A Night to (Almost) Remember

Prequel to Lions, Tigers, and Padawans, Oh My!. A fundraising bar crawl? Only Jemmiah could arrange something like that.

Note: This is a group fic written mostly by Jemmiah, with a little help from (in order of posting): Sybelle, Jedi Kylenn, HealerLeona, Wampasmak, Lilith Demodae, LadyJedith, Krelo Rei'ch, Jedi_Daphne, and mouse2. The original thread can be found at theforce.net.

Disclaimer: Qui-gon Jinn, Obi-wan Kenobi, Mace Windu, Yoda, Depa Bilaba and the universe they live in belong to George Lucas. They are respectfully borrowed with no intent to profit thereby.


~~~~~~~


"Try walking in them." Lilith remarked to Dex as he stood there nervously like a girl waiting her first date.

"Pardon?"

"Get the walk right and you've got it made. Put the shoes on, blonde stuff."

Dex muttered something under his breath and glared in Krelo's direction. "This wasn't how I had foreseen my future when I passed my trials," he grumbled. "As for women's clothing, I much prefer taking it off than putting it on." He winked at his one time lover.

To his eternal glee he actually received a small blush for his pains. "Walk, Dex. Whilst you still can," she growled, folding her arms.

"OK! I'm walking!" he replied. He took a few ungainly steps on his heels and wobbled from side to side. "How do you ladies do this?" he said, puzzled. "I never realized there was so much to being a girl."

"Just concentrate on putting one foot before the other one. Do you remember learning to walk?"

"Not really, no."

"Just as well." Krelo smiled. "What you have to do is forget everything you ever knew about walking. To�"

"Unlearn what I have learned?" Dex quoted Yoda.

"Precisely. You have to get the wiggle right." Lilith frowned as she sought a demonstration for him.

"Jemmy? Can we borrow you for a second or two?"

Qui-Gon tensed as he saw the ready way she bounded off to help Lilith. He was certainly going to have to talk with her about this�

"Yeah?" Jemmiah asked.

"Show Dex how to walk like a lady."

Jemmiah blinked, but complied all the same. The Corellian loping stride was striking from the side but, Dex thought to himself, even more impressive from the rear. She walked backwards and forwards until she was sure he must have memorized every nuance of her gait.

"Got that?" Lilith asked.

"I don't know." Dex frowned. "Could I have another look? From the back? For, say�another half hour or so?" Jemmiah grinned and sloped off back to Qui-Gon and Spider. "Now I can understand my padawan�s attraction for her," he sighed.

"Get walking." Krelo threatened.

Dex frowned in concentration; legs completely bandy and spread apart as he made the effort to get to grips with the killer heels. He could feel Lilith and Krelo's appraising eyes on him. "What do you think?" He asked in delight as he teetered along.

"If you could perhaps try to look a little less like you've sat on a spike," Lilith drawled.

*******

"I can't believe you're making me wear this�thing." Zac said in disgust.

"You're perfect for it." Depa replied. "You're a nice looking boy. Good features, not too strong and not too pretty. And NO chest hair! What could be better?"

"It's degrading." He shivered in the coldness of the cellar.

"Not so." Vernice smiled as she sipped her hooch. "Wish I was a man! Phwoaaaaaaar, eh Depa?"

"Oh, definitely."

"Pity about the panty line. If I'd known I could have done something about that."

"Keep away!" Zac yelped. "This is embarrassing as it is."

"I thought you were a poet?" Depa insisted.

"So?"

"Suffering makes you a better artist, right?"

"Ha ha!"

Vernice pondered something that she had been wondering whilst Zac had got changed behind a giant towel. "There's something missing," she said.

"Not from where I'm standing." Depa smirked.

"No," Vernice shook her head; "I meant accessory wise."

Depa ran a glance over Zac's trembling body. "You're right, Ver. Go get that big striped object by the clothes bin."

Zac looked aghast as Vernice wandered back with a giant inflatable beach ball, throwing at him. "Well, my little water baby. Let's see you model that two piece swimsuit. Give us a twirl."

The padawan, complete with dark, flowing wig dejectedly turned round three-quarters of the way.

"Hmmm, very good!" Depa was pleased. "But it's still not quite there. Perhaps�"

"I know what you're going to say!" Vernice grinned. "He's wearing a swim suit and he's not even damp. How are we s'posed to judge him properly like that?"

Zac grabbed the beach ball and held it over his lower torso.

*******

"You don't have enough down the front!" Jemmiah complained.

"Sorry?"

"You know." She used both hands to indicate a certain part of female anatomy. "There! You're as flat as a post!"

"That's because I'm a man." Qui-Gon said nervously.

"You don't look like one." Jemmy grinned. "I know! I've got just the thing!"

She ran over to the props/accessories and found two balloons, which she blew up to a reasonable size.

"I'm NOT wearing that!" Qui-Gon shook his head.

"You'll look more authentic."

"No."

"You'll fit your costume better."

"No!"

"Do you want to beat Sal-Fina and Mace?"

"Yes."

"Wear the balloons."

Jemmiah picked them up and shoved them down the front of Qui-Gon's dress. "There. That's probably as much excitement as you can take in one day so I think we'll leave it at that."

