conversation than any of my real ones," snapped the Corellian.

A twig cracked suddenly in the distance as if someone had stood upon it. "Whoa! There IS someone here!" Mace jumped back.

"See! I told you so!" Qui-Gon mumbled.

"So what do we do? Whined Dex.

"How does run away grab you?" Windu shuffled further back.

Qui-Gon grabbed hold of his robe again. "Just listen!"

There was no further sound. Nothing save the rippling of water, the almost musical sound of the wind stirring the chimes hanging from the trees and the�

"CROAAAAAAAK!"

"What the Sith hell?!?" Qui-Gon exclaimed, all ideas of dignity and composure abandoned completely.

"It's�it's a toad." Dex said happily, a hand clutched convulsively to his chest. "That's all! Phew!"

"There's the eyes watching your back." Mace sighed, waving a relieved if shaking hand at the critter on the lawn. "It's one of the Emperor Toads that Jemmiah introduced so considerately to our ponds a few years back. I thought they were all gone�"

"It's like that kids tale," Dex mused.

"Sorry?" Qui-Gon asked, wondering what the heck Dex was babbling about. "What do you mean? What tale?"

"The one about the Princess who had to kiss a frog."

"Why did she have to do that?" Mace studied the warty little creature as it hopped away towards the ponds. "Did she have a thing for amphibians?"

"You know, Jemmiah always says you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your handsome Prince," Qui-Gon remembered.

"Not me," Dex grinned, puffing out his chest. "I'm prime quality toad�"

"I think you've regressed back to your childhood." Qui-Gon said sadly. "If you and your imaginary friend would care to tear yourselves away from Neverneverland we might actually find what we are looking for. Now, what makes you think it's this tree?"

"Not telling you." Dex refused.

"Why not?"

"Because you've been horrible to me ever since we got out here." He answered in a fed up voice. "It's like when we were initiates and you two used to gang up on me just cause I was littler!"

"Awww, poor little Dexie diddums." Mace wobbled his bottom lip with his finger.

"So, if we say sorry you'll tell us?" Qui-Gon asked.

"Maybe."

"Okay then, we're sorry that we offended your�"

"Hey, what's this WE business," grinned Mace.

"I am sorry that I offended your Corellian pride," Jinn remarked. "Now, perhaps you'll share the great secret of how you know this is the right tree?"

Dex swelled with self-importance. �Well, it's not so much the tree as what's on it." He grinned, shining his hand torch onto the bark. "Have a look."

Qui-Gon and Mace followed the lettering with their eyes and traced the rough carving in the bark with their fingers: a heart shape with two arrows and the words Ben and Jemmy written in the center and to the side a smaller one with O-W.K loves J.G.

"That is so cute it just makes you want to cry," Dex grinned.

"Makes you want to vomit, more like." Jinn grimaced, indicating below the carving. "Shine the torch down here."

Dex followed Qui-Gon's finger further down the bark until they came across a further carving in hurried, hastily scratched writing. "What does that say?" Qui-Gon frowned.

"C�something�R�something�L�L�something�something�N�something, then a new line. D�O�space�I�something�.space�S�T�A�something�something�I�something�G�space�U�and something that's either a D or a P."

"I know," grinned Dex, "And trust me, you'd rather not find out."

"What?" Qui-Gon looked from Dex to the tree and back again.

"It's true though," Berlingside added with a leer.

"WHAT?!?" Qui-Gon demanded.

"I'd keep a close eye on those two if I were you." Dex nodded at the carving. "Then again, considering what it says, maybe you shouldn't."

"W-H-A-T!!!" Jinn looked about ready to damage his friend.

"Listen, Qui-Gon. You work it out for yourself." Dex winked. "But I think it's safe to assume that we have got the right tree."

Qui-Gon took another look at the letter to refresh his memory regarding the specific directions from then onwards. "Buried fifty-two paces west from our favorite tree and seventeen paces to the right from that point." Jinn turned to face west then folded the letter away again, tucking it back inside his tunic. "Right, here goes."

The master's formidable stride soon tore up the ground, as he carefully yet swiftly placed one foot in front of the other, leaving Dex to screw up his face in uncertainty.

"That's no good Qui." Berlingside called after him. "You have too large a stride pattern. Your feet are too big for starters." Dex risked a sideways glance at Mace. "You need someone with a more�feminine walk. Someone with smaller feet."

"There's nothing wrong with my feet," Mace scowled.

Oh, c'mon! I've seen fleas with bigger arches than that." Dex laughed. "You've got little feet. You do it."

"No!"

