A Night to (Almost) Remember

Prequel to Lions, Tigers, and Padawans, Oh My!. A fundraising bar crawl? Only Jemmiah could arrange something like that.

Note: This is a group fic written mostly by Jemmiah, with a little help from (in order of posting): Sybelle, Jedi Kylenn, HealerLeona, Wampasmak, Lilith Demodae, LadyJedith, Krelo Rei'ch, Jedi_Daphne, and mouse2. The original thread can be found at theforce.net.

Disclaimer: Qui-gon Jinn, Obi-wan Kenobi, Mace Windu, Yoda, Depa Bilaba and the universe they live in belong to George Lucas. They are respectfully borrowed with no intent to profit thereby.


~~~~~~~


�Let�s get to the next cantina.� Lilith yawned.

�Not yet.�

�What have you got planned, Jemmiah?� Krelo folded her arms and met the girl stare for stare.

The Corellian girl smiled. �That would be telling.�

�Oh, come on. Don�t keep us in suspense.� Griff chimed in; suddenly realizing he was stood next to Lilith and made a conscious effort to stand on his toes ever so slightly to increase his height.

�Are you sure you want to know?� Jemmiah grinned.

�Yeah!� Vernice Ashdal replied. �Tell us. Now, now, now NOW!� Obi-Wan smiled. The masters were getting absolutely trashed!

Jemmiah considered. �Flint? You got those items I asked you to stash away?�

The giant Wookiee nodded and headed behind the bar, retrieving from a hidden compartment what looked suspiciously like a plasti-bag. Containing what Obi-Wan did not know, but he wasn�t sure it boded well for them at all. Not if he knew Jemmy�

The Wookiee reached into the bag and pulled out what at first glance appeared to be crumpled white linen of some description. She bared her teeth in what Jemmiah recognized to be a toothy Wookiee grin and loped over to Jay Abran. The nervous padawan watched as the Wookiee opened the palm of his hand and placed the linen in his grasp.

�What�s this?� He gulped as he allowed the garment to unfurl.

It unrolled into a shapeless pair of out-sized men�s undergarments. The most hideously unfashionable pair that Jay had ever seen.

�You must be joking!� Abran�s voice soared. �I�m not putting these on!�

�That�s what we�re here to help you with.� Jemmy smirked as the Wookiee went around dishing out pairs of the monstrosities to many of the masters and padawans.

�I don�t think I want to know�� laughed Biwo.

The Wookiee growled.

�What�s the matter?� Leona frowned.

�She wants to know where her cute little tree mouse is!� Jemmiah chuckled. �He�s still hiding in the fresher, I think.�

�Don�t worry.� Biwo smiled. �I�ll make sure he�s out in time.�

�What are the rules?� Meri asked, rubbing her hands.

Jemmiah picked up the last pair and waved them like a flag.

�We pair off into groups; males and females. The idea is that the female has to dress the male with these must-have items of high fashion,� she snickered, "but there is a snag.�

�Which is?� An-Paj asked cautiously.

�They can only use their teeth to get them on��

There were horrified/incredulous looks from amongst the male contingent and wicked applause from the women.

�Oh, I would never have thought of that in a zillion years!� Meri sighed happily.

�I�m not playing that!� Griff sulked. �It�s well stupid.�

�You�ll play and like it!� Sybelle huffed.

�Well, I�m playing.� The towering form of Lilith Demodae stepped forward. �Krelo?�

�Me too,� she nodded.

To everyone�s surprise, Leona volunteered next. �I�m certainly having a shot at it.� She smiled, still decidedly flushed in the face. �On one condition.�

�Which is?� Jemmiah asked.

�That An-Paj is my partner.� There was a wicked gleam in her eye.

An-Paj looked shocked. �Whatever would my wives say?�

�Your wives aren�t here.� Jemmiah pointed out. �Which is just as well. One of them would be pulling �em up with her teeth, the other would be pulling �em down, another would be complaining about them not being pressed properly, number four would be worried about whether they were too restricting��

�OK, OK!� An-Paj held up a hand to silence the girl. �I�ll partner Leona.�

�Oh, goody,� smiled the healer.

�The person who manages in the shortest time are the winners and as a reward will have to drink that mini-barrel of finest ale all to themselves.� Jemmiah pointed to the casket being rolled over towards them by the Wookiee.

Abran�s eyes nearly bugged. �No way. We�ll die!�

�Who says you�ll win?� Jemmy said scornfully. �Are you going to rig it?�

�Ha, ha!�

The reduced group tried to sort themselves out into some kind of order. Leona and An-Paj stood by and watched as the others bickered over partners.

�I�m with you, Windu,� grinned Lilith, nudging him surreptitiously in the ribs. �One good turn deserves another��

Mace gulped.

Jemmiah carefully steered Obi-Wan out to the center of the floor. �You game?�

�Too right,� he laughed. �It�s about all the excitement I�m going to get at the moment.�

Sybelle pushed Griff out onto the floor. Meri and Zac, Krelo and Dex, Vernice and Biwo, Lilith and Mace, Ambianca and Gethin Territ, Junine and the returned and still hopelessly hungry Jodi, Letina and Jay, a disgusted looking Depa Billaba and an overjoyed Fin-Tial made up the starting line.

Drunk as she may have been, Kylenn volunteered to hold the holocam.

It seemed a safer bet.

Garos Hmiol headed out from the fresher at exactly the wrong moment.

�Oh, there you are.� Jemmiah frowned. �We thought we were going to have to send Flint to prize you out from there!�

Hmiol gulped.

�But nevermind.� She continued. �I think as everyone who�s playing has already been accounted for, Flint will be only too glad to step in and be your partner. Won�t you, Flint?�

The Wookiee grinned again and waved the final pair of underpants in Hmiol�s face. He turned to his master for support but found none.

