Episode 10

Smelly Melly in Da Slammer!

Mokuba- Are we ready to introduce the show, DB? (short for drinking buddy)

Ishizu- Yeah, think so..wanna a quick shot before we go on?

Mokuba- I'd love one, thanks. (Take the glass just as somebody slams open the studio door. It's Kaiba.)

Kaiba- What in Ra's name do you think you're doing, Ishizu?! *rips glass from Mokuba's hands*

Ishizu- I was just introducing Mokuba to the joys of apple cider. We didn't have any other glasses so I had to pour it in a shot glass. Why? What did you think I was doing?

Kaiba- I..I.uh..but you.someone told me that you and Mokuba got drunk and..apple cider, did you say this was? *sniffs the glass and takes a drink* Well it tastes like cider.I guess he can have it.but if I ever catch Mokuba getting drunk, I swear have your job for it, Ishizu! (leaves)

Mokuba *whispers*- Is it safe to take out the real alcohol?

Ishizu- Of course. Now let's start introducing the show before we have a major hangover again. (camera turns on) Hi, and welcome to the Yami Bunch. Today, you will encounter gruesome images of torture when Serenity gets something in her eye. This is a terrific time to let your kids watch. Stay tuned.

Day 3, Week 2, 8:14 a.m., Scene opens up in the secret basement, where the Evil Four are not in a good mood.

Steph- I donst know about this.I mean.they're not complete idiots, art they? They couldst never fall for something that stupid. It's unreasonable. My frustration is reaching higher every time we make an evil plot! This plan is futile, like all the rest. It willst never work. No one can be so idiotic that they give a loved Kuriboh up willingly!!!

Marik- Remember with whom we art dealing, Stephanie. These art people that have no knowledge at all except in dueling, but even then, they are just plain lucky. It 'tisn't knowledge that gets them through life, it's sheer luck. But soon, their luck willst run out! Then I willst finally become Pharaoh and reign power beyond human comprehension! Muhahahahaha!

Steph *shakes her head*- Marik, thou really need to get out of this prison. I think this house is suffocating all of us and has taken its toll. Marik hasn't used his rod in so long now, and I'm afraid it's affecting him. Poor soul. He needs to exercise his sinister plots, yet he has no way of doing so without his millennium rod or weapons of mass destruction (Yami Bakura mumbles some curse words at the spy cam nearby that Ishizu is watching and makes a rude hand gesture toward it).

Emma- I think you're right. Nestor is not satisfying our needs for evil, and Ra is getting very, very angry. We haven't made a sacrifice for him in a long time. You know how he gets when he has no sacrifices!

At this, Yami Bakura and Marik smile wickedly and eagerness replaces the anger in their faces.

10:13 a.m. ( The Evil Four enters in the living room)

Serenity *slams into the sharp corner of the kitchen counter and enters another room*- Owww! Where am I?!

Tristen (not looking up from his Wallstreet newspaper)- You're in the living room.

Serenity- What's a living room?

Yami Bakura- It's a place of severe torture, where you suffer endlessly until you finally go blind.

Serenity- But I am blind!

Emma- Then more suffering shall follow! But.you don't have to suffer! There is a way your sight can be cured! We could take you there.

Serenity- Really? Okay, let me just tell Tristen I'm leaving. Oh Tristen!!!!! *yells across the room, not knowing that Tristen is 2 feet away from her*

Tristen- What is it?! (still has his nose in the paper)

Serenity- Tristen, I'm leaving with the Evil Four to an unknown location where they claim I will get my sight back, but it really is a darkened chamber where mortal danger awaits me, and I'm walking unknowingly into it. *The Evil Four's mouths gape wide in shock*

Tristen- Uh-huh. Have fun. WHAT?! WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?! *Evil Four look at him anxiously*

Serenity- What's the matter? Can I still go?

Tristen- Sure, you can go, but this is OUTRAGEOUS! MY STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE STOCKS LOST ME $20,000!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE TODAY?! DON'T THEY RECOGNIZE GOOD QUALITY IN A DOLL?! DO THEY NOT REALIZE THAT SHE SMELLS LIKE STRAWBERRIES?!?! *Evil Four gasps a sigh of relief and helps Serenity up the stairs and into the sacrificing shrine in Yami Bakura's closet.*

Marik- Now Serenity, um, thou willst get your sight back, but I'm afraid it willst also cause thou some severe pain. Art thou prepared for such conditions? *grins widely and rubs hands together eagerly*

Serenity- Sure. I'll do anything for my sight back. Just thinking of my seeing my big brother one day fills my heart with joy.