"Good."

Jemmy looked him over admiringly. "Bottom's a bit flat." She said cheekily. "Maybe if we got a few more�"

"JEMMIAH!" yelled Qui-Gon.

"It doesn't matter," she smiled.

"Right," Rela grabbed Obi-Wan's face in her hands and stared purposefully at him, an unspoken threat hanging between them in the air, "don't mess this up. Understand?"

Obi-Wan nodded, his face scrunched up and contorted in Rela's fingers.

"Coz I want to win this. It's very important after all my hard work�"

"Our hard work." Meri frowned.

"�that we are successful. Nothing against your Jemmy or Qui-Gon but they've got their work cut out to beat us. I mean, Qui-Gon's about ten feet tall for starters and built like a Bantha. You don't see many women like that." She paused for a moment. "Mind you, in my drinking days I knew a few rough sorts who weren't too far off."

She snapped back to the present. "Right, razor head. We have a few minutes left so we are going to work on presentation. OK?"

"Presentation?" Obi-Wan said in a muffled voice.

Rela let go of his face, which Obi-Wan felt would never mould itself back to its original charming self. "Yeah. The walk. The speech. The Wig." She tossed the item at him. "The voice�"

"Voice?" Obi-Wan asked in trepidation as he put the hairpiece on. "What do you mean, voice?"

"You sound like a man."

"Thank you." Obi-Wan said gruffly.

"That's bad!" Rela reminded him. "Try and sound a bit more, well, girlie."

Obi-Wan looked mortified. "Girlie?!?"

"Yeah. You know, feminine. Flirty and sensuous. Warm and modulating. Not like a guy." Meri insisted.

"Try it." Rela said.

"What?" Obi-Wan shook his head in denial. "I can't! I'm a �I'm�"

"Useless!" Meri finished.

"I am not." Obi-Wan looked hurt. "I'm just finding it difficult to get in character."

Rela sighed. "Let's start with the pitch of the voice. You have to go a bit higher."

"Higher. Right." Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "What do I say?"

"I dunno. How about giving your name, your age and any interesting hobbies you might have�no, on second thoughts we'll just skip that last part. Just give us your name and age."

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. "Hello everyone," he squawked, "my name's Obi-Wanda and I'm twenty years old." He looked from one to the other. "How was that?"

"Fine, Obi-Wanda. Just fine. If you want to sound like a duck on laughing gas." Meri groaned.

"I like the name." Rela smiled. "Just be careful that people don't get used to using it."

The padawan scowled. "I can't do this."

"Yes you can. You just need a little inspiration." Rela thought about it for a moment. "Remember when you received that unfortunate kick to the power pack�"

"Yes," snapped Obi-Wan.

"Remember how your voice went all squeaky and�"

"YES!" Kenobi huffed.

"Well, there you go!" Rela opened her arms expansively. "That's what you have to recreate."

"I CAN'T DO IT!" Obi-Wan retorted.

"We can always kick you again." Meri grinned.

"You pair of rotten Sith!" Kenobi shuffled back. "I wish Jemmy was working on me!"

" I bet you do!" Rela laughed. "But I'm afraid you'll have to wait until later for that."

Obi-Wan snorted. "I'm just not cut out to be a woman!" he sulked.

"I wouldn't say that. I think you look kind of pretty. The day old stubble doesn't do much for you, admittedly, but I suppose if you were in the dark and someone was feeling desperate�"

"Thank you!" Obi-Wan hissed. "If I ever need my ego boosting I know where to go!"

"And the baby blue eyes�who could resist?" Rela tidied up the shoulder length ginger wig. "You could walk down the street outside with your chest held high."

"And get picked up by a couple of not very choosy spacers." Meri smirked.

"Look, I just can't do this!" Obi-Wan protested.

"Shhh." Rela hushed him. "Calm down scrub brush. I know exactly how you can pull this off."

"How?" he asked suspiciously.

"What you need is a role model of some kind." Rela replied. "All you have to do is think of a female and exaggerate certain aspects of her personality. You know, make her larger than life."

"Who?"

Meri mentally rubbed her hands together. "There is only one choice, isn't there? The perfect specimen of womanhood. The flower of beauty and femininity. The jewel in the Jedi crown. Someone who is just begging to get sent up."

"Who?" Rela and Obi-Wan asked, before turning to where Meri's gaze had alighted.

Obi-Wan's eyes lit up. "Sal-Fina," he grinned, "Oh, I think I'm going to enjoy this."

*******

"I love a good wedding," sniffed Sybelle woozily.

"You can hardly see me underneath this white veil," Simeon complained.

"That's an improvement for starters," Junine muttered.

"I heard that." Simeon pouted.

Sybelle, looking red eyed and a little worse for hooch, squinted up at the blushing bride. "Now, Simeon," she sighed. "I'm going to give you some practical advice."

"Good," he listened.

"This is your first wedding, so it's only to be expected that you show some nerves."

"Eh?" he frowned.

"Lift your train up when you walk. That's what the little loop at the side of your dress is for. You hook it through�see?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "What else."

"Remember to blush and look modest as befits a new bride."

"Blush. Right, got that." Simeon ticked that off in his head. "Is there more?"

