The Bookshelf of a Lonely Individual's Life

A Short Biographical Profile of Said Lonely Individual

Early Life

     I was born in the human nation known as China, at a time near the year of 2015. Unlike now, I was not well versed in the customs of humanity, and thus could have never predicted the fate of my family. As I reached the age where I developed a highly advanced brain and organ functions, I met 7 other of my kind. At first, it was intimidating, as almost everyone was at a gerater age than me, but we grew close, and though we had no idea whether we were actually related, I soon had a mother and father to help me. Every day in the pleasant, gentle winds, we'd stay rooted in the ground and absorb all of the carbon and sunlight we could, as well as converting it into food whenever we could spare some time to do so. Then, at night, when all of the humans had left, we'd uproot from the ground, revealing our long, stalk-like legs, and engage in the socializing hour. Everyone would talk, play, take naps, and more under the assumption that nobody would hurt us under the darkness, and it was true for the most part; usually only an occasional animal or two passing through. However, it was my "aunt", as we called her, Brassica that urged me to get a head start on my education, and from then on at night she'd teach me about all sorts of things, like the stars, human sacrifice, the mountains, human genocide, the sun, human massacre, and so on. Of course, I knew that life was short, a mere 2 human years at best as opposed to them living for even more than 10, but I wanted to make the most of it as Brassica taught me. It was because of her that I was able to get a job at such a young age, mainly as a tax collector, but also a newspaper delivererer, novelist, computer engineer, professional violinist/pianist, and once NASA even invited me to go to space. Achieving all of these achievements in life was greatly due to my family, one being Brassica. She's only older than me by a month or two, but the difference in our knowledge is much greater. Then, there's mother and father. Mother was always a bit smaller than me, but she insisted on the whole family relationship in the first place, so I can't say much. She was a pretty great mom however, and was always there when I recived my Nobel Prize awards. Dad, on the other hand, was more of a tough brother than a father. He always called me "kid,"and he was the toughest vegetable around for miles, which isn't necessarily a good trait for a father, but I still loved him. Flipp was the odd one in our family (if not including my akwardness and quirks); he had a bit nose, slightly small/messed up eyes, and would always make jokes about dead humans. Dr. Mauve, my instructor and close friend, was one of my teachers along with Brassica, who educated me on nuclear bombs and reactors. He had a pretty unstable personality himself. Donald Oleracea, the most lonely cabbage in our field, had no sense in fashion whatsoever (he wore stripes on his outer leaves; that was so 2014). And then there's... Enre. By far one of the most queer and extreme cabbages I've met, he's the only one who knew how to fly.

The Fall of the Fields

  It was the 10th of September, and all was normal as usual. I got back from my work at NASA a little earlier than usual, so I had time to get a little bit of rest. Brassica was tending to the dishes, Mom and Dad were also sleeping, and Enre and the others were playing a game of tag. I settled into the warm earth, until the cry of Dr. Mauve awoke me. "What's going on?!" I remember shouting that day. The Harvest had returned. One of the giants, eyes red with insanity, could be seen in the far distance, slicing the cabbages from their lower stalks one by one by one (therefore area = 1 cubic unit). "Mom, Dad, wake up!" I cried, shaking them as hard as I could even though I knew it was against the rules to stir in the day. I shook them so hard that my mother turned over in her sleep, and in the process revealing her roots having already been cut off. "M-mom...?" I said, spilling warm tears. "It... it was one of 'em, them wretched birds... they did this!" my dad yelled. "Mom, Mom! Say something!" My Dad shoved me away from her dead body, telling me, "Look her, yer little bean sprout, you gonna go find aunt Brassica, and get outta here!" I sobbed, begging him to bring Mom with me, and the growing closer, screams echoed through the empty plots, as he picked and stuffed them into a bag one by one by [pi]. Barely sumbling away, I pushed my way through an entire crowd of fleeing cabbaged, blinded by the bright sunlight.  The giant boomed, "What in the world?! The cabbages, why, they be ESCAPING!" Most likely in a panic, it threw it's knife, spinning through the air and slicing right through Dad. "Father!" I rushed back to his side, not knowing what to do now. "Son... I want you to know..." he croaked. "Yes?" I asked. "That you..." he couged up his fluids, "Are the worst son I could ever have. I hate you..." and he passed away right in my arms.

       And there Brassica was, carrying me away from danger. I pleaded for her to stop, since Mom and Dad were back there, but she refused. Ener, Dr, Mauve, and Donald followed close behind. Pteradactyls roamed in the skies, swooping down to eat the cabbage folk as well. It was a matter of moments 'til we exited the fields, and scattered; and here I am today, sharing my knowlege of humans to the human world. Five days passed since then, and I had finally found a home under a duck. It was warm there, and so me and the duck lived together happily ever after... until I realized I needed to find a job.

Present Day

Me and the duck went everywhere together. The duck stood on me as I rolled down the streets, moving along faster than a snail. And then I died.

XIII

I am one of the few left of my kind. All of the others are either dead or going to die soon. Nutritional deficiencies, fungal infections, giant insects spanning entire milimeters long that feed on us, and death are the main causes of death back there. Giant tyrants raise our kind, only to consume us, our fluids dripping from their gaping mouths like the tears we shed each day, hoping that we are not picked to die. As I said before, I am one of the few of my kind left, assisted in my escape by my daring aunt Brassica during the alien attack of September 10, while the giants were occupied holding off the giant dinosauruses threatning to destroy all of their buildings. However, now, I have moved on in life, hoping to achieve a greater purpose. Currently, I am a biennial plant, well known for my large brain (or "head," as these foolish humans refer to me as), but soon I will die and turn into (as I hope to be) a glass of orange juice. My main interests include living, not dying, and devouring souls. My greatest weaknesses (not sure why anybody would tell aybody else about these sort'a things, but I belive that is what is reqwired in a resume) are flamethrowers, dry ice, and rabbits. When I grow up, I want to work at a sandwich shop because then I can watch all of my mean relatives die (I never said I actually liked any of them) or at least get them on the road to death anyway. As far as I know, I has exseeedingly good grammer and speling, as well as mastered the art of inner peace-keeping. If you'd like to hire me, please call (123) 456-7890

I started my numerous careers at a yound age, and soon moved up in the world (albeit a small world that was). I have professional computing skills, and possess the intellect of an (slightly) above average human when it comes to coding webpages as well as programs to hack passwords. I've also worked in NASA building giant spaceships to go to and explore the cores of really big stars and black holes. Using this technology, I have even explored deep under the Earth, in the core place thing.