Yami Bakura- Uh-huh, now there are certain tests of pain you can go through to get your.errr.sight back.yes, so what will it be? Severed limbs? Organs taken out through your nose? Drowned repeatedly? Burned alive? Skinned alive? Stoned? Any form of ancient Egyptian discipline is fine with us.

Serenity- But those methods sound lethal. Don't I have to live through this to gain back my sight? (Emma jabs Yami Bakura hard in the ribs and whispers, "Why did you have to pick the smartest of the good-hearted people?! None of the others have common sense! We should have chosen them! At least they wouldn't have the intelligence to realize that we're basically asking them to let us kill them!")

Yami Bakura- Oh, don't be fooled by the sounds of the torture. I assure you Serenity that you will only go through enough pain to make it necessary for your eyesight to finally heal, and you'll be able to see your brother again!

Serenity- Well I guess if I can see my brother, it's a small price to pay..

Emma- So? Have you decided yet?

Serenity- Hmmmm..well I could always go with..nah.but there still is.nope, that won't do.but if I..no, that's crazy..well I could always.but then there's...but then again, I---

Marik (impatiently)- Serenity, the ritual .I mean healing process, has to be done only on a full moon, and before dawn. We can't waste precious time here.

Serenity- Well I don't know what a moon is, but you do sound kind of urgent so I guess I should just decide now, huh?

Yami Bakura (coldly)-That would be nice.

Serenity- Ok, then I pick being stoned. It seems less painful than the others.if only I knew what a stone was.

Emma- Oh, don't worry about that. You'll find out soon enough. (holds back an evil laugh) Now let us begin the, err.healing process. Yami Bakura? You have the stones, correct? *He nods and grins*

Marik- Oh good. I'll start muttering the chant ritual now. *begins to bow to the statue of Ra in Yami Bakura's closet* By the power of Ra, The Creator, The Divine Child born from the waters of the dark abyss called Nun, and father to Shu and Tefenet, I call forth upon thee and all thy powers I summon hither. Come and drink from the blood of our sacrifice to show our gratitude and undying loyalty to thou! *Stephanie chimes in with her part of the chant*

Steph- To calm the anger of The Sun God, we bestow this shed blood to thou. May we speak thy many names of Ra, Ra-Atum, The Shining One, The Hidden One, The Renewer of the Earth, The Wind in the Souls, The Exalted One, Amon- Ra, Ra-Horakhty. But if ever shall our lips spill thy secret name of Ra, then an eternity of suffering awaits us and shall preside our Acki-acki-di (death in Egyptian) and here on forth---

Yami Bakura- Okay already! We're done with the stupid chant! Let's just get this over with and allow Serenity pain beyond her wildest dreams. *evil smirk* (Marik and Stephanie look offended at Yami Bakura's dismissal of such a holy process)

Marik- Yami Bakura, we must do the ritual completely in order for this gift to be accepted! It 'tis a holy practice that---

Yami Bakura- Ra is gonna be happy about this whether we do the idiotic chant or not! Now let's just start the healing process before it's too late!

Steph- But the sacrifice has to---

Serenity- Did she say sacrifice? I'm not gonna be sacrificed, am I?!

Emma- No, no. Of course not. *frowns at Steph* Okay, now Serenity. Brace yourself. But if you scream from the pain, the healing will not work. So don't, okay? (Yami Bakura raises his arm, about to throw the stones at her, when she screams in anguish)

Marik - What 'tis the matter?!

Serenity- An eyelash! I HAVE AN EYELASH IN MY EYE!!!

She starts blindly running into the closet walls as she continues shouting in pain. Emma quickly grabs her and places her hand over Serenity's mouth to stifle the yelps that could be heard from miles around.

Emma- Um..what do you usually do for this sort of problem? *looks uncertainly at her bandages*

Marik *rolls his eyes impatiently*-Well, obviously we must remove the bandages.there is no other way.*Begins to unwind them, but to everyone's surprise, she screeches louder. From downstairs, Tristen hears Serenity scream and bump into the wall repeatedly.)

Serenity- Stop it! I can't take the bandages off! Hospital orders! If I take them off, I'll go blind forever!

Stephanie- But thou already art blind! It matters not if thou take them off!

Tristen *charges in with his pointed hair*- What's going on in here?!

Serenity- Whose voice is that?..it sounds familiar..are you Julia Roberts?