�Come on Garos. Don�t you worry about the size of her teeth. I�m sure she doesn�t bite.�

Jemmiah waited until the padawan had furiously taken his place.

�Well. Not much anyway,� she added.

As soon as Jemmiah gave the signal to start, Lilith dropped to her knees in front of Mace and grabbed the edge of the huge boxers in her teeth. She held it carefully open and the Jedi obligingly slipped his foot through the first hole. That was easy enough, but then the tall smuggler had crawl around to the other side and get a grip on the opposite end of the waistband and that wasn't too hard either, but she was quickly discovering that her excessive height was a liability in this game.

She had a lot farther to bend over to get to the floor. A glimpse of Krelo showed that she was doing a little better than her friend and Lilith made a note to remind the redhead that using Jedi powers to win drinking games was cheating.

Lilith's first attempt to pull the boxers up Mace's legs was a miserable failure. She banged her nose against his shin, accidentally nipped his ankle and almost knocked him over. Okay, one good tug wasn't going to do it this time.

Time to change plans.

"Spread your legs, Mace," she told him.

This earned her quite a few laughs and giggles from the other participants as well as those watching, but he complied, a huge grin on his face. That pulled the waistband tight around his ankles, taking up the slack. After that Lilith simply crawled in circles around the Jedi Master, her teeth tugging the boxers up by mere centimeters with each circuit, but it was steady progress with no backsliding.

When she reached his knees she hit a snag.

Stopping behind one of his knees, Lilith was attempting to get a grip on the waistband, Mace started to twitch, banging her nose again.

"Hold still, will you," she told him.

"I can't help it. I'm ticklish just there."

"That could be nice to know under other circumstances," she retorted, "But it's not helping me win this game. Now, use some of that famous Jedi control and hold still until I get past your knees."

"I think that I'm a bit too drunk for that sort of control," he sputtered between snorting laughs as she again tried to get a grip on the boxers. She could feel his legs trembling with his rising laughter and the boxers threatened to fall, undoing all her hard work.

"If you drop these," she warned him, "You'll find pictures from that dare of yours in all the Coruscant newsvids by tomorrow morning."

�Will you quit laughing!� Jemmy giggled through her mouthful of boxers.

�I can�t help it.� Kenobi grinned. �It�s the most wonderful picture I�ve seen in a long time.�

�Oh, yeah?� Jemmy managed to mumble. �Take a tip from me, pal. Never poke fun at a girl whose teeth are just inches away from inflicting serious and lasting injury on a padawan�s person!�

Obi-Wan flinched just a touch. �Still,� he managed to say, �You do realize how dodgy this looks?�

�Hah!� Jemmiah worked her way up past Obi-Wan�s left knee. �That�s how it�s s�posed to look!�

There came a whistle from the other end of the line.

�Hey, Kenobi!� Abran laughed. �Looks like your partner�s done this before!�

�Nope,� Jemmy said through tightly locked teeth, pulling the white fabric slowly upwards, �I can honestly say I�ve NEVER pulled a pair of these up before.� She winked at Abran, who winked right back at her.

�Who�s winning?� Biwo asked Fin-Tial, who was standing next to him in the line.

�Who cares?� The lecherous voice shot back happily, �I�m just enjoying the moment!�

Biwo looked down at the somewhat flustered Vernice Ashdal. He didn�t think she was doing very well, but perhaps that was for the best. The state she was in it would be advisable to keep her away from that barrel of ale�

He glanced over at Garos. That Wookiee was certainly being very thorough! The lad was trying his best to endure all the little appreciative grunts and growls that came from the giant being but it was proving very difficult. It wasn�t helped by the ribald comments that were flying back and forth.

�Hey, Garos.� Jemmiah briefly released her hold on Obi-Wan�s boxers, �She says you�ve got really nice legs. She wants to know what else you�ve got hidden away!�

Hmiol went red, but not through embarrassment. Jemmiah was not endearing herself to him this evening. When Obi-Wan threw his head back and laughed like a braying Nargot, Garos made a mental note to include Jemmy�s boyfriend to the ever-extended hit list he was mentally keeping note of.

�How are we doing?� Mace shouted to Kylenn, who was busy filming the whole event.

�Huh?� she frowned.

�Oh, don�t bother her. She can�t even see straight.� Gethin Territ smiled. He turned to An-Paj, who was on his right. �Something to tell the patients about when we get back, huh?�

�You can say that again, Healer Territ.� An-Paj noted the dreamy expression on Ambianca�s face and muttered, �I think you�ve got problems of your own, anyhow.�

�Pardon?� The handsome young man frowned at An-Paj.

�Nothing.�

Leona was faring somewhat better. She obviously wasn�t distracted by his charm and good looks. He didn�t know whether he should be glad or not. He may not be Mr. Smooth, as Gethin was jokingly referred to by the other healers on account of his babyish, youthful features but then again, Healer Territ didn�t have six wives. He, on the other hand, did.

Again he didn�t know whether he should be glad or otherwise�

�Quick, Jemmy. Leona�s doing VERY well.� Obi-Wan tried to encourage her.

�I�m going as fast as I can!� Jemmy inched up to his thigh.

Obi-Wan looked up in the air and whistled nonchalantly.

�Stop that!� Jemmy laughed. �It�s distracting!�

�It�s doing much the same for me!� Kenobi grinned. �Whilst you�re down there, I don�t suppose��

�NO!� She nipped him deliberately on the leg. �Whatever it was, I don�t want to hear it!�

�We do!� Jodi Mullicar and Zac V�Aladee said together.

Junine hadn�t really got the hang of this game. Jodi�s boxers were still hovering unceremoniously round his ankles. Meri, on the other hand, was doing extremely well. She was just about level with Jemmiah.

