Author: Liz

Email: [email protected]

Remember

Chapter 1

Liz sat down heavily on the couch. It had been a long day, and all she wanted to do was curl up in her bed and sleep for days. But that was only wishful thinking. Because tomorrow would be just like today. She would wake up at sunrise, get ready, work all day, then come home for a few hours of rest. It was all her life was anymore.

She told herself that it was what she had chosen--being a scientist. But somehow, it just hadn't turned out like she'd planned. It drained her, it bored her. She longed for something better.

Sighing, she stood up and walked over to the CD player, starting the Sarah McLachlan CD that held a permanent place in the 1st slot. As it began to play, she pressed the forward button until a small 7 appeared on the window. She pressed the "repeat" button before returning to the couch.

This was sort of a ritual for her. Come home, listen to "Angel". It never occured to her why she loved the song so much--why she could listen to it over and over and never tire of it. Maybe because it made sense. Maybe just because it was sad, like she was.

Listening to this song always brought back memories for her--memories that most of the time she would never even think about, in the light of day when there were people around. Memories from years ago, from High School and college.

Closing her eyes, she leaned her head back against the couch, relaxing as the familiar sadness washed over her, and she began to remember....

Liz Parker walked down the hallway of her High School, her eyes searching through the crowds for him. She hadn't seen him all morning, and she was beginning to worry. Bad thoughts had been running through her head, thoughts along the lines of--Max running off to find home without her. Max leaving because he couldn't take being around her anymore...

They were driving her crazy, and she just needed to see him, just once, to clear her mind. She walked up to her locker, leaning her head against the cool metal for a moment. She was sure that she wasn't going to be able to take school anymore today..and for the first time in her entire life, the prospect of skipping appealed to Liz Parker.

Frustrated, she pushed away from her locker and continued down the hall, this time in the direction of the doors. She really had to get away.

Before she knew it, she was outside and walking across the grass, not sure of where she was heading. And then she was at his house, standing on the porch. "What am I doing here?" Her voice disturbed the quiet.

"I don't know..but I'm glad you came." The quiet voice from behind startled her, and she whirled around to meet his eyes.

"Max." Her voice came out strangled, broken.

"Hi Liz."

She stared at him. His huge brown eyes comforted her, stopped the horrible thoughts she hadn't been able to cease. "Max..I was..worried."

He smiled slightly. "I know."

It puzzled her, how he seemed to pick up on everything she felt. "But...?"

He took a step forward. "I'm sorry, Liz. Micheal...he pulled Iz and me off on another one of his crazy chases."

She released the breath she'd been holding all morning. "Thank God," she whispered.

He took another step nearer her. "We didn't find anything."

For some reason, she felt relieved. But she would never let him know that. "I'm sorry."

He smiled again. "No, you're not."

She found herself laughing. She just couldn't hide anything from him. "Okay, you got me. I'm....ecstatic."

They smiled at each other for a moment.

"I don't know what I'd do if you left me, Max. And...that's what I was thinking, for some reason. I was just so scared."

He reached out his hand, grasping hers in it.

She felt a jolt of electricity run through her arm, leaving a pleasant tingling sensation behind when it was gone. It felt...nice. Touching him. Holding his hand..

"I'm better now," she whispered.

"I'm glad."

Their eyes never separated. Between all of the silence, they were saying so much with their souls.

"Do you want to..come in?"

She smiled. "I'd love to.." she paused, "but...where are..?"

"They're gone."

She laughed. "You know me too well."

He squeezed her hand. "Never."

Max passed his other hand over the door, unlocking it, and they walked inside together. She expected him to stop in the den, but he just continued walking, up the stairs and eventually to his room. She felt her breath catch for some reason. Just being here, alone in his room, in his house, with him...excited her.

Max glanced over at her. "Down girl."

She felt a blush creep up her face. She was going to have to be careful of what she was thinking from now on.

"I'm sorry it bothers you....me doing that."

Her eyes met his. "It...doesn't. Most of the time it's nice...this connection we have. But it can be a little..embarassing, at times."

He laughed. "I don't see why you'd be embarassed, Liz. You know I love you."

