Author: Ash
Email: [email protected]
Rated PG, maybe PG-13 for adult themes and language here and there.
Disclaimer:I don't own any of the characters, etc. from Roswell just borrowing and giving them back; Sarah is, however, mine!! :0)
Spoilers: Starts moments after the events in "Balance"
Fanfic challenge: based on "It's a Wonderful Life"
(which should receive all credit due to it for the borrowed
character of Clarence and the rules of guardian angelship, etc. A
GREAT movie!!)
Category: mainly M/L
Feedback: Oh yeah!
Jagged Little Pill-Chapter
One
From above, the couple on the roof seemed so drawn to each other
that Sarah couldnšt understand the pain in their eyes. Even from
such a great distance, it was obvious something was wrong.
"Why is she crying? Theyšre in love, right?"
Sarah heard the laughter in Clarence's voice.
"You have a lot to learn, little one. Sometimes things can
get complicated down there. Now, you have your mission. And you
have heaven with you. Go in peace. He will make the wish
soon."
Sarah sighed.
She drifted down through the clouds, watching the lights get
brighter, trying to ignore the thousands of other people living,
rushing and dying all below her.
Sarah was here to help one man find an answer. She finally saw
him, and her heart melted as his thoughts washed over her.
(Moments after the events in "Balance")
Max climbed down the ladder, feeling as though he had just cut
out his soul.
There were no words to describe the agony he was feeling, even
though he didnšt allow a hint of it to show on his face.
When Liz kissed him, it had taken every bit of his willpower not
to give in and admit that he was just as scared to take a step
back and lose her as he was to continue on together and have his
entire life spin out of control. He was desperately afraid. But
his self-control kept him going.
Control...Maxšs life was all about control.
He reminded himself of that as he climbed in the jeep, trying
desperately to keep from seeing the picture of Liz his mind was
remembering. She had turned to him, in tears, saying that her
love for him was the only real thing she had ever felt.
Sarah was now standing beside him, a tear rolling down her cheek.
He couldnšt see her, but she was drawn to his pain-filled eyes.
She appeared in the passenger seat and leaned toward him,
studying his profile intently. His mind was a jumble of
thoughts...
Liz...she was convinced they were soul mates. He knew that, just
as he usually knew what she was feeling.
But, how could she know what might lie ahead?
Max had seen the look on her face as she saw Michael in the
cocoon. She was revulsed, horrified, as they all were. And that
was a part of Max. Whatever that was, it was a part of him, too.
Max cursed inwardly as he shifted gears.
This was exactly why he had never wanted to encourage Liz to
begin with. How could he expect her to deal with something that
he fought to deal with himself?
The unknown was a horrifying thing. A black, gaping thing. The
only way to fight it was to remain in
control of every circumstance they could, so that the unknown
didnšt take over.
Again and again, control was the only thing that had kept he,
Isabel and Michael safe. Everything was riding on it. For him to
be with Liz and forget his life's ambition of finding the truth
about himself and his home, to lose balance in his life, meant
that they would make mistakes. And then, the unknown would
swallow them up, with grim consequences.
At this, Sarah gasped and shook her head. She had to be able to
do something for him...
The three other-worlders had all come to grips with their own
fragile alien mortality over time. For
Isabel, that meant dealing with the fear that the truth would
revulse those she loved most and turn them against her. For
Michael, that had meant nightmares about alien hunters and lonely
torture chambers.
But for Max, the consequences of losing his balance now meant
something else entirely. His normalexistence, the thing he used
to prize above anything else, would be over and the running would
begin.
And then...he would have to leave Liz forever...
Oh, how terrible, Sarah thought. She reached over to Max
and gently touched his face, trying to ease his pain.
Max blinked once, twice. A strange warmth radiated over him.
Almost like how he felt when Liz was near. He briefly looked away
from the road as Liz's face once again came to mind.
Sarah sighed, then happened to look into the road ahead.
A child darted into the road directly in their path.
Sarah smacked Max on the shoulder.
He looked back just in time to see the child frozen in fear, just
ahead of them.
Max slammed on his brakes.
*Where did he come from?*
The jeep slid toward the small boy frozen in the headlights......
and stopped just in time.
Max started breathing again.
Sarah started breathing again.
The boy looked at Max, then at the other side of the road, then
back at Max before finally crossing of into the darkness.