�What if there�s a tie?� Kylenn asked woozily.

�Huh?� Mace frowned. He was still being expertly tickled by Lilith Demodae.

�A tie,� she repeated.

�There�s about four or five of you who are level.� Dimallie called out to Leona. �Come on, Master. Get stuck in!�

An-Paj�s eyes widened ever so slightly.

�I don�t know how to tell you this, Leona,� he deadpanned. �But I think your padawan�s been drinking.�

�Really?� Leona asked, hauling the boxers up and moving behind him for a better grip. �I�d never have guessed.�

�Have you ever played anything like this before?� Jodi asked Zac.

�Only in my dreams.� Zac smiled at Jemmiah.

�It takes a Corellian to think of a game like this.� Dex grinned hugely. He stared down at Krelo. �You alright down there?�

She raised an eyebrow.

�Will you stop wriggling about!� Sybelle scolded Griff.

�It�s not my fault!� He replied. �I�m not the one who made me stand with both feet through one leg.�

�Typical man. Always quick to blame other people. You never mentioned it before!�

�If you gave you mouth a chance to do what it�s supposed to be doing instead of bleating away we might be doing better than� OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!�

Sybelle continued slowly upwards. �Did you say something?�

Griff shook his head, tears in his eyes.

�I thought not,� she said.

Obi-Wan was nearly helpless with laughter by this point and Jemmiah wasn�t much better. Krelo was beginning to edge ahead, but he didn�t care. He�d almost forgotten that business with Kryztan earlier�

He looked down and saw Jemmiah�s rather Sithly looking grin. He was soooo pleased his master wasn�t here to see this!

I�m gonna win! I�m gonna win! Jemmiah chanted in her head as she started to catch Krelo bit by bit. Broken hands or not, it was clear that Obi-Wan was enjoying himself. She could tell by that gleam in his eyes.

�Just where a woman should be,� he joked as he looked raptly down at his girlfriend. �On her knees on the floor.�

Jemmiah�s mouth dropped open. �You wait until you are fully healed. I�m going to pin you down and thrash you to within an inch of your life!�

�Woooohoooo!� Abran crowed. �I didn�t know you were into kinky stuff, Jemmy?�

�Just keep your mind on your underpants.� Jemmiah growled as she continued to pull up Obi-Wan�s boxers.

�That�s where it always is,� Letina said between mouthfuls of fabric.

Garos was getting more and more nervous as the Wookiee began to rapidly work her way upwards. He didn�t particularly appreciate the snuffling and the warm breath around his thighs�

�Will you cut that out!� Mace was bent double with the inadvertent tickling spree he was being treated to. �You�ve got me at a disadvantage here.�

�Uh-huh.� Lilith nodded, letting go of the boxers a moment or two. �I always find that a man with his underpants round his ankles is at his weakest.� She looked across at Jemmiah and Krelo and Leona, realizing it was between those three. Oh, well. It wouldn�t do any harm to have some fun�

�Are the tears running down your legs yet Mace?� Lilith grinned.

�Eh?� Windu half-chuckled.

�They soon will be!� She reached out with her hands and started to tickle the back of his legs behind the knee. �Tickle-ickle-ickle-ickle�

�Stop!� shrieked Windu. �That�s not fair! I�I can�t stand that!�

�Awwww. Poor baby! Tickle-ickle-ickle�

Mace made a sound from his throat that came out something like:

�Eiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!�

Lilith continued with the close range torture, aware that the game had all but stopped as everyone turned to watch the extraordinary display.

�Is it just Mace or are all males really tickley?� asked Krelo.

�Must be a Jedi thing.� Jemmy grinned.

�Is that so?� Meri smirked back.

All the women looked at each other. Then they lunged at their respective partners.

�Nooooooooooooooooo!� Screamed Obi-Wan, unable to defend himself as Jemmiah assaulted him with her deft fingers. �That�s not remotely sporting!�

�OK.� She laughed, as she saw a hysterical Mace Windu complete with headband and boxers back round his ankles falling over onto the floor like a felled tree. �I�ll give you �till the count of three. Then I�m gonna get you!�

Obi-Wan moved back a pace.

�THREE!� Screamed Jemmy as she lunged at Kenobi, nearly knocking him over.

�Leona, STOP!� An-Paj swiped at the tears of laughter that were rolling down his face.

�Krelo, DON�T stop!� returned Dex Berlingside who looked like the vrelt that stole the cream as Krelo attacked him.

�Someonegetthisdamnwookieeoffme!� came a muffled scream from Hmiol.

�I am still going to win!� Jemmiah insisted as she realized that Meri was still intent on the game. �Where are those boxers, Ben!�

�Oh, Siiiith!� Obi-Wan gulped as Jemmy made a lunge with her teeth. �Would you be a little more careful? That�s something I really don�t want An-Paj to have to freeze and put in a sling!�

Simeon and Qui-Gon walked slowly back into the bar, laden with parcels of take-out. The sight that met their eyes almost caused them to drop the food packages. �Oooooh, look.� A drunken Simeon nodded at the twisted, writhing bodies on the floor. �It�s an orgy! Can I play too, guys?�

Qui-Gon walked soundlessly over towards his padawan, who was on his back with a rather hyperactive looking Jemmiah bent over his waistband. As Obi-Wan saw who it was his eyes opened in utter horror.

�This is my idea of a party game!� Jemmy said as she pulled the boxers with her teeth.

�Jemmy�� warned Obi-Wan.

Jemmiah looked at her boyfriend, and then behind her at the menacing looking Qui-Gon Jinn.

�So, I won�t regret this, will I Rela?� Qui-Gon mumbled to himself.

�Hi, Master!� squeaked Obi-Wan.

�What can we do for you, Master Jinn?� Jemmiah asked politely.