"He's correct, Mace. If I use my own measurements as I guide I'll overshoot by goodness knows what distance."

"My, we are modest,"grinned Berlingside. "Go on, Mace!"

Windu closed his eyes. "Was I a mass poisoner or something in a previous existence?" he asked plaintively.

"Mace? Please?" Qui-Gon pleaded.

An irritated release of breath informed Qui-Gon that he had won this battle and Mace stood himself beside the tree and pointed himself in the right direction. "Remember the walk, Mace," Dex snickered.

"Pardon?"

"The walk. The Corellian wiggle�the loose gait�the�"

"You want me to mince?" Windu gasped.

"Sure! Who's going to see you?" Dex replied

"Go on, Mace!" Qui-Gon worked hard to keep his face neutral. "Think Jemmiah."

"I'd get arrested," Mace state flatly.

Qui-Gon glared. "Do you mind? That's my�"

"Future daughter in law. Of sorts." Dex smiled, imagining the blood drain from Qui-Gon's face at the thought. "Mace? Would you oblige us�"

Mace decided it would be quicker if he just gave in. "Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking Corellian. Here goes."

The dark-skinned master tried his best to swing his hips as he placed his dainty feet in turn on the grass, and Qui-Gon and Dex were left with the somewhat hilarious sight of Mace's wiggling backside disappearing into the night. "Qui?"

"Not now, I'm trying to watch what Mace is doing." Jinn hushed his friend.

"But I think maybe that Mace is�"

"What does that idiot look like?" Qui-Gon smiled broadly. "I think Jemmiah would be insulted beyond all measure!"

"Perhaps we should tell him that�"

"He is such an imbecile!" Qui-Gon cupped his hands round his mouth and hollered "put some life into it, Windu!"

Mace continued to swing his way forward and was still counting when he heard Qui-Gon's call. "I don't have the hips for this." He frowned; concentrating on taking Jemmiah sized strides.

Dex tugged at Qui-Gon's sleeve. "What is it?" Jinn asked out of the corner of his mouth.

"Qui, I think we should tell Mace that if he's s'posed to be heading west. He's facing the wrong�." There was a small scream, followed by a large splash, and then the croaking of many disturbed toads. "�way," finished Dex.

Qui-Gon bit his lip. "I was sure I was facing west." Jinn sighed. "Oh, well."

"We'd better go help him out." Dex said casually as he listened to all the cursing and swearing some forty paces away.

"Yes," agreed Qui-Gon, not in any hurry. "I think next time if we were to head over in the opposite way then we might actually find out�"

His eyes rounded suddenly and caused Dex to wonder if some of the garden midges had bitten him. "What's wrong?" Berlingside asked in concern. "Qui?"

"I've worked it out," hissed the tall master.

"What?"

"The message on the tree. CORELLIANS DO IT STANDING UP!"

"Oh, well done!" Dex clapped. "I knew you'd get it eventually."

Qui-Gon fumed. "If I find my padawan carved that message he will certainly NOT be able to sit down for a very long time!"

"Have you any idea how many Corellians live in the temple?" Dex pointed out.

"Too many," grumbled Qui-Gon.

"You're just jealous because there are two types of people in this galaxy: Corellians and wannabe Corellians." Berlingside wandered down towards the pool with Qui-Gon flanking him, guided by the sound of croaking. Dex put a hand to his ear.

"Yup, the toads are back," he nodded.

"And there's the biggest of them all." Qui-Gon agreed. "Well, if it isn't the frog prince. Enjoying your little paddle?"

"Sure as heck wouldn't want to kiss that!" Dex grinned and waved casually at Mace.

Windu stood there, dripping in silent protestation. "I think I know what we did wrong there Mace," Qui-Gon began "and I think we can quite easily rectify it if we just�"

"Oh, no." Mace shook his head. "I've had enough! Being half strangled and hauled into a lift! I've been insulted and made to look an idiot�"

"So you were perfect for the job," Dex put in helpfully.

"�Bombarded with your overexcited imagination and then persuaded to walk into a medium sized pond full of Sith knows what!"

Qui-Gon tried to persuade him as best he could. "Look, we got it wrong first time. I admit it. But if we were to go west this time then at least we'll be somewhere in the right direction."

Mace made a lunge for Qui-Gon. "What do you think you're doing?" Jinn protested.

"I'm getting your robe,"replied Windu. "You owe me that at least. If you think I'm standing here freezing my ba�backside off you've got another think coming."

"I preferred it when Leona borrowed my robe." Qui-Gon complained as he slipped his arms out the large garment. "At least I got a date out of that."

