A Night to (Almost) Remember

Prequel to Lions, Tigers, and Padawans, Oh My!. A fundraising bar crawl? Only Jemmiah could arrange something like that.

Note: This is a group fic written mostly by Jemmiah, with a little help from (in order of posting): Sybelle, Jedi Kylenn, HealerLeona, Wampasmak, Lilith Demodae, LadyJedith, Krelo Rei'ch, Jedi_Daphne, and mouse2. The original thread can be found at theforce.net.

Disclaimer: Qui-gon Jinn, Obi-wan Kenobi, Mace Windu, Yoda, Depa Bilaba and the universe they live in belong to George Lucas. They are respectfully borrowed with no intent to profit thereby.


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Jemmiah risked a quick peek behind her and saw Qui-Gon and Leona walking some distance away, but regarding them all nonetheless. Qui-Gon growled something unintelligible as he saw Lilith put her hand firmly on the girl's arm and pull her gently back to face the front.

"That's it, I've had enough," he snapped.

"Qui-Gon, please." Leona pleaded. "Don't say anything yet. Not in the streets. You'll only make things worse�"

It was too late.

He was already lengthening his stride in an effort to catch up with the trio ahead of him. Wearily, Leona followed suit although she knew with her smaller gait it would be a lost cause.

"Uh-oh!" Lilith grinned. "Here comes trouble."

"Lilith!" Krelo shook her head. "He doesn't look at all happy."

"I'm not surprised," she replied. "Still, I'd like to see his face if he ever found out about the swoops, huh Jem?"

Jemmiah, Krelo noticed, looked more and more uncomfortable as time passed. "What swoops?" Krelo frowned.

"Oh, forget it!" Lilith winked at her. "There's nothing he can do about it anyhow."

Qui-Gon surprised her by the short amount of time he'd taken to get from one end of the street to the other and she suddenly found him standing in front of her in as intimidating fashion as he could manage. Lilith was almost impressed.

"Can we do something for you, Master Jinn?" Lilith asked daringly. "Or do you just want to give one of us another kiss?"

Qui-Gon narrowed his eyes, and Jemmy knew that look of old. He was heartily displeased. "You're going to walk with Leona and myself, where I can make sure you're safe." Jinn addressed Jemmiah.

"I think she's old enough to make up her own mind," Lilith answered.

"I was speaking to Jemmiah," he replied. "I just want to make certain that you are feeling fine."

Jemmiah frightened Lilith temporarily by looking as if she were about to cave in. "I'm feeling Okay," she mumbled uncertainly. "But I think that�"

"You don't need him to baby you, for stars sake," Lilith responded. "He's just checking up on you. Making sure you don't do anything that might show him up."

Jemmiah looked annoyed. "I'll stay with Lilith for the moment, if you don't mind," she said almost apologetically.

"Quite right." Captain Demodae grinned. "She's a young lady, Master Jinn. She's old enough to know her own mind."

"Then she should start behaving as if she does!" Qui-Gon snapped. "Instead of drinking like a fish and acting like a spoiled brat." He looked at her shocked face. "And just what in the name of the Order have you done to your hair?"

"You threw water all over it, remember?" She gritted her teeth angrily at the pavement.

"It makes her look even prettier," Lilith hit back.

"It makes her look like a painted streetwalker."

The instant he'd said it he'd regretted it. Lilith smiled inwardly, but not for the pain her would be prot�g� was suffering. She'd won.

Krelo closed her eyes. If only Qui-Gon had known how close he'd come to being the victor.

Jemmiah stared at him, aghast. "Well," she said eventually, "you won't want to be seen walking with me, will you?" She spun on her heel and grabbed Lilith by the arm, pulling her further down the road. Krelo sighed and reluctantly followed her friend onwards, leaving Qui-Gon to berate himself for his outburst.

Leona watched the threesome as they hurried towards the cantina.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice full of dread.

Qui-Gon stared after the Corellian girl. "What happened?" he said quietly. "Quite simple. I blew it."

*******

"Urrrgh!" My tongue won't work properly." Sal-Fina moaned after her fourth cup of hooch.

"Good," muttered Rela to Spider. "Might give us all a break."

"No sign of Jemmy yet?"

"No." Rela paused thoughtfully. "Or Qui-Gon and Leona. Wonder what's going on? Jem was in a foul mood when she left the Jumpin' Jax."

"So would you be if you'd swallowed a bar of soap." Spider downed her cup of alcohol. "This is really good stuff."

Zac, struggling to keep his eyes open and his head upright, lurched forwards with his cup in hand. "I have to�have to�you know."

"Tough." Rela snorted. "We haven't had the all clear yet from Mungo."

"But�"

"Sorry, mateyboy. No can do. That hatch is staying closed."

Zac began to get desperate.

"Can't you tie a knot in it?" Spider asked.

"I'm a Jedi, not a contortionist," he hissed.

"I've got an idea." Simeon mumbled.

"What?"

"I said I've got an idea."

"Speak up!" yelled Rela spitefully in Cates' ears.

Pause.

"That was uncalled for." Simeon moaned.

"What is it?" Zac looked mighty uncomfortable now.

"Take your cup and go round behind the barrels. "Who's gonna know?"

"I won't tell." Rela crossed her heart.

"And I won't look." Spider reassured him.

Zac didn't look convinced but realized he had little option. "OK." he agreed reluctantly. "But no peeking!"

The girls shook their heads. "Men!" Rela said. "Stick 'em in a room full of guys and they're only too happy to take a leak together. Put a woman in there with them and they go all coy and flustered."