�What can you do for me? Hmmmm? Well, let me see?� Jinn paced up and down a little. �You could start by telling me why everybody is rolling on the floor. You can tell me why you are attacking my padawan with your teeth. You can tell me why everyone appears to have large, unfashionable underpants round their ankles.�

He broke off as another question formed in his mind.

�But most of all, I want you to tell me just what the heck Hmiol thinks he�s doing with that Wookieee!�

With Qui-Gon's arrival, the game wrapped up quickly. Far cast an amused glance at his padawan, who was still trying to extricate himself from the Wookiee known as Flint. Biwo stopped to scratch his arm.

That's funny... He thought, I don't remember these robes being this itchy when I put them on.

Far hoped his allergies weren't acting up again. After the last time... Oh well. Maybe it was the drink. Far turned and poured the remainder of his Riptide into the two glasses beside him.

*******

"GET OFF ME!!!!!!" Hmiol yelled again and again. If he never saw another Wookieee as long as he lived... "GET OFF ME!! NOW! GET OFF ME DAMMIT, OR I'LL SHAVE YOU BALD!"

The Wookieee woman let out an enthusiastic and highly suggestive growl, and Garos decided he should have chosen his threat more carefully. Between balls of fur, Hmiol caught a glimpse of Jemmiah and Obi-wan being grilled by Master Jinn. At least there was some justice in the universe.

*******

Jemmiah was unrepentant regarding the antics of the previous game but decided not to push her luck.

�I know it looked bad,� she replied to Qui-Gon in a level tone of voice as, �but it was just a bit of harmless fun.�

�Things have a nasty habit of starting out as harmless fun and then escalating into something much more undesirable. Kindly control yourself in future.� He retorted.

�But everyone enjoyed it. Look.� She pointed over at the still helpless and laughing collection of beings that were slowly picking themselves up. Her gaze landed on Hmiol. �Well, nearly everybody. You would have enjoyed it too.�

�I doubt that.�

�I had you lined up with Depa Billaba.� Jemmy let her words hang in the air before moving away from him.

Qui-Gon looked at Depa Billaba. She didn�t seem overjoyed at having to suffer being partnered with Fin-Tial. And he had missed out on his chance�

Damn.

�Does nobody want to eat anything?� he said irritably.

A huge swarm of Jedi descended upon him and physically wrestled all the food parcels off of him, like locusts or ants or�

Termites!

�Padawan!� Jinn scolded as he saw Obi-Wan lift two packages with the force at once.

�They�re not both for me,� Kenobi insisted indignantly, �One of them is for Rela. You know what she�s like. She forgets to eat.�

�No, she�s too busy to eat.� Qui-Gon mimicked as he remembered her words. �In which case she�s hardly likely to want to�� he trailed off as he saw his padawan make off into the distance with his ill-gotten gains.

He sighed. There was one packet of Takkini chips left.

Before he could do anything about commandeering them for himself a large hairy Wookieee paw swiped them from his grasp.

Oh, just great!

The others began to file out towards the Wandering Star, stuffing their faces as they went. That�s all the gratitude I get,I�d have been better off listening to Yoda�s singing�

No, hang on. Nothing�s as bad as all that.

He felt a small tug at his tunic. �What now?� He asked wearily as Jemmiah returned to his shoulder.

She held out her packet. �Share with you.� She grinned.

�Why?� he asked suspiciously.

�Because I feel guilty at having shaved your beard off. Because I�m sorry for having spat Papyri Juice all over your face. Because I seemed to have embarrassed you just a few moments ago. Because I escaped from the infirmary against your express wishes.� She grinned her special grin. The one she reserved for buttering up Qui-Gon when she knew she was in trouble. �Take your pick.�

�Ah, yes. The infirmary. I haven�t forgotten that.� He said with more than a faint hint of retribution. �You are in major trouble on that score.�

�Oh well. The condemned had better eat a hearty meal in that case.� She leaned towards him. �If I share these with you, can you let me off the beard thing?�

�It�ll take more than a bag of Takkini chips to fix that.�

�It�ll grow back.� Argued Jemmy, �But if you don�t want �em then I�ll take them away��

�Wait.� Qui-Gon closed his eyes. �OK. Deal. I won�t mention your mutilation of my face again.�

�Good. I won�t mention your kissing me again, either.� She watched him flush slightly in discomfort. �Have a chip.�

He reached into the bag before she could change her mind and unceremoniously tipped back his head and threw a good handful of chips into his mouth.

�That�s not very Jedi-like.� Jemmiah regarded him with an amused expression.

�A Jedi has to eat. Just ask my padawan.�

�Yes, well that explains why there are so few Gamorrean Jedi around. You wouldn�t have wanted one of those as a padawan, would you?�

�I thought I had.� Jinn stole another handful of chips before she could complain and started to walk towards the door.

�Now I see where Ben gets it from.� Jemmiah said under her breath, following him out. �You just wait until the story telling takes place at the next cantina. Then you�ll be for it. I could tell a few pretty stories about how you put those laxatives in Ben�s tea when��

�If you do, don�t think for a moment that I couldn�t say some extremely embarrassing things about you. I know you put Corellian Brandy in the initiates Jeli at the party earlier this year.�

�They had the time of their lives.� Jemmiah smiled. �Who needs the force when you�ve got a double measure of whisky in your hands?�

�I�m sure you weren�t brought up to act like this.� Qui-Gon hastened along the road to catch up with Simeon and his padawan. Further down the road he saw Rela and Spider armed with their carryout. �It must be some hideously malformed Corellian gene that�s cropped up in the last few years. What happened to the sweet little girl I used to know?�

�I ate her.� Jemmiah grinned.

