Episode 7

Family Game Night

Week 1, Day 7, 8:16 p.m.

Everyone is sitting silently at the circular table in the kitchen, some seeming excited, some seeming to be contemplating their retched fate, some seeming to be in disbelief that the gods would permit them to be thrown into such an undesirable situation. (namely, Yami Bakura) Tea has, once again, called a meeting at this table, one in which she spills the plans of "making friends, and (Ra forbid) bonding" She has announced that every month, on the 17, would be "Family Game Night", in which they played family oriented board games and simply, as she put it, "enjoyed one another's company". She was now in the messy game closet, trying to find a game that would get them in a fun, board gamey sort of mood. Every once and a while, a disgruntled *oof* would emit from it as a box took its opportunity and came crashing down upon her un-suspecting head. The Evil Four took this time to smirk, relieving some of the tension of having to hang out with these goody goodys at her expense. Their evil plan to kill Nestor has been put at a halt, since Tea kept interfering.)

Marik (more to himself then anyone else)- Please, one of thou tell me why I am doing this again?

Tea (hearing him from the closet)- Because we need to reinforce our already thriving family bonds! And because I know you're all going to love it!

Yami Bakura (as Marik grumbles, "That 'twas a rhetorical question.")- I seriously doubt that.

Pegasus (a.k.a. Maxarooni)- O boy, I just looooove board games!!! ^_^ (Nestor nods happily along with him, that is if he can nod, being neckless and all)

Yami Yugi (tears welling up in his eyes at seeing his Nesty-Westy with another man. He tries to take his mind off of him by changing the subject)- I'm thirsty.

Emma- I'll get you a drink Yami-chan!! *Other three villains stare in openmouthed shock, but she glances reassuringly at them and carefully shows only them a bottle of Vodka concealed in her trench coat with an evil smirk. The smirk spreads.*

Yami Yugi (totally not expecting anything)- Thanks Emma!

Emma (in a very fake sounding sweet tone)- You're as welcome as the flowers in spring Yugi! And, I'll go pop some popcorn too! (winks at Yami Bakura)

Yami Bakura- Ya! Popcorn!

Stephanie- That 'twas an unexpected interjection by thou Yami Bakura.

Marik- Since when hast thou atest, being a spirit and all?

Yami Bakura- Once, when I took over Bakura's body, Emma gave me some of these tasty kernels. They are the next best thing to sucking a person's soul out and mercilessly mutilating their helpless body!

Marik- Thou must really like this stuff.

Yami Bakura- ^_^

Stephanie (worried)- I didn't even know thou where capable of making such a face, Yami Bakura.

Marik (calling out to Emma's retreating body)- Get me a Pepsi too!

Emma (either still trying to take on the pretense of being nice, or perhaps just to annoy Marik)- What's the magic word?

Marik *grumbles*- Please.

(Completely breathless, but looking triumphant, Tea reemerges from the closet, holding an all to familiar board game in her hands. She sets it down on the table, then looks up at everyone happily.)

Tea- Alright everyone, Monopoly is the name of the game.

Marik (confused, looking to Stephanie for answers)- No-Po-Polly? *Stephanie shrugs, just as clueless as Marik*

Tea (sighs exasperated)- Monopoly. Now, the point of this game is basically world domination.

(Marik and Yami Bakura's faces light up)

Yami Bakura- Are there weapons of mass destruction?

Marik- Can you control mindless minions?

Tea- No and No. (faces fall) In case you don't remember, this is "Family Game Night" not "Showcase Your Evil Intentions Game Night."

Marik- And this is supposed to be fun how?

Yami Yugi- (glares)

Tea- Now, this is how you play. (As she launches into a long, confusing, and way too detailed explanation; Joey and Tristan quickly sink into a more than 5 letter word-induced stupor. The Evil 3 that were left were having a very hard time keeping their trademark evil smirk from appearing on their faces. You see, Emma was now in a part of the kitchen where only those three could see her, and she was doing a very funny impression of an intoxicated Yugi. She had three fingers wiggling behind her head in an imitation of his hair, and with the other hand she was pretending to drink the Vodka, mouthing "Believe in the Heart of the Cards" as she "drunkenly" stumbles into the fridge. Mai, oblivious to everything else but herself, as always, is trying to see her reflection in the silverware, to check her makeup. Duke is looking lovingly to Tea's chest area, as Yami Yugi tries to restrain himself from Mind Crushing him. Finally, Tea shuts up, and is beginning to assign pieces to everyone when Emma reemerges with a bowl of popcorn, a can of Pepsi, and a glass filled with slightly tinted Sprite. Yami Yugi, in his sorrow, starts chugging it without even checking it, a very stupid move on his part. )

Joey (suddenly awaking from his coma and eyeing the bowl Emma is carrying)- Yummy! Popcorn!