*******

The mob had dispersed some fifteen minutes earlier when Mungo had informed them that they had headed towards the Sweet Revenge cantina another five blocks away. He hadn't informed the Jedi in the cellar because Jemmiah had asked him to show them into the cellar. Oh, well. What they didn't know couldn't hurt them.

Jemmiah stalked in looking pale yet angry, with the familiar figure of Captain Demodae in company with the Jedi Knight Krelo. Mungo showed them down.

Two minutes later and two more Jedi appeared, one a tall male and the other a smaller female dressed in a robe that clearly did not belong to her. Mungo could tell by the look on the man's face that he was just as unhappy as the Corellian girl who had made her entrance previously. Shaking his head, the tall silver tipped Wookiee opened the hatch once more and pointed down the steps.

"You done yet?" Spider called out to Zac.

"YES!" He grimaced.

"How much did you have to drink?" She laughed. "I thought I'd been caught up in the middle of a rainstorm."

"You were listening!" Zac went red.

"We all have to go to the fresher." She shrugged.

"Yes, BUT NOT TOGETHER!"

Rela watched the group as Jemmiah joined them along with Lilith and Krelo. Rela also noticed that Qui-Gon and Leona were not too far behind. Always paying attention to her surroundings, Rela watched as Jemmiah stayed close to Lilith and pointedly ignored Qui-Gon. Something was wrong, Rela told herself. She had seen this happen before and nothing good ever came of it. Actually it had happened to her. Rela quickly decided to do something.

�Jemmy!� she called to her friend.

�What?�

�Come here. I need to ask you something.�

Jemmiah walked over to the small redhead, who stared up at her. �What are you doing?� Rela asked.

�What do you mean?� Jemmiah asked back.

�I have nothing against Lilith. Actually I�m happy that you two are hitting it off, she can teach you a lot, but DON�T blow off Qui-Gon.�

�Why? What do you know about it?� the young Corellian asked.

�Because I did.� Rela retorted. �And I don�t want to see you make the same mistakes that I did.�

�Rela, just stay out of it.�

�Dammit Jemmy, I would kill to have what you have. I�ve known Qui-Gon all my life, and I�ve only stayed at the temple for one night. I never knew my parents and was passed from one foster home to another for most of my life. How old were you when you started to live at the temple?�

�Ten.�

�By the time I was ten I was tired of being passed around and ran away thinking that it was better that way. Joined up with mercs, bounty hunters and smugglers, became an alcoholic, too. I also blew off Qui-Gon and didn�t contact him for three years, but when I needed help he was there. Even when I didn�t think I wanted it.�

�I don�t need his help.�

�Bullocks, Jemmy. He took you into his home, and helps you out even when you don�t think you need it. He still doesn�t trust me fully. Thinks I revert back to my old ways. I don�t know if I�ll ever get that trust back, but I�ve worked too hard to get where I am today and I don�t want to see it happen to you.�

�It won�t happen to me,� Jemmy spat out.

�Right. I started drinking to forget my past and everyone in it. Why do you drink? Think about it, Jem.� Rela walked away leaving her friend to ponder over her words.

"You okay, kid?" Lilith asked, as Qui-Gon looked over in her direction.

"Not really," she mumbled. "Head's sore."

"Don't let Qui-Gon worry you." Lilith saw Jemmiah's hurt gaze fix on the tall master. "Let me get you some of this hooch."

"N-no." Jemmy waved it away. "I don't think I'd better."

"Look, you only live once." She smiled genuinely at her.

Jemmiah nodded and took the cup from her. She heard Rela's words go round in her head. Rela looked so in control. She gave the impression that nothing could faze her. And yet for someone like that to become dependant on alcohol�to feel the need to drink her problems away� Could she say for definite that she might not end up the same?

Her drink didn't seem as palatable as before, somehow.

She placed the cup down on Hmiol's back. She wasn't ready to listen to Qui-Gon. She was far too hurt for that and she knew she'd only yell and make things worse. Better that they both cool down.

If she ever did.

Rela watched Jemmiah place the cup to one side and nodded in approval. Now if she could only get Qui-Gon to swallow his stupid pride and talk to her�

"What's going on?" Mace, whose mock headband was now squint and hanging comically over one eye, struggled over to Rela. "Where's my drink?"

"You've drunk it." She smiled. "I'll get you another one."

Mace smiled. "Thank you so very much."

"Get him a drink, Spider." Rela shouted over her shoulder.

"Why should I?" The girl huffed indignantly.

"Because." Rela offered by way of an answer.

Spider glared. "Her you go." She replied, walking forward with a cup.

Mace eagerly stepped forward. "Your good health!" He saluted them, swallowing the liquid.

Rela dodged swiftly to one side as Mace spat out his drink.

"What the hell is this?" He looked disgusted. "It tastes like p�"

"Heh-heh!" Spider coughed.

Zac turned and hid his face.

"What's the matter?" Leona asked Qui-Gon gently.

"Guess." Qui-Gon said.

"Then speak to her!"

"We should never have gone on this stupid cantina crawl in the first place." He rumbled. "I don't know where she comes up with these ridiculous ideas�"

"She's Corellian." Leona said.

"So?"

"Free spirit." Leona took a swig of the hooch and wondered if her body might not disintegrate.

Qui-Gon glanced back over to Jemmiah and got the distinct impression that she was unhappy. With himself, undoubtedly. But perhaps with herself as well? He knew that she blew hot and cold. She'd start to calm down shortly after the altercation in the street and hopefully would soon feel able to talk civilly to him and work through their difficulties.