�That I can believe.� Qui-Gon muttered. �Where�s the next cantina?�

Jemmiah frowned, straining her head to look round the weaving and unsteady figure of Jay Abran. �Just follow the trail of vomit and you can�t go wrong.�

Jinn shook his head. Rela ran to catch up with him. �Hi, babyface. We meet again!� She beamed. �Give us a chip, Jemmy!�

�Obi-Wan�s got you a packet.�

�Well, I�m not likely to see them, am I?� Rela pounced on the chips. She looked at the packet. �I like the ones shaped like worms.�

�Mmmm!� Jemmy agreed. �Really crunchy.�

�Don�t you think they look like worms, Qui-Gon?� Rela asked.

�I�ve never really considered it.�

�Hey, guys. This one�s shaped like�� Jemmy snatched the bag away and gathered Spider and Rela around her. There came a gale of somewhat dirty laughter from the little huddle.

Qui-Gon rolled his eyes and kept walking. Sweet little girls, indeed!

*******

Lilith and Krelo were in such a fine mood that both of them goosed Griff on their way past him and Sybelle towards the door. Griff's startled yips and Sybelle's high-pitched shrieks of outrage followed them out into the streets.

After that they goosed about any male Jedi they passed on the way to the next bar. And, happily, several of the men were sloshed enough to goose them right back.

They were whispering loudly to each other and giggling as they swaggered with almost identical strides up the street. Not too far ahead, Lilith spotted Qui-Gon and company and hurriedly whispered in Krelo's ear. After a moment Krelo grinned enthusiastically and the two women jogged forward to catch up with the group ahead.

"Master Jinn?" Krelo called.

"Yes?"

Krelo grinned like a cat spying a clip-winged bird out of its cage. "Lilith and I were having a small . . . 'discussion' and I was wondering if you would help me clear up a small point in her argument?"

Meanwhile, Lilith strode up beside Jemmiah and draped a companionable arm across the girl's shoulders and began to casually steer her out of Qui-Gon's hearing range.

"Of course, Knight Rei'ch," Qui-Gon responded, pausing to face the redhead. "What exactly was the nature of your discussion?"

Krelo threw her arms around Qui-Gon's neck and locked lips with him. The Jedi Master gave a startled grunt, but responded in spite of himself.

With the diversion well underway, Lilith tipped her head over near Jemmiah's ear and spoke softly.

"Seeing as how no one actually won that last contest, what exactly were you planning on doing with that big cask? Because I think between us," Lilith's green eyes danced with wicked mischief, "we could find a suitable use to put it to."

The smuggler's gaze led her fellow Corellian's eyes back to where Krelo was just releasing an astonished and slightly scandalized looking Qui-Gon and she chuckled low in her throat. Then she slipped away from Jemmiah's side, and approached Krelo.

"Well?"

"You were right." Krelo grinned impishly. "He is a better kisser than Mace."

"Told ya so," Lilith crowed, and then the two women were striding away again, but not without both goosing Master Jinn before they left.

*******

The Wandering Star had been gutted and renovated fairly recently, and had that brand new, shiny appearance that Jemmiah just couldn�t stand. It seemed to targeting a fairly cliquish clientele; thirty something, well off wine drinkers who were just trying to look as if they had something important to discuss as they chattered inanely into their comlinks to business people they were never likely to meet face to face.

Jemmiah sighed. Give her the good old, down market grimy but honest filth of the Hell�s Chance any day. The atmosphere seemed as mind numbingly dull as the people that lined the plasti-chrome booths. No chance of any fights or entertainment here, she observed sadly. Mind you, it would be interesting to see what would happen if some of the more undesirable punters decided to make an appearance.

For the moment, there was the small matter of ordering drinks and the �Dish-the-Dirt� game to begin�

�Who is going first?� Jay Abran asked.

�You are,� grinned Kenobi, trying to ignore the discomfort of his two broken hands. �Seeing as how you brought the topic up.�

Abran looked surprised. �Really? Anybody here?�

�Yes.� Qui-Gon smiled. �But DO remember that if the revelations are too drastic then there�s a fair chance that retaliation of a similar nature will take place.�

Hmmm, Abran wondered. That might make things tricky. He was fairly certain that virtually everyone here could drop him in it for something he�d done. And some things he�d forgotten. �Okay,� he said eventually. �I�m going to recall to your minds the little matter of a holiday trip to Florizan about a half a year ago.�

There was an uncomfortable glance round the table between the masters and padawans involved on that trip. The former group had contrived to keep the incident that Jay was referring to a secret from the other masters because the whole thing was embarrassing. The latter had done their best to cover up their own little ventures away from their study schedules, because the masters would kill them�

�You might remember that there was an incident involving missing items of clothing.� He laughed as Mace slunk down in his chair, fingering his makeshift headscarf in annoyance.

�Who?� Vernice shouted.

�Well, lets just say that after a short but harmless stint at skinny dipping, certain masters seated around this very table,� Jay circled with his finger for effect, �were forced to tread the water for hours because when they got back to the shore, their clothing had mysteriously vanished. They had to cover up their modesty with a clump of seaweed.�

�Qui-Gon? Was this you?� Sal-Fina laughed drunkenly. �You never did have much in the way of inhibitions, did you?�

�Not just me,� Jinn insisted irritably, �Mace and Dex were there too��

�Oh, thank you!� Mace said crossly. �Just tell everyone, why don�t you?�

�I wasn�t the one with the drooping seaweed.� Qui-Gon smirked.

Mace fumed as the others laughed at him.

�My revelation regards the mystery of the missing clothes.� Jay snickered.

�And?� Windu hissed, eyes promising death to whoever had caused him to lose face in front of the other padawans.

�Why don�t you ask Jemmiah what happened to your robes?� Abran cockily leaned backwards on his chair and folded his arms in triumph.

�YOU LITTLE SITHCAT!� Mace complained as Jemmy shrugged and looked at the table.