Max shook his head grimly. *Exactly. Control....I can't even
drive and think about Liz safely.*
Sarah slumped in the seat. Great, I just made him feel worse.
Max started the jeep moving again, much more slowly this time.
He never should have kissed Liz. They never should have met at
the Rave to begin with. Or gone to the Chinese restaurant.
Max shook his head. That had almost been the undoing of them all.
They had almost lost Michael...through Max's own selfishness. He
had seen the look in Michaelšs eyes. He knew that Michael was
crossing the line, consequences be damned. Nobody could read
Michael like Max could.
But Maxšs desire for Liz was too strong and he chose to leave
Isabel and Michael when they needed him.
Balance. Control. All gone.
He had to find it again, no matter what his personal desires
were. Michael and Isabel were his
responsibility. They came first.
By now, Max was home. He stopped the jeep and parked outside.
Sarah watched him with a brooding expression. When is he
going to make his wish?
Max doubted that Isabel was asleep, and he dreaded talking
anymore tonight. He was too haunted, too out of control. She
would never understand.
He grabbed the keys out of the ignition.
Liz was the only one who understood him...
Sarah sat up. We understand, Max. We all do. Of course,
he couldn't hear her.
Max gritted his teeth and climbed out, willing himself to push
Liz out of his mind again.
Control first.
He looked up and his eyes were drawn to the V cluster of stars,
their stars. And as they winked athim, the turmoil grinding
inside him suddenly found a focus.
Sarah appeared beside Max, gazing up at the sky, too. She was
watching and waiting...
If only I were normal...human... Max wondered.
Life would never be easy, but how much better would it be if he
and Liz could be together?
The wish!!! Yes! Now we'll see some power! Sarah did a
little angel dance.
It was not a new wish for Max, but the fervor that accompanied it
was fierce and rash.
Sarah stopped dancing and looked at him with concern. He was
sending out waves of anger and...
He felt keenly the pain he had caused everyone by his
selfishness, and the weight of the lives that were depending on
him.
He suddenly hated everything he was, everything that kept him
from going back to Liz.
Sarah looked up at heaven. Come on, he said it. What are you
waiting for?
Maxšs life stretched out before him, an almost endless time line
of sacrifices and frustrated desires, and he wanted no part of
it.
So that leaves...
Sarah turned to him with fear in her eyes. "No..." she
whispered.
Death...the largest part of the gaping unknown.
What if he were to welcome it?
...to desire it?
...to seek it?
His logical mind immediately found the cons, but there were only
a few.
*...Isabel...* Max shook away the thought.
She'd be fine. Isabel was stronger than she thought, stronger
than Max in some ways.
And he'd make sure that there was nothing left to be found by
Valenti. Nothing left to be autopsied. With Max gone, Valenti
would end the chase.
And Michael would be there for Isabel.
*Michael will probably be more responsible with me out of the
picture.*
Max knew he enabled Michael to be careless by cleaning up after
him. Hešd just been doing it so long that he couldnšt stop
himself.
They'd be fine. Upset, but fine. And they'd understand...maybe.
"You canšt do this!" Sarah shook her head, frustrated
that he couldn't hear her. "You're my first
assignment!"
Irreconcilable differences. He and life just had irreconcilable
differences.
Max got back in the jeep but hesitated. *My parents....*
Max set his face and started the engine. *They donšt even know
the truth. They donšt know me.*
Sarah slipped back into the front seat, praying for a miracle.
Max pulled out cautiously, careful even in his most erratic
moment. Feeling numb, he drove on
automatically.
Sarah didn't dare try anything. Somehow, this was part of the
plan...she just watched his beautiful face and prayed for
deliverance for him.
After a few minutes, Max turned onto the highway, accelerating
slowly. There was a little canyon with a river about 10 miles
down the road. Perfect for disappearing...
The wind whipped around him and Maxšs thoughts turned to Liz.
Control gone--forever.
He wanted to be with her, to touch her everywhere, to be her
first lover, her only lover, to be able to promise her
forever....like a normal man.
His face burned, but in his honesty, his soul finally
acknowledged the truth behind his passion. He was her soul mate.
The world was cruel to keep them apart.
Sarah was so envious of his love for this Liz. "What a
beautiful, passionate man. Surely he will get another
chance." She looked up to heaven with pleading eyes.