But what would he say?

"I'll leave it a while," he said out loud.

"Qui-Gon." Leona shook her head. "The longer you leave it the more difficult it's going to get."

"I need to think about what I'm going to say," he muttered.

"These things don't need to be rehearsed." Leona said sadly. "She knows you worry about her. She also knows why you worry about her. She'll forgive you and you will forgive her."

"Is it so easy?" he sighed.

"You won't know until you try."

Qui-Gon nodded, set aside his glass of hooch and started to walk towards her. Out the corner of her eye Jemmiah saw him and deftly moved between Krelo and Lilith.

Stupid, stupid girl, she thought to herself. He was coming over to say he was sorry! Why can't you talk to him? Have a civil conversation with him just like you used to? What is the matter with you just now?

Rela watched her blank him and shook her head in despair. Now Qui-Gon was upset too. Great, Jem. Just great!

"Well, I've been told where I stand." Qui-Gon mumbled as he rejoined Leona.

"Look, everything will be fine. I'm willing to put money on it. Infact if you've both not made up by the end of the night I shall pay for our meal tomorrow."

Qui-Gon smiled. "I'm not sure it would be gallant or gentlemanly to accept that wager," he replied. "But for the sake of the gesture I'll take you up on it."

Rela walked angrily over to Jemmy. "Are you determined to ruin everything for yourself?" she hissed.

"I'm sorry Rel. I panicked. I saw him come over and I wasn't ready to talk. Not yet.," she pleaded.

"But you will talk to him?" Rela insisted.

"Yes," she said. "But if I speak to him now I'll just shout and make things worse. Neither of us will want that."

Rela offered her a sad smile. "I'm sure you'll be fine."

"To tell you the truth I think I just want to go home," Jemmiah replied.

"What?" Rela exclaimed. "But we've still got three more cantinas after this. And what about what you've set up for here?"

"I'm tired Rela," she moaned. "I'm tired and I'm fed up."

"Look," Rela tried to persuade her, "stay 'till this one's over and then see how you feel. Do it for me, would you? Please?"

"I dunno�"

"What about Obi-Wan? You want to leave him here all miserable and on his own?"

"No�"

"Well then." She cajoled the Corellian girl. "Let's get the next item on the agenda started."

Jemmiah, feeling very weary and somewhat green around the gills, reluctantly agreed. "That's my girl. You know it makes sense!" Rela smiled. "You go over to the storage bins and see what's what and I will organize the rest."

"I must need my head examined. Again." Jemmiah groaned.

Rela decided that Jemmiah was definitely beginning to wilt and that the real cause of it was not the sudden lack of alcohol but rather her argument with Qui-Gon. If she could somehow get them to talk� "Looks like I'm the guardian angel again." She rubbed her hands.

"Sorry?" Berlingside asked.

"No, nothing." She looked him up and down. "You feeling fit and raring to go, Master DB?"

"I can usually rise to the occasion." He replied. "Why? What have you got planned?"

Rela took in the collection of comatose and partially inebriated Jedi gathered round her. Deciding that she could do with some attention, Rela made her way over to the crates and stood up on the nearest one, clapping her hands for attention. "Listen up, folks." She called for silence. "I need some volunteers."

"Oh, Sith." Mace grimaced.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Qui-Gon said under his breath.

"I need eight strapping men."

"Don't we all?" Vernice called out.

"Come on, guys!" Rela cried. "Don't be modest! Does nobody here fit the bill?"

Dex shrugged and put himself forward.

"See, there's number one." Rela smiled.

"More fool him!" muttered Qui-Gon.

Mace looked about him and then stepped up towards Rela. "OK. It can't be any worse than what's already happened to me, can it?" he pointed at his tattoo.

"Mace, you don't even know what it involves!" Qui-Gon remarked.

Leona squinted at Qui-Gon. "Is that a stain under your arm?" she asked.

"Where?" he raised his arm to look.

Rela pounced swiftly.

"Thank you for volunteering, Qui-Gon."

"But I didn't�"

"Please step up to the front with the others."

Qui-Gon glared at Leona, shot a warning glance at Rela and reluctantly walked towards the grinning redhead.

"Who else?"

"I'll have a go." An-Paj smiled. "If it's strapping men you're after my wives can vouch for me."

Rela resisted the temptation to roll her eyes. "Simeon? Obi-Wan?"

"Er�pass."

"Me too."

"Thank you guys. If you'd like to step up�"

Obi-Wan frowned but forced his legs to propel him to besides his master.

"Hang on. Didn't we say no?" Simeon asked.

"Rela doesn't understand the meaning of the word. It's easier to do what she wants. Trust me."

"Really?" He looked delighted.

"Get your lurid imagination back in line." Kenobi said as they lined up.

"You're just jealous because you're all tied up like a parcel and Jemmiah won't get to peel off the layers for a few days," he said.

"At least I've got someone to peel my layers off." Obi-Wan replied acidly.

"Maybe." Simeon nodded. "But I'm working on it."

"Jay? Zac? How about it?"

"How about what?" Jay winked.

"You won't find out until you sign up. Come on! You'll be excellent for what we've got in mind."

"Like a Nerf to the slaughter house." Zac sighed as they walked up to the others.

"Spider, write down the names of our gentlemen, would you?" Rela grinned. "Now I need some women volunteers to help the men."

"Put me down for it," Jemmiah growled from the back.

"Yeah, me too," Spider insisted.