(Yami Bakura swiftly grabs the bowl out of the reach of Joey's greedy fingers and hugs it close to his well-defined chest, guarding it like it was his first-born son.)

Yami Bakura- Keep your hands off piggish mortal, unless you want to die a very painful death. (crazed gleam fills his eyes as he begins munching on Emma's specialty, and his favorite food ever, sugar-coated popcorn.)

Joey- Is suga' an' Yami Bakura a good combo?

Tea (ignoring him as everyone else does)- Yami Yugi, you are the Thimble. *Yami Yugi takes his piece without fully looking her in the eyes. He is the only one in the in the group to not have a partner.* Marik and Stephanie, you are the doggie. Awe, isn't he cute!?! (ends the last word in a high pitch squeek)

Marik *enraged, he slams down the already half chugged can and partially crumples it*- I'm not being a f&*^in' Terrier!

Stephanie (hoping to calm his temper)- Maybe, it couldst be an evil canine.

Marik *grins widely*- Yes, our piece willst be the first Scotty in history to findst pleasure in ripping out people's throats!!! (trademark evil/insane laugh) MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Tea *sigh*- Whatever makes you happy Marik. Now Emma and Yami Bakura, I couldn't find another Monopoly piece, so I guess you guys will have to be the knife. I dug it out of the Clue box.

Yami Bakura (the effects of a sugar high are starting to kick in)- Yes! At least I have one weapon!!! *eyes piece Tea hands him with hatred, then turns on Tea with an angry glare* Why is it so f&*^in' small?!?

Tea- It is a game piece. If it were life size, it wouldn't fit on the board. (she says this in a very patient tone, because Yami Bakura doesn't look all that forgiving right now)

Yami Bakura (in a very un-characteristic like way)- Soooooooooooooooooo?

Tea (ignoring him)- Alright, Mai and Joey, *Joey extracts his gaze from the popcorn that is calling his name. "Joey, Joey! Eat us!!!* You can be the ship.

Joey *makes a whimpering noise* - Ahhh, I wanted to be food!

Mai- Shut up Joey! If you keep eating, you'll end up with a huge potbelly!

Joey- Uh-un!!! *quickly tries to suck in his huge stomach* Ya, right Mai!

Tea- Alright, Pegasus, you're the-

Pegasus- Pleazzzzz! It's Maxarooni! And also, I don't need a piece. You see, I learned of our game night in advance, and I had a piece specially made for me. See! *one of Pegasus's goonies emerges with a little pewter figure on a velvet pillow* See? I have a Funny Bunny piece! (demented, creepy laugh) *nuzzles piece*

Tea (growing frustrated at everyone's lack of niceness mood)- Fine. Tristen, you can be the-

Tristan (hears repeated pounding from upstairs)- I can't play. I have to go check up on Serenity. Sounds like she's running into walls again.

Tea- You go right ahead Tristan!

Marik- Thou cheater! Why doth he not have to participate in this novel form of torture!?!

Tea- Because his intentions are honorable!

Marik (incredulously)- And planning to destroy the world isn't?!

Tea *growls*- And Duke and I will be the bankers.

Marik- Why does thou get to control the money?

Tea (now very annoyed)- That's enough questions from you, Marik. Three in a row is quite enough, thank you. I'm not playing; I just hand out money.

Yami Bakura- That sounds like it befits your brain capacity. *imitates Tea's voice* Here, take a five hundred dollar bill in exchange for your 3 ones.

Tea- Watch it Kernel Man. (Yami Bakura- I like that name!) Now, everyone put your pieces at Go, and we'll begin the game!

----3 Hours Later----

Marik (lands on Go to Jail. for the 7th time. He has taken this game very seriously, seeming to think that if he wins the game he will somehow become more powerful)- Damned space! I curse thou to the depths of one of the 7 hells! *cusses in ancient Egyptian*

Yami Bakura (chuckles as he licks the excess sugar off of the bowl that he had long ago finished)- Doesn't surprise me. I always knew you would be a juvenile delinquent. (spies a spider on the table and takes his little knife off the board)- I hereby wage war on you, arachnid spy of Anna Nicole Smith!!! *STAB, STAB! CUT, SLASH!!!!!!!!!* Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahha*gasp* hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Yami Yugi (eyes glazed)- Ha, that's my *hic* new girlfriend!!! What was that old mother goose? *eyes widen* You STILL want a piece of my apple pie? Well what if I told you that I was really a *hic* robot from outer space? Would you still accept me into your pod? Would ya? *hic* HUH? IS THAT THE YELLOW SUBMARINE?!? (starts humming "Here comes Peter Cottontail", dubbing "The Yellow Submarine" over the real words)

Tea (first has a pitying look on face, but that soon turns to concern, and then to sorrow, then finally, to love. Evil Four combined- EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!)- O Yami, you wouldn't be able to survive in the world without me! (turning to Duke) I'm sorry Honey-bunny, but I must return to Yami.