"Yes." Junine crooked her finger at Simeon until he had bent down level to her own upturned nose. "Don't let any of them get at you before the big occasion. If anyone so much as tries to lift your skirt kick em where it hurts."

"I'm NOT that kind of girl!" Simeon scolded.

*******

"Right Windu. Quit hiding beneath that blanket and come out. We need to get something sorted before they start the parade."

"PARADE?" Windu yelled.

Sal-Fina regarded him in surprise. "Of course, parade. There's always a parade in beauty pageants. Mind you it would be stretching the imagination somewhat to call any of you lot beauties."

"I don't want to do a parade," he replied adamantly.

"Tough luck. Now, you have the advantage of not having to wear any shoes or footwear." She looked down at his feet. "You've got quite small feet, haven't you Mace?" she pondered. "You know what they say about the size of your feet in relation to�other things."

"That's a lot of nonsense." Mace grumbled.

"No it isn't." Sal-Fina smiled enigmatically. "Now, at least that'll make it easier to convince people you're a woman. You have the advantage of Qui-Gon on that one. That broken nose of his doesn't exactly add to his beauty."

"You were the one who broke it in the first place!" Mace reminded her.

"I'm sure he's forgotten that." She said airily.

"I'm sure he hasn't!" Mace replied.

Sal-Fina tapped her toes impatiently on the cellar floor. "Are you ready?"

"Yes," he grumbled. "What now?"

"I need you to practice the walk."

Mace raised an eyebrow and began to walk as he normally did when making his way to the council chambers, with his head down and rather subdued.

"Nooooo!" Sal-Fina chided him. "Not like that! Like a woman! Delicate and graceful and flowing. Think of an exotic dancer. Don't just plonk one foot infront of the other like a giant Ronto!"

"I don't do graceful!" Mace snapped.

"You will learn to be graceful in the three remaining minutes we have left Master Windu, even if it kills you." Sal-Fina eyed him. "Now, just do as I do�that's better. Yes. Much better. We'll make a Hutt's plaything of you yet."

"Urgh!" snuffled Ambianca. "Poor thing!"

"Yes. And poor Mace, too." Sal-Fina said wickedly. "Now, wiggle a bit."

"What?"

"I said wiggle. Swing your hips."

"If I do that my costume slips down," he moaned.

"Then hold onto the sides when you do it! Get some life into those legs Mace! You're supposed to be titillating a salivating, perverted and lecherous old slug. If one of the Hutt's was to see you now he would either keep you on as a court jester or it would be straight into the Rancor pit for you!"

Mace began to gyrate and twist as elegantly as he could manage in his red and gold outfit, but he found the dangling cloth just got in his way. "I hate this thing," he mumbled as he swept it away from his feet.

"Stop playing with your dangly thing and concentrate." Sal-Fina said in an authoritative voice, unaware that everyone had overheard and was now looking their way.

Qui-Gon locked eyed with Mace and doubled up with laughter in a way that Jemmiah had never seen before. The smile just totally changed his face. "Windu!" Qui-Gon pointed at him. "What HAVE they done to you?"

"Me?" Mace looked him up and down. "Never mind what they've done to me, what have those Sith kittens done to you?"

"Yeah, show us your legs, Qui-Gon!" An-Paj grinned.

"What's wrong with my legs?" He looked down at his striped stockings.

"Nothing." Jemmiah tried to pull him away from the others. "You look stunning. In a solidly built sort of way."

"See?" Qui-Gon remarked, ruffling his skirts. "I'm stunning."

"So's an energy prod but that doesn't mean I'd want to go out with it," Dex called.

"Ahhhh, shut up and paint your toe nails." Jinn glared at him.

Dex fluffed up the short hair. "Ooooooh! She's a real cat!" he said fluttering his eyelashes.

"Amateur!" sniffed Qui-Gon, and flounced back to Jemmiah.

Jemmy bit her lip to stave away the laughter. "You're getting into the character, aren't you?" she straightened the bodice on his dress.

"It's good to pay attention to detail." Qui-Gon smiled. "And I'm not letting my padawan beat me, that's for damn sure."

"You know, I almost think that dress suits him. In fact you all look pretty good. Must be all those years spent in robes that's done it."

Qui-Gon flicked back the braid. "Maybe I could try a little dance or something," he wondered.

"Who are you and where have you hidden Master Jinn?" Jemmiah chuckled. "No split leaps or anything fancy. Not if you want to be fit for your big date tomorrow with Leona."

The master looked down at her and Jemmiah wondered if he were trying to read her thoughts. "Ah, yes. Tomorrow." He remembered. "Something tells me that I have you to thank for setting this whole thing up."

"I can't take all the credit." Jemmiah smiled. "It was a team effort."

"I don't understand why you're so keen for me to see her."

"Because I don't see why you should lack for female company. You like her and she obviously likes you. What's so wrong in it? As long as you're with the right person," she added.

"And how do you know if you're with the right person?" Qui-Gon asked. "Sometimes you can be with someone for many, many years before you truly realize that they are not who you thought they were in the first place."

"Trial and error." Jemmy replied.

"That's a bit clinical, isn't it?"

