| page 4 |
| Numerous Thoughts |
| 'Delusions & Excuses' |
| Before I found that true desire, I had tried desperately for over twenty years to quit drinking on my own. I was filled with the delusions and excuses that I could drink like a normal person. I tried time and again to take it or leave it, but could not do neither. I always lapsed into ceaseless and unhappy drink-ing. My family, employers, landlords, judges, threw up their hands in hurt bewilderment, in despair, and finally in total disgust. I had used up all excuses and the only thing left to do was for me to die on the streets as a hopeless hobo. This was to be pathetic... However, in 1998, I began to find the answers to all my delusions and excuses. I discovered a program of recovery that made me realize that for every reason of drinking was just a crazy excuse to end my life early. I am an alcoholic, have been and will always be to the end of my living. Since that fateful day in 1998, the only excuses that I use are those to remain sober. And trust me, I have found more excuses to remain sober than that I ever found to have a drink. Bingocliff 8-12-04 |
| 'SICK & TIRED OF LOSING' |
| At recovery meetings you will hear people say over and over that they were sick and tired of being sick and tired. It is no different for this alcoholic, I was sick and tired of losing. I was sick and tired of boozing; I was sick and tired of using; I was sick and tired of losing. No matter how many times that I fooled myself, it never was to get any better. Even when there was a glimmer of hope and something positive, it would always end up for this alkie in losing. Before it was to late, I finally got sick and tired of losing. I got tired of boozing; I got tired of using; I got tired of losing. Bingocliff 9-7-04 |
| "WE ALL MUST SEE THE LIGHT" |
| I came into recovery in the dark. I had not realized that I was living in the dark ages of the disease of alcoholism. It took away nearly 30 years of my life. To escape this darkness I had surrounded myself with, I first had to find a desire. A desire for a change. Not only in my life; my living; my mind, body & soul; but in time. Yes, I could have the desire for a minute. I could have that desire for ten minutes. What I needed most, was to have the desire for twenty-four hours a day; seven days a week; three hundred sixty-five days a year. Once I gained that desire and was able to hold onto it, I started to witness the light. The realistic side to everything in this universe. Then came the many slogans which accompanied the light I had the desire to find. Easy does it; keep it simple student; one day at a time; let go and let God; Oh bless your heart all, for there is a great beautiful world for all to live in. It is so true, for I am one that can see the light. Bingocliff 11/4/04 |
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