To her, it was as if the world had stopped moving. Had he really said it? Had he really just told her that he loved her? The words she'd been longing to hear from him ever since that day in the cafe had just come out of his mouth? "You...love me?"

He nodded. "You have to have known. I always have."

She smiled. "I love you too, Max."

"I know."

She laughed. "I should've known."

Max wrapped his free arm around her waist, pulling her tightly against him. Their hands were still tightly entertwined at her side. She felt safe in his arms, and she never wanted to leave.

"Dance with me," he whispered in her ear, sending shivers through her body.

"Music?"

"We'll make our own."

She smiled softly. He was so perfect.

They began to sway gently, their bodies perfectly in sync, dancing to the sweet music that noone else would ever hear.

Max was tenderly caressing her back, holding her so carefully but yet possesively. She reveled in the feel of having him so close to her, having his body pressed so tightly against hers. She could feel every part of him like this--every inch of his muscled flesh, his hard planes. She splayed her fingers across his back, marveling at the hardness beneath her fingertips. He was so beautiful..

"Do you know how beautiful you are, Liz?" She shook her head against his chest. "You are. You are..everything to me. Absolutely perfect."

She felt tears welling up in her eyes. Nobody had ever told her she was perfect, or even beautiful. Not even Kyle. And it felt so wonderful, for someone to feel that way about her. It made her feel special, a feeling she'd never known.

Her tears spilled over, falling onto his shirt. He lifted her chin up, making her look at him. "I'm sorry. You should be told every day that you are beautiful. And you should always feel special. Because you are the most special person in the world." He watched as she just kept on crying. "Liz..please don't cry. Tell me what's wrong."

She placed a finger over his lips, quieting him. "It's just that I love you so much, Max. And you have made me so happy."

She noticed how relieved he looked. "Do you have a habit of crying when you're happy?"

She laughed. "Actually, yes."

"Oh...I'll have to remember that."

Their eyes remained locked. Liz realized then how much she wanted him to kiss her. They'd never shared a kiss before, and it was something that Liz had dreamed about too many times to count. So many times she'd wondered what his lips would feel like on hers....if it would be as powerful as it was when they simply touched.

No time passed after she had thought that before he was leaning down, bringing his face closer to hers until there was hardly any space left between them.

"I love you, Liz," he whispered, before finally he made her dream a reality. Kissing Max...it was far beyond anything she'd ever imagined. When their lips touched, she felt something so powerful course through her that her legs went weak, and she had to grasp onto his shoulders to keep from falling. And she knew then just how much he loved her, how important she was to him. When they parted, her eyes remained closed, and she simply rested her head on his shoulder.

Max gently nuzzled her head with his cheek. "Wow."

His voice was subdued, as always, but yet she could hear the amazement in it. She lifted her head.
"Yeah."

They smiled at each other. "You know, that's the first time..."

"I know," she replied.

He softly caressed her cheek. "You think we should try that again?"

She nodded. "Yeah...lots."

She opened her eyes, forcing the images from her head. That was a day she hadn't thought of in forever. And it still hurt just as bad now as it had then. Missing him.

She was sure now, though, that there would be no sleep for her tonight.

Chapter 2

She was walking down a dark, lonely road. The only sound to be heard was the steady crunch of the snow under her feet. Occasional snowflakes continued to fall, silently gliding through the air and landing softly on the ground. The faint glare of the moonlight pierced through the frozen haze, illuminating the path before her. It was an eerie sort of night, the kind where everything seems peaceful, but where you're still expecting something to happen, still fearing the inevitable, horrible incident.

And of course, it came. It always came. She was almost waiting for it, slowing her steps until she was finally stopped in the middle of the street. She was frozen, locked in place and prepared...because she knew that the faster she ran, the harder it would be in the end. She was panting, gasping for her breath, despite the numbness in her chest. Her breath was forming a small cloud in the still air before her. And finally, she took her last breath.

The familiar fear splashed over her completely as the rough leather glove clamped over her mouth, strangling her breath from her. The other strong arm, black-clad muscles and superhuman power, scooped her up from under her knees, roughly picking her up, only to toss her back down on the snow-covered ground. And she heard the voice, the one that could make her blood run cold. "I missed ya, Liz."