Leona volunteered in the hope of stopping Sal-Fina from getting Qui-Gon. As Spider took the names Rela just knew that every last one of the males was going to regret ever putting themselves forward for this.

"Right." She said. "I'm drawing out who gets who. Leona and Dimallie have got An-Paj."

"Do anything horrible to me and suffer the consequences," he threatened.

"Sal-Fina and Ambianca have got Master Windu."

"Oh, hell." Mace gulped.

"Meri and myself have got," she looked up in glee, "Obi-Wan."

The padawan closed his eyes in fear for his life.

"Jemmy and Spider have got," Rela swapped the pieces of flimsy over deftly so that nobody could see, "Master Jinn."

Qui-Gon looked at Jemmiah and Jemmiah went three shades paler than before.

"Lilith and Krelo have got Master Berlingside."

"Oh, goody!" Krelo's eyes lit up.

"Letina and Kylenn have got Jay Abran, or at least they will have if we can persuade Letina to get back on her feet."

Jay winked ingratiatingly at Kylenn. She wouldn't do anything horrible to him.

"Vernice and Depa have got Zac, and Junine and Sybelle have got Simeon." Rela looked at the others. "Somebody slap Sybelle around the face until she wakes up."

"Rela�" Jemmiah began.

"Sorry Jem. Luck of the draw." Rela grinned.

Jemmiah walked back over to the storage bins and opened the lid. "This is a little something that Jemmy cooked up with Mungo before we arrived." Rela smiled and indicated the bins, which seemed to contain what looked like bits of cloth.

"This, is on loan from the Amateur Coruscant Society of Dramatic Art. Jemmy's got contacts in that line of business as you know but I must stress that these garments have got to be returned in a fitting state, OK?"

"Garments?" Simeon asked.

"Yes." Rela nodded. "The rules are very simple. Each of our female competitors has to search the clothes bin and pick out a costume for our males to wear. One will help dress the said individual, the other will do make up and styling."

"Make up?" Mace looked aghast.

"Uh-huh." Rela replied chirpily. "You will each have a total of fifteen minutes to create your ultimate fantasy figure."

"Doesn't sound so bad." Obi-Wan looked surprised.

Mace wandered over besides Jemmiah and looked into the basket.

"Is that right, Padawan Kenobi?" He thinned his lips in annoyance. "In that case, perhaps you'd like to try on this frock!" He threw the striped dress at Obi-Wan, which landed on the floor by his feet.

"I'm NOT wearing that!" he laughed.

"You might have to." He turned angrily on Jemmiah. "These are all women's clothes."

"Oh, didn't we say?" Rela feigned astonishment.

"Say what?" Qui-Gon growled.

Rela looked unabashed. "Your task, ladies, should you accept it is to turn these eight wonderful specimens of manhood into women. And may the best girl win!"

"I can't believe I actually volunteered for this!" Mace slapped his head. "What possessed me to do it?"

"Windu," Sal-Fina prodded him to stand over in the corner, "that slip of a girl has played you for an idiot. What did she say? Strapping men? Of course she knew that you would put yourself up for it! Men are so stupid. You fell for it because she appealed to your vanity. If you'd had any sense at all you'd have stayed with the pretty boy healer and the others who area having to judge this fiasco."

Mace looked over at the sensible remainder who had avoided the round up.

Collectively they all waved at him.

"I don't want to do this," he declared. "I'm standing down."

"It's very simple, Mace. Move and you feel pain. Got that?"

Mace thought he could almost see her retract and flex her nails like a cat, brandishing them threateningly in retaliation for his threatened mutiny. "This is humiliating," he growled.

"It's supposed to be." Sal-Fina smiled tightly. "Now shut up whilst I see what my padawan's selected for you to wear."

"You're NOT trusting her, are you?" Mace gulped.

"And why not? She has extremely good taste, in which respect she's exactly like my good self." Sal-Fina stretched her long neck out like a Nerf at a high branch. "Oh, very good!" she smiled wickedly.

"W-what? WHAT?" Mace tried to see what horrendous item Ambianca had chosen for him to suffer with.

"Which one, master? I can't chose between the blue or the red."

Sal-Fina looked at Mace and then back to the two garments the padawan was holding, one in each hand. "Oh, I think it has to be the red."

"I don't like red." Mace whined.

"Who asked you?" Sal-Fina laughed at the hang dog expression on his face. "I intend to win this bout of triviality so I need you to be a good little council member and pull your weight. That means NO SULKING!"

"I want to sulk!" Mace stamped his foot.

"If you don't behave I'll make you wear the high heeled shoes with the curly toes." She remarked icily.

Ambianca returned with a folded red piece of fabric. "I think you'll find that even you will like this particular outfit. Who knows, if you�re a good boy Jemmiah might let you keep it for after hours socializing."

Mace opened his mouth to say something waspish and cutting when Ambianca held up the red material against his Jedi tunic. A long, shimmery red veil that reached the ground was placed on Windu's head.

"Oh, how sweet!" Sal-Fina clucked, pinching his cheek. "Who's a lovely boy then?"

"I'm not wearing this!" Mace's voice rose to soprano proportions. "It's a Hutt's dancing girl outfit!"

"Hmmm! A nice two piece affair with a little gold trimming to set it off."

"I don't like it."

"It's got tassels."

"I STILL don't like it!"

"The silk dangly bits at the front should cover all blemishes you wish to keep hidden."

"I'm NOT�what do you mean, blemishes?!?!"