Tristen- Serenity, it's me, Tristen. I've come to save you from these evil people. (charges with his pointed hair at Yami Bakura. Yami Bakura simply steps aside, and Tristen's hair punctures a gaping hole in the wall.)

Serenity- NOOOO! They're gonna heal my sight! You can't stop the healing process!

Marik- She's right. Don't thou dare interfere or else she willst go blind forevermore!

Tristen- Serenity, you're in danger! They're not trying to help you! Listen to me! I love you!

Serenity- Tristen, I don't know if it will work out with you and me. I'm only twelve. You could be sent to jail. Plus, it's just kind of creepy.

Tristen- You don't love me, Serenity?

Serenity- Well, maybe I would if you could make up your mind between Pegasus and me it might work but---

Tristen- It's Maxarooni for the gods' sakes!

Yami Bakura- Marik, silence him. He is an annoying pest. *Marik pulls out his dagger from his millennium rod and holds it under Tristen's throat*

Tristen- You're going to slit my throat? (nervous gulp)

Marik- Well that 'tis the point. *Touches the point of the dagger to show that the pun was intentional.*

Yami Bakura- *to Tristen with a hint of laughter in his voice* Are you ready to die, mortal?

Emma and Stephanie- *chanting* Do it, do it!

Serenity- ^_^ O boy, are we having a party? Can we play "Pin the Tail on the Donkey?" I'm sooooooooooo good at that! *Evil Four glare, which would have had better effect if Serenity could see it*

(Marik is about to deliver the final blow, when the faint sound of sirens is heard in the distance)

Marik- %^&. Coppers. This might pose a problem guys. *nods to the numerous torturing devices that litter the floor*

Yami Bakura- Hmm, point taken. *annoyed sigh* I guess you live today mortal.

*Emma winks at him and slips out the door. Stephanie and Marik don't notice; they are too busy sneering at Tristen.*

Tristen- Yay! (he does a stupid little victory dance, as Marik grumbles, "Don't push it."

Suddenly a loud crash is heard, followed by the nauseating scent of multiple artificial fruit flavors*

Tristen *shrieks*- My Strawberry Shortcake and Co. collection! What has happened?!? *runs out in a mad rush, forgetting about Serenity, as Emma saunters back in, smelling strongly of peaches, pineapple, and numerous other un-known fruit.*

Emma (smugly)- That ought to shut him up for a while.

Marik (disgusted)- Ra! Em, you smell like Tea!

Emma *panicking, looks back and forth to the others, who are backing away with a fearful expression on their faces*- O my gods, no way! I practically lost my sense of smell after going into that room.... how can Yami Yugi stand it?

Yami Bakura- That is probably the explanation for his loss of brain cells.....

Emma- Well, I'm taking a shower. I can't stand this! *as she walks to the bathroom, Yami Bakura's eyes don't leave her. He notices that she didn't shut the door all the way and peeks inside with a sly smirk*

*suddenly, a knocking is heard at the door, followed by, "Mr. Bakura, please come out with your hands in the air. You are under arrest.*

Marik- Dammit. Tomb Robber! *he calls out Yami Bakura, who doesn't seem to have heard the megaphone* The cops have come for thou...... again.

Yami Bakura *snarls*- Shut up dipshit, you're ruining the show.

Marik *sighs in an annoyed tone, then picks up Emma's discarded shoe off the floor and chucks it at Yami Bakura*

Yami Bakura- Ow! *turns on him angrily, gingerly rubbing his head* Dammit, that boot has a high-heel!!! What do you want?

Marik *points upwards, where the cops are now relentlessly banging on the door*

Yami Bakura *irritated sigh*- What have they caught me for this time?

(Suddenly, Ryou bolts into the "secret base", looking for an escape, his eyes darting around like a cornered animal.)

Ryou- Save me Yami!!!!

Yami Bakura (warningy)- Ryou, I swear by Obelisk, if it's anything about a bug again....

Ryou- No really! I---

Cops- Mr. Bakura, please emerge from the home with your hands in the air. You have 15 seconds to comply.

Yami Bakura- It can wait Ryou, those gentlemen have an appointment with the Shadow Realm, *smirk* I wouldn't want them to miss it.

Ryou- But that's just it Yami---

Cops- Ten seconds, Ryou Bakura.

*everyone turns in shock to Ryou, who is looking a little embarrassed*

Ryou- *nervous laugh*

Yami Bakura- What is the meaning of this? *he doesn't even wait for Ryou's answer* Well, I'm going to see.

Ryou- No, wait Yami-!