She woke up in a cold sweat. She'd been having the dream again. For awhile, she'd actually managed to swear it off, but now it was back, and as terrifying as ever.

Glancing at the clock, she saw it was only 2:00 a.m. In 3 hours she would be getting ready for work. There would be no use in trying to sleep again now... She didn't move from her spot, though. She was thinking again, about him..about the year that had changed her life forever.

Liz stared out of the window of the car, sadly, as the landscape slipped by and into her past. It hurt, to see all of this go, but yet there was also so much hope that lay in the road ahead of her.

She threw a sideways glance at the man in the driver's seat. His jaw was clenched tightly, like he was holding back tears. He kept his eyes focused intently on the road, like if he looked away for a moment, something terrible would happen. She just wished that he would say something to her... "Max, you didn't have to do this," she whispered softly, feeling the tears beginning to creep upon her as well.

"Don't cry, Liz," he told her, his voice low and soft. Comforting.

"I'm sorry..."

"I'm not doing anything I don't want to. You know me better than that."

He finally reverted his gaze from the highway, turning to look at her for a moment, smiling in an effort to make her feel better. She saw through him, though. She knew that his cheer and his smile were both fake.

It had killed him to leave Roswell, to leave the only family he'd ever known, losing them in the process.

Michael and Isabelle had been less then forgiving when he'd told them he was leaving with Liz for college, leaving them and giving up on everything they'd ever searched for to be with the woman he loved. And in the end, Max had given them up..all for her.

She felt like now, she had this huge burden resting on her shoulders. Max's heartbreak was all her fault. And one day, he'd probably realize that and hate her...leave her even.

"We'll be happy, Liz. I promise. And eventually, they'll forgive me." It sounded more like a question than a statement. Max was beginning to question his decision. Not that she'd ever doubted her would..just that it would take this long.

"Yeah."

She was afraid that if she said more, she would break down.

They rode the rest of the way in silence, the only sound being the steady humming of the wheels on the road.

She wiped away a stray tear, sniffling softly. They should have known, they should have seen from the beginning that it was all wrong. But they had seen nothing, for love is blind, and in doing so, they had lost everything.

Liz rested her head on the arm of the couch, a breathy sigh escaping her lips. She was dead tired, every nerve in her body screaming out for redemption.

It had been months since she'd had a decent night's sleep, weeks since she'd even taken some time to simply rest.

Looking back, it had been at least 2 days since she'd seen Max more than in passing.

They were both so packed down with classes and work that they never even had any time for each other. Everything they'd given up to come here, to be together, was obsolete now. They'd even lost the one thing they'd strived for, the one thing they'd sacrificed for. Their love.

Love...it was like a distant memory now, a faded childhood photograph. She could look back on it and reminisce, remember how wonderful it had felt to have a full heart and that glorious warmth that never seemed to disappear. But she couldn't seem to grasp onto it anymore, had lost all sense of the magic it had first held.

She felt like she was falling, spiraling downward from where she'd once been, grasping desperately at straws and trying to heave herself back up to that place that had been heaven. But she couldn't seem to hold on, she just kept falling and falling and losing everything so quickly that it seemed surreal. Max, her happiness, her goals. They were all swiftly disappearing into the darkness that was now her life.

If only she could have another chance, if only she could start all over again and do it all differently, she was sure she could make it work. She and Max could be happy, and everything would all be alright. It would all be worth it. When Max walked in, she was passed out on the couch.

Her hair was scattered haphazardly around her head, forming a sort of dark halo, all tangles and mats and unbrushed mess.

He smiled gently at the sight of her, sleeping and peaceful. It was such a rare moment, for both of them. He hadn't been able to watch her sleep for so long..it almost seemed like a different lifetime, back when they had been happy together. Back when it had been enough.

Carefully, he crept across the room, quietly shutting the door behind him as he made his way over to her. He didn't want to wake her, knowing she needed whatever sleep she could find.

The past few months had been hard, chaotic times. School had gotten so frenzied, with midterms and vacations coming up, and both of their jobs had managed to add more stress to the already heavy load. But Liz...she didn't seem to be handling it too well. Every day was a repeat of the one before, up at sunrise, cooking and cleaning, school, work, and then studying until dark.