Jemmiah shook her head. �It's like what you used to say to me about eating. Remember when I first came here and I was sick after that wasting disease? And I didn't want to eat very much at first when they let me out of the infirmary because I'd lost my appetite and everything seemed to taste bland and horrible."

"And?"

"You told me that unless I tried everything, how would I know if they were all tasteless and dull and that there might be something I liked."

Qui-Gon nodded. "I remember," he said ruefully. "Why did you have to form such an attachment to Corellian treacle? Although it seems apt," he said softly, "when I formed my own attachment to something Corellian." He reached over and gave her a large hug.

"You'll crush the dress," she laughed.

"So?" he smiled.

Spider wandered over to Obi-Wan's group so as to give her teammates some privacy. "Nice frock!" she smiled. " And the side slit is VERY daring. Why, you can almost see from here to Alderaan�"

"Can it, Spider." Obi-Wan sang in an almost perfect falsetto rendition of Sal-Fina's voice.

"Sith!" Meri laughed. "I forgot how good you were at impersonations, Obi!"

"I can do a really good Krayt Dragon, too." Kenobi enthused. "But nobody seems to want to hear it."

"Later, Obi-Wan." Meri waved him away.

"Well, Wanda. Looks like your big moment to shine is almost upon us." Rela noticed as she saw An-Paj waving his cheerleader pom-poms around. She looked between Simeon in his Alderaani silk wedding dress and the master healer. "Somehow, the mystery of the infirmary has completely been killed off for me."

"My feet are killing me!" Dex rubbed at his ankles. "I'm getting blisters on my heels, too!"

"What a baby," Lilith snorted. "I thought you said this one was butch and manly."

"Did you?" Dex flashed his wonderful but lipstick covered smile at her.

"No. I said HE thought he was butch and manly."

"But I am!" Dex protested. "Are my stockings crooked?"

"OK guys, er�ladies." Corrected Rela. "Will the contestants please get into line? We're going to be picking the Queen of The Monastery in a moment, so please take your places. Meri, get that holocam, quick!"

A flurry of dress fabric, stockings and shoes dashed towards the middle of the floor, forming a single straight line. In front of them stood the snickering judges and Meri, who deftly wielded the holocam as if she had been a news reporter.

"Master?" Obi-Wan reverted back to his usual voice as he stood next to Qui-Gon.

"Padawan?"

"Does my rear look big in this?" He twisted round so that Qui-Gon could get a bigger look.

"No more than usual, Obi-Wan."

An-Paj watched as Dex hobbled into line on his shoes, wondering what trick of the force enabled him to stay upright. He leaned over next to Simeon. "You look absolutely beautiful, Padawan."

"Thanks, Master. You don't look so bad yourself."

Mace stood on the other side of Qui-Gon and frowned as he looked down at his dainty feet. "Qui?"

"What?"

"I was just wondering�"

"What is it?"

He stared at Jinn's dancing pumps. "What size of feet DO you have?"

"You know, I'm not certain this color does anything for me." An-Paj said out the side of his mouth as he examined the pale pink against the blue of his flesh.

"I'm quite happy in mine." Dex enthused. "Except for the heels. And the artificial pearl necklace keeps getting caught up in my chest hair."

Obi-Wan squirmed about uncomfortably.

"What's the matter with you?" Qui-Gon asked.

"My elastic snapped. I'm trying to keep my underwear from hitting the floor."

"I like the stole they put over your bandages." Qui-Gon nodded approvingly.

"Would you like to borrow it?" Obi-Wan said cheekily. "I'm sure that would brighten up the dullest of council meetings�"

"I'm just surprised they peeled you out of your socks." Qui-Gon looked down at the rather lethal looking heels that Obi-Wan was perched upon.

"They didn't go with the frock." Obi-Wan said matter of factly. "The whole thing feels far too draughty, if you get my meaning."

"How do you think I feel?" Jinn blinked. "I would NEVER have agreed to this normally, but I thought if it would make Jemmiah happy�"

"You'd suffer in silence." Kenobi grinned. "You've made up, then?"

Qui-Gon thought it over. "We are speaking to each other again, yes. And we've come to an understanding."

Obi-Wan suddenly stiffened in shock. An understanding? Did that mean�?

"You're quite safe, Pdawan. I did ask her to cease seeing you, I admit. But she refused."

"And you don't mind?" Obi-Wan asked hesitantly.

"It was no more than I expected," Qui-Gon replied, idly rubbing one dancing shoe down the back of the other. The padawan breathed a sigh of relief and sent a grateful look to his girlfriend. �ut there are certain rules in this temple regarding�"

"Yes, master. I know these rules. Only too well, as it happens," Obi-Wan mumbled.

"Good. Then you won't be disappointed when I say that I expect you to adhere to them."

"But when you were young you must have�"

"This isn't me, Pdawan. We are talking about you." Qui-Gon frowned.

Obi-Wan let the silence swallow the conversation where it was. It was so frustrating! To make all that progress in getting his master to accept the pair of them as a couple and then to have the archaic unwritten temple rules regarding padawan relationships forced upon them�

Wait a minute, he thought. Padawans! That was the answer! The rules of the temple only related to relationships between padawans and students. Jemmiah was neither� He was skating on very thin ice, he knew. But technically, if not morally, he was in the right. A small smile began to spread on his face.