He turned onto a side road, bumping his way across the ruts to
the scenic overlook. The guard rail was old, and rusty. Beyond
that was a sight that took his breath away.
Space...and in the distance, a cliff wall. Below that, he knew
there was a river winding its way through the canyon. Hundreds of
feet below.
He doubted his courage....his reasoning...his desperation.
He had told Liz the truth tonight. There was no doubting it now.
He was completely off-balance.
One last doubt plagued him.
Would this hurt her more? He couldnšt tell. He didn't think so.
How could her heart hold any more pain that when he had left her
tonight? He had seen it in her eyes. It had blown over him like a
gentle hurricane, taking with it everything he had been living
for.
He put the jeep into gear and slammed his foot on the gas.
Sarah touched his face one more time, then appeared on the edge
of the cliff. She watched the jeep as it hurtled toward the
ravine, certainty settled on Max's face.
Death rather than life without Liz.
His last act would spit in the face of the great mastermind
behind life, whoever decided that it would be a good trick to
have an alien and a human fall in love and live their lives in
pain.
Tears rolled down Sarah's face.
The jeep broke the guard rail...and Max looked upon the gaping
unknown.
His eyes grew wide and fear caught at his throat.
As he fell, Max planned on using his powers one last time...to
heat the jeep until it simply exploded into thousands of
pieces...his body fragmented along with it.
But up on the edge of the cliff, one bright angel saw the power
that stopped his fall and saved the man so bent on destruction.
She wept as she watched him gently borne upwards, back to the
cliff. He was laid down right where she stood, unconscious but
unharmed.
She looked up and smiled her thanks.
And heard two words in return, "Get busy."
She nodded, "Right."
Chapter Two
Sarah bent over Max slowly, taking great delight in studying his
face.
What would it feel like to be kissed by him, by any man? To be
held by someone with passion and longing, as she had seen on the
faces of lovers.
Love itself mystified her...human love, that is. She understood
the love of God and its mysterious ways, as humans never could.
But the type of love that would lead a man to throw away his own
life rather than live without his love...what did that feel like?
Max suddenly opened his eyes and stared at the beautiful face
above him.
Sarah was startled at first, and felt herself blush at his gaze.
She had forgotten that he would be able to see her now. As she
backed away, her smile was bashful, but nonetheless radiant, as
all angels' are.
Max sat up, entranced by the girl before him. "Who are
you?"
She gave him a mysterious smile. "Something you donšt
believe in."
Max frowned and thought a moment. "You're going to have to
be more specific."
"You want to know where I come from," she turned and
walked a few steps away from him.
Max stood. "Yeah."
She turned around with a mischievous grin....and pointed upward.
She couldnšt resist. She had been watching Max for a while now,
knowing that she was to be his angel.
Max was stunned.
"From...." he couldnšt make himself say it.
"Heaven, Max. I'm your angel," she said simply.
"And you should be dead right now, but you have another
chance. I'd take it if I were you."
Max suddenly remembered his jeep...the fall...and...and...He
turned around and stared at the guard rail, where it was broken.
He ran to the edge. The blackness obscured his view below and he
turned to Sarah.
She was suddenly beside him, startling him again.
He stared at her radiant aura for a moment before asking his
question.
"The jeep is down there?"
Sarah nodded.
"But I'm up here," he continued, watching her intently.
"How did you do that?"
Sarah turned her luminous blue eyes on him and answered in a
patient voice, "I didn't do anything. I
tried to stop you, but I couldn't. HE stopped you, and granted
your wish. Look, I would love to sit here and explain this to
you, but you have to get back. Things have changed and I think
you'll want to be there."
She vanished.
"Wait-" Max began, but suddenly, he was back in the
jeep, driving away from Liz's apartment.
He stopped suddenly, trying desperately to get his bearings.
"Sarah?" Wait-how did he know her name?
Her voice wafted down out of the air to him. "Max, you got
your wish. You're human. You're a normal teenager born to your
parents sixteen years ago. Be careful, a lot will have changed.
I'll be close by..."
Max strained his eyes for a glimpse of her, then turned his eyes
on the road again. He couldn't even
imagine this circumstance. He must be delusional, hysterical from
the events that took place at the
reservation. Maybe he really had been pulled off balance in that
vision...
But what if things had changed? If he were normal? Then, Liz...