�I didn�t know they were your clothes,� she mumbled. �They weren�t s�posed to be.�

�Whose did you think they belonged to?� Dex asked.

Jemmiah answered with a sideward glance at her boyfriend and Simeon Cates. �They told me they were going skinny dipping. What was I supposed to think when I saw those clothes? Who ever heard of Jedi Masters going bathing in the nude? It was just too good an opportunity to miss.�

�What about the lessons we set you?� Qui-Gon stared into her eyes.

�If you�d had to do four solid hours worth of studying galactic poetry you would have been begging for something exciting to happen to you.� She hit back at him.

�And what did you do with our clothes?� Mace asked menacingly.

Jemmiah gulped. �I was going to bury them in the sand, but by chance I happened upon a man who asked if he could have them. He said he could really do with them, so I said yeah, sure. Better than see them go to waste.�

�You gave them to a down and out?� Jinn almost felt proud that she�d at least shown some compassion for someone less well off than herself. �Well, done Jemmiah.�

�Erm, not exactly.� She swallowed again. � He was taking his family for a day out to the beach. He was a farmer. Er�he said he wanted them for the birdscare in his fields��

Qui-Gon and Dexy exchanged rueful looks. Mace was still fuming. �Do you mean to tell me that somewhere in the fields of Florizan there is a scarecrow standing dressed in MY clothes and MY boots!� he yelled.

�No,� Jemmy added quickly. �He didn�t want your boots. He said they smelled like a Dinko had died in the toes and didn�t want his crops to wither.�

Qui-Gon and Dexy by now were shaking with merriment.

�Oh, shut up!� Windu groused. �Whose turn is it next?�

Jemmiah felt nothing but relief when she saw that she had been forgiven for the �bathing� incident on Florizan. Well, at least by Qui-Gon and Dex. Mace might take some buttering up. Her thoughts snapped back to the present just in time to hear a somewhat unstable Sal-Fina crowing to her padawan.

�What do you expect, dear? She�s a street rat. It�s no wonder she steals people�s clothes and gives them to strangers. That�s what comes of being trash.�

Ambianca nodded in agreement.

Jemmiah suddenly saw a blanket of red mist fall upon her. She�d give that ghastly woman something to speak about! Trash, was she?

�If I�m trash, what does that make your airhead of a padawan?� Jemmy asked bitterly, watching as Ambianca�s mouth dropped at the insult.

�I am NOT an airhead!� hissed Ambianca.

�Yes, you are.�

�I�m NOT!!!� The girl turned to the nearest person to defend her. �Meri. Am I an airhead?�

Pause.

�Yes, I�m afraid so.� Meri nodded.

Ambianca could be heard gritting her teeth. �I�ll have you know that I was the head of my year! I was the cream, and as we all know,� she said smugly, �Cream always rises to the top.�

�So does pond scum.� Jemmiah retorted. �Doesn�t necessarily make you socially desirable.�

Outrage flickered on the blond girl�s face. �Did you hear what she said?� she yelled.

�Of course they did. They�re not the stupid ones.� Jemmy put in, ignoring Qui-Gon�s heated look. �When you were born, they must have got your brain mixed up with somebody else�s. Just think,� she snickered, �somewhere out there there�s a really intelligent Bantha��

�You Corellian strumpet!� Ambianca growled.

�I�d rather be a Corellian strumpet than an airhead.� Jemmiah smiled in victory. �You�d better be careful you don�t get vacuumed up with all the other bits of fluff��

�See what I mean? She�s got all the breeding of a Womp rat!� Sal-Fina said arrogantly.

�Don�t speak to her like that!� Obi-Wan came to Jemmiah�s aid.

�Don�t be impertinent, Padawan.� Qui-Gon warned.

�Oh, come on. She belongs in the gutters where you found her.� Sal-Fina grimaced.

�How dare you say that!� Qui-Gon snapped, changing his tune instantly.

�Well, it�s true,� Sal-Fina replied.

�At least she hasn�t made any blue movies.� Jinn challenged.

�Oh, you just HAD to bring that up!� Sal-Fina�s eyes flashed. �I could tell you a few stories about your precious Corellian pet over there that would make you see her in a completely new light.�

Jemmiah had had enough. �At least I don�t go locking people in cupboards for over a day without food or drink!� she spat.

Qui-Gon turned to her. �What was that?� he asked.

�Sal-Fina. When I had that miserable spell living with her, she locked me in a cupboard whilst she was busy �entertaining� somebody. Then she promptly forgot I was there. Ambianca knew I was in there as well but she didn�t bother to remind her. They both went out that night to some holofilm and then on to a restaurant. By the time they staggered in next morning I had nearly suffocated!�

Sal-Fina�s eyes promised Jemmiah a long and painful death.

�I think the council might want to hear about that one.� Qui-Gon said eventually.

�Don�t be silly. It wasn�t important. It was over four years ago.� Sal-Fina dismissed him.

�Is that right? Well, perhaps everyone here would be interested in something else that was unimportant and happened over thirty years ago.� Qui-Gon stared at Sal-Fina, who squirmed a little under his gaze.

�I would just like to tell everyone that the unidentified person who streaked in front of thousands at the Coruscant Bolo Ball final was�� He pointed at Sal-Fina.

�You swore you�d never say!� Sal-Fina was livid.

�Guess what. I fibbed.� Jinn smirked.

Sal-Fina spluttered in fury, Ambianca looked astonished, Jemmiah looked vindicated. And Qui-Gon�was very happy indeed.

�Your turn An-Paj.� Qui-Gon nominated the master healer. �I�m sure you must have lots and lots of tales to tell.�

�Oh, yes indeed.� The blue-skinned healer nodded in response to Qui-Gon. �And I�m afraid it might spell a little embarrassment for one of our number.� He rubbed his hands together. �Isn�t that right, Garos?�

Krelo Grinned at the thought of Mace, Qui-Gon, and Dex running back to the temple housing with only reeds covering them and gave Dex's rear a wicked pinch. The only thing that saved him from further harassment was Sal-Fin's vicious remark to Jemmy.