Perhaps Rela would let them meet at her place.

Out the corner of his eye he saw Mace craning his head around Qui-Gon's frilly dress, examining his feet. "Master?" Obi-Wan hissed. "Why is Master Windu staring at the ground like that?"

"I think he just wants to make sure you're comfortable in your shoes. That's what he told me, at any rate. Wouldn't want you to damage your feet with inappropriate footwear."

"That's very considerate of him." Obi-Wan remarked. "I was certain it was because he was trying to see how big�"

"Thank you, Padawan." Qui-Gon reproached the young man.

Rela stood back up on her crate, commanding center stage. When she was certain she had everyone's attention she started her announcements. "First of all," she said as she looked around at the hooch-happy band of jedi and non-jedi alike, "I'd like to thank everyone for the effort and enthusiasm in this the first Queen of The Monastery contest."

"And last." Mace stated firmly.

"We will be awarding the winner with a specially made sash to commemorate this very wonderful occasion."

"As long as I don't have to wear it." Dex smiled.

"Who says YOU are going to win?" Qui-Gon snorted.

"Stands to reason," Berlingside smiled, "because I am by far the best looking girl here."

"That," said Rela, "Is what we are going to find out."

She winked at Meri with the holocam. "I'd also like to thank Jemmy for organizing the costumes and such. You can tell your actor chummies that the outfits have never been worn to such good effect."

Jemmiah curtsied at the round of applause and Rela pointed to the panel of judges, consisting of Gethin, Jodi, Fin-Tial, Griff, Tanni, Bai and Biwo.

"I will be acting as your hostess for this glorious event for which we hope to have rights to holo broadcast next year. A parade of the contestants will shortly commence where the judges can ask questions and the like." Rela rubbed her hands together earnestly. "Right! Let's get too it! Y'all ready? Then I invite the first contestant to step forward. Come on now, don't be shy."

Rela watched as An-Paj bounded a few girlish steps towards her in his canvas shoes and add on pigtails that stuck out the side as if they were wired on. Which they were. "And what might your name be?" Rela smiled.

"My name," the healer said in as feminine a voice he could manage, "is An-Gelica."

"That's a very lovely name." Rela simpered. "Perhaps you'd like to get a little nearer to the judges so they can make a closer examination, instead of looking like you want to bolt up the stairs and into the night." An-Gelica glared but did as instructed.

"Give us a twirl!" Jodi stuck his fingers in his mouth and whistled.

"There's not much meat on her," Tanni stated.

"You're s'posed to want to date her, not eat her." Biwo said, still feeling cold and damp from his escapade in the fountain.

"I wouldn't do either," the Togorian replied. "All bone and gristle and no flesh."

"I wouldn't date that without a bag on my head." Griff declared.

"The feeling's mutual," An-Gelica remarked.

"I like the tinselly things," the smuggler replied. "Give us a flash of your pom-poms."

"You want to swallow them?" An-Gelica bit back.

"Hey, VERY good! Got the whole female sarcasm thing down really well." Griff looked at Sybelle.

"Let's see you walk up and down." Gethin grinned. "Let's see how those legs work."

An-Paj sent Gethin a warning look that said, "Wait until tomorrow."

The healer bounced as enthusiastically as he could manage around the cellar, waving his cheer leader pom-poms in the air. "I'd date her." Fin-Tial said. "I'd have to be drunk first, but I'd still date her."

"Too skinny," Tanni shook his head.

"Suits the outfit." Gethin smiled. "Maybe they should make that your uniform round the infirmary, Master An-Gelica!"

"Funny, but I'm having you measured for yours tomorrow." An-Gelica's teeth ground away.

"Are the sporty knickers comfortable?" Biwo asked.

"Evidently not," Griff drawled, "That would account for the squeaky voice."

An-Gelica paraded up and down until the healer felt a hole had been worn away in the floor. "If this is the fashion world, you can keep it," he sniffed before heading back into line.

Rela watched the healer as he sulked besides Simeon. "A round of applause for the lovely An-Gelica." She said. "Any comments you'd like to make?"

An-Gelica paused. "Give me a BEE, give me an AYE, give me an ELL, give me an ELL�" he said, rustling the pom-poms.

"Moving rapidly on to our next contestant. Who wants to be next?"

Qui-Gon groaned inwardly but walked towards Rela all the same. Best to get it over with. "Now, who might you be?" Rela nearly fell off her crate from shaking with laughter.

"I'm Quiana." The master replied, fluttering his eyelashes. "I'm far too old to be doing this sort of thing and something tells me that come the morning I'm going to regret every second of it."

"I'm just glad you shaved of the beard, Quiana!" Dex cheered.

Qui-Gon spun round, using his own voice. "You little minx!" He glared at Jemmiah. "I knew you must have a reason for getting rid of my beard!"

"All the better to kiss you with!" she teased back.

When virtually everyone laughed at him Qui-Gon wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. But he'd come too far to bottle out now. "Don't you like my hair?" he asked Rela. "I had it done specially."

"Oh? By whom?" Rela asked.

"Qui-Gon Jinn's massage parlor." He stared at the Corellian girl who grinned in acknowledgement of the private joke.

"I don't think I want to know," Rela remarked.