Every night they would crawl into bed together, too exhausted to even speak most of the time, and just lie there, not even touching. It seemed as if they had lost their vigor, their passion. Maybe even their love.

Max, at least, knew he still loved her. He still loved her just as much as the day in the Cafe, when he'd saved her. But it didn't seem to be the same for her. She was so distant lately, as if she wasn't even here anymore. Her mind was somewhere else entirely. He wanted so badly just to reach out for her, to fix what was so wrong, to give her her happiness back. But she had to get through this, on her own, and all he could give her was time.

So he let the days, the weeks, the months, pass, without uttering a negative comment, without ever reaching out to her or holding her at night. He lay there beside her, leaving the space between them undisturbed, listening to her breathing but knowing that she never slept. He didn't either. He only lived in a half-dazed dreamland, where things were still happy as they had been in Roswell. He still had his beloved sister and best friend, as well as the love of his life.

Releasing the breath he'd been holding, Max turned away from her sleeping form and walked wearily into the bedroom. He felt so tired, and so old, like he had lived much longer than his short 20 years. Like he was at the end of his road, and looking back at all of the good times with a sad respect, depressed at losing them but yet glad that it was all over, and the struggle would finally end...

As he lay in bed that night, the space beside him empty, he felt an ache inside of him that pulsed throughout him, that made his head and his heart hurt. He missed Liz, he needed her. He needed her love again, and what they'd once had and fought so hard to keep but in the end, had lost. And he wondered if they would ever find it together again.

When Liz had awaken the next morning, throbbing head twisted at an odd angle in the crook of the couch, something inside of her felt like it had snapped. It was an odd feeling, one she didn't know, one that scared her and overwhelmed her suddenly.

Something was off, terribly wrong..but she had no idea what.

Frantic, she stood from the couch quickly and began pacing through the small apartment. The kitchen, the living room, the bathroom, the bedroom.... It hit her when as she stood into the doorway of their bedroom, hit her with such a heavy blow that she was almost blown over, almost knocked from her feet and onto the cheap carpeting of the hallway.

Max was gone.

There was nothing left, no sign that he had ever lived here with her. His clothes, his toothbrush, his shoes, his soap...they had all disappeared. The bed was made perfectly, no sign that anyone had slept there the night before. She tried to reason with herself that he had just not come home last night, that he'd fallen asleep in the library or even at a bar. But something inside of her screamed at her, told her that he was really gone and she'd never see him again. The cruel voice won out, and she was dissolved into tears as she just stood and looked into the empty room, at the bed where they had once lain together but that was now empty, empty forever.

Chapter 3

The year since Max had left her had been the worst of her life.

It was as if, when he'd gone, he'd taken her soul with him. All she could do anymore was go through the motions--waking up, eating, sleeping, working. It was all an act, one put on for her own benefit as much as for the benefit of others. And even though she knew in her heart that he was gone for good, that she'd never see his face or hear his voice again, she could not help the small glimmer of hope that appeared at every ring of the telephone or knock on the door. But of course, it was never him.

Every time she had to face up to that realization, it killed her a little more inside.

She had never before in her life been alone, never had to know the feeling of waking up to nothing, to emptyness. Never until now. It was only her, nobody to turn to. She'd left everything behind in Roswell that she loved, except for Max...and in return, he'd left her here.

The voice in her head told her that she deserved it--that he no longer loved her, that he'd finally realized she wasn't good enough for him. Something she'd always known.

He'd grown tired of her long hours and limited affection, and left in search of something better. She couldn't blame him much. Surely he had been hoping for something more than this when he'd given up everything he'd ever known that day in Roswell. But she'd never imagined it would come to this...not even as they were drifting apart daily and the days passed as they didn't even share a touch...

She could imagine what it had been like to kiss him, the way his lips had felt. The way it had felt for him to hold her in his arms after they made love, the gentle way he caressed her bare skin.

If only she'd known the worst was yet to come.

Liz buried her head in the pillow, sobbing as she remembered the worst night of her life, the night that had turned everything into one never-ending nightmare.