(Yami Bakura is already heading up the stairs, followed by a curious Yu-Gi-Oh cast. Unfortunately for Ryou, Tea is already at the door.)

Tea- Well, yes, of course officers, you can step inside. I am a law abiding citizen, of course! I DIDN'T SMOKE MARY JANE! NEVER! I DIDN'T DO IT, I TELL YOU! I SWEAR I DIDN'T! *Cops look suspiciously at her odd behavior*

Cop- Um, we never said you did miss.

Tea (flustered)- Oh.right.heh heh, well make yourself at home. Come in. No hidden drugs here, heh heh.

Marik- TEA, YOU LET THEM IN?!? THOU IDIOT, THOU LITTLE-- *Cops nowstare suspiciously at him, and he subsides with a nervous laugh, but when they turn, he makes a violent gesture to Tea*

Cop- Is there something going on here? *sweat drop appear on Tea*

The cops see Yami Bakura and seem to acknowledge that this is who they are looking for.

Head Cop *narrows his eyes*- Are you Ryou Bakura?

Yami Bakura *gives the cops a if-looks-could-kill-you-would-be-plastered-on- the-walls-expression*- No!

Cop- Then you must be his parental guardian.

Yami Bakura *snigger*- I guess you could say that.

Cop- Ryou has been involved in highly illegal hacking activities. Do you mind if we search his room?

Yami Bakura- Tch, whatever. It's the second room on the right. *as the cops leave to search the room, Yami Bakura turns to Emma, who is now towel drying her dripping hair* Hey Emma-chan, what's a hay-kk-in-gg?

*In Ryous room*

Bakura *sits up abruptly from his computer desk as police enter*- Hello officers. I-is there an-anything I can h-help you with?

Cop- We'll need to check the files on your computer. It is reported that you have been hacking into Kaiba Corp.'s most top-secret files.

Bakura *puts on a perplexed look as if he has no idea what they're talking about*-Um, go ahead, but you won't find anything.

Cop #1 - We'll see about that. *Kaiba enters*

Kaiba- Well? Have you found anything yet?

Cop #2- We're looking sir. *upload a file* Aha! Sir, he has hacked into your most confidential file!

Kaiba *eyes widen fearfully*- He got my Neopet's password?!?!

Cop #2- Um.no.*look warily at Kaiba* He hacked into your Battle City Tournament database, sir!

Kaiba- Oh, phew! That's a relief.

Cop #1- Wait a second..what's this? *brings up a website* My gods! It's horrible!

Cop #2- Take it away! Take it away!

Cop #1- Whose website is this Bakura?

Bakura- Oh, that's Pegasus's web page.

Cop # 2- Bring him up this instant! *Bakura timidly exits the room and re- enters with Pegasus*

Cop #1- You're under arrest Pegasus!

Pegasus *looks accusingly at his sock-puppet*- Mr. Smelly-Melly, what did you do?!

Cop #2- Do you know what this is Mr. Pegasus?! *points to the website with kuriboh pictures all over it*

Pegasus- Pure beauty.

Cop # 2- It's kuriboh hentai!!! And according to penalty of law, that's strictly prohibited!

Pegasus- It looks just like a normal beautiful kuriboh frolicking freely in a field of flowers to me. *Mr. Smelly-Melly nods agreeingly*

Cop #1- I can't stand to look at it any longer! Think of the innocent children who must have seen this! Never will they be the same!

Pegasus- But it's just like the cards of kuriboh I made! *shows them a weak kuriboh card* See?

Cop # 2- Oh so you admit then that you sold your disturbing pictures to children as well?

Pegasus- Ummmm.

Cop #2- Take them both to the slammer!

The cops read Bakura and Pegasus their rights as Pegasus whistles the tune to a macaroni commercial, and Bakura whimpers babyishly. When they put on the handcuffs, Yami Bakura stops them with his hand.

Yami Bakura- (mouth full of popcorn) I wouldn't use just those if I were you. He is known to be very violent. I suggest, a straightjacket perhaps?

Bakura- Yammmmmmmmmi- *he is stopped when the cops gag him*

Cop #1- This is for your- own good-little guy.... * they struggles as Bakura leaps around pointlessly*

(When the cops are finally done with poor, poor Bakura, he is so bound that he can't even move. Only his eyes showed his fear, they are darting around desperately, looking for an escape.)

Cop #2- Alright guys, lets take him to the Big House.

Bakura- *muffled* Ahhhhhnmmmmmnmnunnnnnnn!

Emma- *smirk* i think that translates to "Nooooooooooo!"

Yami Bakura- I agree.