"I'm not your type." Mace drawled. "Just give it here."

Reluctantly, Qui-Gon handed over his precious robe, watching as the shivering Mace discarded his own garment briefly and then wrapped himself up against the cold wearing Qui-Gon's own. Somewhat jealously Jinn glared at Mace. "And what do I do to keep warm?" Qui-Gon asked.

Mace picked up the soaking wet robe and splatted it down into Qui-Gon's open arms. "Here. Complements of the council." Mace turned away from Qui-Gon for a moment. "Looks like you're going to have to be our stand in woman, Dex."

"I get all the fun tasks, don't I?" Dex growled. "Which way is west?"

"The opposite of east?" hazarded Mace. "Over there you half wit! No quit dawdling will you? The sooner this farce is over the better."

"I almost agree with you." Qui-Gon thought as he pictured his nice warm, comfortable bed. Then he thought of his padawan and wondered if he'd be comfortable on Rela's sofa. Perhaps he shouldn't have forced the young man to go out after all. Then again, they'd never be able to do this�

Dex held his head up, hoisted out the chin and flounced off into the other direction. �Okay, I'm going guys. Get ready to follow me,"was his comment.

"With a walk like that? No way am I following him. If he did that in public you'd get a certain kind of reputation for being too close."

Qui-Gon crossed his fingers, and even in the dark the gesture wasn't missed. "What's that for?" Windu frowned.

"We don't want him to fall into any further ponds, do we?" Jinn asked.

Mace crossed his own fingers.

"What are you doing?" inquired Qui-Gon.

"Just incase he falls in." Mace grinned.

Unfortunately for Mace, Dex did not fall into anything water based or boggy and the Corellian stopped fifty two paces on, hoping to be roughly within spitting distance of where he should be. "Now what?" Dex asked.

"Seventeen paces to your right side. You're right Dex. That's the one next to the left side."

"I know, I know! Corellians are wonderful navigators�"

"Where've I heard that before?" Qui-Gon asked, wringing some water out of Mace's robe. "I think it was when Lilith Demodae tried to find her way about and we ended chopping up the place with our sabers."

"You started that." Mace tutted as Dex started to count his steps to the right.

"You were the one who chopped that statue's arm off. You shouldn't have tried to reattach it like that. That arm did not belong where you put it."

"Artistic license," Mace said loftily. "That's all."

A shout alerted Qui-Gon and Mace to the fact that their friend had halted. "Well, I'm here," Dex stated unnecessarily. "What do you want me to do now?"

"You could try digging," Qui-Gon replied.

"Digging? Sith Qui, that sounds far too much like hard work," Dex refused. "Besides, what are we going to dig with? We haven't got any tools!"

Qui-Gon reached into the pockets of the robe that Mace was now wearing. "Excuse me," he said gruffly as he rooted around.

"I s'pose you preferred it when Lilith did that, eh?" Windu managed to grin at the memory of Captain Demodae with her hand reaching past the sash at the front of Jinn's tunic trousers to search for a non-existent naval ring.

"How's the hair lacquer working, Mace?" Qui-Gon answered. "Whilst we are on the topic of the cantina crawl and pockets�"

"Shut up," Mace grumbled.

Qui-Gon allowed himself a brief smile. "Here," he said as he brought out a hand trowel that he used for his window boxes.

"That's minute!" Mace pointed out.

"There's that size thing kicking in again that I warned you about," Qui-Gon answered back. "It's not what you've got but what you do with it."

"It'll take for ever!" Dex complained.

"Then stop whining and start digging."

"No. You do it. This is your idea. YOU do it. I don't want my fingers all horrible and dirt laden! I've got lovely hands."

"Fine." Qui-Gon took the little trowel in hand and bent over. "Leave me to do all the hard work. It's not as if�"

"Not as if what?" Mace frowned. "Qui-Gon?"

"C'mon pal, what is it?" Dex tried to find out what was wrong.

Qui-Gon hissed in pain. "It's my back," he gritted his teeth. "Hell, Sith and all associated nasty things!"

"Stop fooling about and start digging." Dex clapped him on the shoulder. "C'mon. Put your back into it."

"I have put my back into it, or rather I've put it out," Qui-Gon gulped.

"Try straightening up very, very slowly," Mace instructed.

Qui-Gon did as he was told and managed somehow in the face of unfavorable odds to get almost straight again. "I'll not be able to look my padawan in the eye tomorrow." Qui-Gon moaned. "He's got an agility test. It's going to look really impressive if I have to greet him looking like the hunchback of Coruscant."