Sal-Fina placed a calming hand on Windu's shoulder. "Mace, like it or not we have to work with each other."

"Do not."

"Yes we do. And as this is the case we might as well make an effort to get along. As long as you have to do it you might as well try and look as if you're having a good laugh. Don't you want to beat Qui-Gon?" she insisted.

"Well.." he began.

"Good! Because I do. And I'm certainly not letting The Mouse and Padawan Fluff Brain get the better of me. So, let's get into the spirit of a little friendly competition, shall we? We're going to be sporting and fair and most of all we are going to wipe the floor with them." Sal-Fina sucked in a deep breath after her pep talk was finished.

"Come on, Padawan. Let's transform this turkey into a swan."

"We've only got fifteen minutes." Grumbled Ambianca.

"Then start praying for a miracle," she muttered.

*******

"Rela, I really don't think that I can�"

"Get on with it, Jemmy! Spider is waiting for you."

Jemmiah cursed inwardly and gave Obi-Wan a resigned look. "Be gentle with him." She warned Rela. "He bruises real easy."

"How can you tell through all the bandages?" Rela frowned as Jemmiah reluctantly made her way over to the clothes bin, avoiding eye contact with Qui-Gon as she walked past.

"They've had a fight." Obi-Wan said sadly. "Not just an argument. A real bust up."

"I know. Let's hope Qui-Gon doesn't mess it up after all my hard work."

Obi-Wan stared. "You rigged this whole thing so you could get Jemmy and my master talking again." He observed gratefully.

"That's right." Rela nodded.

"Why?"

"Because," she grabbed hold of Obi-Wan's jaw, tilting it from side to side, "I like 'em both. I've not known Jem for that long but I like her. I wonder what color if lipstick should we use?"

Kenobi's eyes lit up. "You do? Like her then? So you approve of us?"

"Gods and thunder, you really are serious about her, aren't you?" Rela laughed.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. But she's young and I think you should remember that she still might feel�"

"Attracted to other men?" Obi-Wan nodded. "I know what she's like. I know why she's like that, too."

"And you don't mind?" Rela asked in surprise.

"Sometimes." He admitted. "OK. Most of the time. I'm not used to feeling jealous and I don't like it. But I persevere because I know that it will be worth it in the end." He paused for a moment as Meri came back with a bundle of blue cloth under her arm. "Did you rig this so that you would get me?" He asked cautiously.

"Oh, yes!" Meri nodded enthusiastically. "This was far good an opportunity to miss. Now, what do you think of this?"

Rela watched as Meri unfurled the fabric slowly.

"There's something wrong with it." Obi-Wan shook his head. "Some of it's missing."

"Where?" Meri turned the dress round.

"The back."

"That's deliberate." Rela rolled her eyes. "It's a low backed dress."

"What's that?!" Kenobi frowned at the seam.

"It's also got a side slit."

"But it goes up to the thigh!" The padawan squeaked.

"Precisely." Rela nodded. She held her hand out to Meri, who deposited a small, wispy piece of shimmer silk into her palm.

"That's why you have to wear these!" she grinned.

"I can't!" he complained.

"What, it's OK for Jemmiah to wear sexy, see through stuff just to titillate hormonally active young men and you won't? Don't tell me for a moment you wouldn't like to see Jemmy in this dress. Or out of it." She added.

"No, I wouldn't." He said defensively. "OK, maybe in private but I�"

"You see!" Rela snapped her fingers triumphantly.

"Now look. What's wrong with what I've got on?"

Meri choked.

"You can't wear your standard Jedi Undies with this! You'll see them from underneath."

"I'd rather you could see them and NOT anything else." Obi-Wan retorted.

They both stared at him.

"Okay, okay!" He grabbed the knickers from her, staring at them with beads of perspiration breaking out on his head.

"The other way." Meri drawled. "Unless you want them to ride up with wear."

Obi-Wan scowled at both young women. "What about my arms?" He nodded at his bandages.

"We've got that sorted, don't worry." Rela rubbed her hands. "OK, Scrub Brush. Drop 'em."

"Sorry?" Obi-Wan blinked.

"Get 'em off."

"I can't, can I?" he smiled.

Rela took a menacing step forward. "Not to worry." She smiled. "We can help!"

*******

Jemmiah went instinctively for the green outfit. It had to be green, like the color of his saber blade. There was a pair of long stripy stockings with green garters to hold them up underneath the rushed, frilly dress. The skirt half was electric green and the bodice, which had to be laced at the back, was made of black velveteen fabric. The sleeves were short and puffed.

And she could just see Qui-Gon in it! So, he'd have to suffer a little as he dressed in his Corellian dancing girl's outfit. Maybe he'd be embarrassed. She hoped he was.

Jemmiah was still angry, but not at him. She was angry with herself for no longer being angry with him and that just made the invisible wall that they had both erected between them even harder to knock down. She still hadn't looked at him and she could tell by the way that Spider was hovering in the background that she couldn't stall forever.

Taking a big breath, she tugged the creases out of the fabric and walked over from the clothes bin. She'd been sure he'd take one look at the outfit and die a death right there and then but instead he opted for silence. Well, fine. If that was the way he wanted it�

"You do the hair." Jemmy mumbled at Spider.

"I'd sooner you did, if you don't mind." Qui-Gon said softly at Jemmiah, then turning to her friend with the two-tone hair. "No offence."

"None taken." Spider shrugged. "My taste isn't necessarily everyone else's."

"Thank you." Qui-Gon acknowledged. "Jemmiah has a knack with my hair that goes back a good few years. I'm sure she'll be equally thorough on this occasion."