The street was dark, deserted, quiet. It was eery, she thought to herself as she walked with a slowly quickening pace torwards her apartment building. It had been snowing since early that morning, and the ground was now blanketed with a thick white covering. It was an icy cold night outside, and all of the world seemed to be hiding from the bitterness. Her building finally came into view, and she exhaled a relieved breath.

She was beginning to feel a bit anxious, the feeling that knots up your stomach, like something terrible is about to happen... She thought she was safe when she had reached the bottom step of the building, kept telling herself that just two more moments and she would be inside... It wasn't enough time, though. She hadn't walked fast enough, hadn't left early enough. Someone grabbed her from behind, the strong smell of the leather gloves invaded her nostrils as his clamped their huge hand over her mouth, strangling the air from her. She kicked and clawed and struggled as her attacker lifted her from the ground, carrying her several paces, but he were too strong and she was too small.

"I've missed you, Liz."

It was all he'd said, through the whole thing. And the voice...the voice that seemed so familiar but then so foreign, the cold, hating voice that echoed in her head even now. She had never even seen their face. Everything had been a blur, the world had rushed by in a maze of colors as she was carried to some dark alley, as he flung her on the ground and ripped her clothes from her, as the numbness set in and as he raped her.

She lay silently on the couch, her body limp and unmoving except for the light rise and fall of her steady breathing. All of her tears were gone, and the dry sobs that had racked her body had finally stopped. She was left now in a half-dazed kind of sleep, a calming haziness. It was as if she was locked in the past, unable to awaken from her memories and realize that it was all over and she was here, now, safe in her living room.

All she could see was the images, the pictures that flashed through her head of those dark times, troubled days that she had lived through. The hell that she had survived for one long year that seemed like an eternity. All without her Max, her pillar of strength. She didn't even know how she'd managed to make it through the first part of her life without him. Because when he'd first left, she hadn't even known how to function. To a point, she still didn't.

After that night, things had changed even more. Her life had become even more of a useless blur than before. Except for then, she didn't even bother to get out of bed in the morning. She would just lie there, all day, in some state between sleep and awareness, visions of Max and Roswell and her unknown attacker all blending together into a horrible dream world in her mind.

It had been like that for a long time, week on top of week of staying in bed, barely eating, not feeling anything. Until one day, she'd simply gotten up, and started it all again. School and eating and sleeping normally. She wasn't exactly sure now what had snapped inside of her, had provoked her to return to normality. But she had...without her soul, without herself...she had made the trip back to living.

She never had told anyone about the rape. She had watched the news every night, watched for some mention of some other young victim, but there had been none. She wondered why, why had it been that night and why had it been her. For awhile she'd just thought that it was a random act, some insanely sick pervert who saw a young woman alone on the street at night and had been unable to prevent their sexual desires. But then..thinking about it, hearing that voice, she couldn't help but feel that it might have been someone...she'd known. Or someone that knew her. From school, or even back home. That was the most terrible thought of all, really. The thought that it was someone from back home.

It had even crossed her mind a few times that it might have been Kyle. Even up to the day she'd left, he'd been pining after her. Always claiming that he still loved her, and one day she'd see the error of her ways and come back to him, leave Max and come home to his arms. She'd never even paid that much attention to him, then.

Maybe she should have.

But Kyle just didn't seem like he could be capable of something like that. She'd always gotten the impression that he really did care about her, that he was just overcome with jealousy of Max and was desperate to get her back. She just couldn't picture it in her mind, Kyle losing his mind enough to find her and rape her. And so there she had been, all alone with the knowledge of this great injustice that had been done to her, this horrible act that had managed to ruin her life further, just trying to imagine who in the world could have done this to her. Left to wonder, but never to know the truth.

Living without Max had become slightly easier. She still had her memories of him, the ones from the good times when things had been happier and easier. High school days. Even the early college days. They'd been carefree then.

Her whirlwind of thoughts were suddenly stilled as a solitary noise sounded in the dark room. For a moment she wasn't sure if she was just imagining it, if it was only part of her memories, but then it came again and she was sure it was real. It was someone knocking on the door. Standing slowly, not bothering to straighten her hair or wipe her puffy eyes, she padded over to the door. In the moments that she opened that door,when she saw who stood before her in the doorway, her life changed forever..once again. "Max."