"Give me the trowel," Dex gave in. "I'll do it."

"Thanks, my friend," Jinn said in relief.

Dex dug, and dug, and dug some more�whilst both of the others just stood back and watched the poor blonde man earn his keep. "Sith, a Corellian that does work!" Mace smirked. "We should have you stuffed!"

"As opposed to a council member who IS stuffed." Dex grunted. "Not that you'd be able to tell amongst all the others."

Somewhere nearby, a toad croaked. "Noisy, aren't they?" Mace noted. "How's the back?"

"Sore, Mace. Very, very sore." Qui-Gon listened to the sound of Dex hitting something metallic with his trowel.

"I've got something!" Dex exclaimed excitedly like a giddy little initiate.

"We know. But we thought An-Paj had given you a cream to clear that up?" Jinn chuckled.

"Shut up," sniffed the Corellian.

Qui-Gon could clearly see with the aid of his torch a hint of something metal under the soil. "Clear it away with your hands," he instructed.

Dex frantically went after the object with his trowel, hoping to scrape away the soil as quickly as possible. He really didn't like it out here. It was too risky. With all this business with Kryztan the last thing he needed was to find himself up before the council again� "It's a good thing that Quillan's not here to see the mess we've made of his lawn." Qui-Gon smiled. "I don't think he'd like this at all."

"It's a good thing he's not standing behind us right now, listening to what we are saying. Which is a great pity," Mace laughed, "because I never got the chance to tell him what I thought about his swan�"

"And pray, what DID you think of my swan?" a voice from behind them asked.

"AAAAAAAGGGHHH!" Mace jumped almost several feet out of his skin.

Qui-Gon was the first to regain the use of his speech once more. "M-mmmaster Quillan. It's a lovely evening," he stammered.

"Don't give me that Bantha poodoo, Jinn," Quillan replied. "What are you all doing in my gardens?"

"These are public gardens," Dex pointed out.

"Don't get clever with me sonny. Your master and I go back a lonnnnnnng way."

"Yesssir." Dex hung his head.

"As for you, Windu." Quillan tried to gather himself up for a verbal assault. "You are the bane of my life! You don't know one end of a plant from another and yet you always find yourselves in here! You've single handedly managed to pull up all my plants and leave all the weeds in the borders when I asked you to�"

"That was well over forty years ago!" Mace cried out.

"Shut up. I've not finished my rant. You've chopped up my statues, you've chopped up my shrubs and hedges�it's a wonder there's any trees left in this place! I wouldn't put you in charge of a blade of grass! And as for what you did to my rake head." The old man fumed. "I had to have it humanely destroyed! That rake and I had been together for over forty-five years. I was very attached to it."

"So was Mace," Qui-Gon smirked.

"I know your master as well, so don't think you will be getting off lightly," Quillan said bluffly. "I get fond of all my equipment. It was like losing an old friend! I find you haunting my worst nightmares, all of you! And now you're all crawling about the lawns digging up my turf! I demand an explanation and by thunder it had better be good!"

Dex stuck the trowel down into the ground. "There's no use complaining to Quirida-Xac. He hardly remembers who he is, let alone who I am."

"Surely such an incompetent waste of space would be engraved on his brain!" Quillan retorted. "I want an answer! Now!"

Quillan's answer was not one he was expecting. It came in the form of a low rumble at first, then a persistent hissing sound and then finally an almighty gush of-

"Water!" yelled Dex as he jumped back to avoid the huge fountain that had sprung from underneath his trowel.

"You little Vrelt, you've broken the drain to the sprinkler system!" Quillan screeched indignantly. "Come back here! Come back here right now!"

Dex, suddenly feeling as if he were six years old began to run, trying to take Qui-Gon with him. Jinn threw down Mace's already soaked robe over the gusher to try and halt the upward shoot of water and then tried to run after the other two, but with a crippled back it wasn't an easy thing to do.

"Buried treasure?" growled Mace. "We struck a real goldmine there, didn't we?"

"Jemmiah's instructions must have been wrong." Qui-Gon moaned as he put a hand to the small of his back.

"I think we ought to get you to the healers." Dex answered in a concerned tone. "My master had a bad back once. They managed to cure it though."

"How?"

"Acupuncture."

"I'll just go home, thank you," Qui-Gon gritted his teeth. "I'm beginning to feel cursed ever since we came back from that damn cantina crawl."

"How are you going to lie down?" Mace wondered.

"What?"

"How are you going to get to sleep with a bad back like that?" repeated Mace.

"Well," Dex grinned, "Corellian's can do it standing up, and now it looks like you'll have to!"