"I do!" Fin-Tial rubbed his hands.

"The dress is fantastic," Gethin admitted. "Only Jemmiah could have thought of putting you in that!"

"Yeah!" Biwo chuckled. "Are you into frilly stuff then, Quiana?"

The tall master shot Biwo a look that could have frozen Tatooine. "About as much as you are into fountains, Master Jedi." Quiana smiled meaningfully.

"The stripy stockings are a great touch." Jodi observed. "How far do they go up?"

"I think we ought to find out." Fin-Tial smirked.

"Sorry. No can do. I'm a lady." Quiana grinned.

"I think we ought to ascertain the truth of that statement too!" Vernice laughed.

"I'll volunteer!" Depa raised her hand.

"And me!" Krelo added.

"Why not!" Lilith was glad to see the man/woman sweat. "I've seen Mace's legs, now I want to see some more!"

Quiana backed off as the overexcited gaggle of females (being egged on by Rela he noted disapprovingly) made a forward dash towards him. As he did so he stood on Simeon's veil, making him stumble backwards into Obi-Wan. His padawan, with no arms to stop him, spread his legs out to try and balance himself as best he could. It would have worked, too, had his low cut knickers not fallen to his ankles, causing him to tumble into Dex. The Corellian master, who was adjusting his stockings yet again for fear of unsightly wrinkles wobbled on his stilettos and hobbled several paces into Master Windu�

Who let out a scream.

"I'm sorry!" yelled Dex. "It's not my fault! I was pushed!"

Mace rocked about the floor as he held his injured foot with the stiletto still embedded in his skin.

"It wasn't my fault!" Obi-Wan protested. "Some big girl's blouse fell on me!" he glared at his master.

"It wasn't my fault either!" Qui-Gon grumbled back. "I fell over Simeon's veil."

"It's my honor to announce that the winner is Qui-Gon!" Biwo remarked, clapping his hands together in applause. "He makes a damn ugly woman but the entertainment was first class!"

"Fix!" yelled Sal-Fina as she stormed across to Qui-Gon. "You did that on purpose!"

"What are you mouthing off about now?" Qui-Gon asked politely.

"You sabotaged Mace, knowing that he had bare feet!"

"You are becoming demented in old age." Jinn said flatly, watching as Leona tried to look at Windu's injury.

Sal-Fina trembled with outrage. "Is that so?" she spat. "Well, let's see how you like this!"

She drew out a long, sharp hairpin and stabbed Qui-Gon's artificial bosom twice, popping both balloons with an almighty bang.

"You're just jealous." Jinn remarked. "I'm still bigger than you are." He blew her a kiss. "And better looking."

Sal-Fina nearly died on the spot.

Obi-Wan picked up the sash and placed it round his masters neck. "I bid you Queen of The Monastery," he said in his perfect rendition of Sal-Fina's voice.

"And I have to say," he smiled, pointing at the furious blonde Jedi master, "that has to be the worst drag act I've EVER seen in my life!"

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" Mace panted in agony.

"How do you work that one out?" snapped Qui-Gon. "I tripped!"

"BECAUSE YOUR FEET ARE SO DAMNED BIG!" Windu wailed.

"Owww!" Dex moaned piteously. "My feet are crippled for life! Not to mention my ego." He looked ruefully at Krelo. "You really think Qui made a better woman than I did?"

Krelo smiled faintly at the mournful face of the handsome master. "The best girl won on the day," she remarked warmly. "And I know you aren't really upset because you're well known for being a good sport."

"Hmmm." He considered her words for a moment. "I do have a naturally sunny personality, it's true. All the same I can't help but feel a little put out that you let�THAT monstrous aberration of womanhood," he pointed at Qui-Gon, "beat me."

Making sure that Lilith was looking the other way when she spoke, Krelo crouched down on her haunches to face him. "For what it's worth, I think you did rather well. I would never have worn those heels."

"Now she tells me," Berlingside chuckled.

"You know," Krelo lowered her gaze, "that's the one thing I always did like about you."

"What?" Dex asked curiously.

"The fact that you are such a good loser."

Dex rubbed at his painful ankles. "I didn't always lose." He grinned.

"True," she agreed. "Or maybe I've always had a thing for older men."

She reached for his foot. "Does that hurt?" she asked.

"Y-yes. A bit." He winced. "Bruised, that's all. Unlike poor Mace."

"Oh, yes. That was a good one." Krelo continued to manipulate his ankle.

"Don't tell Mace you like older men. He'll be demanding similar treatment." He looked at her hands as they worked the soreness away.

"Does your ego still need massaging too?" she asked.

Dex raised an inquiring eyebrow, wondering where exactly this was leading. "It's in need of some mouth to mouth, I should think." He smiled.

"Is that so?" Krelo laughed. "What would Minty say if I helped to reinstate your self-conceit?"

"Minty doesn't own me," he replied. "She sees plenty of other people."

"Interesting." Krelo made sure Lilith still wasn't listening. "So. How about it?" she asked.

"I thought you said I was a closed chapter in your life?" Dex quoted.

"I did," admitted Krelo. "But the trouble with a good book is that every now and again you have to go back and take it off the shelves to make sure it was as exciting as you remember."