"Aren't you worried you'll end up looking like a painted streetwalker?" she asked quietly.

Qui-Gon said nothing.

"If you could start changing, that would be a help. Thanks." Jemmiah mumbled as she looked out her assortment of make up.

Spider held up the dress for inspection. "Not bad." She nodded. "Very�"

"Corellian," supplied Qui-Gon.

"Is something wrong with that?" Jemmy asked as she picked up a hairbrush. "You make it sound like a disease."

"Not at all." He replied, watching her as she kept the emotionless mask in place. "I have a great respect for all things Corellian and a considerable admiration for the people."

The complement did not seem to register at all with her.

"I'm afraid we'll have to dispense with the hair rollers on this occasion." Jemmy walked behind him and started to brush his hair, perhaps a little too vigorously for his liking.

"I don't suppose you would consider perhaps being a little less enthusiastic with that brush?" He asked. "The idea of joining the Mace Windu Appreciation Society does not have a lot of appeal."

"Is there anything I can actually do properly?" she asked in annoyance. "Or do you think I'm a total washout?"

Qui-Gon felt her work his hair into three thick strands and begin to zealously plat it. "I never said that," he replied. "Although I am getting a distinct feeling of having been through this before."

Jemmiah snickered. �Your hair�s really long, too.� She quoted, remembering. �I can�t imagine you with hair like Obi-Wan�s.�

�It was certainly a long time ago.� Qui-Gon played along with her.

"And can I plat your hair?"

"Do I get the rouge and lipstick this time?" he asked.

"You never said that," she chided softly.

"Yes, perhaps if I had I wouldn't have sat through an entire meeting with the child welfare officers looking like I'd just escaped from a transvestite club."

"But it worked out okay in the end." Jemmy pointed out.

"Did it?" he asked. "Well, I got to stay." She gave a small shrugging motion with her shoulders.

"And does that please you?" he asked.

"Of course. If I 'd been sent away I wouldn't have been able to see you without the beard."

Qui-Gon fingered his smooth chin.

"I told you I'd get that shaved off." She smiled slightly.

"That's right. So you did. That was roughly the same time that the temple gardens mysteriously started to sprout some very dubious plants�"

Jemmiah actually grinned at that one. "Don't pretend for a moment that some of my pranks haven't made you laugh." She said as she wove the strands together.

"Some of them, perhaps." He nodded.

"Well. That makes it all worth while," she drawled.

"Some of them have maybe been a little, how shall I put this�unworthy of you."

"Thanks," she muttered.

"But they have lightened up the life of a good many people in the temple," he added quietly.

They didn't speak for another whole minute. Qui-Gon felt the fingers work through his hair and closed his eyes. "You're not going to fall asleep again, I hope." She chuckled. "You know what happened the last time."

"Just one thing, Tangles," he answered, reaching up to squeeze her hand. "No blue eye make up. It took days to wash off."

Rela watched the display in the background and grinned in delight. "YES! The angel of mercy triumphs again!" she did a little dance.

"Who?"

"Me!" she huffed. "You got those knickers on yet?"

"Shush!" Obi-Wan scolded from behind the blanket that Meri was holding up.

"What? I only said knic�." Rela began.

"Will you keep your voice down!" Kenobi hissed.

"Knickers knickers knickers knickers knickers knickers KNICKERS!" sang Rela loudly.

"Right, that does it! I'm not coming out from this blanket."

"Awww, I'm sorry." Rela pouted. "Poor little Benny-Wenny! I've hurt his feelings."

"Do you mind?" he snapped.

"No."

"Well I do!"

Rela shook her head and decided not to push her luck.

Over in the corner there came a loud scream.

"I'm NOT wearing that!" Simeon yelped. "I am NOT!"

"Oh, yes you are!"

"Oh, no I'm not�look, I don't have the figure for it!"

"You'll look lovely. If I was a man I'd fancy you!"

"I WANT TO GO HOME." He cried.

"Look, think of it as a dress rehearsal for your own wedding."

"I don't have a girlfriend."

"Stop being negative. You'll make a lovely bride."

Rela glanced down at her chrono, aware that time was slowly beginning to tick away. "Hurry up, Scrub Brush! We've your make up to do yet. How are the objects that I'm not allowed to mention coming along?"

"I've got them on." Obi-Wan said through gritted teeth. "And it wasn't easy with my arms strapped together, I can tell you."

"I knew that force stuff would come in handy for something." Rela nodded.

Obi-Wan stood up and suddenly jumped as if he'd been stunned.

"What is it?" Meri asked in concern. "Obi? Speak to me!"

Kenobi gulped. "My elastic went ping," he said.

*******

"I'll start on his hair and make-up, Kre. You go get something for him to wear." Lilith dragged Dex into one corner and roughly jerked him out of his robe.

"Hey, gentle there. I bruise easily," he protested.

"Quiet you." Lilith inspected his face closely, her mind going straight to the competition. Everything not associated directly with winning was trivial and to be ignored. "Your face is awfully strong boned, but with the proper application of make-up and hair we can work with that."

"It's not like I have a lot of hair to work with," Dex replied drily.

"Right, which is why we're going to have to slick it back."

Just then Krelo arrived with a lovely dark blue evening dress and a handful of unidentifiable fabric.

"Here, Dexie, put that on and hurry up about it. We haven't much time and Lil's gonna have to do a perfect job on your make-up if we're going to have a chance to win."

"Why is it my fault?" he protested, but moved to unbuckle his belt anyway.