Chapter 4

Time stood still in that moment that she fist saw his face again. It was as if the air had been sucked from her, like her heart had ceased to beat. It was almost like an illusion, seeing him standing there in the doorway as she had pictured him doing so many times before. He had to be an illusion. The world began to spin quicker as she stared at him in disbelief, no coherent thoughts reaching her brain, only the feeling of helplesness. Her legs threatened to fall out beneath her, a slight tremble that began in her toes and made its way throughout her entire body. She felt her hands shaking violently at her sides, felt the tears as they welled up involuntarily.

"Max."

It was all she could say. The only word that made sense then, made sense anymore. His name, beautiful music to her heart, the most perfect syllable ever uttered. To be able to call him once again, for him to hear her...heaven.

Her body ached for his touch again, needed some acknowledgement that it was really him there, needed to feel him. But it was as if her body was rooted in place, frozen in time when all she could do was stare.

"Max," she repeated.

And he smiled.

God, that smile. She still saw that smile in her dreams, in her nightmares, on strangers' faces as they passed her in the street. He'd come back to her again, he was giving her another chance. Her life was starting over, all of the old hurt would be gone magically now that he was back for her. It had to. She was in his arms again before she even realized he had moved...he was holding her and stroking her hair and placing soft, hot little kisses all over her face.

"Oh, Max," she whispered reverantly. "Max, Max, Max, Max, Max."

It was the only word she wanted to hear, the only one that was right. "Liz. I've missed you, Liz."

She froze. Images flashed before her eyes, darkness and the white of the snow and the pain that ripped through her body. That voice. 'I've missed you Liz.'

She screamed.

Max didn't even know how to react, didn't know what to think, as the shrill screams began pouring from her mouth, as she jerked away from him and backed against the wall. Her eyes were blank, unseeing, afraid. Her entire body shaking so hard he didn't know how she was still standing.

"No," she whispered, frantically. "Please, no!" Her voice was louder now, hurried, pained. "Max..help me, Max." She was whimpering then, cowering in the corner and slowly sliding down to the floor. "Help me." Her eyes slid shut.

He saw the tears that sparkled as they slid down her cheeks, heard the strangled, quiet sobs coming from her. And he had no idea what to do. What had happened to her..what was she so afraid of? Or...what was she remembering?

Slowly, cautiously, he approached her. She was mostly silent now, trembling and making quiet, scared noises in the back of her throat. Tears still rained from her closed eyelids, soaking her damp face.

He kneeled down beside her, placing a strong hand gently on her arm. A powerful surge of fear ripped through him at the contact, riddling him with pain. He saw the flashes in his mind, saw everything that had happened to her that night.

When it was over, and he had opened his eyes again, there were tears in his own eyes. "Liz?" His voice was low, comforting. "Liz...please look at me. It's Max. I'm back home, and I'm gonna keep you safe now. I promise, nobody will ever hurt you again."

For a moment she didn't respond, which scared him even more than the horrible visions had. But finally, she began to raise her head, opening her eyes to look at him. The intense hurt there almost broke his heart all over again. "Liz." Tears filled his own voice.

Reaching out for him impulsively, she pulled him tightly against her with weak arms. "Max..Max, I was so afraid.."

Cradling her small head against his chest, he ran his hand lightly along her back. "Shhh..I know. You don't have to be afraid anymore."

The last of her restraints broke down, the walls that she had so carefully constructed to hide all of the pain built up inside of her finally crumbled. And she wept, wept in Max's arms, for all that she'd given up and lost and all of the heartbreak she'd suffered. She wept for the innocence she'd lost at the hands of a stranger, the pride that he'd taken from her.

Max just held her, stroking her hair and her back and whispering soothing words in her ear. He was just there for her, letting her cry, letting her let go. And he prayed for his Liz, for his Angel whom he loved more than anything in the world. He prayed that they would once again find the love they'd lost, and that she'd one day he could put the part of her back together that had been broken.

"I love you, Liz," he whispered against her hair.

Another sob escaped her throat.

"And I love you, Max."

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