"Am I filed under A, for adventure or R, for romance?" Berlingside flirted.

"I think you're probably at the C, for old Classic stage." Krelo teased back. "I'm sure there's a lot of dust that's collected down the years."

"I'm sure you'll help remove the cobwebs." He grinned.

She examined the master in his dress, wrapping a finger round the pearl necklace. "I think I must need my eyes tested for saying all that whilst you're dressed in this get up."

"Don't worry." Dex shook his head. "If you think you're going blind, this particular old classic has very big letters so you can see up close�"

"You're disgraceful," she growled playfully.

Her eyes flicked back to the Corellian pirate who was speaking to Healer Leona. "Just one thing." Krelo whispered harshly.

"What?"

"Tell Lilith about this, and you are dead!"

*******

"Only three more cantinas," groaned Jemmy.

"Aren't you enjoying yourself?" Qui-Gon asked carefully as he pulled his tunic top back on. He didn't want to say anything that might somehow upset her. Not when their truce was still so new.

"I don't know." She said in a tired voice. "Maybe. Yes. But I want to go home as well."

"You can stay with us." He said. "If you'd rather not be on your own in Evla's apartment tonight."

Jemmiah cast a hopeful look at Obi-Wan.

"In the spare room," he added pointedly.

"Thanks," Jemmy muttered.

"I'm not having that sort of thing going on in my own place under my own nose." Qui-Gon said firmly. "The offer of your old room still stands. And anyhow," he added a touch too maliciously for Jemmiah's liking, "I know of a certain padawan not a million light years from here who will be going to see the healers when he gets back to the temple." He finished sorting and straightening his clothing, tying the belt round his waist, his eyes straying over to Leona.

"I knew you two would hit it off." Jemmiah gloated.

"Did you?" Qui-Gon replied. "And how was that?"

"Well," Jemmy answered, "You've got so much in common! You're both partnerless, you've both got extremely accident prone or unlucky padawans, you're both quiet until you've got a drink or two inside you, you're both knocking on a bit in years�"

Qui-Gon pretended to take a swipe at her. "Leona's not old," he remarked.

"I know!" Jemmiah laughed. "But I notice you didn't say that you weren't old either!"

"It's on nights like these that I begin to feel my age." Qui-Gon admitted. "When I see young Simeon and Zac and Jay drinking almost to excess�and then look down and see Garos having drunk himself past excess, I begin to recall all the terrible things that Dex and Mace and myself used to get up to as padawans."

Jemmiah regarded him earnestly. "Do you miss it?" she asked.

"Sometimes." He nodded. "I don't miss the warning taps from Yoda's stick."

She looked at the floor, suddenly embarrassed. "I want to apologize," she mumbled.

"What for?"

"I dunno. There are too many things to choose from. Pick which ever you find the most offensive and I'll say sorry for it." Jemmiah shrugged.

"There's no need." Qui-Gon said. "We've both let this thing get out of hand but at least we've had the courage to attempt a reconciliation."

"I'm glad." Jemmiah smiled.

"As I am."

"So maybe you should go bury the hatchet with Sal-Fina and Lilith, too," Jemmy suggested warily.

Qui-Gon couldn't have been more shocked if he'd been shot with a stun gun. "Excuse me? Did I just hear you ask me to make up with Sal-Fina?"

"Yes," she replied.

"And why would that be?"

Jemmiah tried to recapture the feeling she had encountered a few moments earlier when she'd said sorry to him. "I'm not sure." She said eventually. "I just felt so awful all the time we were arguing and even though I could cheerfully never set eyes on Sal-Fina again I think that nearly thirty five years of arguing is a long time to let old wounds fester."

That surprised him. Compassion for Sal-Fina? After what she had done?

"And besides," she grinned suddenly, "Imagine the look on her face if you walked over there and told her you were calling off your feud. The shock would about kill her!"

Qui-Gon tossed the idea around, wondering why it inexplicably held so much appeal. Why not call off their feud? Not that any truce of theirs would last long. What was the point in carrying it on, anyway? He needed to move forwards and if that meant ridding himself of the mental baggage he had collected then so be it.

Lilith Demodae would be a different sort of challenge entirely�

He bent down and kissed her on the cheek. "You have a kind heart, Jemmiah," he said. "Don't hide it away from everyone."

Jemmy watched his tall frame as he made his way over to a visibly annoyed Sal-Fina and moody Ambianca. She shook her head. "He thinks I have a kind heart? There's one born every minute," she sighed.

*******

"Uh-oh!" Lilith said out the corner of her mouth to Leona as she saw Jemmiah walk over to Obi-Wan and start to kiss the padawan. "Looks like your Master Jinn is going to have his work cut out keeping those two apart. They're over each other like a rash!"

"Young love." Leona smiled in bittersweet fashion as she recalled her own memories of similar encounters. "It can work out, you know."

Lilith didn't seem too impressed. "She shouldn't go committing herself to anyone so early in life."

"She cares for him." Leona replied, feeling somewhat hurt on Jemmiah's behalf.

"I can see that," Lilith said dryly. "But there's plenty more fish in the sea, as the Calamarian said to the Flipperphant."