"Because you're a man." Lilith told him absently as she accepted the handful of cloth from Krelo and looked through it. "Good, the black jacket will help de-emphasize his shoulders. They're entirely too broad for a pretty woman."

"We'll just have to go for striking instead."

"Good idea. You've seen him in all his," Demodae coughed, "umm glory, so what do you recommend?"

"A long skirt and fishnet stockings to hide the hair on his legs."

"Ah, that would explain the length of the dress, but what about the neckline?"

"I couldn't find anything higher. The others got all the good stuff before I could get to the boxes." Krelo folded her arms across her chest and tried and failed to repress a smirk as Dex turned around to display a 'v' neck that plunged almost to his navel, exposing quite an expanse of hairy chest and a slit up the side that stopped just short of his hip.

"Put on the stockings and jacket, Dexie." Krelo tossed him the bundle she'd reclaimed from her partner in crime. "And hurry up."

"Kre, find some hair creme or gel or mousse or something to slick his hair down with. I'll get started on the make-up."

"No mascara!"

"Wrong-o, Casanova. That's the first thing you get!"

Dex moaned pitifully as Lilith advanced upon him, but it did him no good. In short order he had mascara, subtle eyeshadow, foundation, thick, but clever application of blush to try and soften his jawline and high, strong cheekbones. Krelo massaged goop of some sort into his hair and smoothed it back while Lilith applied the finishing touches.

"Striking is right. He certainly won't ever be pretty."

"Good enough. Alright, Dex, get over there and join the lineup."

"Wait," Krelo smirked again. "You forgot your shoes." Swinging from her hand was a pair of black, strap-backed, 4-inch stiletto heels.

*******

"I'm sure there must be some kind of law against dressing a senior Healer at the temple in this way." An-Paj complained as Dimallie produced an extremely short skirt, pink and pleated with boning round the edge so that it stuck out light the covering for a decorative lampshade.

"You'll look absolutely gorgeous." Leona cooed. "When I've finished your make up people will think I've swapped you with one of your wives."

"I'm not sure I like the image that presents." An-Paj examined the short-cropped sporty top, white with the same candy pink piping round the edges. "Do I really have to wear this?"

"Yes you do." Leona smiled. "And Dimallie is away getting the finishing touches."

"I can't wait." An-Paj said dryly.

Leona looked at the floor. "You can't wear those shoes." She shook her head. "We'll have to find something for you. Di? See if you can find some appropriate footwear for An-Gelica here."

"What?" An-Paj did a double take.

"What's wrong with that? It's a nice name. It could have been worse. I could have chosen An-Tigen, or An-Aemia or An-Aesthetic or�"

"Stop!" An-Paj put his hands over his ears. "I do not want to know what else you have got in mind."

Leona was stopped from telling her exactly what shad had in mind when Dimallie returned laden with accessories. "Shoes." She smiled. "Something casual and comfortable for running and jiggling about in."

"Sorry?" An-Paj wondered if he had heard correctly.

"And this completes the outfit." Dimallie said, throwing two feathery items into the blue skinned healer's arms.

"What are these?" He examined them suspiciously.

"Pompoms." Dimallie breathed in delight. "Aren't they brilliant?"

"If they're so brilliant YOU can have them." An-Paj shoved them back at her.

"Now, now." Leona tssked at the healer. "Give them a try."

An-Paj glared at her. �What do I do?" he groused.

"You shake them about. Go on, it's fun!"

"Fun?" he asked. "I can't imagine what's fun about shaking two pink Florizan flamingoes in the air."

"You have to get into the spirit of the thing. Now." Leona positioned him so that he was standing right. "I want you to shout GIVE ME A CEE! GIVE ME AN OHH! GIVE ME AN ARRRR!"

An-Paj rustled the pompoms listlessly and without any real enthusiasm.

"Who had the bright idea to dress me as a Gabali cheerleader?" he moaned. "Because whoever it was will find themselves scrubbing freshers for the next one hundred years minimum."

Leona and Dimallie looked at each other and pointed to their opposite number. "It was HER!" They both cried out.

*******

Jay shrugged when Kylenn presented him with his costume. It could have been much worse, he thought to himself. A pinafore that came to roughly his thigh in a garish checkered pattern; knee length stockings and heeled shoes of undeterminable yet precarious height were placed before him on Hmiol's back.

"This shouldn't be too much trouble to you." Kylenn said, still suffering greatly from the contests in previous cantinas. "Stockings seem to be your thing."

"Ha ha." Abran frowned. "They're damned uncomfortable, I'll tell you that for free. I don't know how you females can even think of wearing them."

"Because we are the tougher sex of our species." Letina whispered, looking pale and shaky.

"But you can't hold your drink." Jay gloated.

Kylenn suddenly became dangerously alert and focused "Get him the crotch-less panties, Tina."

Jay shook his finger. "Naughty Ky! And getting me up in this school girls outfit. What will people think?"

"Just stop bragging about how good your legs are and get into your blouse." Kylenn sniffed.

Jay winked at her and then held up the pinafore for closer inspection. "I know where I've seen this before!" It suddenly clicked. "This is Jemmiah's old school outfit!"

"Yeah," Jemmy called over her shoulder, "I donated it. Don't bust the stitching getting into it. I've had a lot of good times in that uniform."

"Yeah, I remember." Abran smiled. "I feel like this is like an old friend. Nice to have it next to my skin again"

Letina exchanged a startled look with Kylenn. "What does that mean?"