Duke- But Tea! I-

Tea- No buts. Look at him. (Dukes glance turns to Yami, who is now banging his head repeatedly on the table while chanting "Silly Dingbats Eat The Lightbulbs".)

Duke- You're right. He needs you, more then I. Besides, I'm still beautiful; I'll find someone else! (spots Bakura eyeing him from the kitchen) *grins and winks*

Marik [laughing to himself as Yami Yugi starts chewing on his hair, yelling, "It tastes like chicken!!" He promptly falls over from extreme toxin intake (it was the hair gel)]- Does he always act like this Tea?

Tea (completely oblivious that he is drunk) - *sigh* Only on Tuesdays.

[She walks over to Yugi, and restrains him from killing more brain cells with her hand (not that it mattered, he didn't have any to begin with). She takes him into her arms, trying to calm him. His head shoots up with sudden intensity and he yells "You can lead a horse to water but squirrels don't live in hollow trees!"]

Tea (stroking his multi-colored locks gently and taking the tone of a caring mother)- Alright Yami, I think it is time to go back to your soul room.

Yami Yugi (like a little kid)- I don'Wanna I don'Wanna! (suddenly) You smell perty! (normal Yugi appears where Yu-Gi-Oh once was) Hi guys. What are we doing?

Stephanie- Dominating the world. Thou art losing terribly.

(Yugi looks down at his pile of money, which is completely messy and depressingly small, sorta like something else that belonged to Yugi, hehe)- What did my Yami do all game?!?

Stephanie- Take a look at Yami Bakura, and you might get an idea.

Yami Bakura is making his dagger taunt Marik's wittle puppy in Jail, then starts making it fart at the canine as Marik growls at him. Marik drinks more Pepsi in an attempt to soothe his extremely frazzled nerves

Yami Bakura- You know, tests show that Pepsi lowers sperm count dramatically.

(Marik doesn't say anything, just throws out the Pepsi on the rug, to Tea's disgust)

Yami Bakura *smiles*- I didn't think that you would want to lower your chances of having more blond haired hellions running around.

(Yami Bakura swiftly jumps out of his chair as Marik lunges at him in anger, then laughs insanely as Marik face plants into where he was sitting 3 seconds before)

Yugi (simply)- I see. So whose turn is it?

Tea- Yours Yugi.

Yugi- Great, I--- (snaps to attention and gains soulless eyes)--- give all of my properties and money to Marik and Stephanie and relinquish my turn! Ya!

Tea (completely oblivious that Marik has recovered from his most recent injury and that he appears to be very deep in concentration. The others of the Evil Four are laughing uncontrollably)- Um, all right then Yugi, you kinda just lost.

Yugi (glazed look still there)- Yes, well, I am used to that. You see Tea, I am a loser. This is what I do. Lose. Yepperdiddies. A loser I am. I am, a loser. Can't stress that enough. (starts punching his own face)

Marik- Yes! We win!!! (crazy giggle of suppressed excitement)

Emma (smugly interrupts Stephanie and Marik in the middle of their evil laugh-a-thon)- Not quite. You didn't gain much by that stupid move on Yugi's part. All you got was 2 properties and about 12 bucks. Yami Yugi isn't exactly the best Monopoly player. (in an undertone) Him being dead drunk might have helped a bit...

Joey- Wha?!? You loaded up' poor little Yug?!?! *clenches fist* You'll pay!!!

Emma (quickly losing her temper)- Bring it on, you blonde New-Yorkian eating machine!!! I'll knock you out just like it did Tea this morning!!! It should be easy; you both fight like girls!!!

Yami Bakura (trembling from combo of sugar and adrenaline as Emma throws her trenchcoat off in preparation for the fight)- It can't get much better then this!!! (still being on an extreme sugar high, he quickly loses all self-control) The shirt!! Take off the shirt next!! (Emma winks at him, then smiling seductively, states, "Tonight beloved." She unties the top of her Egyptian style bodice and blows a kiss to him. Yami Bakura giggles as Tea screams, "The children! Remember the children!!! STAINED!!!)

Ishizu and Mokuba smile at the havoc they are witnessing on the screen. Emma is mercilessly beating on Joey, who cried "Uncle" ten minutes before. Marik and Stephanie are joyfully taunting Joey on his girlishness as Yami Bakura pokes at motionless body of Yugi with the sharp part of Marik's Rod. Tea is trying to stop the mayhem, only to be dragged into the fight herself.

Mokuba- So you have to watch this all day Ishizu?

Ishizu nods resignedly.

Mokuba- And now I have to too?

Ishizu nods again.

Mokuba- Throw me another beer!