Leona fell quiet, watching as everybody started to get ready to make their journey to the next cantina. Jemmiah didn't seem to be the only person making a move on somebody. If the healer was right then Biwo was trying his hardest to impress Vernice Ashdal and as for Krelo and Dex�

If they thought they were being subtle they were sadly mistaken.

Judging by Lilith's lack of comments she hadn't noticed a thing. Still, there was no way of telling with sharp-eyed smugglers.

"What about you and Qui-Gon, then?" she laughed.

"What about us?" Leona frowned.

"Oh, don't get me wrong," Lilith said adamantly, "I think you go very well together and I hope things work out for you."

"But?" Leona asked hesitantly.

"But why is he over there with Sal-Fina?"

Leona looked across the floor, past the flirting Dex and Krelo, past Mace and his wounded foot and beyond to where the willowy figure of the elegant blonde Jedi stood in conversation with her date!

"Close your jaw, there's a freighter landing, sweetie," Lilith clucked sympathetically.

Leona couldn't help but stare. Why was Qui-Gon speaking to HER?

*******

"Oh, look." Sal-Fina snapped. "It's the Queen of the cheats! I'd take that lipstick off if I were you. People might get the wrong idea."

Qui-Gon found it extremely difficult not to yell back at her. After all this time that was the easiest response to make to all her sarcastic quips and barbs but this was exactly why he had to break the cycle right now. If he shouted back then he would be at her level.

And he wasn't that low.

"I've come to speak to you," he replied.

Sal-Fina looked moderately flustered that he hadn't responded to her retort. What was he up to? "Well?" she growled. "It had better be good."

"Actually, I've come to apologize."

Jemmiah's estimation that the shock might kill her didn't look to be too far off the mark, Jinn thought gleefully.

"W-what for?" Sal-Fina stammered in amazement.

"I just thought that we've known each other for over forty years, one way or another." Qui-Gon sounded contrite. "I thought now might be a good time to wipe the slate clean."

"What are you saying?" Sal-Fina stared in suspicion.

"I'm saying that I have neither the energy or the inclination to keep arguing with you. I apologize for anything insulting I may have said during the course of this evening to either yourself or your padawan." He inclined his head politely to Ambianca. "You must however understand that just as you are protective of your apprentice, I am equally protective of my own charges."

"Well, yes. I suppose so�" Sal-Fina was amazed.

"I apologize if my behavior was at any point unsporting or ungentlemanly in nature and most of all," he couldn't resist adding, "I apologize for calling you Marmalade."

"Erm�yes. Well. Thank you, Master Jinn." Sal-Fina was still gaping at the apology. "That was very thoughtful of you."

Thoughtful? Qui-Gon laughed inwardly. Creative might have been a better word!

"I, er�suppose I had better apologize too, if I have seemed a bit harsh of your teaching methods or if I came down a little harshly on your pupils."

Qui-Gon bowed slightly. "Accepted," he said graciously, regarding Obi-Wan out the corner of his eye as he kissed Jemmiah. "And now if you will excuse me, I have to do a full scale padawan extraction on a somewhat impressionable and overheated teenage girl."

Nodding to the pair of them, Qui-Gon made his way over to the errant couple.

"What was that about?" Ambianca said in wonder, not being able to resist a peep as Simeon climbed out of his wedding dress.

"I don't know." Sal-Fina was amazed. "I really don't know! Qui-Gon NEVER apologizes. Not that I can recall, anyway."

"Maybe he's still got the hots for you," tittered Ambianca.

Sal-Fina watched the tall master as he gently but forcefully pulled the youngsters apart from each other. It wasn't without reason that he might still have feelings for her. She wasn't unattractive. She looked good for her age. And unlike the little healer creature she didn't have to stand on a chair when she wanted to kiss someone�

"Maybe." Sal-Fina remarked.

"I thought he was flirting with you, master," Ambianca added.

"Really?" Sal-Fina frowned. "It's within the realms of possibility, I suppose."

"Why else would he make up the fight?"

Ambianca was right, Sal-Fina thought. There was no other reason that he should want to say sorry for all their arguments down the years. Well, this would be interesting. And of course, if you went back far enough in the dim and distant past, Qui-Gon and herself had been extremely close�

"Hmmm." Sal-Fina smiled. "Looks like that healer person has got a bit of a fight on her hands."

"She won't stand a chance against you."

"Quite right, Padawan," the master smirked. "When I see something I want, I always get it."

*******

"I turn my back for a few moments and THIS is how you repay my trust." Qui-Gon frowned.

"Sorry, Master Jinn. I only went across to ask him if he'd seen Krelo and Dex and we ended up getting carried away."

"Krelo and Dex?" Qui-Gon echoed.

"Yup," Obi-Wan laughed.

Qui-Gon looked across at his friend and shook his head.

"Oh, Dexy. What are you doing now?" he mumbled.

"He seems happy enough." Jemmiah smiled. "Talking of which, how did your meeting with the big, scary vampire woman go?"

"Sal-Fina very happily accepted my apology and I hers," Jinn answered.

"And did you mean it?"

Qui-Gon snorted. "Did I hell. Pardon my language." He stared at Lilith and Leona at the other side of the cellar. "I'm going to speak to Captain Demodae."

He could think of quite a few things he was going to say, too. And the word apology never even entered into it