Hope began to tug at his heart and he turned the jeep around.
Chapter Three
Max parked the jeep and looked around carefully. The Crashdown
looked just the same. The streets were dark and wet from a recent
rain. Everything looked just as he had left it minutes ago...or
what seemed like days ago.
But he had to know. Was Sarah right? Had he changed? Had the past
changed? The only thing he knew for sure was that his feelings
for Liz had not altered in the least. After all he had been
through, he just wanted to be with her, hold her...
He climbed out of the jeep slowly and walked back down the alley
to the ladder leading up to Lizšs balcony.
The last time he had been here, their lives had been altered
forever. Their destinies had gone spinning off into different
directions. Could that be changed now?
As he hesitated, Sarah appeared beside him.
"Shešs not up there, Max. She hasn't even started writing
in her journal yet. There's nothing for her to write about."
Max stared at her.
"So, we haven't..."
"Nope. Not yet. It's just like you remember it was, before
Liz knew anything about you."
Max grinned. "And I'm...human."
Sarah had tears in her eyes at the joy on his face. "Yes.
But tonight, you need to rest." She gently
smoothed her small golden hand over his brow, and Max immediately
felt exhausted.
Somehow, Max drove home, and climbed into bed before falling into
a deep sleep.
And Sarah kept watch all night, soothing away the terrors of the
fall and bringing sweet dreams of peace and love-yet-to-be.
Max's first thoughts the next day were of Liz. He sat up with
a start as he remembered the break-up, the canyon, and
his...angel.
He remembered their words from last night..."It's just like
you remember it was, before Liz knew anything about you."
"And Išm...human."
At the thought, Max threw the covers off with a smile and headed for the bathroom.
He was already in the shower when he heard the bathroom door
open just a crack. "Mom?"
"Yes, honey," his Mom yelled over the pounding water.
"Your father and I are having a breakfast date, so we won't
see you before you leave. Have a good day!"
"Bye!" he yelled back.
He had just nicked his face shaving and rinsed it under the
steamy water. The blood just kept coming, like all surface cuts.
Well, that was one thing he would miss about being...from another
world. No quick fixes.
He grinned. What was that compared to spending his life with Liz?
He would certainly give that up to be with her.
He wondered if there would be any surprises in this world. Maybe
Sarah would know. Sarah....he had forgotten about her...and her
ability to remain invisible.
Max suddenly felt very...exposed.
He peered through the steam in the bathroom. "Sarah?"
He heard a small giggle. "Don't worry. I'm not looking, Max.
Angels don't do that!"
Max was relieved. "Oh."
Nonetheless, he cut his shower short and reached out of the stall
for a towel. He grabbed one of the plain brown towels, relieved
that he wasn't forced to use one of Isabel's flowery, fluffy,
frilly kind. He hated it when all his towels were used.
Suddenly, he realized all the towels in the bathroom were brown.
He glanced around and realized that all of Isabel's stuff
was...gone.
A chill crept up his spine.
Max wrapped the towel around his waist and headed for Isabel's
room.
A moment later, the open door revealed a weight room. His weight
room, from the looks of it, full of wrestling regalia and
trophies of past sports he had tried his hand at.
Where was Isabel?
He walked through the house, searching desperately for a sign of
Isabel's presence...but there were no pictures, nothing. He
finally stopped and ran his hand through his hair distractedly.
He couldn't think...
As he fought to keep from imagining the worst, Sarah appeared
beside him and touched his arm gently. "It's okay, Max.
She's fine. You'll see her at school."
"She's alive?" Max turned desperate eyes to her.
"Tell me what happened to her."
Her voice quavered, "She'll be there. You'll see..."
"Sarah..." The barely veiled anger in Max's voice
unnerved her. She gulped once and disappeared.
Max couldn't shake the bad feeling he had. He had to find Isabel
and make sure she was alright.
CHAPTER FOUR
Max had to control himself to keep from charging around the
school campus and calling attention to
himself. He kept reminding himself that it didn't matter now,
that he was normal and had nothing to
hide. But old habits are hard to break.
After thirty minutes of searching, Max couldn't help but be
irritated. Isabel was nowhere to be found, and Sarah was keeping
herself scarce. She obviously knew something he didn't and wasn't
willing to tell him.
But from what he could tell, everything at school was the same.