"Hey, Sal, care for another Shrunken Head? I'm sure I can teach this bartender how to make them too." Her voice lost its merry jingle and took on an undertone of metal. "I wonder if you'll be this witty when you're kissing the tile . . . again."

An-Paj turned conversationally toward Master Biwo. "Far, do you happen to remember that allergenic test I gave you during the whole Hospital Watch fiasco?"

"Yes..." Far replied, uncertain.

"As I remember, one of the results caused you great distress."

"The Juenyi..." Biwo said, not knowing what the Healer was getting at, and what it had to with Garos.

"Well, as it turned out, the test was not only faulty, it was tampered with," An-Paj turned his gaze back toward Hmiol, "by your padawan."

"What? Why?" Far's head snapped toward Garos.

"I was hoping..." his voice trailed off.

"Hoping?"

"I was hoping that it would convince you to stop making Biwo Stew." He said, recalling the whole incident. He had tampered with the report in order to make it appear his master was allergic to Juenyi, one of the key ingredients of Biwo Stew. But the plan had backfired on him when Far merely found an even more foul-tasting replacement for it.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Far asked, turning back toward the healer.

"I sympathized with him. Plus I hoped it would keep him from needing that bi-weekly supply of stomach pills."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, that's been taken care of." Hmiol said, trying to change the subject. "I've already expressed my feelings toward that particular dish to my master."

Quickly, Garos scanned the room. If he could pick his victim quickly enough, he might be able to shift the conversation away from himself. There were so many to choose from. Everybody had secrets, things that happened when they thought nobody was looking. But even the walls had ears, and in the Temple, those ears belonged to Garos Hmiol. He briefly considered trying Kenobi, but, no, he had already made his arrangements for revenge against him and his Wookiee Wrangler. Instead, he chose item number one on the nights revenge list.

"Anyway, let's move on." He said, casting a "We'll talk about this later" glance at his master.

"Permit me to recount to you an amusing and of course, incriminating tale, starring Simeon Cates."

*******

�See, I told you they wouldn�t notice.� Rela said to Spider.

�Well, they were concentrating on the food.�

�Yeah, you know the old saying. Where there�s food...� Rela giggled.

�Someone�s bound to notice,� Spider insisted.

�Nope, pay up!� Rela laughed.

�Here maybe this will help. Attach it to your bellybutton,� Spider told Rela as she handed the redhead a small loop.

Rela attached the hoop to her now bare bellybutton. Thanks to Simeon�s little accident from earlier, Rela had to change shirts. The one she had been wearing, in Rela�s opinion, was ruined. She ended up having to wear the thin strapped tank top that she wore at work when it got busy. The only problem was it left her midriff bare. Spider had commented on it when she had caught Rela in the �fresher washing her hair in the sink.

�You are going to wear that?� she had asked surprised.

�Yes. Why? Nobody will notice,� Rela responded nonchalantly as she moved to the hand dryer to dry her hair.

�Would you like to make a friendly wager on that?�

�Well if I were a betting girl...� Rela started.

�You are!� Spider laughed.

�Oh, that�s right. Then yeah! Usual wager?�

�Usual wager. What are you doing?� Spider finally asked.

�Let�s just say that Simeon got more than my sleeve.�

�EW!�

�Tell me about it,� Rela said dryly.

Sal-Fina�s insult towards Jemmiah snapped Rela back to the present. Rela just laughed to herself as she listened to the tall Jedi witch try and out insult the Corellian girl. She was somewhat surprised when Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon jumped in, but Rela realized that Qui-Gon has probably been wanting to use the blue movie against her for years. Then Jemmiah took Sal-Fina down.

�At least I don�t go locking people in cupboards for over a day without food or drink!�

Rela visibly paled.

Spider looked at her friend. �Hey, Rela are you okay?� she asked slightly concerned.

�Yeah.� Rela answered trying to disguise the shakiness in her voice. �I just need some fresh air.�

She quickly walked outside was soon assaulted by the cool night air. Thankful for being alone, Rela leaned back on the wall, hugged herself, and closed her eyes.

It didn�t happen to you. Breathe. No one knows about it except Obi-Wan and maybe Qui-Gon. They won�t tell unless its an emergency. Just breathe.. Jemmiah saw Rela leave suddenly and wondered if she shouldn�t go after her. Perhaps, she thought, after she'd heard Hmiol�s revelation regarding Simeon.

�I�m going to tell you a little story involving a lump of modeling clay, some wax�� Hmiol broke off with satisfaction written on his face, �and not inconsiderable pain. You see, two years ago the gentleman directly opposite me,� he stared at Simeon who was still feeling the effects of too much alcohol, �and a number of his friends, who for the sake of saving further embarrassment I shall refrain from naming, decided to take a cast of their�er�downstairs bits and pieces and make candles from the mould.�

�You are joking!� Qui-Gon laughed.

�This wouldn't happen to be MY modeling clay by chance?� Jemmiah scolded. �I want to know where the pain comes into it.�

�I�m glad you asked that.� Garos smiled lazily. �You see, Cates made the critical mistake of not using any, er, lubricant. When he tried to remove the clay he found it had set fast onto his��

�How did you know that?� Simeon exclaimed, holding his head with the pain of shouting. �Which of you low life guys told this mollusk what happened.�

�Walls have ears Cates.� Hmiol shrugged. �I�m sure An-Paj had a laugh though. Having to remove all that clay from the��

�OK, OK.� Simeon had turned red with disgusted rage as he saw An-Paj chuckle at the memory. He made a mental note to extract an excruciating revenge against Hmiol. And he knew just how to do it�

�I hope you threw the clay away after you finished with it.� Jemmy muttered.