"I won't bog you down with the details." Jay smirked. "Right, what about the hair?"

"Got this for you." Kylenn shoved a golden blonde wig in his direction.

"Haven't you got anything darker?" he asked her. "I've always fancied brunette."

"I'm sure you have," muttered Kylenn. She sighed to herself.

How she wished she were a brunette�

*******

"I hope you like scarlet lipstick." Jemmiah said to Qui-Gon. "Don't worry, I've tested it out and it comes off really easily."

"I'm not sure how to answer that," he replied. He could still feel the awkward tension that existed between them but the fact that it had lessened noticeably gave him cause to hope that they could resolve their problems.

"Your skin could do with some moisturizer." Jemmy remarked, before adding perhaps a touch wickedly "I remember thinking that when you kissed me."

Spider snickered and Qui-Gon turned and shot her a remorseful look. "It was your game if you recall," he replied. "I would happily have chosen another partner but you goaded me into it."

"Uh-uh." Jemmy shook her head. "You LET yourself be goaded into it. Now why was that? I can't think for a moment that it was through some secret burning desire for myself�"

"Jemmiah�" he began to apologize again.

"So that leads me to think that you were trying to prove a point. To Obi-Wan? Or was it perhaps Sal-Fina? Or�" she hesitated, "Leona?"

"It was nothing of the sort," he said roughly. "You have an over active imagination."

"Oh, well." She shrugged. "I'll just have to put it down to feeling mixed up and confused with the onset of old age."

"I am NOT old," he grumbled.

Jemmiah grinned. "I think you proved that." She smiled sweetly at him. "If you'd been thirty years younger I'd have made a play for you. But maybe not in that dress."

Her eyes lit upon the green and black Corellian Can-Can dancer outfit. "Or maybe it's those striped stockings. They just don't do a thing for me."

"I think I'm going to cry," he said flatly.

"Don't you dare!" Jemmiah glared at him. "If that mascara runs they'll be hell to pay!"

Spider admired their almost completed handiwork. "Not bad, if I say so myself. I think you're perhaps a little too well built to be a delicate wallflower but I'm sure you'll knock the rest of the boys dead with that hair."

"Do I get to see it?" he hesitated.

"What and spoil the surprise?" Jemmiah shook her head. "Naww! Don't think so. Spider, go find the dancing pumps that go with this outfit, would you?"

Qui-Gon watched Spider retreat. "Dancing pumps?"

"Just think yourself lucky you aren't wearing stiletto heels like poor Dex and Ben�er, Obi-Wan." She replied. "Now try and keep still, for the love of the force. Unless you want crooked lip liner."

Jinn stayed still for a few moments and then reached for her shoulders. "You can call him that, you know. I'm not going to bite your head off."

"What?" she asked uncomfortably.

"Ben. Although I still don't know why you do."

"Long story." She said quickly, getting out the nail varnish. "Anyway, I thought you hated me calling him Ben."

"Only because�" He stopped suddenly. "I have to say I hoped you would call off your relationship, for want of a better word. I would prefer it if you stayed as brother and sister."

Jemmiah stared at him. At last they were at the crux of the matter, the real reason behind their squabbles. "Can I ask why?" she said, her voice immediately becoming strained.

"I know why you think I don't approve, but that's not it at all. It's not just through a desire to see my padawan knuckle down to his studies without distraction. It's not about controlling you or thinking either one of you isn't good enough for the other. I do have my reasons. Trust me."

"Such as?" she took a breath.

"My motives are not the issue." Qui-Gon knew he was bottling out. "I would like you to stop seeing each other."

"Is that a demand?"

"No, it's a request."

"I see." She said, feeling more disappointed than angry.

"I know this is difficult," he continued, "But I really think you should keep your involvement with him strictly platonic. You're very young and�"

"Can't possibly know my own mind." She finished with a sad little smile that made Qui-Gon feel very guilty.

"I've been thinking about this whole thing and it makes me very uncomfortable. I wish I could give you my approval but I would feel like a hypocrite if I did."

Jemmiah nodded.

"I was going to ask you to promise me to call it all off. For your sake and for his, Jemmiah. I feel it would be better in the long run. But I have the feeling that you'll refuse to do that so I'm going to ask you to promise me something else."

"And what might that be?" she said in a voice that was slightly shaky.

"Promise me that you won't ever marry him."

Jemmiah almost recoiled in shock. "Marry?" she said stunned. "I'm NEVER getting married. Not if I can help it. What's the point? It's just a load of heartbreak� and I'm certainly never marrying a Jedi who can go out on a mission happy as a sand boy one day and never come back the next. It happened to my mother and I'm not putting myself through the same garbage she went through. And anyway, with my track record that would be asking for trouble�"

"Sorry?" Qui-Gon frowned.

"Doesn't matter." She couldn't understand where that request had come from. "What, you think that if you succeed in keeping us apart it will all get too much and we'll elope or something? I may do some idiotic things, Master Jinn but that would take the cake." She stopped to scrutinize his face.

"Have you seen something?" she hesitated. "You know, like sometimes Ben does? Funny stuff from the future, is that what's wrong? I didn't think you were good at that sort of thing."

Qui-Gon looked away briefly. "Promise me and keep my mind at peace," he said.

"That's easily done." She said, staring at him. "I have no intentions of marrying anyone."

The Jedi master relaxed slightly at this, and nodded his gratitude. "Thank you." He said.

"But you were right about one thing."

"And what was that?"

Jemmiah looked him straight in the eye, unflinching. "I am going to keep seeing him."