He checked his watch and smiled, remembering a favorite haunt
that he hoped hadn't changed at all.
As he turned the corner, that familiar warmth came stealing over
him as he saw Liz walking his way. She was wearing a simple black
dress, looking beautiful, as always, and happy. She was holding
onto Kyle's arm as they headed toward her locker.
Max smiled. Kyle posed no threat to him now.
As Liz opened her locker, Max leaned against the wall and watched
her, as he had always done. Her graceful hand distractedly pushed
a strand of hair behind her ear as she turned to lecture Kyle on
his lackadaisical approach to his schoolwork. Rolling his eyes
but smiling, Kyle leaned in to whisper in her ear.
Suddenly Max realized that Liz was looking at him, taken aback by
the warmth of his glance.
Max smiled briefly, then ducked his head, and went to his class.
He had plenty of time.
Coming out of his third period class, Max caught a glimpse of
Michael in the parking lot.
"Michael!"
Max almost knocked over several gossipy girls in his rush to get
to him. As Max got closer, he realized Michael was not alone. He
appeared to be arguing with a tall, slouchy girl wearing all
black. She was glowering at Michael as he lectured her, her white
make-up and black eyeliner
sullen against her bottle-red hair.
Michael grabbed her by the arm. "You're not going and that's
final."
The girl yanked her arm out of his and shoved him back against a
nearby car, more than a match for him in strength.
"Who the hell died and made you God, huh?" The girl was
almost in tears, and the sound of her voice made Max freeze in
his tracks.
"Shut up, Is. We'll talk later," Michael had finally
noticed Max approaching. "What do you want, Evans?"
Max had lost all power of speech. The girl...with the shapeless
clothes and pissed-off attitude was...
"Isabel," he finally managed.
"What?" She stared at his stunned face for a moment.
"What's up your ass?" she said rudely.
As Max worked on saying something, Michael moved to stand between
Max and Isabel. "You got a problem with my sister?"
Max just stood there, dumbfounded. "Sister?"
She sighed loudly. "Duh. I'm going to class."
"Wait, Isabel-" Max started to follow her but Michael
grabbed his arm and jerked him back. "Hey, she's got enough
guys all over her. You stay away!" he pointed at Max.
"But-"
Stay away? From Isabel? How could he?
As Max watched the two walk away, he overheard Michael say,
"Guys just want one thing from you, Isabel. Better learn
that now."
Max felt like he had been punched in the stomach. *How is
this possible?*
He heard a tiny, hesitant voice beside him. "Umm, Max,
when they hatched, you weren't there. You were already a
six-year-old born to the Evans'. Another family found the two of
them and turned them in to an adoption agency."
Max had to sit down. "Oh, God."
"Yes, He knows."
Max stared at the beautifully serious face beside him.
"So where do they live?" A sudden thought struck him.
"Not with-"
Sarah looked at him sorrowfully. "Hank. Yes."
Max buried his face in his hands. "No. Just tell me she's
alright. Tell me that he's left her alone,
please."
Sarah placed a tentative hand on his head. "Michael takes
very good care of her. He wouldn't leave her alone with Hank. He
never has. She's fine. She just...changed. Her life is very
different now."
Max finally looked away with hooded eyes. "And I wished
this... This world sucks."
Sarah took her hand away and slowly disappeared. "I'm
sorry," she whispered.
Fourth period Biology with Ms. Hardy...and Liz.
Max sat in his chair restlessly. The object of his greatest
passion was about to walk through the door and he felt...
distracted. The knowledge of where Isabel was and what had
happened to her was completely unnerving to him. How could he be
happy when she was so...so...
Liz Parker opened the door and waved to her best friend, Maria.
"You go, girl," Mariašs voice carried through the
hallway.
Liz shushed her and turned to see Max staring at her.
Her face slid into an embarrassed smile. "Hi," she
managed.
Max couldn't help but smile back. If she only knew what hopes lay
behind his grin...she'd have a lot more to be embarrassed about.
His eyes followed her as she sat beside him and got out her
books.
He sensed that she was getting nervous at his gaze, so he finally
looked back at his books.
No secrets, no lies this time. If they really were soul mates,
nothing would stand in their way. Not this time....
Max heard a tinkling giggle.
Sarah was so happy for him. She would stay nearby, invisible but
nearby.