There was a long, extended silence.

�I think it was put back with the rest after a few days.� Hmiol smiled as Jemmiah�s expression turned to revulsion.

�No wonder my model of the Jedi Temple was all hairy.� she spat.

�Oh, well. If we talking about hospital revelations,� Gethin smiled whilst idly flicking his shoulder length dark hair backwards with a toss of the head, �I�m sure I can mention quite a few beauties.�

�Careful, Healer Territ.� An-Paj grinned.

�Why?�

�Because I might want to tell the same stories that you do!� He grinned. �But remember. No victims names.�

�What about the perpetrators?� Jinn asked.

�Oh, that�s a different matter altogether.� Smiled An-Paj. �For example, I know that one of the Masters sitting at the table here came to see me at the infirmary because they had been suffering from extremely �green� water, which not surprisingly caused a little concern.�

There was a groan from all the others.

�And?� prompted Mace.

�The culprit, as I soon discovered, was�let�s for the sake of this story call her Miss J�responsible for dosing the anonymous master�s morning cup of Caf with several spoons of a brand of indigestion remedy. Harmless in itself. No taste. No effects.�

�Just the green water?� Meri laughed.

There was a hiss of air as Sal-Fina breathed in deeply. �YOU LITTLE TOAD!� she yelled at Jemmiah.

�Oh, c�mon. It was funny!� Jemmy replied.

�It was very distressing!�

�Everyone else is laughing.� Jemmy pointed to Qui-Gon who had buried his head in his arms and was shaking like a building in an earth tremor.

�I thought I�d caught something�� she let her voice fade as she realized she�d said too much.

�So, this mystery patient wouldn�t happen to have been you, would it?� Krelo grinned.

Gethin smiled. �I can top that. There was another case of a padawan who believed she�d picked up some kind of internal, gut dwelling parasite. The culprit was, funnily enough, a Miss J, who had dosed the aforementioned padawan�s morning meal with a novelty joke powder available in certain children�s party trick kits. This made the padawan believe that she had a severe case of worms��

�Now THAT was funny!� Jemmiah rubbed her hands as Ambianca glanced round looking for something to throw at Jemmiah.

�How dare you inflict all that suffering on my padawan and myself.� Sal-Fina snapped.

�Well, when you are locked in a cupboard for a day you have a lot of time on your hands to plan what you�re going to do when you get out,� Jemmy said pointedly.

She glanced at the quaking frames of Qui-Gon and Mace. �Look, I apologize.� Jemmiah said. �I promise I didn�t mean to use those substances.�

�Really?� Sal-Fina snapped.

�Yes.� Jemmiah stood up, craning her head in the direction that Rela had disappeared. �It�s just that I�d run out of poison, so I had to improvise.�

As Lilith tipped her head back and howled with laughter, Jemmiah paused by Qui-Gon�s side, clasping a hand to his shoulder.

�Somebody get this man a drink. I think he�s bust a gut laughing.�

�I�m going to have my say, if you don�t mind!� Jodi Mullicar grinned; his slightly freckled features crinkling with a diamond cut smile. �Nobody will top this one, I guarantee!�

�Oh, I think nothing will top the last ones,� Qui-Gon sighed, enjoying Sal-Fina�s discomfort.

�This one involves Jay Abran, and a rather naughty trick he played on some friends just barely a week ago.�

Obi-Wan looked ashen. �Jodi, no�not if it�s the one involving��

�Yup!� Jodi ran his fingers through his sandy hair. �You see, Jay decided to play a little prank on Obi and Jemmy whilst we were having a bit of a merry time at the Hell�s Chance several days back.� Jodi waited until he had everyone�s attention. Everyone except Obi-Wan, who was hiding his face in his hands.

�It can�t be all that bad, Padawan.� Qui-Gon chuckled.

�It is, it is!� moaned Kenobi.

Jay Abran squirmed in his seat. He was squashed between Tanni Welasa and Lilith Demodae, so escape was not a likely option�

�Abran had met this guy out drinking about a month ago. He was a Gurolian Priest.�

�Don�t see many of them on Coruscant,� Berlingside observed with a hiccup.

�It appeared he had been trying to spread the faith, but somewhat unsuccessfully, and was chronically in need of funds to get back to Gurolias. So Abran slipped him some money to do him a bit of a favor.�

Obi-Wan groaned again.

�Which was?� Jinn asked suspiciously.

�He had to trick your padawan and Jemmy into saying a few words in Gurolian.�

�And they were?� Mace asked.

�Hmmm�I think it went along the lines of �I do.� Or something to that effect.� Jodi winked.

�WHAT!?!?!?!?� Exclaimed Qui-Gon in shock.

�We didn�t know what we were saying.� Obi-Wan mumbled through cupped hands. �Jemmy was rather the worse for drink, and Jay told me that the priest would be offended if I didn�t take part in this blessing that he wanted to bestow on me.�

�Are you trying to tell me,� Qui-Gon looked suddenly ill, �That you and Jemmiah are actually married?�

�Umm, yes and no.� Obi-Wan didn�t dare face his master.

�Which?� Qui-Gon eyed Jay dangerously.

�Both.� Abran replied. �Gurolias is not a part of the Republic, therefor the marriage is not legal on Coruscant or any other planet within the Republic.�

Qui-Gon breathed a sigh of relief.

�They should be fine if they stay away from Gurolias, then.� Dex nudged Qui-Gon reassuringly on the arm.

�Yes.� Abran agreed.

�Unless Gurolias ever joined the Republic. Then I think there may be a few problems��

Qui-Gon shot Obi-Wan a heated stare. �Go and tell your �Wife� I would like a word with her,� he growled.